TW: talks about suicide attempt and panic attacks, even more tears

|Previous chapter:

"You can do this, Deceit," I told myself, pacing a little. "You only have to tell him the basics of what happened. Virgil just attempted suicide, we don't know if he'll wake up, and he wrote us all letters."

I took one last deep breath and then sunk down to break the news to Thomas.|

Deceit POV:

I appeared on the stairs in Thomas's living room and could instantly tell that something was off. I glanced around the room and saw that everything was neat and. All Thomas's pictures and trophies were neatly arranged on his shelf. All the cushions on his couch were nice and neat, and the floor looked immaculate. But that wasn't what was off.

Thomas was lying in about the same spot as he was before, except he was hugging his knees and rocking back and forth. At a glance, he looked like he was on the verge of another panic attack.

I rushed over to Thomas, dropping the letter on one of the stairs. I made sure that Thomas could see me as I approached so I wouldn't startle him.

I knelt down next to him and repeated what I did earlier.

"Thomas, can you hear me?" I asked.

"Y-yeah," he said. I sighed in relief when I heard his response. He could actually talk, which meant he wasn't even close to the state he was in earlier.

"That's good. Is it okay if I touch you?" I asked hesitantly.

"Y-yeah," he said again.

I put my hand on his arm and slowly started to rub it, hoping it would help him calm down. After a few seconds, I saw Thomas start to relax a bit, although his breathing still seemed to be a little irregular.

"Thomas, your breathing looks kinda irregular. Do you wanna try that breathing exercise from earlier?" I asked.

"Th-that'd be n-nice," he said, his breathing a little shallow.

"Alright. Do you remember how to do it?" I asked and paused to let Thomas think for a second before he nodded.

"OK, in for four," I said, waiting to start counting until Thomas started. "Good, now hold for seven."

I counted on my fingers because, news flash, we're kinda holding our breath.

When I reached seven, we both started exhaling, my fingers restarting the count.

We repeated the exercise a few times until I was certain Thomas would be okay. When I asked him if he was okay, he sat up against the couch and smiled, saying that he felt great.

"One question," I said. "Why's the living room so clean? It was a mess when we were in here earlier."

"Oohhhh, that," Thomas said, chuckling a little. "When I woke up from the nap I took, I felt the tiniest bit anxious. I was in the mood for cleaning, so I did that, and it helped some. Once I was finished cleaning, I felt a massive wave of anxiety, so I laid down on the floor, and that's when you arrived."

When Thomas mentioned a giant wave of anxiety, I could only assume that came from Virgil's attempt. I looked to the floor and frowned, reminded of why I had come.

Thomas must have seen my frown because I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Deceit?" he asked, and I could hear the concern in his voice. "What's wrong? Why'd you suddenly get sad?"

I sighed, looking up at Thomas. "It's a long story."

"Well," Thomas said, "I've got time."

I silently debated how I wanted to start this. I didn't want to go too far back because that would most likely confuse Thomas and make this take forever.

After a few seconds, I started to talk.

"I'm not gonna go into too much detail right now, but feel free to ask," I told him.

"After your panic attack," I started, curling my knees up to my chest and staring at a patch of the floor in front of my toes. "I went to go see how Virgil was doing. I checked his room but didn't see him, so I searched the Mind Space."

I paused to wipe away a tear that tried to escape down my cheek. I could tell that more were coming. I started talking faster, hoping that my explanation ended before I started sobbing.

"After I had searched everywhere, I went back to Virgil's room to see if I had missed him. When I walked in, I saw him on his bed and he-"

I was cut off by a sob wracking my body. I turned away from Thomas, not wanting him to see me cry.

I felt Thomas's arm snake onto my shoulders and pull me closer to him. It was then that I realized just how much I needed someone to comfort me. Curling into Thomas, I unabashedly cried, letting out all the emotions I'd kept trapped during the past day or so.

Thomas embraced me the entire time, rubbing my back and whispering that everything will be okay.

It must have been close to half an hour before I was able to calm down enough to respond to Thomas's whispers.

"E-e-eve-everything w-won't b-be o-ok-okay," I whispered, starting to cry harder.

"What makes you say that?" Thomas said quietly. His voice was lower than usual, which helped soothe me some.

I took a few shaky breaths to try and compose myself.

