🍒 HALF HEARTED 🍒
ELEVEN: WHAT HAPPENS IN FIGHT CLUB...

There's this moment in the movie Fight Club that Lani thinks about often, and before this past week, she didn't think it would be something she would ever completely understand. And maybe she'd never really even begin to understand it, but now she thinks she just might.

As the narrator of her own story, Lani finds herself resonating with the one from the movie – with the guy crumbled up on the cold, cement floor, begging for some sort of relief from the pain. A way out of the way he's feeling. An escape.

And when his hand begins to burn, he's fighting and he's scrambling and he just doesn't get it –

Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing, Tyler tells him. What you're feeling is premature enlightenment.

Premature enlightenment – the step before bliss. Before acceptance.

To get rid of the current pain, you need to give up – to know that eventually your life will end. Finish. Complete. Fade into the darkness.

And you need to be OK with it.

It's only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything.

Congratulations. You're one step closer to hitting the bottom.

Because he was at the bottom; he had nowhere to go but up from there.

Lani kind of feels like this when she finds herself sinking into the depths of the darkest parts of the ocean – of her heart. Where she falls and falls and falls and suddenly there's blood rushing down her thigh or tears are steadily dripping from her eyes.

Lani thinks there may be some sort of certain beauty to excruciating pain because when you're in that kind of pain, all the other shit in your life completely melts away and nothing else matters. It's something she learned about in class – something called Existentialism. It's some sort of philosophical theory that emphasizes the freedom of an individual and is dependent on acts of will.

We identify ourselves according to all of these things that we think are so meaningful when in reality they aren't. It's taken Lani a week of absolute shit to actually understand this. It took Sarah dying for Lani get it through her fucking skull.

And we know these things aren't even meaningful because this excruciating pain makes them all superficial, and it all just melts away, washes away with the tide. It's in these moments where you reflect on what is really meaningful.

As Lani stands in the back of the ambulance in nothing but her undergarments, where she can see all her flaws and all her scars, she's reminded of the pain it took to get here – of the way she'd also crumbled on the cold, hard ground, begging for some sort of relief only to get something small in response. Premature enlightenment.

Pulling on the white jumpsuit JJ had handed her before, she secures it with the zipper and puts her clothes onto the bench before returning to the front where JJ sits in the driver's seat.

She plops herself into the passenger side of the vehicle, and JJ stops tapping his fingers against the steering wheel as he turns to look at her. Her brows are scrunched together, a little crease appearing between the two as he watches her think. He halts his whistling, now sporting a soft frown as the crease deepens. It's like she's a puzzle he's suddenly trying to solve, though he's been trying for days.

And his eyes twinkle with wonder...confusion...curiosity? She can't tell, but he decides to ask, "What are you thinking about?"

"Fight Club," she says, pulling on the skin around her thumb.

"Like the movie?"

"Yeah."

And then he chuckles. "What about it?"

Lani bites her lip; she doesn't really want to talk about it. It's not important right now. Because if she brings up everything she's feeling, she has to actually talk about it and understand everything that comes with it. And right now, she doesn't really want to acknowledge it. JJ has learned enough dark shit about her in the last few days to last a lifetime.

So, she says, "Nothing."

And he doesn't push her. She thinks he might just know she doesn't want to talk about it. JJ's pretty good at understanding when she does and doesn't want to talk, and sometimes he knows when to give her a little shove to get her to speak anyway.

Then his eyes shift to her now-exposed wrist, the bruise growing darker as the night goes on. He opens his mouth to speak, but closes it again, deciding to not say anything at all. She ties her hair in a loose bun at the nape of her neck, tucking the stray bleached strands behind her ears. The rain earlier had completely fucked up the hair that she'd straightened only that morning. It's now a frizzy mess on the top of her head, only contained with a single hair tie by her neck.

"I can't believe you stole an ambulance," she says instead, the corner of her mouth pulling into a soft smile. It's an attempt to change the subject, like she casts out a line into the water — a bobber bouncing on the surface. She hopes he'll take the bait.

