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Chapter 11. I don't want this to feel real

"I can't believe you would do this!"

"I am sorry, Myra."

"Sorry doesn't justify this! What the hell were you thinking? And you didn't have the decency to let me know." I knew I was shouting, my voice was so loud people on the ground floor could hear it, but I was so angry at her. "You know I have been worried sick about you."

"It happened all of a sudden. I didn't have time-"

"Oh yes you didn't have time for your best friend. Of course you didn't. Why would you? One call. One message. How much time does that take?"

Zivah looked torn and a part of me wanted to let this go and let her have her special birthday but the majority part of me needed answers. Answers as to why she felt the need to hide this from me.

"It's not like that. You wouldn't understand."

I physically flinched. "I wouldn't understand?"

Zivah sighed. "We haven't talked properly in days and this wasn't something I wanted to tell you over a text message. And with you not talking to Alex, you have been sad the whole four months."

"Really Ziv? That's your excuse?"

"It's the truth. Also nobody knows about this. It's a secret."

I threw my hands up, feeling so frustrated. "That's the thing Zivah. I am not a nobody. I am your fucking best friend whom you ditched so you could have sex with your boss."

"Don't drag Seb into this." Zivah shouted back. "Just because you don't approve of him doesn't mean I'll leave him."

"Approve?" I scoffed. "I don't even know that guy. Why? Because you didn't tell me anything. And you hated him, kept cussing him, and now here you are – in his bed."

"Things changed."

"Or maybe you did."

We didn't say another word before I sighed, giving up. "Happy Birthday Zivah. Hope you enjoy it." And with that I walked out. I could see Seb and Alex silently sitting on the couch and I knew they heard every word. We weren't exactly whispering.

I didn't glance at them, trying my best to control my tears. I could hear Alex walking behind me and somehow that soothed me. He didn't say a word until we reached the car. "Home?"

I gulped, wanting to say yes but I didn't want to be there and get reminded of Zivah again and again. Truthfully I didn't want to be alone this one night. But I was scared to ask Alex to spend the night with me.

The decisions taken when emotionally unstable has a lot of regretting consequences.

"Um. Sure." I sighed.

He glanced at me as I struggled to keep my tears at bay. Myra Collins didn't cry!

"Do you want to go to mine?" he quickly added. "I have a spare guest room."

I looked over at him. And at that moment, under the dim lights of streets and cars, he looked like something you'd want to keep safe, hidden away from every one, just for yourself. And for this one single night, I felt like I needed it. Needed to treasure his presence.

So telling the practical side of my brain to fuck off, I nodded. "Yes, your place sounds perfect."

I didn't miss the small smile that ran over his lips at my acceptance.

It wasn't long before we reached a tall building, very close to the office. "Alex Bianchi." He said into the speaker and the security guard opened the main gate.

As the car went inside, I could see it was a real posh building, with two swimming pools, gyms, garden and fountains and everything. Compared to this my tiny apartment was a dump.

"It's beautiful." I admired the interior of buildings as we stepped out of the car.

Alex locked his car, leading left. I followed him. "Thanks. I own the B building."

My eyes widened at the 23 floors B building. "The entire thing?"

"Yes." He nodded at the security guard and pressed the lift button.

"Wow you really are a rich boy." Even the lift was huge enough to fit 20 people and had a full length mirror.

He pressed 23, and as the doors of the lift closed, I couldn't help but imagine what had happened the last time we were in the lift just a few hours back.

It seemed he was thinking the exact same thing and before I knew, I felt his lips on mine again.

This time it didn't take time for me to respond, it was instant. I stood on my toes, my arms falling around his neck, bringing him closer, closer than ever. He didn't hesitate, his hands gripped my waist, pulling my lower waist towards his. An involuntary moan left my throat and that was enough, to make the mirror in this lift on its way to get heated.

Alex pushed me against the wall of the lift and slanted his face, kissing me wild. His lips felt soft and firm. Without thinking I jumped, he was quick to catch me as I wrapped my thighs around his waist. He stared into my eyes as he pushed his hips forward into my open thighs, his hands gripping my buttocks.

"Oh fuck." I groaned, closing my eyes and tilting my head back. Giving him naked access to my neck, he didn't waste a moment, his lips slowly ran over my neck as my ankles tightened and locked around his waist.

"Floor 23." A female robotic voice ran in the lift, finally bringing me down from the cloud I now lay at.

