💔 / ☁️
was this based on my own personal depressive thoughts? yessir-
requested by @big_horny !! i hope this is okay-
note: I listened to Mary by Big Thief and Butterfly's Repose by Zabawa while writing this, so just;;; listen to that (it's really sad but good)
WARNING: SUICIDE ATTEMPT
presented by: pouty noya

Nishinoya Yuu was an energetic enigma. At least, that's what (M/N) (L/N) thought.
Nishinoya was always loud, happy, energetic, and excitable around his teammates and friends. Around (M/N), he was nearly the same - nearly. Around (M/N), Noya was a bit more open about his feelings, his real feelings. He was more sensitive and tender. The two had been friends since middle school, and for the life of him, (M/N) could not figure out why Noya acted different around him. 

And while Nishinoya was this energetic enigma, (M/N) was an open book to anyone that bothered to look at him. The dark circles under his bloodshot (E/C) eyes showed evidence of his sleepless nights, his long sleeves hinted at something hidden beneath, and the occasional tear tracks and puffiness of his cheeks showed the days that he just couldn't stop crying.

Lately, things in (M/N)'s life were just becoming worse than usual. Around Nishinoya and his friends, he always felt like the odd one out. He always felt less than the rest of them; like he was inferior. He didn't play volleyball, he didn't have any special ability or talent, and he had average grades. He was completely ordinary compared to the rest of them. He always felt like he didn't need to be there.
So, his life went in a downward spiral. His grades dropped, his sleep schedule grew worse, and his friends all began to disappear.

All except Nishinoya Yuu.

"(M/NNNN)!" Nishinoya yelled as he ran into his friend's classroom. The tired boy looked up from his papers, a bit surprised. He was the only one inside in the class, so he wasn't expecting Noya. "Why are you all alone?! And where's your lunch?!"

"I wasn't gonna eat today.. and I have no one to hang out with," (M/N) mumbled in response.

"Don't say that! I'm right here!" Nishinoya pouted. He grabbed (M/N) by the shoulders and began to hop into the air. "C'mon! Let's go eat!"

(M/N) got up and sighed, following his friend out the door. As they walked, Noya kept talking about something, but it sounded like nothing to the (H/C) haired boy. You know in Charlie Brown, how the adults sound when they speak? That's how Noya sounded to (M/N). They reached the lunchroom and bought lunch together, then sat down and started to eat.

"So (M/N), how have you been lately?" Noya asked, tilting his head curiously. (M/N) shrugged. "Oh c'mon mannnn! It's been a while! You don't tell me anything anymore, and I haven't been able to tell you anything!" He whined.

"Then just tell me," (M/N) mumbled, looking up from his food. Noya frowned a little. "It's okay Noya I'm fine," he said with a small, fake smile.

"Okay.." Nishinoya sighed. He inhaled, then slammed his hands on the table. "I'm sooooo boreddddd nowadays! The only fun thing is volleyball now, and sometimes I'm too sleepy to play!"

"Maybe you need to get some more rest," (M/N) suggested, eating bits and pieces of his food. It was his favorite lunchroom food, but it was cold. Just like everything else in his life. He looked at Noya. "Or maybe you need to do something new.. get back into your interests."

Noya tapped his chin and hummed. "Hm.. I do like fishing! And those soda popsicles from Ukai's store - I learned how to make them!"

"Then do those things," (M/N) softly chuckled. He warmly smiled and looked back down at his food. "Do them while you can."

Noya noticed his friend's tone and smiled a little, reaching over and putting his hand on (M/N)'s shoulder. "Come do them with me!" He exclaimed. (M/N)'s cheeks flushed and he nodded a little. "Cool! Now, how are you feeling-?"

"NOYAAAA!"

(M/N) and Nishinoya looked up and saw Tanaka, Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita walking over. (M/N)'s heart dropped and he gulped as Ennoshita scolded the shaved-headed boy. The other second years sat down with (M/N) and Noya, much to the latter's excitement. "Hey guys!" Noya greeted happily. "You know (M/N) right?"

