MatsuHana: Alive (1)
Uhm... Hey, I'm Matsukawa Issei, but just call me Mattsun. I'm 24 years old and go to University Johsai. Well, I went.
One and a half year ago, I had a crazy headache and felt like I could vomit any second. So I went to the hospital, my mother went along with me.
I had to do some weird tests and even weirder medical examinations only to hear one thing:
"I am sorry Issei-san, but you have a brain tumor."
Well, many people would be very shocked and would cry or get angry, screaming their lungs out, only natural, but somehow, I did not feel a thing. Maybe I knew it subconsciously.
I mean, what I felt that day wasn't only a small headache. But my mother couldn't handle the diagnosis. She started to cry and to yell at the doctor, how he could say that into my face without any empathy.
I took her in my arms, slowly stroking her shoulder.
"It's okay mom, don't worry. Everything's gonna be alright. I'll be fine." Pretty ironic, isn't it?
The sicko is comforting his mother. Please, don't take me wrong, I was scared. But the cause wasn't the tumor, it were my feelings I hadn't had that day. That I wasn't afraid of maybe dying in a few years, or even months or weeks, who knows?
But as you can read, I live for over a year with the tumor now and it's kinda okay, if you can say so...
Well, it could be better, but my mother is very overprotective. Because of her, I have to go to the hospital every day and sometimes even have to stay there for couple of days. Even though the doctors are telling her, that it would be enough to come to a check up once a week. If I take my pills regularly, there shouldn't be a problem.
But enough about my past, I mean, it happened and I have to live with it. Now I'm telling you my story from today on.
.
I put on my jeans, sweater and shoes, looking at the clock. 10 am.
Good, time for my morning walk. I put on a scarf and a beanie. Before I left my room I took a bottle of water and my pills, swallowing them with a sip out of the bottle.
Today was the second day of my stay at the hospital. The nurses already knew me, because I'm literally every day here. I nodded to them while passing by and they would always say a friendly:
"Have a nice walk, Matsukawa-kun."
The moment I stepped outside the building, I took a deep breath of the cold air, trying to enjoy this moment, when suddenly I inhaled some cigarette smoke. As I turned around to see, who the smoker was, I saw the most handsome man in the world.
He had short rose hair, a tired look on his face and a weird, yet cute clothing style. He was wearing a black sweater, which was at least two sizes too big, a cute light green beanie with two pompoms, each had a different colour and a pink jeans, where he apparently sewed on-
"Hey, you've been staring at me for like hours. Are you explaining my style to yourself or do you have a problem with my looks? Huh?" I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at him. Damn, was I this obvious?
"Nah, not really, thought you look cute." I said. Sometimes I'm shocked about myself of how honest I am.
He looked shocked for a moment too and I even thought, that he blushed a little, but I guess it was only because of the cold wind.
But anyway, he had to laugh.
"No homo, right?" The most beautiful laugh I have ever heard. God damn it I think I've fallen for him.
"All of a homo." He laughed even more after I said that and went to me, finishing smoking his cigarette.
"So, Expressionless-san. Wanna go to the coffee shop?" He grinned.
Is he that cute on purpose?
"Yeah sure." I shrugged. As we walked to the coffee shop, which was near the hospital, many people were staring at him on the way.
However, he did not seem to bother, laughing happily while talking to me.
So adorable.
Sometimes I hated the look on my face. I lost some friends and even partners because of it, they always thought I was bored with or tired of them, but no. It's just how my face was.
We both sat down and started to drink our coffee. He looked so adorable, when he drank his weird shake. I didn't even understand what he said, as he ordered it. It sounded like the summoning of a demon.
"So tell me, Expressionless-san, what were you doing at the hospital?" He ate his whipped cream with sprinkles.
I didn't want to answer him. At university, I had some good friends, Iwaizumi, Yahaba, Kindachi, Kunimi... Yeah I said had. Because, when I told them my diagnosis, they all started to have a look of pity on their faces every time we met. And they started to become overprotective like my mother and it annoyed me. I hate this look. The look of pity.
"Just visiting my grandma." I mumbled and took a sip of my coffee.
"We know each other for like fifteen minutes and I already know how you look when you're lying." He smirked at me.
What? I thought I'm Mr Expressionless?
"Well, and I know how you look when you have whipped cream all over your mouth." I responded and then he laughed again, licking the cream from his lips. Shit, that looks kinda hot.
"I'm starting to like you a lot, Expressionless-san." He chuckled and continued drinking his coffee.
"Mhm... Me too. But why were you at the hospital?" Suddenly, the expression on his face changed, he started to smirk, but his eyes stayed blank.
"I'm a sicko, but oh well, let me just say, that I visited my grandma..."
He continued to smirk and it sent me shivers down my spine.
God damn it, I want to know, what illness he has. But I nodded only.
"So this is the first thing we have in common." I mumbled, finishing my cup of coffee. His expression became softer, he even started to smile again.
"Yes... Apparently.."
He whispered and looked at his coffee, it looked like his mind wpuld wander off, when suddenly he started talking again.
"Tell me your name, you hadn't introduced yourself."
Strawberry, gonna call him like that from now on, stirred his coffee with the spoon, looking up to me.
