(Collage AU)

It was your regular Saturday afternoon and John was sitting on his couch scrolling through his phone. He wasn’t one to do this but today he didn’t have much of a choice as his roommate, Lafayette, was laying down on the other couch talking to whoever on his phone. It was probably his boyfriend if John was to be honest with himself.

He wishes he had a boyfriend, you know? Someone to do things with? Someone that would love you unconditionally and make you feel, well, loved. Must be nice. He groaned at the thought, knowing that he should probably stop before he started thinking intently about it and ended up stuffing his face with ice-cream while watching sad movies again. That had happened twice already, and he didn’t really want to make it a third.  

John switched off his phone and tossed it to the side, no longer having any interest in it. He put one hand on his face and sunk further into the couch, letting out a sigh. “I just want a boyfriend…” He muttered, moving his hand from his face, letting it lay limply at his side, as it hung from the couch.

Laf looked up from his place on the couch, seemingly hearing what the other had said. He immediately said a quick goodbye to who he was talking to, hanging up. He sprang up from his place from the couch, now standing on his two feet. This seemed to catch John off guard, as he stared at Laf with a slightly shocked expression.

“It’s about time bitch-” He had a smile on his face, one hand on his hip, while the other stayed to his side. “About time? About time for what?” John asked confused, pushing himself into a sitting position and stared at Laf, who just rolled his eyes. “For you to admit to wanting a boyfriend. I was convinced you liked being single.”

John looked at him, absolutely astonished. Where on earth did he get that idea? Wasn’t his third wheeling enough? “‘Like being single’? You joined me last week when I was stuffing my face with ice-cream, ugly crying, while watching romance movies!” He pointed a finger accusingly at the other, who scoffed. “I thought it was just a really good romance movie-!”

“You watched it! You knew it was shit-”

“I thought you just liked really shitty movies!”

“That’s the equivalent to watching crap telly, and I have better taste than that-”

“No you don’t-”

“Yes I do!”

“Don’t lie to yourself mon ami, you really don’t.”

John let out a huff, folding his arms sinking into the couch with a pout. Laf chuckled at this, walking past John and making his way over to the bookshelf on the other side of the room. “Don’t worry, everyone has their guilty pleasures.” He scanned the mostly untouched books before finding what he was looking for. He pulled it out, dusting it off a bit. He turned around and made his way over to John, fully aware of the other’s glare.

“It’s just that yours so happens to be crap television.” When he was close enough, he ruffled John’s hair only to have his hand swatted away. “Don’t touch my hair.” John warned, causing Laf to put his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay.”

He put his hands back down, sitting down next to John, showing him the book that he still held. John looked at it curiously, raising an eyebrow and glancing back at Laf. “What’s uh, what’s this?” He looked back at the other, only to see the confused expression and smiled a bit.

“This is a book I put together for you and some of our friends if they ever wanted to get into a relationship. I don’t have anything specific for anyone, just options.” He explained. “Weird.”

“I know.”  

John looked at him expectedly before clearing his throat and shuffling closer. “Alright, what are my options?” Laf then opened the book to a random page. He looked at the person on the page before saying anything. “Alright so, this one has a lot of money, and he would treat you good and you would be set for life.” John scanned the man on the page. He was definitely attractive but not exactly his type. He stared a but longer before figuring out who it was and immediately wishing he didn’t find him attractive. “Isn’t that King George?” He questioned, knowing it was but needed reassurance.

Laf nodded, “Yes… Why do you all call him ‘King’ George anyway?”

“He’s a drama queen.” John deadpanned, shuffling even closer to the other. Laf thought about it for a couple seconds. “Yeah, no. You’re right, he definitely is.”     

“How’d you even get this good of a picture anyway?” He questioned, only now talking in that it was a nice photo. He figured Laf could’ve taken them himself but had a bit of doubt. “I just asked for them to send me a good picture of them. Wasn’t that hard to get them to agree.” John just nodded before ushering Laf to move on. “Well, I’m not gonna choose him, so we can move on.”