"Yeah, you're (L/N), right?" Kinoshita said with a smile. (M/N) slowly nodded. "I'm Kinoshita! Nice to meet you."

"Y-Yeah, nice to meet you t-"

"Dude, Noya, what are we doing this weekend?! Studying at Chikara's again?!" Tanaka asked Nishinoya loudly.

"Dude dude dude, maybe!" Noya replied.

"Absolutely not," Ennoshita deadpanned. "You guys nearly blew up my microwave last time."

"Aww Enno, no fun~"

"No."

As the other second years began to chatter and discuss plans, (M/N) felt his world closing in. He gulped, nervously digging his nails into his palms. He glanced at the other boys; Ennoshita was polite and good-looking. Kinoshita was sweet and pretty cute. Narita was pretty quiet, but also friendly. And of course, Tanaka's energy was on par with Nishinoya's. 'I'm nothing compared to these four,' (M/N) thought to himself. He gulped and averted his eyes. 'Why am I even here? I might as well leave.. get out and leave them alone. I'm not needed anymore.'
He got up and picked up his bowl/plate. "Hey Noya," he whispered. Nishinoya looked up. "I'll see you around, okay? Have fun," he said with a small smile. He looked at the others and awkwardly nodded, said, "Goodbye," then left the lunchroom. When he was out the doors, (M/N) let out a heavy sigh. He bit his lip to try and hold back tears, his body a bit shaky. "Of course," he mumbled. "I'm nothing like them. Noya deserves them, not me." He walked away and held on to himself, passing by people in the halls. To him, it seemed as if they were all staring at him.

To (M/N), it seemed like he really was an open book. The depressed second year, best friend of Nishinoya Yuu, always tossed to the side for a team of wonderful people.

Meanwhile, back in the lunchroom, Ennoshita glanced at the doors (M/N) had just walked through. He looked back at Noya and said, "Is your friend alright? Did you finally do it? Did you ask him out?"

"I was trying! I was going to!" Nishinoya groaned as he flopped against the table. "I asked him to make popsicles and go fishing with me, and I was going to ask if he was good or not! Then you guys showed up! Sekoskwkzowsksk-!"

Nishinoya Yuu had a crush on the open book that was (M/N) (L/N). He thought his friend, as awkward, sad, quiet, and anxious as he was, was a beautiful person. Not just physically, obviously. He always found himself admiring the small, soft smiles (M/N) wore, or the quiet moments of truth they shared. He was in love with (M/N).

"Stop keyboard smashing verbally and get over it," Kinoshita chuckled. "Just ask him later. And make sure you plan to do those things with him - I think it'd make his day."

