TW: depression, suicide, homophobia

♔

I immediately shut my laptop, standing and turning to look at Levi. His eyes are slightly narrowed as he looks straight past me.

"What was that?" He asks, his voice losing its playfulness. "I thought I saw my name there for a second."

I open my mouth to say something to quell his suspicions, but I'd be lying if I refuted what he was saying. On top of that, I swear that Levi can hear my heart beating out of my chest from learning about the death of his brother. So I tell him the truth, hoping to ease the guilt I'm feeling for snooping into his past.

"I was just searching a few things up," I say as calmly as I can, hoping to not provoke him further.

"Searching me up, you mean," Levi says, his voice betraying his agitation. Then he gets up, reaching past me to open my laptop. The screen lights up, and Levi's dark eyes scan the headline.

"I wanted to learn more about you, that's all," I try to explain, feeling terrible. But I begin to see how this makes sense, looking back on what Levi told me about his brother—his sexuality and his parents' lack of support. "I wasn't trying to find anything specific."

"So instead of asking me, you decided to go behind my back and do your own digging?" he asks, turning away from the laptop. From the wild on his face, it's obvious that the content of the article has only furthered his annoyance.

"I wasn't digging—"

"That's exactly what you were doing," he cuts me off. "Are you happy with what you found?"

"No, of course I'm not," I insist. "I didn't want to find out about your brother's death like this."

"Well that's your own fault, isn't it?" he says coldly. "You don't have to keep digging: I'll tell you everything you want to know, since you seem so interested in my family's trauma. My brother was depressed because my parents wouldn't accept him so he killed himself two years ago, and my town still hasn't gotten over it. I left right after, and you can't really blame me for not wanting to talk about it."

"Levi, I don't blame you," I say, taking a step closer to him. "I understand why you'd want to keep this to yourself. I'm sorry about what happened to your family."

"Do you not trust me?" He asks, disregarding what I just said. His face twists. "How can you expect me to trust you when you go around doing things like this behind my back?"

"I don't think this counts as 'behind your back', I've told you I just—"

"I'm gonna go," he says, not letting me finish. "But feel free to continue your research about me. I'm sure there's a lot to learn."

I press my fingers into my temples, feeling a stress-induced headache coming on. I don't even try to defend my actions any further as he leaves without another word. Honestly, I can't even comprehend what exactly just happened. I feel like a tornado just blew through my dorm and left a minute later.

I shut my laptop, not bothering to finish reading the article.

♔

"I just don't know what to do," I complain, pushing open the doors to the studio, feeling a wave of warm air wash over me, a stark contrast from the winter chill. "You should've seen the look on his face when he left. He was furious."

"I'll tell you exactly what to do," Mya says, trailing behind me. "You go right back onto your laptop and keep research. Why the hell didn't you finish your snooping?"

"Because it felt wrong," I say, exasperated. We look at the windows into the dance studios and see that the previous classes are still going on. I set down my bag on the ground, leaning against the wall. "Especially after Levi said he didn't want me to look into his past."

"He's being a big baby about it," Mya declares bluntly. "Literally everyone internet stalks, especially people they're involved with. The only reason someone would get that mad about it is if they have something to hide. Which Levi obviously does. And you need to find out exactly what that secret is before you get serious."

I think about how I would feel if I found out Levi had looked my name up on Google, realizing that I'd probably find it funny, not aggravating. Even considering Levi's choppy past, I have to wonder why he got so heated finding me looking him up.

If Levi is hiding something, I would like to know what it is. Even though Levi doesn't seem to have any plans to tell me himself.

I decide not to tell Mya about the article I found on Levi's brother's death. Or about Jack's dad's death. Earlier today, I texted Archer about Jack's dad dying, and he replied telling me that I should tell Jack myself. Even with my residual anger toward him, the whole Dani situation seems petty compared to the death of his dad.

Although I've decided that I should be the one to tell him, I'm still finding the courage to do it in-person. It'd be wrong to tell him about his dad's death over text message or phone call.

I change the subject as the doors to the studio open and dancers flow out. "So have you internet stalked my brother?" I tease. "Because I can tell you everything you need to know."

Mya sighs, but I catch her smiling. "I have, indeed, typed his name in Google's search bar," she admits. "Mainly just basketball stuff shows up. Did you know he received an offer to play for UCLA's basketball team? Full scholarship too."

I laugh at her question. "Believe it or not, I did know that. Being his sister and all," I remind her teasingly. "Fun fact: Jack received an offer from Gonzaga."

"Gonzaga?" Mya almost yells. "Holy shit, why didn't he go? Our school is great and all . . . but Gonzaga is pretty much the fucking best D1 basketball team in the country. I'm surprised Jack and Archer turned down those offers."

I think back to the weeks Archer spent deciding between his offers. As one would expect, it took him a while to choose. "For one, they both wanted to stay close to home. UCLA or Gonzaga would mean far fewer trips home. Also, my mom went here," I explain.

Then my heart sinks the tiniest bit at the other reason Archer decide to go here. "And this school was the only school that extended offers to both Jack and Archer. They both got tons of offers from great schools, but in the end, they decided to go here together."

