"Hagar, slave of Sarai..." (verse 8)

Laughter fills the church foyer, families coming in droves, complete and healthy. Amidst their joy, a familiar pinch pierces Nicole's heart—a reminder of the loneliness she often carries. Her heart is heavy from the struggles she endures daily, from juggling her son's special needs to figuring out life on her own. And despite being in the company of fellow believers, she can't dismiss the feeling of being on the outside looking in. Every Sunday, she attends church in the hopes of being accepted and inspired, but her struggles with her autistic son cast a shadow over her desire. Cordial smiles that don't reach the eyes, conversations that trail off, falling into awkward silences when her son's condition is mentioned and observed, she longs for someone to genuinely inquire about their well-being, and to hear her story without passing judgement or offering hasty solutions.

As usual, expectations and disappointments clash every Sunday service. Her son's atypical actions draw stares and whispers. These instances weigh heavily on her, serving as a constant reminder that acceptance is about being welcomed with open arms and minds, not merely getting through the door. She's been told to set lower expectations for herself. However, she can't help but feel that her church community should be doing more for her. Ultimately, are they not meant to represent God's compassion and wisdom?

"Am not looking just for tolerance but also acceptance because that's different. They accept me as a person, but I don't know if they really understand what my son needs," she lamented, filled with emotions. "I've been told not to expect, but I expect because they are supposed to be God's people so I expect that someone will understand. I expect something. Open heart. Listen to my story. Who really cares to listen? I don't need a solution. I need someone who understands."

Clearly, Nicole does not require assistance. She has been fending for herself and son on her own, although not with ease. She's always beset with the gnawing sense that she's not available enough for her son. Hence, what she needs is to be with someone who will just listen to her without making any attempt at quick fixes. Someone to sit next to. Oh, how she longs for the church to move past tolerance and towards genuine acceptance, where people are sympathetic to her challenges instead of brushing them off! She imagines a day when she enters the church and is welcomed not just as a fellow member of the community but also as an important member of a loving family. While her faith is unwavering throughout this journey, she continues to long for the day when her church family will show her the same unwavering love and compassion that she receives from God, providing her with the support and company that she so desperately needs.

"Hagar, slave of Sarai..." Genesis 16:8.

Imagine the surprise of Hagar after hearing God call her by her name. She was an Egyptian in an Israelite community, a maidservant of Sarai who gifted her to her husband, Abraham, to become a surrogate mother. And despite her lowly background, the God of her master, Abraham, knew her and recognized her. She was finally valued and acknowledged. When God called her name, it felt intimate to her because it was a personalized, intentional interaction. She felt respected and seen. When God called her by her name, He included and accepted her.

What did it do to Hagar's spirit after hearing her name called out by God?

When Hagar heard her name, healing came to her.

When Hagar heard her name, her brokenness mattered.

When Hagar heard her name, she finally didn't feel alone in the wilderness.

When Hagar heard her name, scales fell from her eyes. She saw God's love seeking her out, His voice like a compass guiding her feet away from the impending disaster she couldn't see because her pain blinded her.

God direct engagement with Hagar underscored His inclusive love and care, especially to those who were overlooked and marginalized by the society. Single parents have names, and their names are spoken by God with love, concern, and recognition.

What can the church do for the marginalized?

• The church must become aware that there is a need for ministry to single parent families in our community. Just because they don't show that they are hurting, or silent about their plight, it doesn't mean they have it easy. In fact, it is the other way around.

• We must educate ourselves to their plight. We must extend an agape, unconditional love to single mothers and their children, as God welcomed Hagar despite her disobedient behavior towards Sarah and her lack of guilt in the matter. And as He extended His hand to Ishmael. In doing so, we demonstrate God's immense kindness and mercy.

• The church must be willing to listen to their stories. Be intimate. Be attentive. We gain insight into their predicament and special calling by hearing their experiences. They feel heard when we pay attention to them. They experience belonging. Trust and rapport, both essential for effective communication and relationship building, are built once names are spoken. Using someone's name in conversation can enhance social bonding and rapport, making interactions feel more personal and meaningful.

• Further, as they had very real needs, we must identify those needs and respond to them and commit ourselves to meet them in a positive fashion. In Hagar's case, she needed water to survive, and God obviously provided. We must devise ministry to meet those needs. Again, because it mattered to God, it must matter to us as His church.

• The church should provide father figures, resources, mentorship, to those children without fathers. The faith community can provide the warmth lacking within those families.

• The church needs to develop the ability to recognize the needs of everyone. Develop empathy for those with developmental delays and disabilities. Since most autistic children are non-verbal, the church needs to learn how to listen and communicate effectively. They need to be included in the same Children Ministry curriculum, but we need to deliver it strategically, so they don't feel left out.

• We also need to provide advice on how to support single parents so they can support their kids' diverse needs and challenges.

Short prayer:

Dear God,

Forgive us when we fail to look at the hurting single parents in our midst. We become too busy with ministry that they become faceless, background noises. Open our eyes so we can truly see them. Bring their pain to light so we, as a church, can be a source of strength for them.

Amen.

"Marginalization is likely a cause of some single parenting situations and exacerbates already existing concerns regarding race, gender, and disability."

---JanaMarguerite Bennett, Singleness and the Church: A New Theology of the SingleLife (New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2017), 178.