Requested by: caitlinwheeler_

Alexander couldn't pry his mind from the sorrowful thought of his children at home suffering from a sickness, while he continued to work with their beloved commander. Days went by where his patience shortened and his heart filled with regret for ever leaving them in the first place. The state he found himself in was all but pleasant.

He tried to push his weary mind through the words on parchment and to cooperate with other fellow men, but he lost all self control that fall. "What?! You have no concept of the pain that lives in my heart, sir. I beg you to leave me be." The times he lost patience with his commander made him feel the most guilty.

It became impossible not to think of his family every waking moment, for he had no news sometimes of their current health. Eliza would send letters, containing frightened and broken feelings, and he could only reply with the best advice to keep her alive every day.

What terrified him the most was the growing terror of the child she was carrying. Eliza often remarked in her letters that she could sense something wasn't right, and that the baby's presence felt dull and unnatural. He pleaded for her to not worry too much.

Of all the pregnancies she had gone through, this one was by far the worst and most untimed for their grief. She had to provide for herself and all their darling children, and the thought of his wife being alone brought Alexander to tears at times. He should have been there with them, but the energy of rebellion called him.

Word got around about the distress back home, and Alexander watched helplessly as it lead its way back to Washington. He expected a lecture of how to be a stronger man, to not tear apart, and to lead as he should. But what he got in return was the one thing he'd been waiting for.

"Knox has let me know of your current situation back home, and I feel that it would be appropriate to send you there." Washington leaned over his desk. "You give us nothing when you're in this state of mind. She needs you, and so do your children, please go."

Alexander did as he was told. He left all of that behind, by resigning and leaving that wretched place he'd been stationed in for months. The escort back home seemed to be the longest, most dreadful time, and all he could think of was Eliza and their baby.

Dashing up the steps to their house, he shouted, "I'm here, oh-" The door threw itself open, and there his oldest daughter greeted him. Their embrace lasted for an awfully long time, and it took all of his energy to let her go. She nodded to where her mother was upstairs, and he pounded up the stairwell.

"Betsey, oh please, where are you?" Their bedrooms and corridors seemed so unfamiliar to him, and all he wanted to was sob. Feeling the urge to cry climb up the back of his throat, Alexander hurried around another corner into his wife's room and practically sighed in relief.

Her figure came across as more torn down, weak, and he didn't know where to start in comforting her. It certainly came to his realization that they had lost the one light of hope either of them ever held in the first place.

"I-I lost the baby."

Quivering in the corner of the room, gazing out of the window, Eliza forced herself to show a decent smile. She yearned to muster more than something so sympathetic of a gesture, but her heart silently sobbed and pushed her down the drain of loss again.

Alexander's mouth opened, and all that came out was a breathless noise. No, no. Telling himself, begging for an answer, trying to convince himself that it wasn't true, he walked forward uneasily. His mind kept racing and exclaiming, but the past months fell apart in her sudden embrace.

"Eliza," he sobbed uncontrollably against her neck, as she pulled him tighter, and he soothed her as much as he could. How could he possibly make up for the time they had been apart, and the time their baby had slipped from their touch. Alexander let his emotions take the best of him, and all those forgotten months unwrapped into her loving embrace.

Hands desperately touching her dress and waist, not wanting to be deprived of her touch ever again, he tried to say something that would make this nightmare seem less of a reality than it already was. He had completely lost the warm feeling of what life used to be, and the reality of losing that child almost knocked him off his feet.

"T-they told me that nothing w-we could have done would have made it any better," Eliza stammered, while she absentmindedly tangled her fingers in his hair. "Fate from the start," she breathed, barely making it through the sentence without bursting into tears.

"I should have been here," Alexander spat, not in a rude way, but only to express his growing exhaustion from the cabinet. "You needed me, and not a soul thought to tell me of your condition sooner." He wept into her shoulder.

Collapsing into a state of weakness again, Eliza momentarily allowed herself to dwell upon the memory of lying on her bed and being told she had lost the child. She recalled the minutes that had gone by as she questioned what to do next. But pushing all that aside, she leaned back and looked at her husband.

"We must be brave for the children."

Alexander contained his urge to lash out. How could they possibly be brave in a time like this? He ran a hand along his jawline, briefly noting that he hadn't shaven in a while. "Have you told them of this?" It took all his energy to come across as collected and put together.

"Well, only the oldest ones know. I'd rather not let the little ones know until the time is right, maybe when they're old enough to understand that, among other things." Her eyes avoided his for a second, and then she cleared her throat.

"We'll do that for them. I-I don't know if the grief can be hidden enough, but-" Alexander felt one of her hands touch his cheek, and he gazed directly into her eyes.

Eliza gave a smile, one that read as more of a worn out look, and she paused. The thought of her husband worrying day and night about her and the baby allowed her to feel more secure about what had happened. She could trust him this time around, and to her, it seemed this would be something they could get through.

"We're both grieving, but we know how to hide that by now, don't we? Come, the children will be thrilled to see you have arrived. Let's not waste a second," she followed up with, swallowing down the taste of tears, and her hand linked with his gently. Reluctantly, he followed her to the stairwell.

No matter how many months or years it took to overcome the pieces of their broken hearts, they promised to keep moving forward. Not a thing would get done in that household if neither of them became the better person and lifted their head up. For the sake of the child that could have been and their unknowing nest of children that was sure to keep on growing.

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A/N: Thank you caitlinwheeler_ for the request! This really got me emotionally while writing, since knowing how difficult of a time this was for the Hamilton's definitely impacted my feelings while writing it. It was a stressful time for sure, as Hamilton was away, and the children were getting sick over the summer months, and the idea of a miscarriage was becoming likely. I tried to portray all those emotions that I felt and they felt into this one shot as best as I could. Apologizes for the inactivity everyone, you might have seen my message, but I'm doing my best to get these one shots up for you all. Thanks for reading as always, and I hope you're having a very happy holiday season!