God, get it together Deceit. Remember what Virgil said? "Don't grieve too much."

Taking a few more breaths, I braced myself for Thomas's reaction to what I was about to say.

"BecauseVirgiltriedtokillhimself," I whispered incredibly fast. I felt tears pool at the corners of my eyes and I hastily brushed them away.

Thomas tensed, and I got ready for the barrage of questions he was sure to have.

"What?" he breathed.

"Virgil tried to kill himself," I said. I made sure to speak little louder and slower so Thomas could actually understand.

"He tried to kill himself?" Thomas asked, incredulous. "Why?"

"I don't know," I said with a sigh. "He didn't talk to any of us before..."

I trailed off and looked at Thomas, not wanting to say what came next. Thomas knew what I meant and nodded.

We sat in silence, a comfortable silence. I would occasionally glance at Thomas. He was staring at the wall, eyes out of focus and brow furrowed in a look of deep concentration.

After a few minutes, I remembered the letter Virgil wrote for Thomas. I got up from the floor and walked over to the stairs, which was where I had appeared. The letter was sitting on the second to last step where I threw it when I saw the condition Thomas was in.

I snatched the letter up and paused to look at Thomas. His purple bangs were hanging in front of his eyes, which were still staring off into space. He had very noticeable bags under his eyes, and he was slouched against the couch.

Realizing that I didn't know what time it was, I looked at the clock on the oven in the kitchen.

9:54 pm?!?!?! Holy shit, that's way later than I thought!!!!

I sighed and walked back to Thomas, letter in hand. I wasn't sure how Thomas would react to this, and I didn't want to upset him.

I sat down next to Thomas with a sigh and noticed that he hadn't moved an inch since I got up. He didn't even blink when I waved my hand in front of his face.

"Thomas?" I asked, growing concerned.

"Wha- yeah?" he responded, giving his head a shake.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I don't know," he said with a sigh, looking down at his hands. "It doesn't feel like this should be happening. I feel the same as I did yesterday, and you'd think... you'd think that something as big as this would change something about how I feel."

Thomas sighed again and I could see tears in the corners of his eyes. This time it was my turn to wrap my arm around his shoulders and pull him close. To do that I had to place the letter the floor next to me. Thomas curled into my side and I could feel him shaking from the tears.

"Shhhh," I hushed, running my fingers through his hair. I remembered how calming that was when Patton did it to me. "It's gonna be ok. When I left, Virgil was still alive, so there's a chance he'll pull through this."

I felt Thomas relax a little, but he was still crying. I hugged him tighter and swayed side to side, yet another thing Patton did that helped me calm down earlier. I continued whispering to him, letting him know that all of us sides were here for him and that we would make it through this together.

Eventually, I noticed Thomas go silent, and I thought he had fallen asleep until he started hiccuping.

I glanced down at Thomas and watched him for a few moments. Each time he hiccuped, he flinched, causing his bangs to fall further into his face.

With each hiccup, I could see Thomas get increasingly frustrated with his bangs. As soon as they covered his eyes, Thomas sat up with a huff and shoved his bang out of his face.

I couldn't help but laugh at how childish Thomas looked. He was trying to glare at his bangs. The only good that did was make him look cross-eyed. Whenever he would hiccup, he jumped about an inch, causing his bangs to fall into his face. This only made him glare at them even more.

I took a picture on my phone, wanting to show the other sides when I got back. I tried to laugh quietly, but after the fourth time Thomas did that, I burst out laughing. I fell back onto the floor, clutching my stomach.

Sitting up, I saw Thomas glare at me, his arms crossed over his chest. This only made me laugh harder. I fell onto my side, tears threatening to fall onto the floor, except this time they were happy tears.

After I calmed down, I sat up and looked at Thomas, who had his back turned to me. I got up and walked around to face Thomas.

"Oh, come on," I said when I saw Thomas pouting. "You looked like a 5-year-old!! I couldn't help but laugh!!!"

Thomas didn't say anything in response. He just turned his head away from me.

"Come on," I whined, playfully shoving his shoulder. "Honest to god, you looked like a fucking 5-year-old!! Here, here, here, I'll show you."

I pulled my phone out from my pocket and found the picture I took while he was glaring at his bangs.

Showing it to him, I continued to defend myself.

"You looked like a 5-year-old!! How can you not laugh at that?!?!?! It's just too cute!!!"

