"Scarlett."

I tear my eyes from the skyline and focus my attention back on Levi sitting across the table from me. He gives me an amused smile, the wind musing his hair as he sits back in his seat. "Am I boring you?" He says, absentmindedly dragging his finger over the condensation on his water glass.

I shake my head, ridding myself of whatever I was thinking of when I zoned out. None of it can be changed—it's all in the past. "No, I was just admiring the view," I say, leaning forward to indicate that he has my full attention now. "The sunset is gorgeous from up here."

His smile grows the slightest bit as he looks at me, although I'm just sitting here. I tilt my head, wondering if there's something on my face. "What?" I say, blushing. "If you're laughing at spaghetti sauce on my face, I'm gonna kill you."

The wind carries his laugh across the table. "There's nothing on your face," he says. "Except that entire chunk of broccoli between your two front teeth, but it's not that noticeable."

I gasp and cover my mouth, feeling for this alleged piece of broccoli with my tongue. Levi watches me, entertained. "Crimson, I'm kidding." He leans forward and removes my hand from over my mouth. "You look great. Especially sitting next to the sunset like that."

I look down at my shoulder and realize that the colorful light of the sunset has flooded me in a mix of golden yellow and orange. My green dress seems to almost be glowing with the flattering light. "You clean up pretty nice yourself," I say back to him. "I didn't think you'd actually follow through with dressing up."

He looks down at his clothes, making a show of adjusting his dress shirt. "I think this shirt brings out the color of my eyes, don't you think?"

I laugh. "Does your light blue shirt bring out the dark brown of your eyes? For sure," I say.

"Perfect. I told the saleslady that I wanted the perfect shirt to highlight their shit-brown color."

"Hey, they're not shit-brown. More like" —I lean a bit closer to examine his eyes—"actually, shit-brown is probably the best way to describe them," I concede. I take a bite of broccoli. "Sorry."

"Not all of us can have grey eyes like you, Crimson," Levi teases. "When we first met, I thought they were contacts."

I shake my head. "People tend to think that until they meet my parents. I have my dad's eyes."

"Yeah, and I noticed your brother does too," Levi points out. "I think I'd be biased to say I like them on you the most."

"I would hope so. Unless you have the hots for my dad or Archer."

Levi laughs and shrugs. "You never know. I might've felt a spark when your dad shook my hand. I feel like he'd treat me right."

"You'd have to get through my mom before you have any shot at my dad," I say.

"You're right." Levi thinks for a second. "I guess I'll just go for your brother then. Think he's into dark hair?"

"Good luck with that." Then I suddenly think of the long-running joke that I've had with Archer. "If Archer were to ever turn gay for someone, it'd be for Jack," I laugh.

Then I remember who I'm talking to. My smile falls. I shouldn't have brought him up. "It's pretty chilly up here, don't you think?" I say, trying to change the subject.

"It seems like it always comes back to him," Levi says, looking back out over the railing of the rooftop restaurant. The sun is almost completely set, and the fairy lights over the tables are coming on. A candle flickers between us.

I don't say anything, and he sits back in his chair, looking at me quizzically.

"Are we gonna talk about it?" He asks, the tone of his voice changing as he rests an elbow on the armrest of his seat and leaning his body into it.

"What is there to talk about?" I ask, even though I know exactly what needs to be discussed. And he's right—we need to talk about it. Doesn't make it any easier though.

"How about you telling me that you kissed Jack and then running off. Then you suddenly text me about going out tonight?" He says. "Can we talk about that?"

"I just needed time to sort some things out. To set everything straight," I say. "I'm fine now."

"You were just sorting things out?" He nods his head slowly. "Scarlett, what did you even do after you left me in your dorm that day?"

I take a deep breath. "I went to tell Jack that the kiss meant nothing and that I can't be around him anymore. Something I should've done a while ago," I say truthfully. "That's it."

"That's it," he repeats back to me, not sounding convinced at all. The wind blows through his hair again, and he pulls a hand through it to keep it back from his face, all while keeping his eyes on me. "You're never gonna let yourself get over him, are you?"

"Levi—"

"Before the wedding, you told me you were over him, that you were just going for his sister," he points out. "Then you come back and tell me that you kissed him. How can I trust you to not go running back to him again?"

I sit up straighter in my seat. "I'm trying to get over him, Levi."

"Was making out with him while you were with me part of that plan?" He asks. "Do you see how fucked up that was?"

I nod, knowing I deserve this from him. He has every right to be mad at me. He has every right to never speak to me again after the way I went behind his back.

"I want nothing more than to get over him, to leave this whole shit show behind, believe me," I insist.

