P R O L O G U E

Emelia gulped. The saliva barely found its way down. Sweat dampened her brows and another tremor moved through her spine. Somehow, something sane still remained inside of her and it pleaded; Don't scream, don't cry. Go numb. Go numb.

She remembered the day she realized she loved Gordon. She opened her eyes one morning and he lay right across from her, asleep and calm. Her life was always hectic, chaotic and unstable; college was always racking her nerves, family relationships strained, she had little to no friends.

But then suddenly a man asked her out for coffee. Somehow those little dates became longer, slower. Easier.  It's not that she had trust issues, but neither did she let anyone in easily. Her parents divorced while she was young. Her father, Luke, could never get over the separation. Emmy loved him dearly, but she couldn't help him through his heartbreak. Her mother walked away fine; Roseanne remarried within the new year, and though she was happy with her new husband... she never shared or opened back up to her daughter.

The only time Emelia saw her mother cry over her father was when they found out he had been hit by a drunk driver. Emelia was sixteen by then. She stood at his bedside and kissed him one last time.  They buried him on a somber rainy day.

She hadn't been to the grave since.

The only person she could really rely on, the only person that stood with her and shared her fears; Vicky, her only sister. Together, through thick and thin they did everything. She was Emmy's only foundation in this world.

Until Gordon. He loved her dearly, held her close every night and picked at her walls until they came crumbling down around her own laughter.

He was her everything. Was.

Another sway of consciousness pulled her out of the cyclone of emotions and memories. She fought the sensation to puke up what was in her stomach and to remain standing. Instead, she let her eyes burn forward, watching Gordon. She hadn't seen him since last year. She hadn't seen him since he tried to sit her down with her family.

Emmy glanced right and watched her mother and stepfather. They smiled and talked to those closest to them, but she could see it... sense it. They were more than aware of her presence. They were watching her with merciless eyes. They all were.

The dozens of eyes on her back burned against her skin.

How sad, they seemed to say, Did you see her face? Will she snap, I wonder?

Another tremor clamored down her spine and her knees wobbled.

"Emelia." her grandmother Iris whispered beside her, "If you faint, I won't blame you, but you must be prepared of the squabble and show it will cause. Stay strong, my girl. Don't show those rotten bastards anything."

"I'm trying." Emmy barely whispered.

Her grandmother nodded glumly. "I suppose, if need be, I can distract the room by some means. Would you like me to smack that altar boy? He does seem suspicious; might do no harm in randomly demanding him to explain what he was up to. That would draw the eyes away. And deter him if he really is up to no good."

Emmy laughed roughly, "He's not suspicious grandmother, he's nervous. You've been glaring down on him for some time now. He's scared a demon has appeared before him."

"A demon?  Bah, not in the house of God. Though lord only knows what sins have walked through here. A church, in Vegas? Might as well throw holy water in piss." Iris grumbled, "And I have not been staring as dreadfully as you put it. I'd say it's more like mere light encouragement to see to it he doesn't steal anymore crackers. "

But those words were already fading.

I love you, Gordon said to her. Those moments in which she refused to believe him, ran from him until he caught her and kissed her; I love you, I always will.  It was in those moments waking up the next day within his arms that she realized it for the first time.

I love you too.

"Three years." her mouth betrayingly said.  The shockwave of reality slammed down on her. He let her love him for three years.

He had become part of the family. He was always a welcomed guest at mother and stepfather's house along her sibling and grandmother.  All those long weekends together with everyone, hunkered away from their hectic lives. She felt like she had a precious bubble that couldn't burst.  She had looked forward to those monthly getaways; those cherished moments she scarcely could believe she had found.

But why did he start looking at her apologetically?

Why did he whisper in her ear almost desperately, "I love you I love you I love you".

What was he convincing her of?

What was he convincing himself of...

"Yes, three years." that gentle voice whispered beside her, "And now an eternity more with him. The rotten bastard."

The sudden realization widened her eyes. He was a part of her life forever now. He would always be there in her future. He would always be present in those few places once called home.

Tears poured down her eyes in horror.

"Oh, sweetheart." Her grandmother murmured apologetically, "Emmy you must be strong. You must not show them anything. You know how they are all tired of this. Everyone wants you to move on. I know it's selfish of them, but my love, for your own sanity...you can't let this drown you any longer. You can't let this divide grow."

"They can go fuck themselves." Emelia hissed slightly.

"True. But they are the only family you've got. I won't be here much longer. After this idiotic trip to Vegas, I'm back off to finish the chemo. Laughable really, I won't make it- why make me miserable in death? Oh well, at least there are scones here."

"Of course that's the highlight of your evening. And stop talking so sure you're going to die; you know you just do it for the fun of seeing others react." Emelia tried to smile. But it froze there, like a distorted glitch within her mind; wavering in and out as it struggled to complete the command.

She would never be free of him. She would never be allowed to forget.

She would always be reminded.

Emelia would have to see him kiss another woman. Hear the very promises he had once said to her.

The very promise he was saying now...

Gordon was a handsome groom. His hair was neatly combed back with a little gel to hold it in place.

Nothing like that night. That dark moment in which she opened the library door. Those fingers had fistfuls of his hair; those lips were smashed into his.

She was so dumbstruck she stood there for a moment; she couldn't even speak. When she finally did, it was the name of the one person who had meant so much to her.

"Vicky?"

Another wave swept over, another vision of Gordon saying, "I love you".

But this time it was real, this time he said it to the woman before him.  Emmy watched Vicky smile; the beautiful white gown flowing gracefully against her body. Not far away, Emmy's Mother and Stepfather sat and preened happily. They wouldn't let anything else show on their faces; those placid smiles and bright eyes. But beneath the facade; the ire and contempt burned as Emmy's gaze kept skimming over to them. 

The vow had been said and applause began to break out.

Gordon's eyes rose for just the briefest moment and met Emmy's.

That memory broke through.

I love you, I always will.

Damn. It seemed she really wasn't capable of keeping the puke back.

.

..

...

A/N:

Let me know what you guys think? Is this a story you would read? Any critiques? I've been thinking a long while about this plot I've had and finally decided to put it to paper (so to speak).

Let me know

-Helium