It's Beginning To Look A lot Like Christmas. (Aka the one with MAMA MULLIGAN)

Alex's POV

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, motherfucker!" Screamed John, jumping on my bed. "Can you not do that every day until Christmas?" I said, and kicked him off the bed.

"Nope!" Came a voice from the floor. "Stop being such a grinch! The holidays are great! It's your birthday today!" I sighed.

"Another year closer to the sweet embrace of death."

John's POV

I know he was joking, but I still don't want him to be sad.

"Alexxxx! Don't be like that! What kinda cake do you like, and don't make an ass joke." He sighed.

"I don't care. That cake that's white an chocolate icing. Don't get me anything though!" I laughed.

"We'll see about that!" I went into the kitchen to make cake.

I don't know why people don't like their birthdays, unless they have some tragic back stories, and Alex doesn't have one of tho- Oh shit.

Peggy's POV

As me, Eliza, and Angie were talking about Pluto's planetary status, (totally a planet) Angie got a phone call.

"Uh... Peggy, go out of the room. Now. Please." I assumed some bad shit was going on, so I complied.

Angie's POV

"Dad, I don't want to talk to you." I said into the phone. "Please, hear me out. I love you, and I love Angelica. I just don't love that queer."

"Her name is Peggy. She's your fucking daughter. And if you won't have her for Christmas, you won't have us. Go make some shitty Facebook status about how you're spending Christmas alone with your sixth wife and her three kids. By the way, you really shouldn't have gotten married on my birthday. Bye."

Hercules's POV

[Group chat name: meme team 🐢🐢🐢]

HORSEFUCKER: Happy birthday Alex!

alexDAMNer DAMNilton: Another year closer to my timely demise. 👍🏾

GWash: Ha, wait till you hit thirty, son.

anDPEGGY: ...

[GWash has left the GroupChat.]

HORSEFUCKER: ... So what are y'all doing for Christmas?

Lafgayette: having sex w/ you

gay™: having sex w/ Alex

SinnamonRoll: Crying.

CinnamonRoll: Same.

anDPEGGY: Same.

It was at this moment, I realized I was the only one of my friends without a shitty family.

Like... Shouldn't it be the other way around?... I'm going to go call my mommy...

"Hi mom! I'm going to fly in tomorrow. Is it okay if I bring my boyfriend?"

Wait.. I didn't tell my mom that I was gay. How the fuck do I forget to do that before?

I mean, I call her atleast once a week! Go home on breaks! How?!
Shit. Shit. Shit.

"Boyfriend?" Said Momma Hercules.

"Y-yeah?" Well, maybe we'll see if I'm the one without shitty parents after this conversation.

"Oh, okay. You can bring him! Are you sure he doesn't want to stay with his family?" I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

"Uh- no he doesn't really have one." My mom gasped.

"That poor child! Who doesn't have a family to spend Christmas with!"

"My entire friend group." I said, then covered my mouth. Oh dear.

Get ready for the shit storm. "Let me talk to them!" Said Momma Mulligan.

[Group chat name: meme team 🐢🐢🐢]

[MOMMA MULLIGAN😎 Has been added to the GroupChat.]

anDPEGGY: Who the fuck is MOMMA MULLIGAN

HORSEFUCKER: my mom.

MOMMA MULLIGAN😎: Why is your name HORSEFUCKER? We need to talk when you get home. Anyway, y'all are staying with me for Christmas. We got some guest rooms, how many of ya are there? We might have to share some beds.

HORSEFUCKER: Mom, they probably don't want to spend Christmas in our house with our 8172819282 family members.

anDPEGGY: I would love to!

alexDAMNer DAMNilton, Lafgayette, SinnamonRoll, CinnamonRoll, gay™: Same.

MOMMA MULLIGAN😎: So there will be eight of y'all. So we only have 5 beds left, so I'm assuming Lafayette is staying with Herc. Who else doesn't mind sharing?

gay™: I'll share with Alex.

CinnamonRoll: 😏😏😏

gay™: Shut up.

MOMMA MULLIGAN😎: I'll get Aunt Hera to pay for the plane ride. She's loaded ever since she got her sugar daddy Zeus. Anyway, see you in Ohio tomorrow! Merry Christmas! Do any of you not celebrate Christmas?

gay™: nah I don't think any of us don't celebrate it

MOMMA MULLIGAN😎: Alright, then merry Christmas!

(about) ~1 week later~ (DONT YOU SAY IT.)

Aaron's POV

"Aaron... We're not going home for Christmas, are we?" Is the first thing Theodosia said when she saw the decorations I put up, and the Christmas music in the background.

I sighed. "No. I'm sorry, Theo." She put her way-too-skinny arm around me. "It's okay. Atleast I'll spend it with you."

Martha's POV

"George, you can't give her all of these presents!" I said, gesturing towards the mountain of presents in front of the tree.

"You're going to spoil her!" "Martha, the kid has been through enough shit! Plus, some of them are from John." He said.

"Keep your voice down, you'll wake Mary up. You just shouldn't spoil her like this!" He scoffed.

"Well sorry for not just giving her a cardboard box for Christmas!" He said .

"Don't hit her!" Said a small voice. "Don't hit her! Please!" Yelled Mary and she ran over to me.

"Honey, I'm not going to hit her. We were just arguing." Said George.

"Isn't that what arguing is?" Asked Mary. Poor kid. He shook his head. "No Mary, it's not. I see that Santa already came, so let's go to sleep so we can open presents in the morning." I said, and George picked her up to carry her to her room.