Laf proceeded to flip to another page, scanning the picture one more before giving his lacklustre summary. “Uh, this one would be really, really nice to you and he treats his mom well.”

“Why was that last bit necessary?”

“It wasn’t. I just needed to add something other than the fact that he was nice.”

“Fair enough.”  

John began to scan the person on the page. He wasn’t too sure of who this was, he didn’t recognise them from any of his classes, so he could only assume that they were from one of Lafs. “I don’t know him, and he isn’t pretty enough for me to want to know him.”  

“Well okay then, rude ass bitch-” Let’s just say that Laf was a bit offended as he had chosen who had gotten to be in this book, but he didn’t say anything about it. “Just, move on, move on.” The other scoffed, before agreeing. He opened to a random page once more, just to see a familiar face.

It was Alex this time, and Laf knew exactly what to say. “This one is totally obsessed with you and in love with you.” He stated matter-of-factly. He clasped a hand over his mouth, trying to hold back laughter at his reaction. (That’s not how it goes, is it?) “Eh-?!” John began to sputter, and his face flushed a bright red. He quickly began to reject the idea of that being the case, he refused to believe so. “I- No, You’re WRONG. So very WRONG. You’re lying to me, trying to get my hopes up, it’s not working you lying piece of shit-”

It was at this point where Laf could care less about holding in his laughter, and simply laughed at the other, attempting to answer him during the fits of laughter. “But- HA! I’m not-! Ow….” That last bit was due to John smacking him upside the head. “And stop laughing.”

Lafayette glared at the other for a second, clearing his throat before picking another random page to turn to. He ran his finger down the side of the now closed book, stopping at a random position. “Those were some really good ones-” He cut himself off after he opened it again, seeing who was on the page and must he say, there was no way in hell he was condoning this. He glanced over to John, who’s face had soon returned to its regular colour, seeing a look of interest present, and deciding to interfere.

“Actually… this one doesn’t want you at all, so ignore this one. And uh..” He went to close the book again before John snatched it from his grasp. Seemingly taking in the person. “Wait… W-Why doesn’t this one want me?” Laf turned to look at him in utter disbelief, his eyebrows scrunched together, and mouth hung slightly open. “Doesn’t matter, he would treat you like shit anyway and he's 5’7, so just ignore it.”

“But, what’s his name?” John asked curiously. They looked very familiar, but he couldn’t put a name to the face. He probably met this person before, but he can’t say when. Or where. He averted his attention from the picture and back to Laf, only to be met with a slightly annoyed expression. This confused him greatly, why would Laf care? If they were in the book, they had to be at least a bit dateable right?

“Are you serious? You have all these options.” His voice rose a bit, not enough to have him sound a bit threatening but enough to show just how against this he was. “What’s his name?” John asked again, very curious. Laf let out a sigh knowing John was way too stubborn to back down and as a means to calm himself down. “Thomas. His name is Thomas.”

So, their name is Thomas huh? That’s a nice name, it suits them. John was happy that Laf had told him, although he was annoyed that the other hadn’t written them down in the first place, since there was a spot clearly designated for it. “Why didn’t you write it down?” Laf clearly hadn’t been expecting that question as their head snapped up. “What?”

“There’s a space for the names, why didn’t you write it?” He put the book down on both of their legs, so it was between them, -unlike before when it was just of Laf’s lap- and pointed to the empty space. The other looked at this for a while before eventually answering. “I am not entirely sure. Knowing me I might’ve put it off for later and never got back to it.”

John nodded a bit, “I can believe that.” He stared at it for a while before finding it necessary to talk again. “Yeah… I want this one, the one that doesn’t want me.” He paused for a bit, making sure he was content with his decision. “That’s the one I want.”

Laf had the same annoyed expression as before, making John wish he hadn’t said that. He leaned into the back of the couch, groaning into his hands. “Dumb- Dumb as hell.”