"Why should I?" He asks, his face passive. "How am I supposed to believe you after that? Do you know how hard it is to chase someone who seems like they're never going to stop chasing someone else?"

I don't know what it's like, but I don't have time to answer before he throws another question at me. "Are you going to see him next week?"

It takes me a second to figure out that he's talking about Christmas Break. Archer and I are driving home tomorrow. "He lives in our town, Levi," I explain honestly. "I'm going to try to not see him, but there's a small chance that I will."

"I remember. Family friend," Levi says dryly, looking back toward the skyline. "I hope Christmas Break gives you enough time to finish your thinking. Hopefully, you can fit me into your schedule when you get back."

I sigh. "I don't want to argue."

"And you think I do?"

"I never said that." I give up and take a deep breath, resigning to just letting it go.

I shake my head, looking away from him again. "I'm doing my best here," I reply quietly, and it's all I can offer. "And I'm sorry that I don't have anything to say that will make you believe me."

We're both silent as Levi looks down and adjusts the cuff of his shirt. "I don't know how long I can last feeling like your backup plan."

"You know that's the last thing I wanted. None of it was ever supposed to turn out this way, and I thought I did everything I could to prevent this," I insist, my chest feeling tighten. "And I get that I failed, so again, I'm sorry that I made you feel that way."

Levi's expression softens the tiniest bit, but I can tell that the reservations are still there. It kills me — the thought of doing this to him. I keep talking. "I thought — I thought making the decision to cut Jack out of my life would fix everything, but it obviously hasn't."

He doesn't refute that statement, which spurs me on to keep going with my thought.

"I can't live with the thought of hurting you again. But it seems like everything I've done these past few weeks has done just that," I say. "I've been thinking about everything, and I think I need to take some time to just be alone."

I think over my actions, and my hatred for myself begins to grow even more. "I don't like the person I have become, and I've lost trust in myself to not hurt the people I'm with," I continue.

"You're the same person I met at the beginning of the semester," Levi says.

"No, now I'm the person who kisses another guy when she said that she wouldn't," I say, and just thinking about my actions makes me want to cry. I hold in my emotions, trying to not make this a pity party for myself. "I've become the girl that hurts two amazing guys just because she can't sort out her own feelings, and I hate that."

"That doesn't mean you should cut me off from your life," he says, leaning forward to rest his forearms on the table. His gaze is intense on me. "Crimson, you can't do something like that and then just run away. I deserve more than that, don't you think?"

"I'm not running," I say firmly. "I still want you in my life. As a friend. Regardless of everything, you're important to me, and I don't want to lose you."

"You're breaking things off with me because you don't want to lose me?" Levi says, his eyebrows drawing together in confusion. "Explain to me how that's not running away from your problems? How does that help either of us?"

I look up to the sky, blinking fast to keep myself grounded. "I don't deserve these chances that people keep giving me. I'm better off alone for now, where I can't do any more damage," I almost whisper. "What else am I supposed to do?"

"Prove to yourself that you're not the person you've become," he answers without missing a beat. "This is a chance to redefine yourself with your actions. Don't run from your issues. Face them head-on."

I raise my shoulders in a hopeless shrug. "Proving myself to myself is a lot harder than it sounds," I point out. "I don't even know where to go from here."

"Well, you cut Jack out of your life, so that's a good start." Levi's index finger spins his fork in lazy circles on the table. "And if you don't think you can prove it to yourself, then prove it to me. If I give you another chance, show me that I'm not just your second choice. "

"You're not," I insist.

"Good, so show me that I'm not making a mistake by giving you this second chance," he says. "I think what we have is worth fighting for, but I need to know that you think the same."

"I do." I don't know what else to say so I just say what I need him to hear. "You mean a lot to me."

"As much as you mean to me?" He challenges without a second's thought.

"Yes," I answer, not waiting for him to build on that challenge. I dig deeper for something I can say that would assure him that I'm being genuine right now. And just like that, I make a decision. For us. "I'll be better. For you."

The corner of his mouth quirks into a smile that I've grown to look forward to. It's teasing, indicative of a lighter mood between us that I yearn for. He stops the fork and looks straight through me

I stare back at him, resting my chin on my fists. I watch as Levi slides out of his side of the booth, walks over to my side, and sits next to me. He slides in so our legs are touching, draping his arm behind me.

Levi reaches his other hand up and grasps my chin lightly, angling my face up to his. "Then prove it," he says simply, that warm smile hovering just above my own mouth. Suddenly, all I can focus on is his eyes on me and the silkiness of his words. He smiles, and I can't help but give one back.

He makes everything make sense. In just a few short seconds, he's managed to lift the heaviness that surrounded us during that conversation. It's as if the clouds have rolled back, revealing the sun-filled sky that must've been there the whole time.

