Chapter four

You didn't mean it like you said it! I mean nothing to you, say it! Strawberry you mean shit to me.
I turned myself around, facing the sleeping Mattsun. He looked even more like an angel right now. I hate it, no I hate him. I felt how tears were streaming down my face, but I was angry, not sad.
"Why do you do this to me? Stop making me feel like that. I don't want these feelings, I don't need them!" I whispered, or more or less hissed.
He didn't wake up.
I took off my mask and kissed him once softly. "Stop being perfect..." I whispered against his lips, putting my mask back on and whipping my tears away. Slowly, I fell asleep.

[Matsukawa's POV]

The next morning

I squinted my eyes, because of the sunlight, which came through the blinds, as I sat up.
Damn we really had sex...
I had to smirk, thinking about last night and looked down at Strawberry, who snuggled himself up against my chest/belly. Carefully, I took his arms, removing them from my body and stood up, searching for my boxers. When I found them, I put them on, scratching my hip, as I went to the kitchen to make me a green tea.
He's really messy...
I chuckled a bit, as I filled the water into a small bowl, which I found. Suddenly, a paper caught my eyes. I don't know why, but I took it, going back to the sleeper, sitting down on it next to Strawberry.
I read the list, what stood there shocked and hurt me more than I want to admin.

My To-do List

1.) Put on weird ass clothes, but which you still like✔
2.) Steal somethin'
3.) Make out with a doctor ✔
4.) Go out with a stranger you just met✔
5.) Try it with a boy ✔
6.) Kiss a stranger (better be a boy)✔
7.) Give the stranger a nickname so he feels special (Mattsun)✔
8

.) Go on many dates✔
9.) Let that stranger win for ya a giant teddy✔
10.) Give him a blow job in a public area✔
11.) Let him fall in love with you (maybe he already is?)
12.) What illness does he have?
13.) Have sex with him
14.) Disappear without any last words

It's important not to tell him your name (number 5-13) ^-^

The point 14 was a 17 before and 15 and 17 were crossed out. I clenched my fists, rumpling the paper. I felt so stupid and angry, but more at myself for falling for such a shitshow. My heart ached and tears started to stream down my face.
"Mornin' Mattsun..." The sweet, but diabolic voice, I loved so much was behind me and suddenly two arms were wrapping themselves around my neck. "What ya rea-"
Apparently he realised it and saw my tears. "Fuck...No! No no no no! Shit, where did you find that?!" He ripped the paper out of my hands. "You shouldn't read th-" I couldn't stand his voice right now. "Shut the fuck up!" I yelled at him, standing up. "This was a friggin joke to you?! I was your whole To-Do list?! And bet that doctor had some nice dick for ya, huh?! Fuck man...I...I really liked you! Shit, you can mark point 11 as done, because I even fell in lo-"
Suddenly a horrible pain went from my head through my whole body. Shit, not now!
I ran as fast as I could to the toilet, collapsing on the ground and vomiting into the toilet. That should not happen!
I was still crying, now out of pain and the true intentions of Strawberry.
"Yes..." A small whisper was heard and suddenly, Strawberry stood behind me. I felt how he smirked, what send me shivers down my spine. "Show me, that you aren't perfect!" He said excited. What the hell?
I had to vomit again, clinging to the loo. "Show me, that you're human and not an angel, who wants to give me a more beautiful death..." He cried, but still smirked. I heard that. And after Strawberry said that, I felt two arms wrapping themselves around my belly, a warm body pressing itself against my back and a head, which rested itself on my shoulder. Warm tears were running down my back. What is he talking about? Me, an angel? My human side?
"I want to see more, give me more!" He laughed, continuing crying. Suddenly he went silent and whispered.
"I'm so glad to see you like that right now Mattsun...I want to see that you're not perfect, not an angel who fell from heaven.." His body was trembling like mine, he started to cuddle with me. As I stopped vomiting for a sec, feeling a great pain, I managed to whisper. "My...pills...in...jacket..." Even my voice was trembling and I panted like crazy. What I didn't expect was that he actually stood up and ran to my clothes hasty. After a short while, he came back with my pills and my, now cold, green tea.
As I sat down properly, resting my back against the wall, I let out a small painful moan, closing my eyes. My head is exploding, I'm pretty sure about that.
"Mattsun, please take them! Now! Mattsun open your eyes!" He sounded really anxiously. I opened my mouth and he put the pills into it, giving me the bowl with tea. "Drink!" He said as I took the bowl with my trembling hands, pouring some of it on my chest, while trying to take couple of sips. As I managed to swallow the pills, I let out a relived sigh, closing my eyes again. Bit by bit the pain faded away.
"Hey Mattsun...Talk to me...Are you feeling better...?" Strawberry sounded concerned. Why does he care about me suddenly?
"Please listen to me Mattsun...That list...I started to write it after I got my diagnosis...I know the points five to fourteen are about you." He took a deep breath. "My illness has no happy end, I just wanted to have fun before I die... And then you came and I really thought, that I already was in an induced coma. And that you were an angel who wanted to make my death a bit better and more pleasant. And when I started to develop feelings for you, I started to hate you. I hated the feeling, wanting to lay in your arms, to wake up next to you...Heck, I fell in love with you. And I didn't want it. I wanted to die with no one sorrowing for me. Since I met you, I started to fear death becau-" I raised my hand, letting out a sigh. "Oh boy that was a long ass preach. Could you just shut up for a sec..?" I slowly stood up, washing my mouth and taking a sip of mouth wash, what stood on the sink, lucky me, gurgling and spitting it out.
I kneed down to strawberry, taking his face in my hands. "What's your name?" I was looking him deep in the eyes. God damn that boy is beautiful.
His eyes widened, but he started to smile a bit. "My name is...Hanamaki..." He whispered a bit embarrassed. "What illness do you have?"
"I have lung cancer. Stadium II a."
"Do you fell in love with Matsukawa?" He started to blush, putting his hands on mine, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. "As I realised how your situation really is, I felt afraid for the first time... Yes. I am in love with Mattsun." Silence.
And then we kissed each other, pressing our bodies close against each other and we both cried, but laughed at the same time into the kiss. We slowly stopped the kiss, laughing loudly and crying.