JJ holds up a finger, pointing it at her. "I didn't steal it. I borrowed it. There's a big difference."

"I don't think the law cares," she points out.

"You were the one that said 'I couldn't let you break the law alone' –"

"OK, OK," she says with a laugh. "I remember what I said."

JJ looks at her for a moment, his eyes scanning her face – still trying to put the puzzle pieces together. "You can still back out – if you want."

She doesn't skip a beat before saying, "I don't want to."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Congratulations. You're one step closer to hitting the bottom, she hears in her head again. Like her own mind is warning her from going any further. But if she takes a step back, she hears another warning – to stay exactly where she is.

No matter which side she chooses, she won't win. She feels it in her chest.

She's just glad she's on the good side.

And she knows it's the good side – being with Sarah...and JJ.

So, she lets herself hit the bottom – lets herself sink to the depths of the water, where it wraps around her and cradles her heart.

And she's OK with it.

"So, what's the plan?" she asks, tilting her head to look at JJ as she leans against the passenger seat.

He turns his head to look at her, blue eyes watching her quizzically. He looks nervous – jittery. Like he's not as confident as he's letting himself come across as. "John B's going to fake appendicitis, and we'll get the call on this radio. We pick him up. We drive away. Boom."

Fucking JJ –

"That's it?" Lani raises a brow.

"That's it," he says with a curt nod.

And JJ's looking at her like it's the best plan he's ever concocted. His eyes are shining with anticipation, overshadowing the nerves she'd seen only seconds ago. She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth. "And what if...It doesn't work?"

"It'll work," he says confidently.

This kind of makes Lani's heart race a little bit, nerves tickling her stomach. She's not sure this was the best plan he could've come up with – but honestly? She doesn't have a better one. She's never broken someone out of jail before; technically, that's always been her father's job. You know, with being a lawyer and everything, though he doesn't often take on cases that have to do with deaths. Ward Cameron is just...different, she guesses. He's her father's friend. His friend.

Even the thought of that makes her stomach curl with distaste.

"OK. What time is this supposed to happen then?" she asks instead.

"Um – 11."

She looks at the glowing time on the dashboard. It's only 10:20 PM. "Still got awhile."

"Can't make time move faster, Princess," he says as he looks out the windshield. "Sorry."

There's a bite to his tone. It's small, but she picks up on it. It twists her insides in the worst way. It's a tone that would typically have her stomach flaring but instead has her shrinking in her seat, knees twisting away from him subtly. Closing herself off. "Right. My bad."

She thinks the attitude must be from the stress he's feeling right now (or, she hopes). His best friend is in jail for murder; it would stress her out as well if that were Sarah. That's what she's telling herself at least. They've been friendly lately – there's no reason for him to have the attitude he used to have with her...Right?

Unless, maybe...He's regretting earlier? When she felt her heart racing, his warmth wrapping right around hers to beat in the same rhythm. The way his hands cradled her so softly —

The thought alone tightens her throat.

Her fingers itch towards her thigh. Itch towards something that'll make her feel different – make her feel in control. Like she's not falling off the deep end or curled up on the hard, cold floor begging for her life like that guy in Fight Club.

There's a spinning in her head that goes around and around and around and if she can just apply a little bit of pressure —

"Get in the back," JJ says suddenly.

There's a spark in her stomach then, and she raises her eyebrows incredulously. "Excuse me?"

JJ frantically twists his head towards her.

"There's a fucking cop, Lani. Get in the back," he urges lowly, eyes filled with panic. "I don't want you to lie for me. Go...now."

"Shit, OK," she says, scrambling to the back of the ambulance. She nearly trips as she skirts to the back, taking a seat beside her unfolded clothes as she hears a vehicle stop outside. She feels like holding her breath, but there's no point because it's not like the fucking cop can hear her from where they are.

"I hate when it's slow like this, you know?" she hears from outside.

"Tell me about it, man," JJ says.

And then there's a pause. The silence seems to last forever, and all Lani can hear is the heavy beating of her heart. "Hey, what happened to Ricky? He bang out?"