"I'll start after Christmas Break," I remind him. "I'm leaving tomorrow."

His next words melt me to my core, plunging us deeper into the whirlwind of euphoria that he's draped around us at this moment. "I'll miss you," he admits, showing a rare glimpse of vulnerability.

I snag onto this opportunity—this ray of his warmth that I treasure. I'm reminded of the quick banter we had when we first met, and my heart reaches for that. "What will you do with yourself while I'm gone?" I tease.

"Jerk off. What else would I do?" He says as if any other idea is preposterous.

I laugh, relaxing and resting my head on his shoulder. The conversation we just had seems like distant history now, growing further away with ever laugh he draws out of me. "Have you considered other means of passing the time? Going on a nice walk, perhaps?"

I feel him shake his head. "Nah. Honestly, since meeting you, the concept of doing anything without you just seems boring," he says.

Again, some area inside of me melts at his words. "Maybe I'll get you a cardboard cutout of myself before I leave," I joke.

"I already ordered a sex doll with your face on it, but thanks for the offer," he laughs, moving his arm so it's draped across my shoulders. I melt even more, comforted by the feeling of joking with him instead of fighting.

His hand draped over my shoulder begins to absentmindely play with my necklace. "I got you something," he says.

I lift my head to look at him. "If it's a sex doll with your face on it, you should've had it shipped straight to my dorm," I say. "It'll be a pain to carry out of this restaurant."

"I actually had it shipped straight to your house, but that's not the gift I'm talking about," he says.

Levi reaches into his pocket. His hand comes away with a CD between his fingers.

"Ah," I say, taking it from him, "a slideshow of your nudes burned onto a CD. A man of class, I see."

"Yeah, I wanted to give them to you as oil paintings, but none of the canvases were big enough to fit my biggest asset," Levi teases. Then he focuses back on the CD, getting more serious. "This has songs on it."

I smile at him. "You made me a mixtape? Very early 2000s of you, I must say."

He looks down, running his hand through his hair. "Yeah, it's cheesy. But they're just songs that remind me of you." He flicks the CD lightly. "I know I could've just made you a Spotify playlist, but I figured this would be a good way to occupy several hours of my life and get the same result."

I rest my head back on his shoulder. Despite his joking, I realize how much effort must've gone into recording and loading every song, one by one, onto this. "Thanks for forcing me to invest in a CD player. I think my mom threw ours out ten years ago." I tilt my head to look at him. "I love it. Thank you, really."

Levi smiles and leans down, pressing his lips against mine. "You can listen to it while you're gone," he says against my lips. "And think of me."

"I will," I promise.

"Naked."

"Maybe not that part."

Levi laughs and pulls his arm tighter around me, kissing me again. I look back out to the sunset, and right now, given a second chance, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

♔

"Do you think Mom and Dad would be mad if I bought a pet ferret?"

I don't look up from my phone to answer Archer's absurd question. "Yes, they would."

"Really? Because I think they'd be pretty easy to take care of. And they're cute, don't you think?"

"No. To both statements."

Archer groans. "You're no fun. If I got one, I'd let you play with it. Does that not sound fun to you?"

"There are no words to describe how not fun that sounds to me," I say, putting down my phone and kicking my feet up on the dashboard. "Besides, I'd like the remain rabies-free, thank you very much."

Archer thinks for a moment. "What if I told you I already ordered one and it's arriving at school in three weeks?"

"I'd say that you have about" —I look at the GPS to see how much time is left before we arrive at home— "twenty-five minutes of life left. As a matter of fact, I'll help Dad kill you and hide your body. Then when your ferret arrives at your dorm, I'll feed it to whatever eats ferrets."

"Jeez, Scar, I get it's an irrational choice on my part, but there's no need to take it out on a helpless animal," Archer says, taking his eyes off the road for a second to cast me a concerned look. "They're endangered, you know."

I snort. "No, they're not."

"Okay, maybe they're not. But they don't deserve death at the hands of someone like you."

"'Someone like me'? What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're being an uptight bitch right now," Archer says honestly, laughing. "What crawled up your ass and died?"

"I'm not being an uptight bitch," I gasp.

"Yes, you are. Now answer the question."

"The question of what crawled up my ass and died? How am I supposed to answer that?"

"Honestly."

I scoff. "You're being annoying."

"You're being annoying," he repeats, mimicking me in an obnoxiously high-pitched voice.

I roll my eyes. "Fine. Get the stupid fucking ferret. And I hope, one night, when you're sound asleep, your little ferret creeps under your covers and into your pants. And I hope it literally crawls into your ass and dies. And then I hope you die too."

Archer looks at me again. Neither of us says a word.

