Should I smile because you're my friend, or cry because that's all you'll ever be?

24th January 2013

My lips pursed as my eyes flittered across the items in front of me. "Not this one," I mused aloud to myself.

"Haven't you found them yet?" he grunted from the couch behind me, uninterested.

My nose scrunched up in distaste at that, but it didn't last long as I finally spotted for the movie that I had been looking for all this time. "Found them!" I grabbed the case and waved it in Caylus' face. He hadn't believed that I would be able to find it, but I did.

I had proved him wrong. He probably would have been happier if I hadn't found it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that he had purposely hid it behind all the other cases in hopes that I wouldn't find it.

He smiled and shook his head, "Took you long enough."

"You can't rush genius, Lint." I smirked at him, calling him by his last name knowing fully well that he didn't like it. He wasn't very fond of it but as his best friend, he couldn't stop me from using it.

He shook his head, still smiling, "I'll go get the popcorn; I think it's nearly ready."

I watched as Caylus stood up and walked towards the kitchen in our shared, two-bedroom apartment. It was quite a big apartment on the top floor of our building; the only apartment of this size in our building. The first thing everyone noticed when they would walk into our apartment would be the view outside.

Au de natural.

The apartment overlooked the fruitful park just behind our building. With all the trees, various flowers and the large lake on one side of it, it was absolutely serene.

On many occasions I found myself just standing in front of the window and looking out to the park, often when I had a lot on my mind.

There was a huge, white rug in the middle of the room; fluffy and simple. A corner sofa sat in front of the window, stretching on either side of it. A black glass coffee table sat in front of it, currently holding a few bowls of popcorn for our movie night with friends. A bookshelf stood proudly across the room with a large plasma screen TV next to it.

Other than the window and the view it provided; my favourite part of the apartment was the old fashioned, white marble fireplace. It had two single arm chairs surrounding it, but I usually opted to sit on the rug in front of it while I warmed myself up.

The only thing that remained was the crystal chandelier that hung from the ceiling.

Our shared bathroom was to the side. It was a medium sized bathroom with all of our necessities, a huge tub, toilet, sink and a spacious shower.

The kitchen was also medium sized. The fridge would contain all of our favourite treats and would be orange free. The worktops were black marble with a few specs of silver glitter. We had all the things that a good kitchen needed seeing as I adored cooking and Caylus adored eating the food I made.

There were two bedrooms in the apartment. Caylus' bedroom was a typical guy's room, not that I enjoyed stereotypes all that much. It was slightly messy, full of his video games and posters. I would go in there and clean it every now and again. He wouldn't ask me to but I didn't mind.

My bedroom was the epitome of me.

There was a huge four poster bed against the wall. My mirrored wardrobe was next to it. There were some posters of the pop stars that I liked. I had a couple of shelves full of my CD's. My stereo was small so it didn't take up much space. But the best thing about my room was the size. Caylus had given me the bigger room saying that I needed the space, what with all the art and paintings that I spent so much time mulling over.

There was no way that we would have been able to afford an apartment as lavish as this, but my father had bought it for me when I decided to move out for college. Usually I was against him spending so much money on me – just because we had money didn't mean that we needed to waste it – but once I had seen this place, I couldn't deny it.

It had a natural instinct to ask if Caylus had wanted to be my roommate since there were two bedrooms.

"I think the door bell's ringing," a voice whispered in my ear from behind. Shivers ran down my spine at his presence. I cursed myself as I felt my cheeks warming.

I hadn't noticed Caylus come out of the kitchen; I was too busy lost in my thoughts about the apartment. It really annoyed me when I blushed so easily like that. It was such a giveaway whenever I was embarrassed.

The close proximity of Caylus' body to mine wasn't helping. I was pretty sure that Caylus didn't look at me the same way that I looked at him, but I was prepared to wait. I would wait forever if I had to. He was worth it. I had been in love with my best friend for as a long as I could remember – probably even from the first time I had met him in kindergarten – but sadly, he didn't reciprocate my feelings.

For now, my love remained unrequited.

"I'll get it." I turned away from Caylus before he could see the way he affected me.

Too late.

His deep, husky laugh sounded as I all but rushed towards the door.

I already knew who was behind the door before I even opened it. I also knew that Ashley was the impatient one that was ringing the doorbell, even after I had swung the door open. Next to her was her long-term boyfriend, Nathan. He had started off as a friend of mine from an Art class in college but when we had partnered up for an assignment and had met Alice one time, the boy was head over heels for her. After some persistent chasing from his side and some matchmaking from me, they were completely and irrevocable in love.

Behind them stood Louise and Zac, the only married couple among our friendship group. We had all been friends in high school but they had only began dating in senior year. After four long, hard years of college together, Zac had proposed and they had married just after graduation.

I couldn't believe that was only a year ago.

And that was the story of us.

Despite us all having different careers and work places, we often spent our evenings together, like tonight for example.

I hugged them all but when it came to Zac, I had tried avoiding him. He was quite burly and frankly, the man didn't know his own strength. He may be huge and kind of scary looking sometimes but inside he is actually a huge cuddly teddy bear, especially when it came to his Lou. Though I would never voice that aloud.