Lani cringes. She thinks her hands are starting to sweat, and she wipes them on her legs. She's never been the greatest at lying to cops. It's definitely not her strong suit (not that she's practiced it often, but still. She's not good at it). Cops inherently make her nervous, and she doesn't know why.

"Something like that," JJ replies, and she thinks he's probably lied to them his fair share of times.

She can hear the radio chattering shortly after but can't make out what it says before JJ clicks a button and says, "Uh – yeah – ten-four. I'll be right over there. Thank you so much. Over." There's some more movement from the front before he adds, "Duty calls. I'll see you later, Officer. Uh, you have a good night, though, OK?"

Lani breathes out a sigh of relief as JJ starts up the ambulance. She's about to move back to the front of the vehicle before the cop stops him, and her heart lodges itself in her throat. "Hold up. I got nothing to do. I'll pace you."

And then she hears the sirens flick on before the vehicle moves, following the police car. Lani's heart is racing. Is JJ following the fucking cop? She can't believe it. She pulls her hand to her chest in an attempt to calm it down, rubbing it across her skin.

"JJ, what the fuck?" Lani calls out then.

"I didn't have a choice, OK, Lani?" JJ calls back, and she can tell by the tone of his voice that he's panicking. It just makes her more nervous. "What was I supposed to do, huh?"

She doesn't respond, sitting silently in the back of the ambulance, crouched in a corner before she hears JJ say something to someone and then the ambulance stops entirely. Fuck.

She hears mumbling outside the ambulance for a few minutes before there's keys rattling in the back. Lani scrambles to the front of the vehicle in a panic. She's not sure what she's supposed to be doing. JJ didn't tell her anything. What's her role in this?

"Guy's delusional as shit," she hears JJ say then.

Is she supposed to be playing some part right now? Like...acting or something? JJ didn't say anything to her about this. He didn't tell her what she was supposed to do. So, instead she asks, "Everything OK back there?"

"All good!" she hears him reply. "Let's get him on up there."

And she thinks there's a weird silence after this but with her heart pounding in her ears she can't hear much anyway. She's sitting in the driver's seat when the doors close at the back of the ambulance, and JJ tells her to drive. So, she puts the vehicle in drive and starts moving forward. She's not going to question him right now; she just wants this whole situation over with.

Lani doesn't know where to drive, so she heads towards the hospital; that's where an ambulance is supposed to go, right? She has no clue if the cop is following them or not, and she's never driven a vehicle this large before so she's kind of freaking out. Thankfully, the roads are clear at this time of night, and she doesn't have to deal with other cars.

"Shit!" she hears JJ yell from the back.

"JJ?" she calls then, trying to look in the rear view. "Are you alright? What's going on?"

He's silent for a moment. Her heart beats four times before he finally responds. "...We didn't get John B."

And then her heart stops. Like, she can feel it literally stop in her chest and fall into the pit of her stomach. "What? Who the fuck do we have in the back right now?"

"I don't know, OK?" he says. "Just keep driving."

So, she keeps driving. It's kind of aimless right now, and she's just making random turns.

Her mind is going all over the place, and she doesn't know what to say. What to do. She'd gotten into the situation so fast and it's just because of this stupid guy she has a crush on and — fuck —

And then multiple cops pull up behind them, sirens blaring wildly. She can barely breathe. "Uh, JJ?" Lani calls. "There's cops following us!"

"OK – uh – just keep driving," JJ says. "Let me think, let me think..."

"JJ –!"

"Just drive!"

And then she hears JJ crying. His breath is ragged, and she can tell he's trying to keep it quiet but it's not working. She can hear it all and she can't even do anything.

She's not sure what to do right now. Does she stop the vehicle and help him? Does she keep going? Her head is spinning. She's never seen him cry, not like the way he is right now. And she's not good at comforting people. She never has been —

A vehicle pulls in front of the ambulance with a quick stop, and she's forced to slam on the brakes. JJ yelps at the sudden stop. "Fuck, Lani!"

