I pull up to the athletic dorm right as I end the call with my parents. I brought two pizzas for us and thought I'd hang out with Archer for a while. I'm still trying to repair the small cracks I made in our relationship, and if there's one thing he can't resist, it's food.

Plus, Archer told me Jack wouldn't be here, so it's the perfect time to come by.

I let myself into the dorm and find Archer sitting on their small couch, playing Minecraft. I set down the pizza boxes and just sit down on Archer's bed, watching my brother play video games. My mind drifts to the two hours I just spent with Levi watching The Haunting of Bly Manor. I try not to get too hung up on the fact that he didn't share anything new about himself or his past.

I try to relax, telling myself that he'll open up when he's ready.

"Hey," Archer says casually. "You good?"

"I brought pizza," I answer, ignoring the question. Levi is probably one of the last topics of conversation that I would like to bring up with Archer.

"If it's anything but Hawaiian, I'm kicking you out," he says, a bit preoccupied with building some sort of moat.

"You're barbaric," I say, feigning disgust at the thought of pineapple on pizza. "But yes, one of them is Hawaiian. The other is just pepperoni."

I look around and see homework spread out on Jack's desk—flash cards, notebooks, an open anatomy textbook. Even though he's not here, I feel a jolt of pain in my heart looking at it.

When we were together, I would fall asleep on his lap while he studied. Or sometimes I'd just nap on his bed while he worked. I just enjoyed being close to him even while he was doing something else, and Jack never complained.

I liked when Jack would study for his Anatomy and Physiology course. He'd point out certain body parts on me and explain how exactly they functioned. Most of the time, I couldn't understand the majority of his rapid-fire scholarly spiels, but I liked watching the way his face would light up when he talked about something that interested him. And I loved that he wanted to share those things with me.

Thinking back to those times when everything else felt quieter and warmer while I was wrapped around him, I regret not savoring those moments when I had them.

If I think too long about the fact that they are gone, the world begins to feel like it's shrinking around me. Suffocating.

"So how's it going?" Archer says, and jolting me back into the present moment, and I realize I've been staring at Jack's desk.

I shake myself back into reality. "I just got off the phone with Mom," I say to Archer.

"Yeah? What'd she say?"

"Just that Dani's fine." It takes considerable effort to keep my mind on Archer when every piece of Jack in this room is capturing my attention. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. "I got her to tell me a bit more this time. But all she said was that Dani refuses to tell them where she got the pills this time. Dani claims that she didn't even take any," I say.

"Do they believe her?"

I shake my head. "Mom didn't say anything about that. I hope they do, but at the same time . . . she'd taken a lot. And it wasn't even Oxycodone this time, it was something stronger. That's why she crashed so hard."

Archer pauses his game and looks up at me. "Probably the harder stuff that kids at school sell. Scar, you know it's all part of addiction. It isn't uncommon for addicts to relapse," Archer says. "I love her just as much as you do, but you have to look at this logically. It's not a reflection on Dani. Drugs distort everything."

I nod. "Yeah, but she was getting better. She'd been clean for months, and she didn't show any signs of possibly relapsing."

Archer sits on his bed with me. "You can't predict these types of things. And you can't beat yourself up for not noticing it, even though I know that's exactly what you're doing right now."

I close my fists tightly, digging my nails into my palms to take my mind off Dani. "You're right," I finally say after a few too many moments of silence. "I am beating myself up."

Archer thinks for a second then leans over to grab the other controller off the charger. He hands it to me. "Take your mind off it. Play some Minecraft with me," he says. "I'll show you the stuff I'm working on."

I think for a moment before giving in. Archer tells me about this world he just created that he's planning on filling with tiny village houses and people to live in them. He talks to me while he builds, and I start building a house in the sky.

"Oh, shit, I just remembered this world I was working on in creative mode before we left for Thanksgiving," Archer says, exiting out of our current world and searching for something. "It's sick, you have to see it."

He exits out of our current world and scrolls to one named 'JARCHER,' indicating that Jack must've worked on this with him. Before he enters the world, he edits the name of it to 'Archer's World #23,' reminding me that he and Jack aren't on the best terms at the moment. I spawn myself as a guest.