"Yeah, you're probably right.."

~~~

School ended for the day, and as soon as that bell rang, (M/N) was out the door. He didn't want to stick around longer than he had to. As he walked home, he passed Ukai's store. 'Didn't Noya said he liked the popsicles from there?' He asked himself. He smiled a little and went inside, purchasing one with his leftover lunch money. As he left the store, he decided to text Noya.

(M/N)! ❤️:
i found those popsicles you like :)
we should make them, like you said
maybe this weekend?

(M/N) paused after he clicked send. He looked at his popsicle and sighed. "Right," he whispered. He unwrapped the popsicle and began to eat it, kicking pebbles as he started walking again. "He's going to Ennoshita's house to study."
When he got home, he finished his popsicle and tossed it in the trash. (M/N) sighed as he sat on the couch, awaiting a reply.

Then he remembered. 'Noya has volleyball practice.'

Because of those simple words, (M/N)'s eyes burst with tears. He brought his knees to his chin and hid his face in them. "Stupid, stupid! You forgot he has better friends than you?!" He scolded himself harshly in between hiccups. "Stupid, stupid!" He repeated, hitting his head with his balled up fists. He began to sob and heave, his throat closing up. He didn't know what else to do. He didn't have anybody there for him. "DAMNIT!"

(M/N)'s father came through the door and saw the fit, eyes widening. "(M/N), stop!" He yelled as he dropped his bag and ran over, pulling his son's hands down from his head. But instead, (M/N) began to try and scratch himself. "I'm here (M/N), I'm here," he said. He pulled the (S/C) boy into a tight hug, restraining his arms.

"D-Dad.. D-Daddy.. I'm so tired!" (M/N) wailed, trying to wiggle his way out of his father's grip. "I'm so.. so t-tired! Why doesn't anybody want me?! Why is everyone s-so much better t-than me?! All my friends are gone..!" His words finally failed him as his throat closed up and his mouth was instead filled with choking sounds and coughs.

"Listen to me (M/N)," his father whispered, petting his head. "I know you're tired, I know. But don't hit yourself, or scratch yourself, please. Please, please, please don't do that. I want to help.. do you need a therapist? M-Medication? What can I do?" He begged, gently pushing his son back and looking him in his (E/C) eyes.

(M/N)'s heart broke. He didn't want to stress his father, who was already so stressed trying to get better at his job and make more money. He shook his head and smiled weakly. He said, "It's fine dad. I'll talk to the school counselor. Don't worry."
Without another word, (M/N) grabbed his things and went to his bedroom. He set everything down and sat on his bed, sighing deeply. "I won't wait anymore," he whispered to himself. "It's my time."

He grabbed his phone and texted someone.

(M/N)! ❤️:
hey noya.
it was nice knowing you, okay?
have fun making those popsicles,
and going fishing!
thank you for all these years.
goodbye!^^

Now, the time on (M/N)'s clock began to run out. And with that, so did the time to save him.

While he began to clean his room and make it look good - easier for his dad to handle once he was gone - the volleyball club was just starting to take one of their breaks during practice. Nishinoya went to grab his water bottle from his bag, laughing at something Tanaka said, when he saw that his phone screen was lit up. "One sec!" He yelled, setting his water bottle to the side. He grabbed the phone, smiling.

Nishinoya's smile fell when he read the texts.

(M/N)! ❤️:
i found those popsicles you like :)
we should make them, like you said
maybe this weekend?

(M/N)! ❤️:
hey noya.
it was nice knowing you, okay?
have fun making those popsicles,
and going fishing!
thank you for all these years.
goodbye!^^

"Goodbye?" Nishinoya repeated aloud. "Nice knowing you.. oh god," he whispered. He looked at his team with wide eyes. "I need to go! Now!" He screamed, tumbling to his full height and trying to scramble and grab his things.

"What?! Why?!" Ukai yelled as he watched the libero pack up and change. "Kid-!"

"I THINK MY BEST FRIEND AND CRUSH IS ABOUT TO KILL HIMSELF!" Nishinoya burst, eyes full of wild panic. His voice broke as he finally grabbed his bag. "I can't let him! Please!"

Ukai was about to order him to leave, but the captain and vice-captain beat him to it. "Go! Run Noya, save him!" They yelled. He looked at everyone else, and they all nodded. Even Tsukishima did.

So, Noya took off running. He ran and ran as fast his legs could carry him, chest heaving as he recognized (M/N)'s house nearby. When he reached the front door, he starting rapidly knocking on its wood. (M/N)'s father opened the door. "Nishinoya? What are you doing here?" He asked.