"What the hell, man?" she says. Kiara and Pope look at her with wide eyes from the vehicle in front of her. What the fuck is she supposed to do? There's a cop behind her!

"JJ!" she calls nervously.

"Yeah?" His voice sounds distant – too far away from her.

"It's Kiara and Pope," she says.

"What?"

"What do we do?"

"We run." Lani can't believe what's going on right now. Like, her heart is beating so rapidly she can't think straight. There's a random person in the back of the ambulance that JJ stole (they stole?) and they're pretending to be EMTs which she's pretty sure is fucking fraud –

"Lani!" JJ shouts. "Go out the passenger door!"

Without thinking any further, she does, and JJ escapes out the back of the vehicle. She stumbles on the ground, her hand grasping the door to keep herself from falling over.

A hand grabs her own then, pulling her forward quickly. Her body lurches behind JJ's. "Let's go!"

Lani runs after him, her legs burning. "Where are we going?"

"Just trust me, OK?"

She doesn't think she has another option at this point, so she does. She trusts him, letting him pull her through the grass – pull her deeper and deeper into the trees until she can't see where she's going. JJ stops when they reach a road, and Lani slams into his back. A car is parked in front of them, Pope's wide eyes looking at them from the passenger seat window.

Pulling the back door open, JJ pushes Lani into the vehicle and climbs in behind her. "Go! Go! Go!"

And Lani can't breathe, like literally can't breathe. JJ is huffing beside her, his head falling back onto the headrest as he tries to catch his own breath.

"I'm seriously not even gonna ask," Kiara says then.

She doesn't want Kiara to ask; she doesn't want anyone to ask. She barely even knows what happened herself. She's never done anything like that before – stealing an ambulance and attempting to break someone out of jail.

Lani may underage drink and skip classes and go to parties and – whatever, she may do all this stuff, but she's never ran from the cops before. She's never had to lie to them before. It feels different.

"Look, we busted the wrong guy out of jail. Sue us," JJ says.

Lani raises her brows, head swiveling to meet his blue eyes. "We?"

"OK, OK, I busted the wrong guy out of jail," he corrects with a single wave of his hand, as if he's dismissing her comment.

"What?" Kiara exclaims, eyes wide as she looks back at the pair in the backseat.

It had to be a sight to see from Kiara and Pope's point of view – two reckless teenagers wearing white jumpsuits, sweat dripping down the sides of their faces as they ran from the cops because they broke someone out of jail.

Old Lani would be disgusted. She'd sneer at the new Lani – this new version of herself that spends time with Pogues (and kisses them?) and runs from the cops and drinks too much and fights with her family and –

She can't think about that right now. Now really isn't the time to be having one of her Lani crises.

"At least I was trying," JJ points out then.

"Why are you always doing such stupid shit?" Kiara asks.

Lani watches as JJ's face falls – as his eyes lose their shine and his body slumps against the seat. Her stomach sinks as she sees it.

And it makes her realize something she hadn't thought about before — how different JJ is from the rest of the Pogues. How he'll go to no end to protect them (even busting someone out of jail). How his family is shit. How he can't keep his grades up. How he's always doing reckless things for the sake of his friends.

How he seems to care more about them than they do him.

"Well, I'm gonna end up in jail anyway, so — so why does it matter?" he says.

Her heart squeezes in her chest. It brings an uncomfortable feeling – nearly sends her right into the deep end, but she doesn't want him coming with, not when he's feeling the way he is right now. This...this feeling she constantly has...it's not something she wants him to have. JJ is light and JJ is warmth and she's just not. She doesn't want this for him. "JJ..."

"Stop, Lani," he mumbles, his hand moving to rest on her thigh. A silent reassurance followed by a verbal reassurance. "It's fine."

She believes neither of them.

"You OK, man?" Pope asks then.

"Yeah," JJ says. "Just a doozy of a day."

He squeezes her thigh.

And it feels like....driving into premature enlightenment. The step before pure bliss.

