A/N: My celebrity boyfriend that doesn't know we're dating has a girlfriend so here's angst. -Angie

Today's the day. The wedding, yippee! Even that sounds fake. I have no clue how I'm going to survive today. Alexander wants me to go over to the Schuyler mansion to help him get ready. Why does he do this to me? Who gave him the freaking permission to break my heart? Oh, yeah, the biggest idiot I know, me.

Let's get this over with. I stand in front of the mirror in Martha and I's house. I tied my uncontrollable hair up in a ponytail and put on the suit that Alexander had sent me to wear. I stare at my dead empty eyes in the mirror. Rage slowly builds up inside of me. I can't stand this! This stupid game of pretend where he's the winner every single time! I punch the wall and the pain brings me back to reality.

"John, hun, you good in there?" Martha asks. Poor girl, stuck with a dysfunctional husband all because I accidentally got her pregnant. After Frances broke up with me, I needed a distraction and Martha happened to be that distraction. Stupid handsome boys cause all my problems.

"I'm good," I reply in a fake chirpy voice. I put a big smile on my face to make sure I'm still capable and head out of the bathroom. "I'm heading for Alexander and Eliza's wedding. I'll be back around 11."

"Okay," Martha says, protectively placing her hands on our unborn child. I grab my coat and give Martha a parting hug. "Tell them I said congrats."

"Will do," I say with a small smile before slipping out the door.

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"Thank god you're here, John." Alexander smiles brightly as he opens the door. I try my best to return it and go inside. He's only wearing a robe. And nope, I'm not thinking about that at all, whatsoever.

"You don't have your suit on yet?" I ask as he leads me through the house. It's bustling with people making all sorts of preparations for the after party.

"No," he laughs as if I'm an idiot. "I have no clue how to tie a tie. That's why I need you here." I can't help but crack a smile. Maybe I can pretend he's still mine for at least a little while. What would be the harm in that?

"Nice weather, huh?" He jokes. Outside there is overcast for miles. This is so fake, all of this. It makes me want to punch him in his stupidly handsome face.

"Hey, it's supposed to be lucky if it rains on your wedding day," I inform him.

He opens a door at the top of the stairs which I take to be his room and we enter. "So..." he begins as he sits down onto the bed where his suit is laid out.

"We're not talking about last week," I say simply, closing the door.

"Please, John, I want us to end on good terms," he begs.

"If you really wanted that you would have never flirted with me," I shoot back.

He stays silent, biting his lip in thought. "You're right, John. I'm sorry I ever did that to you. But... you're just so irresistible." His eyes meet mine. This time his filled with desire and mine stone cold.

"Alex, no. It's your wedding day." I glare at him and lean against the wall.

"You were right last week," he continues, "I don't love her."

I want to believe him. I want to believe him so badly. But I know he's lying. The way he gushes to Laf, Herc and I about her prove otherwise. The thousands of letters he writes to her prove otherwise. The dreamy look he gets when he sees her prove otherwise. Everything proves otherwise.

"Don't do this, Alex," I say looking him in the eyes. Tears threaten to spill down my cheeks but I wipe at them. He's tempting me with what I want, waving the thing I so desire in front of my face before snatching it away forever. "Don't do this to Eliza, don't do this to me."

"I just want to pretend with you, one last time," he pleads.

"I don't want to pretend," I reply, letting hurt slip into my voice.

"It was always pretend, you know that right?" He stands up.

"Not to me," I whisper. "You lead me on the whole time. Made it seem like we could be together."

"You knew we couldn't!" He snaps at me.

"That doesn't mean I don't love you!" I yell back. Oh god, did I just say that?

"I loved you too," he says.

"Lies," I growl, "You never loved me." He moves towards me and presses his lips against mine harshly. My mind is wiped, any trace of anger vanishes. My only thought is this kiss, then my only thought is air.

I break away from him and take a breath. The intoxication of his kiss vanishes allowing me to think clearly again. "Just put on your suit," I say, brushing past him. This all hurts way too much and he's just tearing my wounds back open.

He takes off his robe without another word. Even though I'm tempted, I don't look at him as he changes. "Done," he tells me. I turn back around. "C-can you help me with the tie?"

I nod coldly and move towards him. I finish tying but my hand remains on his chest. As soon as I realize what I'm doing I snatch it away. I grab the brush from his dresser comb his hair for him. "Alex?"