I start walking around, examining the things Jack and Archer must've built. It looks pretty normal to me. Archer flies over to a gigantic, medieval-looking house. "Look, Scar," he says excitedly. "This is the house I built. Cool, right? It has twenty-eight rooms, including three weapons rooms. I can make you a room if you want. Hold on, let me show you all the armor I made."

I hum in agreement, but I'm really not paying much attention to him at the moment. "Where's Jack's house?" I ask, unable to find it.

He gives me a look. "What?" I say defensively. "It's not because—I just wanna see it. Okay?"

Archer looks at me for a few more seconds but reluctantly agrees. "Fine, I'll show you. But it's not nearly as cool as mine."

I follow Archer over a hill and begin to see Jack's house. When it finally comes into full view, I almost drop my controller. "Here it is," Archer says. "Not much to look at, but it's fine, I guess. Come back to mine and I'll show you the rollercoaster I made."

"No," I say, still staring at the animated house.

"Jeez, fine," Archer says woundedly. "I admit, the rollercoaster is really just a minecart, but it's still cool. You don't have to be mean about it. The track took a while to build."

"No, I mean," I say, turning to Archer, "I—I'll look at it in a second. I just want to look around Jack's house for a second."

But Archer is already back at his house, planting flowers around the front. I look back at the house Jack built. It's not nearly as flashy as Archer's castle. It's just a simply two-story white house with a balcony. The front door is bright red.

"Scar, I get the breakup was hard, but do you really have to get emotional over a fucking house that asshole built?" Archer asks. Words fail me at this moment. "Thank god you two aren't still together."

His words should hurt more than they do. But in my mind, I'm taken back to a week before Thanksgiving. Jack and I were just laying together in his bed, laughing and talking about our hypothetical future. About our dream house: a two-story white craftsman with a red door and balcony on the second floor. We planned out every detail. Talking about our future wasn't scary or awkward, not when our future together seemed so definite. So real.

Jack told me he'd build my dream house himself if that's what it took to make me happy. I almost want to laugh—he actually built our house, even if it is just in Minecraft. Still, I have no doubt that Jack would've built us a house brick-by-brick if I'd asked him to.

"He spent almost an hour searching for a texture pack with a red door," Archer says beside me. "Fucking loser."

I still have nothing to say. I open the door to the house and walk inside.

I already know what I'm going to see before I even enter. Dark wood floors and an open-concept main level. A grand staircase in the middle. A white kitchen and a large wooden dining room table. Jack had to improvise for a lot of the details that can't be created in Minecraft, like the chairs for the table, but I can see our ideas come to life on the screen.

He somehow memorized every detail I'd conjured up. A few of the details surprise me because I don't even remember talking about them.

Then I see two small wolves sitting in the middle of the house. "Two dogs," I say to myself. We agreed on adopting rescue dogs and naming them—

"Richard and Ralph," Archer says. "Stupid names. Wolves are supposed to be named after Greek gods, not old men. I have four wolves myself: Achilles, Ares, Artemis, and Apollo."

"Achilles isn't a Greek God. He was a Greek warrior," I say, finally speaking to Archer.

"That's exactly what Jack said," Archer says, scoffing. "You two are annoying. I'm gonna get some pizza."

Archer walks toward where I put the pizza boxes in their kitchenette. I turn around and leave the house, feeling stupid for feeling so emotional over a Minecraft house. It's just a game.

A game that Jack spent hours on creating our dream house. He even spawned two wolves as our pet dogs, for crying out loud.

I'm still deep in my creative process when the lock jiggles and the door swings open. I almost drop my controller. Jack looks just as surprised as I do, frozen in the doorway.

My face is already turning red just seeing Jack for the first time in days. He's frozen, his face mirroring the shock that I feel. To keep my face from heating up further, I try my best to avert my eyes from him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Archer says to Jack, reminding us both that we're not in here alone even though it definitely feels like it, with the way I'm getting flustered.

"What are you doing here?" Jack asks, his tone matching Archer's in hostility. "You have class."

"Professor canceled our last class of the semester," Archer says coldly. "I don't owe you an explanation. You aren't supposed to be here at all."