We all made our way into the living room. Caylus was already setting up the movie.

We had decided to watch St Trinians 1 and 2 over the group chat. The movies were comedy genius and none of us could wait for the third one to make its appearance onto the big screen.

After pulling close the blinds and turning off the lights, we all settled down on the sofa and turned our attention to the TV in front of us. Louise and Zac cuddled together on one end of the sofa, Ash and Nathan were in similar positions on the other end which left Caylus and I sitting together in the middle.

Usually it didn't bother me but today, I couldn't help but notice how close he was sitting. I wondered if it was intentional or if he just wanted to get away from Zac and his tendency to release all sorts of gas at any unexpected moment of time.

Whatever the reason, I liked it and I didn't want him to move away.

The movie was highly entertaining and grabbed my maintained my full attention, as per usual. Annabelle was just calling her dad to pick her up.

With a sly look to the left out of the corner of my eye, I spied Caylus enjoying the movie with a small smile on his face and a nearly empty bowl of pop corn in his lap.

I wouldn't mind being that bowl.

It was quite sad, actually; reducing myself to being jealous of an inanimate object just to get any attention from him that wasn't brotherly.

To him, I was a friend, a little sister, even. Nothing more.

He didn't love me today. He wouldn't love me tomorrow and probably would never love me back the way I did him, but I still allowed myself to hope that one, perhaps one day, he would love me just as I loved him.

I sighed aloud. Such wishful thinking.

But one thing that I didn't know was why I was still here? Why is it that every time he kisses me on the cheek or gives me a hug my heart flutters? I know that he doesn't love me, but why do I still love him?

I sighed and tried to return my focus to the movie.

I shifted a little so that there was more space between the two of us. I wouldn't be able to sit through both movies sitting that close to him.

"Wake up sweetie. It's time to wake up," a soft voice whispered in my ear. It tickled.

"No," I grunted inaudibly while snuggling into the soft pillow underneath me.

"Wake up," the voice sing-sang once again. This was worse than when my alarm clock woke me up.

"No."

"Wake up!" The voice was a little closer to demanding now.

I didn't even bother replying this time.

"Wake up or I will make you." The voice was no longer sweet. It was demanding. Very demanding.

But before I could deny the voice's request once again, I jumped up in surprise. My pillow was moving.

Rubbing my eyes to get the sleep out of them, I took note of the pillow that my head had been resting on only a moment ago.

Caylus. My conclusion was that I had fallen asleep on Caylus.

This was so embarrassing. I needed to say something cool to make the situation less awkward. Anything was better than just gawking at him with drool down the side of my chin. "You're really comfortable." I blurted out, my voice still groggy with sleep.

Perhaps, in some cases, it was better to say nothing at all. This would have been one of those circumstances.

"Thanks sweetheart," he mumbled with his eyes still closed. And then he went back to sleep.

Hopefully he wouldn't remember our exchange when he woke up.

He looked so beautiful and handsome. Just sleeping there on the couch with his dark hair all messy and tousled; sexy.

I would have loved to have sat there and admired him a just a little longer, but I had no choice as I was dragged to the bathroom involuntarily by the she-devil herself.

And by that I meant Ashley.

Louise followed. She closed the door and stared at me. I noticed that Ash doing the same.

"Will you guys quit looking at me like that and just tell me what's going on?" I asked, finally wiping away the drool from the corner of my mouth.

How attractive.

Louise rolled her eyes, "You're so clueless."

Ash took over. "We want the gossip. All of it. Don't think of holding anything back." She even placed her hands on her hips in attempt to look stern.

I sighed. They always asked for gossip, but there was never anything that I could tell them. I shook my head and sighed.

"What happened with you and Caylus?" They both asked at the same time. Once again, freaky.

Everybody knew that I was madly in love with Caylus.

Everyone but Caylus.

"Nothing happened, guys. As usual."

Ash pouted and Louise came over to give me a hug. "He'll realise one day," she kissed me on the cheek. "I have to get Zac home." She gave Ash a hug and then left.

Ash didn't say anything. She gave me a sad look, a hug and then left with Nathan.

After locking the door and stripping down, I walked into the shower and just enjoyed the warm water cascade down my body. Sadly, I couldn't even enjoy an innocent shower without him haunting my thoughts. I wish he could just love me back. If only life were that simple.

Scrubbing my body, I allowed myself to enjoy the hot water, though that didn't last long as a sharp knock on the door disrupted my peaceful shower.

When I didn't answer, the knocking sounded again. "Can you open the door please? I really need to take a leak," a groggy voice said from behind the door.

"I'm in the shower," I called out. I turned off the water and walked out. Grabbing a fluffy white towel, I wrapped it around my body. I might be in love with him but that didn't mean I was comfortable walking around naked in front of him, or even showering while he urinated.

"Don't look." I opened the door and walked out of the bathroom.

I intended on making a break for it, but I walked straight into his chest. How typical of me.

Caylus steadied me and smiled.

"I told you not to look."

"That's like telling a kid not to look at the candy counter." He smirked while brushing past me and walking into the bathroom, closing the door behind him with a light click.

-

You can wait for the next chapter which will be uploaded on 20/01/2020

OR

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Layla Knight