“I would like that one please.”

Laf glared at him once more. “You really think I’m going to set you up with my brother?”

John was a bit surprised at the brother part of it but then realised why they look so familiar. They were a hotter version of the guy in front of him…. That was weird to think.

“That was the plan, yes.” He answered quite honestly. He had to try something new, and this just so happened to be the way he went about it. “You know what, sure. I’ll do it, you already got your warning.” John was pretty surprised that the other agreed so easily, he was expecting it to take a bit more convincing and a lot more arguing. Apparently, he was wrong.

“Thank you.” With that he needed to find another way to find another way to redirect the conversation, as Laf had only let out a hum in response. That usually meant that he wasn’t in the mood for talking.

John closed the book and placed it on the coffee table that was in front of them. He leaned back, this time resting his head on Laf’s chest to be greeted with the seemingly automatic response of the other’s arm wrapping around his waist.

If you weren’t aware, Laf usually calms down rather quickly in response to anything more on the cuddly side of the spectrum. The word ‘usually’ was used because most of the time this works, other times, on much rarer occurrences, he would push you away then proceed to start an argument with you about it. John has experienced both sides of the spectrum and was thankful the second one didn’t occur very often.    

“Why are you doing this, mon ami?” Laf questioned, his tone already calmer than it had been before. “I was hoping to erase any resent you might have towards me.” He answered simply. “Is it working?”  

Laf let out another sigh, pulling the other closer. “Unfortunately.” There was silence for a couple seconds, before John remembered something he wanted to add. “I also wanna go on a date with Alex though.”

“Then go on one with him and ditch my asshole of a brother.” Although Laf was much calmer, that didn’t get rid of the distaste of the idea of his best friend going on a date with his brother. It wasn’t something he had ever expected to happen. “No, I mean with both. At the same time.” He explained, hoping for Laf to understand better.

“Oh. That’s not going to end well.” Now this is what confused John. Did Alex already know Thomas? Why did Alex know about him before he did? “How so?” There was confusion lacing his tone, making it known that he had yet to connect the dots.    

“Alex hates Thomas.” What he was saying was true, the two seemed to have an odd hate for each other since they met, and it’s just been like that ever since. Not that John was aware of that. “He hates everyone, he’ll be fine.”

“He complains about him all the time, you should know this.” John was, once again, confused. Like he had been multiple times that day. He started to file through all the people that Alex had complained about, attempting to find the one that came up most often. It took a bit, but he eventually found it out and a wave of realization washed over him.

“Jeffershit?” He looked up to Laf, who was just nodding, thinking it would’ve been more obvious than that. “You see why this can’t work now right?”

“Oh fuck, that’s a problem.”

Laf hesitated a bit, before eventually letting the words flow out of his mouth. He knew he was doing this for John, who clearly seemed to have an interest in Thomas. “Yes, it is. It’s one that I’ll deal with under one condition.” John hadn’t expected the other to say that he was just gonna flip a coin and choose one at random, but this would work much better. “What is it?”

“You need to tell me every detail. From the pleasantries to Alex and Thomas trying not to insult one another, to the final conclusion of how the date went, do you understand?” John nodded, knowing that even if Laf wasn’t doing all this, he’d be expecting to hear all of this anyway.

“Good. Mon plus gros problème serait de les faire accepter tous les deux. »    
 [My biggest problem would be getting them both to agree to it though.]

(It kept auto-correcting to this ‘»’ and I can’t change it. Sorry.)

John, having no clue what he had just said, merely hummed in agreement. “Thanks for this, you really don’t have to.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it, it’s my pleasure.”

Ah, I love me some good friendly cuddles, don’t you?   

Why do I (Usually) put so much effort into making John and Alex historically accurate (Personality wise) but when it comes to anyone else, I just don’t give two shits-

Anyways, Hope you liked this, and hope you have a good rest of your day!