I feel Jack's eyes on me, and I have a feeling he didn't hear anything Archer just said. I fill the silence. "I'm sorry, I wouldn't have come if I knew you were gonna here," I say, standing up. "I can just leave."

"No," Archer insists. "Jack is the one that should be leaving. Get out."

Jack sets down his bag, ignoring Archer. "Calm down. I'm just here to grab a change of clothes."

Archer clearly isn't satisfied with that answer. I knew they weren't on the best of terms, but I didn't imagine it to be this bad. "Scar. Why don't you ask him here where he's supposed to be right now."

I know Archer is baiting me, but curiosity turns my head toward Jack. "I was just getting some extra practice in," he says in a neutral tone.

"And why was that?" Archer says, pushing him further.

Jack is silent, walking over to his dresser.

My brother turns to me with a cruel smile on his face. "He beat a guy's face in at an away game. Extra practice was Coach's punishment for him. On top of a one-game suspension."

I snap out of my own surprise, trying to maintain calm even though Jack's presence is firing off emotions I've been trying to forget. "What'd the guy do?" I ask, neutralizing my tone.

Jack pushes his damp hair from his forehead. "Couldn't keep his hands to himself. Kept groping cheerleaders from his own school," he explains. He starts rifling through one of his drawers, probably looking for something to change into. "And I stand by my actions."

Archer snorts. "What a model athlete you are, Jackie. Teaching your young fans that the best way to handle a conflict is by smearing the guy's blood across the court," he tsks. "You'd make a great father."

"You're really one to talk. Remind me, how many fights did your parents have to wipe from your high school record for you to get recruited?" Jack fires back, no longer taking the blows. I watch as Jack pulls off his long-sleeve dri-fit shirt, tossing it into their dirty clothes hamper. "I wonder where you'd be right now if you didn't have your dad to clean up your messes."

My brother laughs. "At least I have a dad."

Jack slams his drawer shut and turns to Archer, his body rigid with anger. Archer's doing a better job of covering his anger, but his hands clenched around the controller give him away. We're seconds away from disaster.

But at the same time, the whole conversation just sounds like distant background noise. At the forefront of my mind is the house and what the hell it means. At this point, I'm so flustered—with his exposed upper body right in front of my eyes. Not to mention, just a second ago, he was glancing at me in that same starstruck, emotion-filled way he would look at me when we were still together.

Then Jack's attention gets caught by the TV. "What are you guys playing?" He asks, stepping closer to me to get a better look at the screen.

I tighten my grip on the controller, acutely aware of him still unnervingly shirtless. The warmth of his body next to mine is startlingly intimate, and it hurts to think that this is probably as close as we'll ever get from now on.

"What does it look like we're doing?" Archer says, continuing work on his house.

"What world is this?" Jack asks although it sounds like he already knows. I drop my gaze into my lap. "Is this the one we worked on before Thanksgiving?"

Archer shrugs. "Yeah, so what?"

"I told you to delete this when we got back."

"And why the hell would I have listened to you? We spent like six hours working on this world. I need to build an underground subway system," Archer says, already irritated.

"I told you to delete it," Jack repeats, his voice rising. "You said that you did."

"Calm your shit, Jackie," Archer says, putting down the controller. "I'll delete shit when I wanna delete it. What's your fucking problem?"

Jack doesn't reply, he just takes one long stride and snatches up the controller. "What the fuck?" Archer protests.

But Jack is already navigating out of the Minecraft world. Before Archer can do anything about it, Jack deletes the world with one click. Along with everything he built inside of it. For some reason, my heart plummets.

Archer bolts up, taking a single stride toward Jack and pushing him backward. "Piece of shit," he growls. They're pretty equal in strength, so Jack stumbles back a step. Before it can escalate, I push Archer back, keeping him and Jack from going at each other even more.

"This is ridiculous," I say firmly, looking at both of them. "Now, I'm going to leave, and you two can either sort your shit out or continue acting like children."

I snake out from between them and gather my things. I hear Jack doing the same behind me.

"Yeah, just leave," Archer eggs him on. "Go hang out with that cheerleader. You got her number at the game, didn't you? She's exactly your type."

Jack doesn't take the bait this time, pulling his bag back over his shoulder and following me through the door. "Bye, Archer," I say behind me as the door closes. "Love you."