"I'm Issei, Issei Matsukawa and y-"
He didn't let me finish.
"That's toooo long! Mhm... Gonna call you... Mattsun!" Strawberry smiled proudly at me and finished drinking his coffee.
"Mattsun? Sounds good to me. But what's your name?"
"Knew you would like it! And no names. I only want to know yours, but mine is not important."
He smirked mysteriously, took out the spoon and tapped my nose with it. I somehow had a bad feeling, that he will hurt me more than my tumor. But I ignored it, enjoying this interesting situation, which I got into.
.
We spent the whole day together. I noticed, that his voice was a bit hoarse and that he would cough sometimes.
He was smoking a cigarette, when my head started to ache a bit.
Shit, I don't want to take my pills in front of him.
"Well, I have to go now...Will I see you tomorrow?" I mumbled, trying to ignore the pain, which started to grow bigger by every second.
"Mhm...Yeah, tomorrow we're going to the amusement park!" He smirked, blowing out the smoke, he had inhaled.
My head felt like a ticking time bomb, which would explode with any wrong movement.
"Yeah sure, so I'm seeing you tomorrow, bye." I wanted to go back to the hospital, but he took my face and then kissed me smiling.
"Now you can go... And don't hide your pain." He whispered against my lips, kissing me again and then going back to the direction where he apparently came from. I just stood there, frozen. It felt as if he took a bit of my pain with his kiss.
"Shit...I think I'm in love with this weirdo..."
And right after the sentence, my pain came back, but this time stronger, almost knocking me out, feeling as if a hammer would slam against my brain, always against the same point.
I started to breath heavily, staggering. Shit, shit, shit. I need my pills!
My hand trembled, but I managed to take them out of my pocket, searching for my bottle of water afterwards.
As I found it, I swallowed them hasty with a sip of water, slowly sitting down on the ground. I started to massage my temples, while still panting. "God, that was close..."
My voice was just a whisper.
After a felt eternity, I began to calm down, as my pain slowly started to fade away.
Maybe you are asking yourself, why isn't he going to surgery, to get this tumor removed?
Well, I can answer it right away. To simplify the whole tumor thing, my tumor is kinda hard to reach, the operation would be too risky and brain tumors are in general difficult to remove. So I gotta live with the pain, swallowing my pills, which makes it more pleasant.
As I had settled down, I went back to the hospital, still feeling a slight pain. When I arrived I was welcomed by my favourite nurse. She always takes the night shifts.
"Oh, Matsukawa, where were you this late?" She smiled and went to the elevator with me.
"Oh hey Kimi-san. I think I had a date..." She nearly dropped her cardboard, looking at me in surprise. "You what?!"
"A date. I think I had one... And hey, could we talk about the dose of my pills? I think we have to increase it." Apparently she didn't hear the last part, because she only answered to the first.
"Wait, when did you meet her? Or no, how did you meet her?!"
I sighed, stepping out of the elevator with her.
"Well I don't know. I wanted to go for my morning walk, when I saw this person. I stared at them and they suddenly spoke to me. It kinda just happened I guess."
She was still looking at me befuddled, shaking her head.
"Didn't think that it would happen to you. And does she know about your tumor?"
I really liked her. She wasn't overprotective and careful around me at all, but she can be really annoying sometimes.
"Nah. But apparently I'm not the only sicko." I mumbled and went into my room. "But you don't know what illness she has?" I nodded. "Life isn't fair... But oh well, you said something about your dose? What's the problem?" I sat down on my bed, taking out my shoes, beanie and scarf. "Hai. And the problem is, the dose I have now has a smaller effect and I'm still feeling a little pain." She took the cardboard from my bed and checked the information.
"Mhm... Okay we will increase the dose. But I don't know if the chemo is such a good idea. I mean, if you want to increase the dose already. But, the doctor has the last say. I'm giving you morphine, so you can sleep a bit better..." She said, as she injected it in my arm.
"Have a good night, Matsukawa." She smiled, putting the cardboard back and went out of my room.
I let out a deep sigh, enjoying being alone. I had to think of strawberry and his soft lips. I really had a date and a kiss! I can't believe this day really happened. And it was only one day. He's the most handsome man I ever saw, how do I deserve this? Is this a compensation for my tumor. God, is that your work?
I had to snicker a bit.
Compensation.
The morphine started to show it's effect. I didn't feel pain anymore and became more and more sleepy.
I closed my eyes, seeing this handsome guy with his cute clothing style in my mind. I felt how I... smiled. Well, maybe for you it's nothing special, but I hadn't had smiled for a long time. And only thinking of strawberry makes me smile like an idiot.
I was really sure now, that I fell in love with him. Well, or as much as you can call it love after a day.
And with the beautiful sound of his laugh in my mind, I slowly fell asleep. But I didn't know, what will be in store for me at that time.
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Helloooo, this is another one shot, this time MatsuHana^-^ I hope you guys like the idea, I guess it will only have two chapters, so yeah, enjoy reading it and we will see us in the next chapter, bye~^-^
PS: gonna dedicate this to EtherealGyptistic , thanks for supporting me and enjoy ~♡
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