When you've been through trauma, your body goes into protection mode from the smallest, most unobvious things. Things that most people don't even realize could be a trigger.

For me, it's hardcore religious people who are actually hypocrites, reckless drivers who are adrenaline junkies, black trucks, white cars and license plates that remind me of 7up. It's guys with your body type, men who show interest in me, your university colors, and root beer drinks. It's certain phrases that everyday people say that are tainted with your voice, and specific places I do not want to go to anymore. It's my blue bed sheets, my driveway, my bedroom, and my clothes. It's my hair which I use my highlights as markers of time that has past since I last fought in your war. It's your name, your sign, your family and mine. It's shades of royal blue that make me wish I loved red, it's songs I can't skip that are on your playlist. It's poems I can't read that set fires in my brain, and books with characters that share your name. I can never live the same.

It's an endless list of many little un-obvious things that set me off. Everyday experiences I cannot escape-even in my own home-that are ruined by you.