Now they're not even talking to each other. Because of me. Nineteen years of friendship demolished.

Mya frowns when she sees the far-away look on my face, knowing how terrible I feel. "Come on," she says, standing up and taking my attention away from my thoughts. "We should head inside. Wouldn't want you to be late for your first dance class," she jokes.

I pick up my dance bag, and a book falls out of the open zipper. As I bend down to pick it up, Mya reads the cover.

"Atonement?" she asks. "Since when were you a reader?"

I shake my head, stuffing the book back in my bag, making sure the red tabs are still in tact. "I'm not a reader," I say. I'm only a quarter of the way through. "I've just been meaning to read this book for a while now. No better time than the present."

Mya quirks her eyebrow before her face washes with clarity. "Wait, don't tell me this in one of those love books Jackie-Poo gave you while you were dating?" she gasps.

I roll my eyes. "It's not," I lie, closing my zipper. "I'll see you after class." And even though she obviously isn't convinced, she blows me a kiss as she heads into a studio down the hall.

Instead of following her to the studio I would've entered if it were two months ago, I walk in the opposite direction.

I take a deep breath and enter one of the smaller dance classes where several little girls have already gathered. They're talking and giggling while putting on their ballet shoes, but they all stop and stare at me when I enter.

"Hello," I say cheerily. I press my hands together, trying to calm my nerves. This really does feel like my first dance class—and I'm twelve years older than all the other girls. "My name is Scarlett. I'll be dancing with you today."

One of the braver ones steps forward, looking curiously at me. "I think you're in the wrong class. The big girl class is down the hallway to your right," she says quite maturely, her finger raised toward the class Mya is in right now. I want to laugh at her properness.

I give her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I'm in the right place," I assure her. "I guess I should say that I'll be helping teach you to you dance today."

Another one speaks up. "Are you our new teacher? What happened to Ms. Samantha?" she gasps, looking at me as if I killed their previous teacher.

"Right here," Ms. Samantha says as she enters the studio. She puts down her bag, crossing her arms to look at the girls. "Ms. Scarlett will be my assistant. Think of her like a friend. Or a big sister. She's here to help you all dance as well as her."

That makes them warm up to me. Before I can add onto Ms. Samantha's introduction, they're all crowding around me, telling me their names and asking me questions about my life that I try my best to answer. How long I've danced. How old I am. What my favorite color is. If I have a boyfriend.

Fortunately, Ms. Samantha intervenes before I'm forced to answer the last question. She waves me over to take a place at the barre. "Alright, girls, line up at the barre with Ms. Scarlett. Can anyone show her first position?" she instructs. Immediately, they all rush to the barre to get spots closest to me. With stiff arms and legs, they try their best to impress me with their abilities.

For the next hour, I help them through barre exercises, model across-the-floor routines for them to mirror, and fend off their increasingly intrusive questions. At one point, a girl named Karina asks me if I shave my armpits.

It isn't until the end of the class, after the girls have all left and I've helped Ms. Samantha clean up the studio, that I realize I'd been smiling the entire time.

♔

After getting dinner with Mya after class, I find myself back alone in my dorm. Sitting at my desk, I stare at my closed laptop. Without second guessing myself, I open it.

The article is still pulled up. I read the headline again, this time, noting the name of the website. It's a local newspaper in South Dakota, not Virginia.

Levi said he lived in Northern Virginia. Why would a local newspaper in South Dakota be covering a story that happened in Northern Virginia? I ask myself. I read onto the body of the article, dated over two years ago.

Ezekial Easton, son of Leslie and Jeremiah Easton, was found unconscious in his bedroom early Wednesday Morning by his older brother, Leviticus. The eighteen-year-old reports waking up to a strange noise coming from his younger brother's room and walking into the room to investigate. There, he claims to have found his younger brother hanging from his ceiling fan.

Panicked, the young man removed the rope from around his brother's neck and attempted to resuscitate him before calling the authorities. When medics arrived, Ezekial was pronounced dead on the scene.

As expected, the surrounding community is still shocked from the alleged suicide, wondering what could have led this young man to have taken his own life. A GoFundMe has been started to help fund the funeral expenses.

I rub my face with my hands, processing this information. From what Levi told me about his younger brother, he didn't have a very good relationship with his parents. It's just heartbreaking to think that he killed himself because his parents refused to accept him.

The rest of the article just talks about the Eastons' prominence in their community and the considerable impact their son's death had on their town.

I'm about to call it a day, figuring I know all there is to know about Ezekial's death and wondering if this knowledge is worth the guilt that comes with it. But my eye is caught on another article linked at the bottom of the page.

SMALL TOWN SUICIDE UNDER FURTHER INVESTIGATION

I click the article faster than light.

The story of fifteen-year-old Ezekial Easton taking his own life has become a household conversation as community members mourn the boy's death. However, an inside source claims that there is more to this small-town tragedy than meets the eye.

While the cause of death was indeed found to be suffocation, according to this source, who has asked to remain anonymous, an autopsy reports injuries inconsistent with Leviticus's story. The marks on the boys neck were found to be inconsistent with the shape and material of the rope found on scene.