"Is (M/N) okay?" Noya asked, trying to catch his breath.

"Uhm, not really?" His father answered. "He was crying earlier- oh, that's your or my business... but he went to his room earlier."

Nishinoya's eyes widened and he shook his head. He said, "I need to go in there! I-I think- I think (M/N)'s going to hurt himself!"

(M/N)'s father's eyes widened as well and he quickly moved to the side. "Please go; you're the only one he'll listen to! He doesn't wanna worry me.."

Nishinoya patted the man's shoulder and nodded. "I'll save him," he whispered. He ran into the house and slipped his shoes off, then dashed to his best friend's room. He had been in there hundreds of times, always cuddling up with his friend or trying to hold on to him as much as possible.
Noya burst into the room and looked around, and (M/N)'s room was impeccably clean. It was like it was in a real estate display. He heard something come from the personal bathroom and walked to the door. Locked. "(M/N)? (M/N), is that you?!"

"Go away," (M/N) replied. "I'm busy.. I have to finish this."

"No no no, please don't!" Nishinoya begged. "It's me, (M/N)! It's me, it's Yuu! Please open the door! Let's talk this through!"

There was silence for a few moments. Then, (M/N) slowly opened the door. Noya immediately saw the pill bottle in (M/N)'s hand, filled to the brim with a cocktail of pills. "Please put the pulls down," he begged. "Please."

"I'm sorry," (M/N) said. "I'm just so tired."

"Let's talk about that then, okay?"

"I.. Okay."

They both went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind them. (M/N) held onto the bottle with a iron grip and kept his close to his chest while he sat on the closed toilet seat, Noya sitting in front of him on the floor. "Uhm... Have you taken any already?" Noya asked.

"I took three painkillers to try and make it go away.."

"Make what go away, (M/N)?"

"My pain," the sad boy replied. He looked up at Noya and weakly smiled, tears dripping down his cheeks. "Not my physical pain.. the emotional pain. I'm always sad and hurting.. I want to stop it."

"Why are you always sad and hurting?"

"N-Nobody wants me," (M/N) softly chuckled. He wiped his eyes with his free hand. "I'm just an extra.. I'm not needed. All my friends left me; you'll be next.  You have such wonderful friends! Ennoshita's so polite, and Kinoshita's so sweet! Narita's really friendly, and Tanaka- Tanaka's everything I'm not! He's what you need in a best friend, n-not me! And I'm not handsome or beautiful, I'm pretty ugly! A-And my grades suck, I stress my father out, and-!"

"And there's nobody else I want. I don't want anyone else!" Nishinoya cut him off, eyes tearing up. (M/N) stared at him with wide eyes. "(M/N) I.. I like you! Hell, I love you! Please don't do this.. I don't care what you think about yourself. I know you're an amazing guy, that you are incredibly handsome, and that you, as sad as you may be, are always trying to smile for other people. And I'm not the only one that thinks you're amazing! The guys all wanted to get to know you!"

"E-Even Tanaka..?"

"Yeah, especially Tanaka!" Nishinoya weakly laughed. "He said that if I really love you, he needs to meet you!"

(M/N) looked down at his pill bottle, then looked back up at Noya. "You really love me?" He whispered. Nishinoya nodded rapidly. (M/N)'s hand began to shake as he let out some held back breaths, then said, "P-Please take it."

As soon as (M/N) said that, Nishinoya sprinted forward and took the bottle. (M/N) began to softly weep and say thank you as Noya put the cap on the bottle and tossed it to the side. "Thank you, (M/N), thank you. Please don't cry," Nishi said, pulling the boy into a tight hug. "I love you, I love you, I love you, thank you so much for staying with me.."

"I-I love you too," (M/N) whimpered. "Please help me.. I wanna get better.."

"I'll make sure you get better then. And so will your dad, and your new friends. We'll make sure of it," Noya reassured him, hugging him tightly and cradling him like a baby. He even pressed gentle kisses to the top of (M/N)'s head. "I love you.. thank you for staying around.."

~ ♡ ~
im gonna be blatantly honest. i attempted suicide two times earlier this week. it's been very stressful. not to mention my car nearly blew my mom and I up-
all feelings described in this are my own. mine are to a further extent, but it's the truth. but i stayed around for you guys; you guys are the only people I have now. so thank you for being around! i love you all.^^

next up: hinata/nishinoya x bottom! male reader