"Yeah?"

I comb the brush through his dark hair. "Treat her good. Don't do what you did to me, to her. Give her the best life you can, she's a real sweet gal. All right?" I say, letting a lone tear slid down.

"Why do you care, John?" He asks softly. "I've hurt you so many times. Don't you wish I was dead?"

"No, I love you and I don't want to sacrifice you for nothing. She deserves the life that I can't have with you," I reply in a whisper.

"Alright," I say a bit louder as I place the brush on the floor, "let's get out there. Can't be late to your own wedding?" A small sad smile slips onto my face and he returns it.

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"Do you Alexander Hamilton take Elizabeth Schuyler to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The priest asks.

"I do," He agrees with a huge grin. At least he's happy.

"And do you Elizabeth Schuyler take Alexander Hamilton to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," She says with a sweet smile and a light blush. I force a smile onto my lips and keep it there as they kiss. Angelica, Eliza's sister, stands next to me and cries what I guess are tears of joy.

I sit at a table at the afterparty by myself. I took Alexander's advice he told me last week which was to get drunk. Problem is it doesn't seem to do anything. Alex and Eliza sit side by side at a table across the room. Their smiles are radiant, almost blinding. Laf and Herc drunkenly walk towards me and I slap a smile on.

"Hey, John," Laf says as the pair sits across from me. "Had enough to drink?" He jokes.

I look at the empty cups surrounding me. "No," I mutter bitterly.

Angelica Schuyler makes her way over to our table. "Hey, um, John right? Alexander's friend?"

I cringe at the word friend but that is all we are now. "That's me."

"Think you could get everyone's attention for me?" she requests.

"Sure," I respond. I stand on top of our table and reach my hand out to help her up also. She gives me a strange look but joins me up on the table.

"Alright, alright! That's what I'm talking about! Now everyone, give it up to the maid of honor, Angelica Schuyler!" I shout then step off the table.

"A toast to the groom!" She raises her glass toward Alexander and Eliza.

"To the groom! To the groom!" Everyone mimics but me. I zone out for the rest of her speech until the end.

"May you always be satisfied!" Something flashes in her eyes like she's recalling a memory and the smile she's held the whole night falls off her face. I reach out my hand to help her down and she accepts it. As soon as our hands make contact though the room turns black and white and fades away.

I look around and I'm at a bar. But, wait, that's me. So, who am I? What the heck is going on? Wait, this is our bar. The one Alexander and I met at, where we hooked up and where we broke up. Past me is sitting with Lafayette and Hercules laughing about something but for some reason everything is silent and there is no color. Alexander and Burr walk into the bar.

It's really eerie seeing their mouths move but no words coming out. Past me spies Alexander across the bar and a blush immediately covers his face. I want to shout at him to stay away, to run out of that bar right now, to not take another step towards Alexander but when I try nothing comes out.

Lafayette points out Burr and we move to go annoy him. I try to stand in my past self's way but he just goes right through me. I can't watch this. I can't watch myself make these mistakes that will only lead to me getting hurt. Noise abruptly floods the room. "Alexander Hamilton," Alex says, extending his hand to past me. No! Don't say anything! Don't fall for him!

"John Laurens."

"Meet me back here. Tonight," he says with a wink. The tears begin falling. I can't prevent this pain. There is no changing the past. I run out of the bar and collapse onto the road. Take me back to the future. I can't re-live this.

The music of the after party slowly fills the air. I open my eyes and I'm back in the present. Angelica looks shaken up and a stray tear trails down her cheek. "You too?" she asks softly.

I nod and before I know it I'm giving her a hug. "I have to go home," I tell her.

"I hope you're satisfied one day, John," she whispers.

"You too," I say before leaving.

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I go to our bar and look in through the window. It's empty now and all the lamps are off. A smile crosses my face, the first real one of the night, as I think back to when we first met. The lights were on then and the bar was bustling with people. His perfect cocky smile charmed me and made me want more. Those amazing nights where all we would do was talk of the future and kiss, those sweet worry-free kisses. How he would sweet talk me and that warm feeling that filled me when he did. I would kill for just one more night like that. It was all so perfect.

But then I realize this isn't the past. Alexander will never be mine, ever. Even if I loved him first.