I loosened my grip over his waist. Alex unwrapped his hands, taking a step back. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down my hormones. I hadn't had sex in a long time and I never really had an orgasm. But even a mere kiss with Alex felt so heated that I had to squeeze my thighs from spreading them wide open for him, right here in this lift.

Fuck the consequences, quite literally.

"Shall we?" Yes Please.

I blinked, he was already out of the lift. I nodded, unable to form words, my throat felt dry.

He pressed a passcode and turned the door handle. Smiling softly. "Welcome to my humble abode."

There was nothing humble about his abode. Even the air inside the room felt rich. My eyes widened as I saw the heavy leather furniture, the personal bar and a huge chandelier right in the middle of the living room. "You live here?"

"Yes, mostly, I have two more flats but they are farther away."

"Of course you do." I muttered under my breath.

"This is the guest room." He opened a door farthest to the left.

The guest room was bigger than my bedroom and the kitchen combined.

"There are extra pillows and blankets in the closet. Toothbrush and toothpaste in the adjoined washroom. For hot water just turn on the red button." And as Alex said the next words, his voice dropped low and so did his mouth, falling right near my ear. "And if you want to save water, I'll be right here." His breath brushed against my ears, giving me goosebumps.

I wanted to take on that offer, I even wanted to save bed space and sleep on the same bed, same side. But instead I breathed out, ignoring the shiver of pleasure down my spine. I took a step away. "Thanks but-"

The shrill noise of Alex's ringtone cut me off. "It's Seb." He looked at me, waiting for a reply on if he should pick up the call or not.

I had turned off my phone as soon as we had stepped into the car, mostly because of low battery but also because I didn't want to talk to Zivah. Not yet.

The ringtone died but before I could sigh in relief, it started again. Alex handed me the phone. "She's your best friend. It's her birthday. Just hear her out." And with that he walked out, leaving me and my hurtful thoughts.

With shaky hands, I picked up the call. "Yes?"

"Oh my god! Thank god! Myra, please just listen." Zivah's frantic voice unfortunately appeased me, knowing that she did care. "I am sorry, can we talk? Face to face? I am already near Alex's with Seb, please? Let me explain. I don't want to spend my birthday without my sister."

My lips trembled, my eyes fighting tears. I breathed out shakily and with trembling lips I agreed. "Okay, come up."

"Oh thank you!" the relief in her voice made my eyes tear up even more. Who was I kidding, she was my sister, not by blood but she was family.

I walked out the room, wiping a lone tear. "She's coming up."

"I figured." Alex was opening the balcony door. Even the balcony was huge, 5 people could actually sleep in that much space and with the height, the stars somehow seemed closer and city lights farther.

I walked out in the balcony, taking in some fresh air. It felt so good, so peaceful. There were two huge round hanging chairs with pillows and blankets. If it were up to me, this would be my perfect date. Just us, safe inside, jokes and secrets spilling out under the winking stars.

The doorbell rang, startling me a little. "I'll get that." Alex walked out and I made myself comfortable in one of the chairs. They were really huge, two people could easily sit in one.

"She's in the balcony." I heard Alex and then the familiar footsteps of Zivah.

I gulped as she stood there, I could see she had cried, her eyes were swollen and her lips fuller, but then again the lips could be from all the kissing she clearly did tonight.

"Hey." She whispered. "Can I?" she pointed at the space next to me.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak without breaking down.

"I am truly sorry." Zivah said, staring at her hands on her lap.

I sighed. "I just don't understand why you didn't tell me."

"Because then it would feel serious. And I don't want that. He's a player Myra, but I like him. I really do. And this whole time, hiding things, it felt safe, like I could break it off any time and no one would know, it would be something I could forget easily." Zivah scoffed. "At least that's what I kept telling myself."

"Does he like you?"

"I don't know. He knew it was my birthday and he came to the door at 11.30, I think you were in the washroom at that time. I couldn't even control myself as I walked out with him. I didn't mean to ditch you or lie to you. I just figured he would wish me and then drop me back. But well-" Zivah shrugged. "You know what happened."

"Was this the first time?"

Zivah sighed. "Sex, yes. Kiss, no."

I shook my head. "You should have told me Ziv. I wasn't going to judge you."

"I know. I don't want this to feel real, so I lied to you, to myself." Zivah leaned back, pressing her lips together. "I feel good around him, special even. I don't know what to do now."

