credit to the-bark-is-worse on tumblr

1. "Roses were sold out everywhere, so I got you a bucket of chicken instead."

2. "Every year I tell you the same thing; I don't like white chocolate!!"

3. "I think there was something wrong with the food because I don't feel so good."

4. "There weren't any nuts in those chocolates were there?"

5. "I'm sorry, I can't help it; I'm lactose intolerant."

6. "Quick, call 911; the stove's on fire."

7. "I'd kiss you but there were red onions in my dish..."

8. "If you're going to fart in my car, at least give me a warning next time."

9. "I don't mean to be rude, but did you brush your teeth with garlic or something?! The smell is overwhelming."

10. "Well, I had bought you a really nice gift, but one of the kids thought it'd be funny to flush it down the toilet."