"...where have you come from, and where are you going." (verse 8)

God did not ask Hagar, "How are you?" He asked two questions that prompted her to do a self-reflection. God knew how she reached that spot in her life, and He knew where she was heading too. He warned her that if she continued in her journey, she and her unborn son would be in peril, with the wilderness of Shur, her tomb so to speak, waiting for her.

The church must ask queries that parallel God's questions to Hagar, questions that facilitate meaningful conversations that demonstrate empathy, care, concern, support, self-reflection, empowerment, and connection. Asking the right question prompts them to open their hearts.

Verse 9 says, "Then the angel of the Lord told her, "Go back to your mistress and submit to her."  The Lord guided Hagar back to the right path, back into the community. Had the Lord not cut her off and steered her away from her plan, Ishmael would have died and God's promise to Abraham would have perished as well. Interestingly, Hagar's name came from a verb of Semitic origin "garar" which means to flee, to drag out or away. Also, from the Persian or Greek verb "aggareuo" which means to press into service. Interestingly, single parents are prone to run away from their emotional pain because they were dragged away by the situation they were placed into by their partners in life, whether by death, divorce, decision to not marry because of various reasons, or due to rejection. If they are not given guidance on how to process their pain, it can lead to unresolved feelings that may manifest in their current and future relationships. They may also choose to be distant because they might feel neglected and spurned.

What can the church do?

• The church must take accountability by not allowing single parents to struggle under the radar.

• The church must inject itself by being aware of their current situation, spiritual, mental, and emotional state, and be active in their lives. As single parents tend to listen to their own voices and act without consulting anyone, the church must be involved and steer them off the path of destruction, and back to the community of God.

• When there are members in the church who go through difficult times, whether divorce or death, they should be placed in a smaller group and not in large group so they can be given the space to express their pain and be heard. In RC's case, being placed in a small group helped him go through the grief of losing his wife. "It feels like having a family," he said, flashing an emphatic smile.

Short prayer:

Dear God,

Please help us go an extra mile when the single parents in our care need companionship. Help us to extend mercy and grace whenever they stonewall because they sometimes get used to doing things by themselves. Open their hearts too, so they become made aware that being in the family of God means no one owes anyone a debt that must be repaid, except the debt of unwavering love towards one another.

Amen.

"Children benefit from external support. This support may not always come in the guise of the formal family but frequently appears to be related to religiosity."

---Linda McClain and Daniel Cere, What is Parenthood? Contemporary Debates About the Family (New York: New York University Press), page 154.