John: What do you have against me?

Ham: You are fun to annoy

John: -_-

---

Number one!
The challenge. Demand satisfaction. If he screams at you, no need for further action.

Sing Story of Tonight in his ear creepily.

Ham: I may noooot liiiiive to see our gloryyyyyyy

John: !?!?

Ham: But I will glaaaaadly join the fight

John: Ahhhhhhhh

Ham: Ok, next.

Number two!
If they don't, grab a friend, that's your second. Your camera if there's fun stuff to be recorded.

Tell him that slavery can never be ended.

Ham: You know, slavery can never be ended.

John: No, I'll end it

Ham: No, you'll die.

John: What?

Ham: On Tuesday the 27th, Lieutenant Colonel John Laurens is killed-

John: Shut up can you predict the future or something

Ham: Reader, record his actions for me! You're my seconds :D

Number three!
Have your turtles meet face to face. Negotiate a peace or negotiate a time and place.

Tease him about liking Alex.

Ham: Don't deny it. You really like him.

John: Shut up!!!

Number four!
If they don't reach a peace, that's alright. Time to get some turtles and Alex on site.

Throw turtles at him

John: Don't hurt them! Stop it!

Ham: Yay turtles

Number five!
Play before the sun is in the sky. Pick a place to annoy where it's high and dry.

Remind him that he left his pregnant wife at home when he left for the revolution

Ham: You left your pregnant wife at home

John: Stop it! I had to, you know, end slavery...

Ham: I already told you it doesn't work

Number six!
Leave a note to John Laurens on his seat. Tell him where you've been. Pray that he won't kill you after this.

Tell him dueling is illegal

Ham: You literally dueled him and shot him in the side.

John: We call him bluff.

Ham: Yeah, you should have shot Lee in the mouth.

John: -_-

Seven!
Confess your name. Ready for the moment when he finally goes crazy and makes you an opponent.

Tell him being Lieutenant Colonel is stupid. Especially when Burr was that post.

Ham: I can't believe you were an Lt. Colonel.

John: Was there anything wrong?

Ham: Yeah. Burr was one.

John: So?

Ham: Burr is dumb. Therefore, Lieutenant Colonels are dumb.

John: dhjsskhdskkskssjdjdm

Number eight!
Your last chance to negotiate. Send in your seconds see if they can set the records straight.

Ham: Hello my dearest seconds. Help me.

John: You aren't going to annoy me?

Ham: I will annoy you by not annoying you.

John: ???

Number nine!
Look him in the eye, aim no higher. Summon all the courage you require.

Tell him that he should've died on 27th October

Ham: If you die on the 27th of October it will be funny.

John: Because it's one day to my birthday?

Ham: Yeah, and also it's MY birthday.

John: Wait really?

Ham: Yup.

Number ten!
Paces, scream!

Do all the above without getting screamed at. John is a cinnamon roll so he won't hurt you but he may go crazy sooooo...

Ham: Bye!

John: >:(

Hope you enjoyed that : D