🍒

JJ parks his bike around the corner from Lani's house, waiting for her to return to solid ground and hand him the cracked helmet before he prepares to take off again. Back to the Chateau, back to what he's familiar and comfortable with — where his friends will surely be waiting to rip him a new one for the events of tonight. His heart shudders at the thought of it.

And before he can move his bike, Lani rests her hand on his arm, stopping him from pulling away.

"Um," she says softly. "Would you...Would you stay for a little while? Until I fall asleep?"

JJ doesn't know how to respond because here he is, sitting before a beautiful girl who has her hand on his arm asking him to stay. This beautiful girl who broke the law for him and chased him into the rain and understood his grief and pressed her soft lips against his –

"Of course," he says.

He'd be stupid to say no to her – he can't say no to her. He's tried. He's tried so hard, but he can't. She's dug herself under his skin, making a little home there with no escape in the near future.

And he can see the way her eyes brighten – how they went from this dull, nervous brown to something completely different with only two words.

"Just – um," she says. "Leave your bike here. I don't want my parents to see it by the house."

JJ does just that, dismounting the bike and pocketing his keys.

And he just kind of...stands there. He doesn't know what to do – whether he should do something, say something, lead the way?

Lani grabs onto his hand, and it shoots warmth up his arm. She pulls him around the corner towards her family's two-story house in the middle of Figure Eight. A downstairs light is on, and he can feel the way Lani's hand begins to sweat beneath his own. She's nervous.

She lets go of his hand when they creep up the stairs and get closer to the front door, and Lani peaks in the window. She must not have seen anything because she glances at JJ over her shoulder and slowly opens the door to her house. JJ feels weird following her in, like he doesn't belong there.

But, in reality, he doesn't belong in Lani Liu's house; they're two completely different people frome two completely different parts of the island. She's rich, he's not. She's a Kook, he's a Pogue. It's a recipe for disaster.

And yet he crosses the threshold into her house, his dirt-covered shoes standing out against the clean, shiny wood floor beneath his feet.

The house isn't what he expected it to be. It's a big – but that's a given, he thinks – white, private ocean-front house, perched on stilts to stop any major flooding from occurring during the storms. Owned by the Liu family – founders of some bigshot attorney office in town – you'd think there'd be nothing but pristine floors and walls, minimalist decorations, no evidence of anyone living in the space.

But it's not. To his left is an office covered in folders and various colored papers with the law firm logo on it, and to his right is a large, spiral staircase that no doubt leads to Lani's bedroom, and far in front of him is a direct view to the kitchen where her brother is perched at the counter, laptop open and papers sprawled around him.

JJ should've known sneaking in wouldn't be as easy as he'd hoped. Directly in front of him, he can hear Lani's breath catch in her throat, her body tensing as her eyes lock onto the back of her brother's head. She looks over her shoulder at him, giving a subtle nod towards the stairs to their right. JJ nods in understanding before tiptoeing after her up the stairs.

It's fine. He's fine. He can sneak into a girl's bedroom without being caught. He's done it before. It's fine.

Except it's not.

Because JJ trips on one of the steps as he rounds the first bend of the stairs, cursing himself silently as he immediately halts his movements. Lani freezes, her wide, panicked eyes looking at him over her shoulder as they hear a muffled voice down the hall say, "Lani?"

Frozen in place, JJ holds his breath, hoping and hoping and fucking hoping that Landon Liu isn't curious enough to get up from his chair right now because he does not want to deal with him tonight. He just wants to go upstairs with Lani and have some sense of normalcy – a safe space where neither of them need to worry for just a little while.

And Lani grabs his hand again when she hears no movement from her brother, silently leading him up the stairs and into her bedroom before she locks the door behind them and slumps against the surface. JJ releases the breath he'd been holding and collapses onto Lani's bed. His heart is racing beneath his ribs.

Lani then smacks him with a pillow, and he grunts. "You had one job!"

"I was nervous!"

She rolls her eyes. "Get your shoes off my bed."

JJ does as he's told, sliding his shoes off his feet and onto the messy floor of her room. He expected it to be cleaner, but seeing as the last time she was here she was quickly packing a bag to meet him around the corner, it makes sense that there's clothes thrown around the floor with her closet wide open.