I leaned back beside her. "Talk it out. Ask him how he feels. You can't pretend to fake it if it's real. If he doesn't feel that way then you know you can move on but if he does, at least you know where you stand. You are the psychology one, come on, take your own advice."

Zivah snorted. "Yeah, easier said than done."

"Take a chance maybe you'll like what you feel."

"Maybe." She shrugged. "So what's up with you and Alex?"

"Well we weren't talking for four months and we kissed today so not much."

Zivah looked at him, surprise on her face. "Kissed seriously? How was it?"

I couldn't help the small blush covering my face. "You know how I never have an orgasm because it takes a lot of time for me and I don't feel as much? Well I feel like I could have multiple with him."

"Noway!" Zivah was now grinning, a full blown grin. "You naughty girl."

I chuckled, my blush deepening. I just shrugged looking at the dark sky. "He's good at kissing."

"Or maybe you felt the sparks."

"Oh please what's this? The Notebook?" I snorted, I was the last person to believe in fairy tales.

Zivah just smiled. "I love you, Myra."

I smiled back, pulling her into a hug. "I love you too Ziv."

And sometimes we just need to talk out our problems instead of running away from them. Because like the time, feelings catch up too and when they do, it's a complete wreck. So don't procrastinate dealing with emotions.

And here with Zivah, I felt safe. Felt like everything was right again. Of course that is until we heard something break and then a curse and shouting.

"What is happening?" I shouted, shocked at the sight.

Seb was in a headlock by Alex and before we could blink they were both on the ground, banging against a table, making a vase crash into the ground.

"What the hell?" Zivah muttered, running towards them. "Get off Seb! What is wrong with you two?"

"Alex!" I screamed just as Alex was about to stab the broken piece of vase in Seb's thigh. 

"Enough!" my shout was pretty loud, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole building heard it. "Why are you two fighting?"

They both stood up, looking a little embarrassed. "He started it!" they both claimed pointing at each other.

I tilted my head. "Really, are you 5?"

Seb snorted. "He behaves like he is."

"Me? You behave like a two year old. Words you say don't even make sense." Alex said, glaring at Seb.

"Oh yeah?" Seb raised his eyebrows. "Will a two year old be able to pronounce this? Worcestershire and Onomatopoeia, huh?"

Alex rolled his eyes, a real rare sight. "Your behavior is like a 2 year old."

"Then maybe don't provoke me, you dog face."

"Oh shut up you frog legs."

There was something ridiculous in hearing two mature, intellectual and rich men using such lame words in a fight.

"Well as fun as it is listening to you two call each other animal parts. Let's shut it." Zivah demanded, walking over to pick up the vase.

Seb instantly stopped her. "Oh you don't have to do it, Alex will do it." He looked at Alex, clicking his fingers. "Chop chop, clear this."

Alex narrowed his eyes. "You broke that, you clear it and that glass too." He pointed at the shattered glass.

"How did I break it?"

"Your mere stupid presence did." Alex mimicked Seb, clicking his fingers. "Chop chop, do it fast."

Seb was just about to retort as I stopped the childlike fight. "You both clear it up. Now!" I pointed at Zivah. "Let's go and get some sleep. And when we wake up in a few hours, I don't want to see even one tiny shred of glass. Am I clear?"

Alex blinked at me. "Yes."

Seb snorted. "Whipped!"

"Hey you, get cleaning." Zivah snapped her fingers at Seb with a stern look.

Seb nodded. "Yes ma'am."

This time Alex snorted. "Whipped!"

We girls rolled our eyes and walked in the guestroom, leaving the guys to clean up the mess they created and mentally hoping it didn't result in a larger mess.

"You know how they know each other?" Zivah questioned.

"No, I didn't even know they knew each other until tonight." I replied.

"Yeah same." Zivah grabbed a blanket, taking the right side of the bed. "Goodnight!"

I stifled a yawn, glancing at the clock, it was already 5 in the morning. "Goodnight and Happy Birthday."

There was no reply, Ziv really was a fast sleeper. It didn't take time for me to fall asleep too, with the soft pillow and smooth blanket over me. My dreams were of Alex kissing me in his balcony under the bright full moon, until my insecurities took over and the woman kissing Alex was no longer me but another woman instead, while I could just watch from the side wiping my uncontrollable tears.

I thought of you before I slept and you came in my dreams like a nightmare.

~~~

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