The door slams behind us, and then it's just me and Jack alone for the first time since our breakup. We stare at each other for a second, neither of us knowing what to say. I hate how tense we are next to each other; I never wanted it to be like this.

"Did you . . . " Jack says awkwardly, "did you see the house?"

I nod.

"I'm sorry," he says, though I don't know what he's apologizing for. He rubs his jaw. "I was going to show it to you after Thanksgiving Break and have you do whatever you wanted with it. I'm not that great at the interior design part. Then we . . ." He clears his throat. "I wanted Archer to delete it for this exact reason. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable."

I shake my head. "No, it's fine," I say, shaking off the heaviness I'm feeling right now. We're over, and it was just a house made of pixels. "Nothing to be sorry about. It's just a stupid game."

Looking up at him, it all becomes too much, and I realize I underestimated how hard it would be to see Jack again, to pretend that everything between us is fine and healed. Because it's not, and every second that I stand in front of him, knowing that we'll never be as close as we once were, breaks my heart all over again.

I feel foolish for thinking that breaking up with him would be like ripping off a bandaid—painful but quick. But it's really like ripping off a bandaid that's been sewn under my skin. The pain is still fresh, and it just feels like I'll never recover.

"I should go," I say, gesturing toward the dorm exit. "You probably have plans. With that cheerleader, I guess."

Right now, my mind is taking me through a slideshow of every single moment I've spent with him, and I feel like I need to lay down. And the dimple appearing on Jack's left cheek is not helping my poor heart in any way.

"I'm not talking to a cheerleader," he says, leaning against the wall, amused that I brought it back up. "Archer must've seen me talking with one on the sidelines and just ran with it. I think he's trying to—"

"—make sure we stay apart. Yeah, I've noticed," I finish for him. Then I backtrack to what he said before. "And it's fine, by the way. If you talk to other girls. I think you should, actually."

He quirks an eyebrow, crossing his arms. "You do?" He repeats.

I nod again. "I think you deserve to be happy, and if another girl can do that, then . . ."

My voice trails off, and Jack's smile wanes to something more serious. My chest feels like it's tightening again. "Then what?" He asks, challenging me.

"Then you should go for it," I say, trying to keep my voice as light as possible.

Jack's eyes linger on me for a second more before he drops his head forward, shaking it. "There's one thing that would make me happy, and I think we both know it has nothing to do with any other girl," he says.

"Jack, you can't—"

He holds his hands up in surrender, backing up, but I have a feeling that he doesn't feel an ounce of regret for saying what he did.

I turn to leave, but Jack's voice stops me in my tracks. "Wait, Scar," he says. I turn around just as he stands up, and I'm suddenly afraid that he'll say something that'll test me even further.

"Haley's wedding is coming up," he reminds me, running his hand through his hair. "I told her you'd be my plus-one, but you don't have to go if you're not up for it anymore. It's an overnight thing, and it's a few hours away, so I'd understand."

Jack notices my hesitation. "I'll just tell Haley you had other plans—"

"I'll go," I say, trying to put an air of confidence in my voice. "I mean, I haven't seen Haley in a while. I don't want to bail, and it'd be nice to catch up with her."

Jack nods, and the corner of his mouth lifts slightly. "Yeah, it's crazy that it's been two years since you've seen each other." He runs his hand through his hair. "I'll send you the details later. I know Haley's looking forward to seeing you."

"I am too," I say honestly. Then I turn to leave, for real this time, trying my best to not look in the opposite direction where Jack is walking.

As I walk to my car, I get a familiar feeling. That nervous, butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling that Jack always gave me, even after the initial stage of our relationship. So many things have happened in the past few days, and I can't pinpoint who these emotions are for.

Either way, it feels like I'm falling and flying at the same time. I'm losing control at the hands of someone else, and I'm unable to do anything to stop myself. Or maybe I'm just spiraling to a place I'll never make it back from.

♔

voting

jack

levi

thought corner

1. Thoughts about Archer's and Jack's friendship? Will it ever be the same? Is Archer acting reasonably?

2. What qualities does Jack bring into a relationship versus Levi?

3. Has your opinion of any of the characters changed in the past few chapters? How so?

4. What is up with Dani?

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