"You just...be quiet," she says then. "I'm gonna clean myself up."

He gives her a mock salute, pursing his lips as he watches the bathroom door close behind her and the shower turn on. Briefly he wonders if the running water in her bathroom is audible to the rest of the house; he can always hear when someone is showering at the Chateau or at his place with his dad —

His dad. Shit, he hasn't thought about him recently.

He wonders what Luke Maybank would say if he knew he was spending time with Lani Liu – a rich, Kook princess who will surely inherit an entire law firm once her parents retire alongside her brother. Brother and sister – a pair raised to continue the legacy of the Liu family once their education is complete.

How'd you bag that one, boy?, his dad would ask him with a certain gleam in his eye that only JJ would be able to read. She sure is a pretty one, huh?

JJ's stomach twists uncomfortably at the idea of it – of Lani ever meeting his dad. High on drugs, passed out on the couch beside a beer bottle, JJ feels the shame of ever thinking he could bring Lani around him – around the place he grew up.

He thinks it would remind her of where JJ comes from – how he really isn't going to go anywhere like she is. How his future is practically laying on the couch in the exact shape of his dad – an empty puzzle piece just waiting to be filled by him.

But JJ isn't dumb. He's not. He knows Lani knows exactly where he was raised and who his dad is, even if she doesn't know everything that's happened to him.

Maybe JJ would talk about it someday. Maybe not.

And the energy shifts when he hears the water shut off – the doom of what could potentially happen tonight. If Lani wants to talk, if she wants to sleep, whatever she wants...He doesn't know.

JJ doesn't talk. He just doesn't, and it has his head spinning at just the idea of it.

Because in reality? JJ and Lani aren't compatible, and that kiss earlier wasn't his best idea.

She's going to change her mind about him. He just knows it.

They always do once they realize who he really is.

He stares at her wall – all the pictures taped to it. It showcases the popularity that Lani truly has – how many friends she has, how many parties she's attended, how likable she is, how happy she seemed –

Seemed. The word sticks in his mind, the past tense bolded and italicized because...

Is she happy anymore?

The bathroom door creaks open then, light flooding into the room before Lani steps out and flips off the lightswitch. Freshly showered, Lani's wavy, wet hair drips down her gray pajama set –

Pajama set. JJ's never known anyone with a pajama set before.

God, it just brings all the thoughts flooding back – how much of a contrast they are –

She flops onto the bed on her stomach before he can continue the spiraling thoughts, folding her hands onto his chest before resting her chin on them. His hands cross behind his head.

She smells like strawberries – like those fresh ones you can pluck off of runners right by the soil. Sugary, sweet, maybe a little bit sour. It's Lani.

And she looks so...ordinary right now, he thinks. Like she's real and isn't some figment of his imagination. Her wet hair clings together in little ringlets, wet patches adorning her pajamas from where she didn't dry it completely. Her bare face – so close to his own – is dotted with freckles he hadn't seen before, little ones clustering her nose. Her brown eyes twinkle as they look at him – right into his own blue ones.

And it's weird. It's the tiniest thing to pick up on. And still, JJ is struck by the fact that no one's eyes have ever twinkled at him before.

And he wants to kiss her again. He wants to roll them over and kiss her for hours – to be so close that he feels accepted and cared for and can forget about every shitty thing in his life.

But he doesn't.

He counts her freckles instead.

"Thank you for staying," she says softly, resting her cheek on her hand, head tilting sideways as she looks at him. Her wet hair lands on his shirt, and he feels cold where it soaks through the fabric.

"Anytime," he says.

Her brows furrow as she watches him. "What's up?"

"Huh?"

"What are you thinking about?" she asks.

JJ dances on the line of veracity and dishonesty – teeters back and forth and back and forth until he ultimately lands on... "What happened earlier."

He thinks he sees her blush, behind and in-between those freckles, but it's so subtle that he can't really pinpoint it. "A lot happened earlier. You should be more specific."