After a few seconds, he clears his throat. "Damn, Scar. Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

"You don't sound like you're fine."

"Well, I am. So you can stop asking."

Archer looks back at the road, pressing his lips together. I close my eyes, and we listen to the radio for a few minutes. I start to feel bad for snapping at him.

"Little House," Archer says out of the blue.

My eyes open. "No, we're not doing this right now."

"Yes, we are. It's a rule," he insists. "Now: Little House. You first."

I take a deep breath, closing my eyes again. Little House is a game Archer, Dani, and I used to play on road trips when we were younger. In our minds, we constructed a 'Little House' that has an unlimited number of rooms. Each time, we each would create a new room based on whatever we felt like creating.

There's a trampoline room, a room filled with Keanu Reaves, a room where you turn into whatever animal you're currently thinking of, everything. As we got older and it became more difficult to think of unique rooms, the rooms became reflective of what was going on in our lives. A room to practice asking a girl on a date, a room with a fortune teller that tells you what college you'll go to, things like that.

We haven't played in a while.

"Fine," I give in. I keep my eyes shut, thinking hard and trying to decipher what I need right now.

"I'm creating a room. A soundproof room with a comfortable couch and blankets and pillows. No one else in there—just me. A quiet room where I can be alone and just . . . think. Without the noise of what everyone else is saying or feeling or doing," I finally say. "Because I feel like I've been trying to think for months now, but it still feels like my head is spinning with millions of thoughts."

I hear Archer put on his turn signal as he changes lanes. I open my eyes and look over toward him, wondering what he's thinking. "Well, I was expecting something like a trampoline room or a room where you can kill me in a million different ways, but your idea will do," Archer says, flashing me a smile.

"That second room isn't a bad idea," I say. "Now it's your turn."

Archer shrugs his shoulder. "Eh, I'd probably create a room where I can just hang with a bunch of ferrets. Play with them and shit. And you're not allowed inside."

"Good."

Archer turns off onto an exit ramp. The scenery starts to look familiar; we're getting closer to home. "This about Levi and Jack?"

"Nope," I say. "Just Levi. And maybe a little bit of Jack."

"Levi giving you shit since you got back with Jack?" Archer asks. "It's none of his business."

"What? No, I didn't—I didn't get back together with Jack," I explain. For a second, I had forgotten that I saw Archer before breaking it off with Jack. He must've really gotten the wrong idea. "I broke up with Jack. For good."

"Really?"

I nod.

Archer thinks over this information for a second. "Well, shit. That's good."

"Thanks," I say sarcastically.

"No, I mean . . . you don't . . . nevermind."

"No, tell me," I press.

"I was just gonna say that you don't know everything about Jack. So I won't lie and say that I'm not relieved that you didn't get back together with him," Archer explains.

I raise my eyebrow. "You never told me this before."

"I didn't make it clear enough before that I didn't want you and Jack together?"

"No, you definitely did. But you made it seem like you didn't want us together just because he was your best friend and I was your sister," I say, straightening up in my seat. "You never suggested that Jack had something to hide from me."

"Well, he does."

"Then tell me what it is."

Archer shakes his head. "Not my place to tell," he says, much to my frustration.

I groan. "Then why would you even bring it up? Just to scare me?"

"To make sure you don't go back to him. This thing he's hiding . . . it'll hurt you. So just stay away from him."

I scoff. "The same way you're staying away from him?"

"It's not the same."

"How? You're punishing him for . . . what? Dating me? Well, we're over for good now, so you're out of excuses. And now you're trying to keep me from even being friends with him because of this secret that you won't even tell me about," I snap. "However bad this secret is, I don't have to be with him to see that you're treating him like shit."

"You don't know the secret." Archer shakes his head slightly again. "Whoever you're with, just make sure you know who they are. I'm not going to tell you how to go about dating Levi, but air that shit out early on."

"I'm trying, believe me," I say. "And I'm staying as far as possible away from Jack too, so you don't have to worry about that either."

I look out the window and watch the familiar houses and streets blur past us as we draw closer and closer to home. Instead of everything happening on campus, I try to focus on the next two weeks of spending time with my parents and Dani. Away from heartache and feelings and everything that I'll hope to untangle on my own.

"I didn't actually order the ferret," Archer says out of the blue.

I smile. "You didn't? Then why would you say you did?"

He shrugs. "Sometimes I just like saying things to see how you'll react. When I'm bored."

"I hate you," I say.

"I love me too."

♔

voting

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thought corner

1. Does Scarlett deserve a second chance from Levi?

2. Should Scarlett really face her problems head-on or take some time for herself?

3. What do you think Jack's secret is and why hasn't Archer revealed it to Scarlett?

♔