Additionally, skin and blood cells were found under the deceased's fingernails. The source of this DNA has yet to be determined, but authorities are said to be collecting samples for testing. In the meantime, local police have formally launched an investigation into this death, not ruling out the possibility of a homicide.

Pastor Jeremiah Easton and his wife, Leslie, refuse to comment on the investigation nor on their surviving son's possible involvement in this sudden death.

It's a never-ending loop. At the bottom of that article is another one with an even more extreme title.

LOCAL CHURCH FAMILY UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR MURDER OF OWN SON

I skip over the introduction, searching for the meat of the article.

The Easton family, influential and wealthy members of their small community, have reportedly been detained and questioned by local investigators concerning the death of their fifteen-year-old son this past March. While older brother, Leviticus, seems to be the main suspect in the case, neither the Eastons nor authorities elect to comment on the investigation.

Another article.

DECEASED BOY'S BROTHER FOUND TO BE DNA MATCH FOR SKIN AND BLOOD CELLS FOUND AT CRIME SCENE

Authorities have found a match for the blood and skin cells found under deceased Ezekial Easton's fingernails. Older brother, Leviticus Easton, provided a sample that was found to match the DNA structure in the crime scene samples. While it is not uncommon for the DNA of brothers to be structurally similar, investigators are following this lead, not ruling out any possibilities.

My head starts to spin as I fall deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole, reading article after article published about Ezekial's death, each spaced only a few days apart as this newspaper followed the progression of the case.

OLDER BROTHER ARRESTED FOR ALLEGED MURDER OF YOUNGER BROTHER. CHARGES YET TO BE PRESSED.

My hands start to shake as I read through article after article, each one worst than the last.

FAMILY UNCOOPERATIVE IN INVESTIGATION OF EZEKIAL EASTON'S DEATH. COMMUNITY ON-EDGE.

LEVITICUS EASTON RELEASED ON ACCOUNT OF INCOMPETENT EVIDENCE.

AUTHORITIES WORK TO GAIN EVIDENCE AGAINST LEVITICUS EASTON IN DEATH OF YOUNGER BROTHER. POSSIBLE TAMPERING OF EVIDENCE.

NUMBER OF AUTHORITIES ASSIGNED TO EASTON CASE TO BE DECREASED FOR REASONS UNKNOWN. EASTON FAMILY REMAINS SILENT.

EASTON FAMILY INVOLVED IN POSSIBLE COVER-UP OF YOUNGER SON'S DEATH? THEORIES QUIETLY CIRCULATE AS AUTHORITIES GIVE UP.

This last article is an op-ed, not a simple reporting of news. I take my time to read this article through and through.

Three months after the death of fifteen-year-old pastor's son, Ezekial Easton, authorities have reportedly closed the case, ruling his death a suicide. Despite ample evidence against the theory of the boy taking his own life, including foreign DNA found under his fingernails and larger-than-expected marks around the boy's neck, the search for justice seems to have ended.

The family of the deceased boy are satisfied with this unsatisfying conclusion, vocal about their disapproval of the continued investigations into their son's death. They claim to want to let their son rest and leave his death behind, but suspicion around the family grows even as the case closes.

Jeremiah and Leslie, extremely influential members of their conservative town, have shut down any conversations around their son's death. Even the authorities seem to be on their side: the side opposite of justice. However, that has not stopped a select few from questioning the death of young Ezekial and wondering why the Easton family is so vehemently against justice for their son's death.

The most common theory surrounds their older son, Leviticus, who was the one to have found his younger brother's body. Suspicion toward Leviticus skyrocketed when his DNA was found under his younger brother's fingernails, but that evidence was eventually found to be inadmissable due to the natural similarity between brothers' DNA. The Easton family claims that the blood and skin under Ezekial's nails were his own, not Leviticus's.

Despite evidence mounted against Leviticus, the Easton family's influence seems to have been significant enough to halt all possible prosecution of their older son. This story has proved to be a tale of what money and power can buy. It is obvious that this wealthy and powerful family has chosen to forgo justice for their younger son in favor of protecting their older son, and there is little that can be done about it.

Even as my confusion fogs my thinking, I scroll to the bottom of that last article as fast as possible, searching for the next headline. But there isn't any. All the related articles are ones I've already read. For some reason, the news source suddenly stopped reporting on the case at the peak of its mystery.

My heart is beating out of my chest and my tongue feels like its sitting in my stomach as I check for more information on the case. What happened? Was Levi ever found innocent?

But there's nothing.

It's like this case was erased from all possible sources except this one newspaper. And eventually, even this newspaper was silenced.

My mind is playing back every single thing Levi has said about his brother, picking apart his words for anything pointing to this bombshell. I'm suddenly cold, but the chill is coming from inside my body. As I close my laptop, I realize that my entire body is shaking.

But instead of sitting at my desk frozen, I muster any remaining strength in me, grab my phone and keys, and rush out of my dorm.

♔

voting

jack

levi

thought corner

1. Was Levi's reaction to Scarlett's research justified?

2. How do you feel about this new information about Levi? What does this mean?

3. What should Scarlett do after finding out what she did?

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