"You know what I mean."

This time he really does see her blush; her cheeks flush with a slight redness that spreads to her neck in little splotches, and she tucks her cheek into her hand more to hide it.

Her defenses are down – those stone walls she builds up inside, how she protects that wall with insults and sneers at others. How she uses to make herself seems spiteful towards others. It's just...not there. And JJ doesn't really know what to do with that. It feels like reeling her in from the deep end.

I care about you, he'd said earlier, and she'd kissed him again.

Shit, he's overthinking this. Right?

"Oh," she says. "What about it?"

Veracity, he finally decides.

"I wanna do it again."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"OK."

OK?

What does he do with that?

Nothing, as it turns out, because the next thing he notices is Lani's lips against his own – her soft, warm lips moving against his with a gentleness he's never felt before. They're in an awkward position on her bed, but he doesn't care. He's not thinking about that. He's thinking about strawberries and the warmth and Lani and –

And she pulls away from him, her lips plump and tender. Lani rests her chin back on her hands, her face a splotchy red that has his stomach turning.

"It took too long for this to happen, you know?" he mumbles.

Lani looks away from him, her gaze settling on his lips as he chews on his bottom one. Her response is barely audible, just above a whisper. "I just didn't know you."

"You did."

Her nose scrunches as he says that. "Only a little."

"A little is more than not at all."

He can tell by the look on her face that she knows he's holding something back; there's something he's not quite saying yet. He doesn't want to say it – doesn't want to change the current situation. How she looks like she's going to kiss him again and make his mind all fuzzy and fuck –

He's screwed.

He's got feelings for Sarah's best friend. He's got feelings for Lani. Fuck.

She quirks a brow. "Where are you going with this?"

And he shrugs. He might as well spill it. "It's just – what if we got to know each other last year?"

"I didn't want to know you last year."

He lets out a soft chuckle. "'Cause I'm a Pogue?"

"No," she says immediately. It makes him wonder how much she actually disliked the Pogues. Did she always dislike them, or did that start after Sarah died? She's never been the nicest Kook, but he can't necessarily pinpoint a time where she was directly rude to him until after everything that went down with Sarah and John B. "Your dad stole from us. After that, I kinda just figured you were like him...That was my fault."

How'd you bag that one, boy?, he hears again. It echoes in his ears, reminding him of all this thoughts earlier and how he's just a puzzle piece that hasn't found its home yet and –

"Yeah, well, my dad's a P-O-S, so...None taken, I guess," he says.

He waits for her to say something else – to say more about his dad or remind him of where he'll be in ten short years or anything else to ruin what they have going right now. This little thing that has Pope side-eying him when she's near or when her name comes up or when he has a free moment to think about her and he just wonders if she's OK and if she's happy and –

But Lani only grins. "I know you much better now."

His heart starts to return to normal. She's OK. (He thinks). She's happy. (He hopes). "Do you?"

She tilts her head. "I'd like to think we know each other fairly well."

He hums, a gleam in his eye. "How well is fairly well?"

Lani, too, has a certain gleam to her eyes as she thinks about what to do next.

Then, her hand reaches beside his head, flicking the lamp on her nightstand off, and JJ can feel his heart begin to race. The same hand lands at the nape of his neck, and her lips land on his again. With one maneuver, he's hovering over her, her brown eyes meeting his blue eyes as he scans for any indication of what to do next.

Hold me.

Cherish me.

Care for me.

Her eyes speak volumes – everything he should know and feel shouting at him without any words ever being spoken. A mutual connection tethers between the two – an understanding, an appreciation, a relationship.

He kisses her again.

It's premature enlightenment.

AN: I'm screaming HIIIIII it's been so long I've missed you all 🫶 Lani and JJ are my babies omg, what did we think of this chapter? I've got part of the next chapter written and would love to finish it before the new season comes out!! :-)

There's a lot of emotions, especially on JJ's end, that come out during this chapter. His character is so deep and yet we don't get much coverage of it in the show so it's nice to be able to display some of those conflicting feelings he has.

Let me know what you think!!