"Damn it..." I whipped my tears away as I calmed down. "Why does God punish us that much?" I chuckled a bit, slowly standing up with him in my arms, carrying him to the sleeper. He cuddled tightly with me, smiling. "Mhm...When you're in a garden, you pick the most beautiful flowers, don't you?" He whispered, kissing my chest softly.
I looked at him a bit surprised, but I didn't say anything about his phrases, only stroking his back.

"Let's go Mattsun!" Makki said as he put on my shirt and a purple jeans with holes. "But I don't have any clothes on, you're wearing my shirt." I chuckled a bit and only put on my jacket. "You have such a sexy body, you can show it." He smirked, as he grabbed my jacket. Then he pulled me down and kissed me grinning. I kissed him back, starting to smirk too. "Your word is law, babe." The babe made Makki blush a bit, he sighed, took my hand and went outside with me. "I still have to get used to the whole couple thing..." He said quietly as we went to the hospital. "Yeah... My last girlfriend was like in highschool, 10 years ago." I mumbled, gently pressing his hand. "Oh God I think I felt jealousy right now." He started to laugh. How I loved his beautiful laugh. "Oi, I changed my mind, close your jacket." He chuckled a bit and stopped in front of the hospital. "But we're here now. The nurses already know me, I'm letting my jacket like that now..." I mumbled, kissing his forehead softly and going with him inside it. "Oh welcome Matsukawa-kun! And Takahiro-san!" One of the nurse smiled. It was the one, who sat at the reception. We both bowed a bit in front of her, going to my room.

"Why do I get a san and you a kun?" He started to pout, sitting down on my bed. He's so friggin' cute. I can't even be mad at him for 10 minutes. "Well, I'm literally livin' here..." I chuckled, taking off the jacket and taking a shirt out of my bag. I put it on and laid down next to Makki. He immediately snuggled up my chest and smiled happily.
We cuddled on my bed. I stroke his arm softly and looked up to the ceiling. "You said you haven't vomited for a long time...Is it very bad..?" Even though Makki sounded concerned, I had to sigh irritated. I hate it when people around me are like that. "Please don't be like that. My friends were always worried about me...Maybe it's bad, I don't know. That's why we're here." I felt a soft kiss on my cheek and I had to smile, calming down. "I hate it too, I'm sorry. Won't happen again." He laughed a bit. This was the laugh I love.

"What's your lifespan, Makki?" Silence. And then I heard a little chuckle. "Mhm...Today is Wednesday...I should have died one year ago." He shrugged and I pulled him closer to me.
"What's your survival odd?"
"You mean, if I would have an organ donation? I think...12%. Oh well, I'm pretty dead." He laughed again, but I remained quiet. "Oi, don't give me that look! I don't want the operation. Forget it, Mattsun." Makki shook his head sighing and sitting up a bit. I did the same. "Man, God really hates us, doesn't he?" I mumbled more to myself. He wanted to say something, but stopped as he saw how a nurse came in. It was Kimizuki.
"Hey Matsu, I go- Oh hoho, Matsu-kun? Who's this beautiful boy?" Kimzuki smirked a bit and wiggled with her eyebrows. I felt how my cheeks flushed bright red. "What do you want Kimizuki..." Makki apparently enjoyed it, seeing me like that.
"I'm Hanamaki a friend of Matsu." He chuckled, grinning and holding his hand towards her. Kimizuki took it happily, both shaking their hands. "Nice to meet you... I think, Matsukawa told me a lot about you." She laughed and Makki joined her.
They both started to talk about me and my habits.
Ugh, note to myself: Kimizuki and Strawberry are not a good combination.
"I have to admin, I thought he was talking about a girl..." She said, chuckling. "Yeah, but don't sweat it. I am the girl from the dates." Strawberry smirked, resting his head on my shoulder.
"He always talked about the dates happily, I really enjoyed, listening to him..." Kimizuki sighed dreamy and Makki giggled. "Naw, what did he tell you about me?" I interrupted them both, before it could get worse.
"Oi would you stop it you both? Zuki-san, you wanted to tell me something, good news?" I sighed and I felt how Makki's grip strengthened around my waist, as he saw her expression. Bad news.
"Shit, what's wrong with my head now?" I laid an arm around my new beloved. "Well, you know I don't pity you, but your condition deteriorated Matsu. You shouldn't had had this vomit attack. It means that either your body rejects the increased dose or the increased dose shows no effect and worsened your situation. I think you need the operation or...Well...Th-" I didn't hear the last part she said. The chemo is not working anymore? Now that I finally found my true love and happiness? Why God...Why do you do this...?
Makki only cuddled with me, burying his face into my chest. He was really trying hard not to look empathic at me or sad. He's perfect to me. "You know I work hard to keep this a secret from your mother... But... She wants to visit you, today..." I widened my eyes, slowly taking my arm from Makki.
Shit, why is my life destroying itself right now?!

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HELLLOOO, as I said, we'll see us in MatsuHana again^~^♡
I hope you guys liked and enjoyed it *~*
The next chapter is going to be the last one. Take some tissues T^T
Or maybe you won't need them, who knows...?

Okay I'm sorry XD byee~ ♡

[Edit: Why didn't I understand that the word I was looking for is ANGEL not ANGLE. Yeah, Mattsun, you are my one and only 90° angle. I love you.]