TW:
Suicide (overdose ;-;)
Insomnia
Mentions of panic attack

Alexander Hamilton had insomnia. He had sleeping pills to help with it. He had a good dad, went to a good school, has a boyfriend.

Correction, had a boyfriend.

John Laurens, was his name. He was Alexander's true love. His everything. His soulmate. Until three months ago, when John was hit by a car that ran a red light on the street he was crossing. He went to the hospital. He was almost fully healed. He was ready to go home.

But his heart had other plans.

It failed.

His heart stopped.

John Laurens was murdered.

By his own body.

And Alexander drespretly wanted to join his lover, hanging onto life if only to support John's family through their sons death.

Not that Henry Laurens cared.

The very fact that John's own father could care less about his sons death tore Alexander apart, inside and out.

Everything seemed to tear Alexander apart these days.

Every flower, reminded him of John. Every steet corner, reminded him of when they would talk and laugh.
Every restaurant, reminded him of that day when John Laurens became his boyfriend.

He couldn't even bear to look at the small doodles lining the edges of his notebooks, drawn by John when Alexander worked too hard.

He couldn't look in the quest room, where John would usually stay. The light switch, covered with turtle stickers, the lone toothbrush sitting on the counter. The half-full toothpaste tube John would steal from Alexander every night.

But the hardest thing, was waking up in the morning. Checking his phone for those good morning words.

[One message from:]
❤️ Jacky ❤️
G'morning lexi! dont 4get ur lunch and ill c u @ scool! Ily ❤️

Those texts didn't come anymore. He forgot his lunch almost every day. It reminded him of John. He sat in silence with Laf and Herc, remembering how John lightened the mood. Always ready to crack a joke, his beautiful smile brightening any room. But it would never happen again.

John was dead.

And Alexander....

He was dead as well.

On the inside, at least.

But he was ready.

Alexander was ready to join his lover.

He had the pills.

He had the note.

He had the place.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

The final bell rang and Alexander watched as students swarmed out of the classroom, leaving only him and his adoptive father -and teacher- George Washington alone. Alexander took a deep breath, gathering his stuff, and approached Washington.

"Hey uh... George." Washington turned around.

"Yes, son?"

Alexander looked into Washington's eyes and gulped. "I uh... I wanted to tell you that... I'm going to... To visit him, in a way. If I'm not back by 9, you know where I'll be." Washington nodded, knowing full well what his son was planning -or not planning- to do.

"Alright. Stay safe, Alexander." Alexander nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. He was almost out the door when he turned around and raced back, wrapping his arms around Washington's chest.

"Thank you. I love you, dad." He whispered, holding back tears. Washington looked suprised, but before he could realize what had happened, Alexander was already gone.

Washington grinned. That was the first time his adoptive son had called him 'dad'. Unfortunately, it wouldn't last long.

Alexander soon arrived at the cemetery where his lover was burried. He found John's headstone and sat down in front of it, tears clouding his vision.

"Hey there, John." He started, "Been a while, huh? It's lonely without you. Laf and Herc and heck, even Thomas Jefferson has been greiving. I think. The school's quiet. Every where is quiet.

"When I go uptown, people in the streets look at me with pity in there eyes. But you'd like it uptown. It's quiet uptown-" Alexander said, choking on his words as he cried.

"I-I came here to... To tell you that.... I'm ready. I'm ready to join you. I've already got it all planned out. Here the note I wrote. I'm putting it next to you. I love you, Jacky, and I can't wait to see you again." Alexander set the note down and pulled out his almost full bottle or insomnia pills. He opened the lid and dumped them all into his hand.

"Here goes nothing..." He whispered, quickly swallowing a handful. He waited a good ten seconds until he started getting sleepy -not to mention dizzy. His eyesight started to fade, and he smiled, collapsing to the ground as everything went black.

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

9 o'clock had come and gone, and George Washington was getting worried. That is, until he got the phone call.

The call every parent dreaded.

The call telling him that his Alexander was found passed out in a cemetery after dark, an empty bottle of pills clutched in his hands, a scribbled suicide note lying next to him.

The call notifying him that Alexander had been admitted to the hospital due to attempted suicide; overdosage.

The terror coursing through Washington's body as he broke the speed limit to get to the hospital, the terror as he begged the receptionist to let him see his son, the greif as he sobbed on Lafayette's shoulder.

It felt like he was in a daze, nothing but a whirlwind of sights, sounds, smells, and emotion. None of it made sence, but it felt so real.

Washington only found himself when he opened the hand-written note the nurse had handed him. They didn't dare open it, the only words on the front reading 'George Washington'

The messy words brought tears to his eyes.

It was a simple, small note, composed of a simple song and a few words. Yet it made George Washington cry.

It read, 'You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when sky's are grey! You'll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don't take, my sunshine, away...

This world has abused me since I was a child. I only found happiness after all these years in you adopting me, dad. I found it in my friends, I found it in my enemies. But the happiest I've been was with John. He was my everything, my reason for living, my sunshine.

But this cruel world had taken my sunshine away from me, and today, as you know, I was finally ready to join my sunshine. I am aware of the pain this will bring you, and I am terribly sorry. But, I couldn't go on without my Jacky.

I only wish, that you can forgive me. I wish as well, that when you encounter my grieving friends, tell them that I love them. Tell Laf and Mom I love them. And from me to you, dad, I want you to know that I love you so very much, and I will always be grateful for your kindness and willingness to give me a home.

With loving regret,

~A.Ham'

This letter, although sad, showed how much Alexander had cared for his loved ones. Washington cracked a small smile and decided he couldn't wait to see Alexander again.

Untill a doctor walked into the nearly empty room, filled only with friends and family of Alexander.

The doctor looked at the tired group, a look of guilt crossing his face. "You're all here for Alexander Hamilton, correct?" He asked.

"Yes, when can I see my son?!?" Washington asked.

The doctor looked down, tears in his eyes. "I... I'm sorry, sir. Alexander..... We couldn't save him."

".... What?" Washington wouldn't believe him. His son, dead? No, the doctor was lying! "No! You're lying! Alexander's alive! I know he is!"

"Sir-" Washington barreled into the doctors stomach, fighting the strong arms that kept him back. "I'm sorry, sir. We tried everything we could."

Washington's chest began to tighten and he gasped for breath. "No-" His vision began to darken, his breaths becoming shallower. "NO!" He screamed, attempting to fight of the oncoming panic attack threatening to seize him. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he sqeezed his eyes shut, imagining Alexander still alive.

Washington went limp in the doctors arms, choking out one final sob before his body slumped into a hard, plastic chair and everything went black.

Alexander Hamilton was dead.

Appearently I really like killing people-

And no, Gwash is not dead.

1,393 words -including this- of dreppresing angst. ;-;

Hallo I am back again to give everyone an important message.

If you are feeling suicidal, please please please do not end your life!

It isn't good, and will leave behind lots of people devastated by your loss, people whishing they could've done better, people asking themselves if they did anything to make you take your life.

If you are, by chance, feeling suicidal, PLEASE get help! It's not shameful to ask for help if you need it. Talk to someone, a loved one, a friend, a therapist, just don't commit suicide.

I leave you with this message.

Don't commit suicide. It is bad. And solves nothing.