Thomas took one look at the picture and burst out laughing.

"That's so awesome!!!" he squealed, sounding exactly like Patton for a few seconds. "You're right I do look like a 5-year-old!!!"

I rolled my eyes, "That's what I was telling you!!"

I gave a heavy sigh in mock irritation and looked down. I saw the note that was lying on the floor a few inches behind Thomas and froze. I suddenly remembered why I had come. I didn't want to ruin the fun we had been having.

"Deceit?" Thomas asked. "You okay there? You got kinda quiet."

Ignoring Thomas, I walked over to the letter and picked it up. A sigh escaped my lips and I felt a wave of grief wash away the fun moment.

I heard Thomas stand up, and then his hand was on my shoulder.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked gently.

I turned to face him, letter in hand. Thomas looked down at the letter in my hand, and I heard him take in a sharp breath.

"Is that- did Virgil write that?" he asked hesitantly, looking up at me again.

I nodded and handed it to him. "He wrote one for you, Patton, Logan, Roman, and I. Patton, Roman, Logan, and I have already read ours."

Thomas looked at the letter in his hands. After a few seconds, he walked over to the couch and sat down on one side of it. He had his knees pulled to his chest and was curled into the couch.

I watched him slowly open the letter and start reading. After a while, I walked over to the couch and sat on the opposite side.

While Thomas was reading his letter, I got some time to really think about what happened in the past 24 hours.

When I first heard the lies Virgil told Patton last night, I wanted to race into his room and make sure he was okay. The only reason I didn't was that I wanted Virgil to sleep. That was my first mistake.

My second mistake was not saying anything after he freaked out. I should have talked to him and reminded him that I'll always care about him. At that moment I could tell that the panic attack was making him irrational, and I should have said something.

Then there was the giant lecture I gave the other sides. That had been the worst mistake, even though it all needed to be said. If I had just left immediately, I would have been there to stop Virgil.

I shook my head at myself. I was such an idiot. I had so many opportunities to check on Virgil and make sure that he was okay, but I didn't take any of them.

I heard a sniffle and turned to look at Thomas. He was curled up in a ball on the couch, and he had tears streaming down his face.

"Thomas?" I whispered.

When he heard me speak, Thomas sat up and looked at me.

I held out my arms, offering a hug, and Thomas fell into them. Tears drenched my shirt almost immediately, but I didn't care. The only thing I could think of was making sure Thomas would be okay.

We sat there in silence, well as much silence as there can be when someone's crying. It had probably been 10 minutes when I noticed that Thomas had stopped crying. I looked down at him and saw that he had fallen asleep.

Slowly, so as not to wake him, I wormed my way out from under him. I grabbed a pillow off of a chair and put it under his head. Going upstairs, I grabbed a blanket off of Thomas's bed. When I got back downstairs, Thomas was peacefully curled up on the couch. He was hugging Virgil's letter to his chest like a lifeline. I placed the blanket over Thomas and walked over to the stairs.

I sat down on the bottom of the step and risked a glance at the clock.

11:04.

It was then that I realized how tired I was. So much had happened today, and I didn't get a chance to rest.

I sunk down and arrived in the kitchen of the Mind Space. I walked over to the cupboard and grabbed a few cookies from the top shelf.

I ate the cookies on the way to my room, which felt like it took forever.

Passing Patton's room, I heard muffled voices. I assumed it was Logan that Patton was talking to, and walking past Logan's open door confirmed my thought.

When I got to my room, I flopped onto my bed and instantly fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

A/N:

Hey y'all!!! I know, I know, it's been a while. I'm sorry!!!! 

This chapter and chapter 9 were really hard to write, and I couldn't decide how long I wanted chapter 9 to be. I was originally going to have chapter 10 be a part of 9, but it got too long and felt really awkward. The awkwardness was mainly because there was a part that I wrote that felt like an ending but I ended up adding more. In the end, I split it at the part that felt like an ending (current end of chapter 9), and here y'all go!!!

Y'all are freaking amazing, like, 1.2k reads?!?!?!?!?! I love y'all so freaking much!!!

Please continue to vote and comment if you like the chapter!! It gives me so much motivation to see that y'all enjoy my writing. 

Until next time,

Take it easy guys, gals, and non-binary pals!!

~death_by_fanfic