The small adolescent's eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head.  The girl in the sweater, obviously his sister, had the same shocked expression.  "Is this the part where one of us faints?"

The hairless gopher chuckled.  "I am so on it, dudes."  He faceplanted, out cold. 

Stanley held out his arms in a welcoming gesture.  "Finally! After all these long years of waiting, you're actually here! Brother!"

My blood boiled with anger.  Who did he think he was, acting all friendly, when restarting the portal could've destroyed our universe?  I went in for a punch, but the strange woman who came with me caught it before it could touch Stanley.  "Now's not the time."

The kid with the trucker hat looked like his head was about to explode.  "If you're the author, then who's she?!"

The woman took off her own scarf, revealing a face I thought for sure was dead.  She looked different now, with two bold streaks of steel grey in her h/c hair and faint scars on her face, but it was still her. 

Y/N. 

"I can speak for myself, thank you.  The name's Y/N L/N.  And Stanford, what in the name of Axolotl were you thinking, trying to punch your brother?"

My mouth opened and closed a few times without saying anything.  Ever been scolded by your girlfriend, who you thought was dead for thirty years?  It's an odd feeling, to be sure. 

Sweater Girl raised her hand, like this was a lesson in school.  "Hey, hi, Mabel here.  Quick question: WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?!"

Y/N shot Stanley a look that could kill.  "You told them nothing?" 

I shook my head.  "Who are the children?"

Stanley rolled his eyes.  "They're your family, Poindexter. Shermy's grandkids."

"I-I have a niece and nephew?"  I bent down and shook the girl's hand.  "Greetings. Do kids still say greetings? I haven't been in this dimension for a really long time."

The brunette seemed in awe of his sixth finger.  "Whoa, a six-fingered handshake? It's a full finger friendlier than normal!"

I gave her a hesitant smile.  "I like this kid. She's weird."

Y/N bent down to shake her hand as well.  The girl was in wonder of her cybernetic hand hand as she shook it.  "That's so awesome! Does everybody that comes through the portal have cool hands?!"

Y/N awkwardly withdrew her hand.  "Not exactly..."

Her brother still seemed to be in shock.  "I-I can't believe it.  You're the author of the journals!"

I cocked my head, surprised.  "You've read my journals?"

"I haven't just read them, I've lived them! I've been waiting for so long to meet you, I-I don't know what to say I have so many questions... That must mean you're the Y/N that he wrote so much about!"

Y/N raised her eyebrows and subconsciously hid her hand behind her back.  "I guess so.  How much did he write about me, exactly?"

"That's not important," I interrupted, praying my cheeks weren't in fire. 

The girl with the braces grinned giddily.  "We're getting two Grunkles for the price of one!"  It looked like she was going to explode from happiness.  She stopped and thought for a second.  "Wait.  If you're our grunkle..." She pointed at me, then moved her finger to Y/N.  "Does that mean she's our grauntie?"

Y/N looked like she was going to die from embarrassment.  "What?! I-I... No.  I'm not your 'grauntie.'  Your 'grunkles' and I go way back, though.  Just call me Y/N."

I took this as my cue to jump in.  "Listen, there'll be time for introductions later. But first, tell me, Stan: are there any security breaches? Does anyone else know about this portal?"

Stanley rolled his eyes.  "No, just us."  He paused and reconsidered.  "Also, maybe the entire U.S. government."

"WHAT?!"

I glanced at the monitor showing security camera feed.   "Fan out! We're not going anywhere till we find Stan Pines and those kids!"  A government agent ordered.

I facepalmed in frustration.  Stanley, you idiot.  "It's all right. We've got a while before they find this room. We just need to lay low and think of a plan."

"Well, it looks like we're stuck down here for a while. Who wants to tell us their entire mysterious backstory?"  The sweater girl smiled at us three adults cheekily. 

"Even I don't know the full story here, and it's not like we have anything better to do," Y/N said, readjusting her glasses.  They must've come loose again from her time in the portal. 

"Yes, I have some questions about this myself, Stanley," I growled. 

Trucker Hat made a 'time-out' sign.  "Stanley?  But his name is Stanford!"

Y/N glared daggers at him.  "You stole his name?!  What've you been doing all these years?!"

"Yeah, Grunkle Stan, no more lies! You owe us some answers: What's the deal with this portal? Why did you keep this a secret?" 

His sister interrupted.  "And what happened between you and your brother?"

The hairless gopher, who had regained consciousness by this point, nodded his head.  "I hope all this aligns exactly with my fanfic, Stan. If not, I will be very disappointed."  Huh.  Not a gopher then.  Just a human.

Y/N furrowed her brow.  "What's a fanfic?"

Stanley held his arms out in surrender.  "Okay, okay, I have a lot of explaining to do. It all started a lifetime ago, nineteen sixty-something, Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey..."