tw // extremely brief mention of self harm

Newt pushed his hair back as he squinted harder at the screen. His eyes were starting to burn, but he couldn't break focus. He was running, not actually running, but running on the screen. On The Game.

The game was exactly what it sounded like. It was a sort of virtual reality video game that let you not think about the world for a while. It was a twist on reality, a self led quest to the highest levels. It was owned by the biggest high rising company of the time, The Right Arm. It was their first game which was why it came as a shock that it became so popular so fast. The Right Arm was led by a man named Jorge, he was very for the players not the profit which was probably one of the reasons why the game did so well. WICKED usually trumped the game market, but the money that Right Arm made off the game easily put them ten times ahead of WICKED which their CEO wasn't too happy about.

The game could really be played anywhere, on a computer, through VR glasses or even through chips that really made you feel like you were in it, but those costed more than a house did in some cases. Newt was saving up for a VR headset, but for now his old computer pushed away in the darkest corner of his basement worked.

The game came out a few years ago, it blew up almost instantly which wasn't really a surprise. There was no other game that bent the line between reality and fiction that well.

Everyone played the game, well everyone who wasn't over forty, the adults really didn't get it. But, within the younger generation, it was really unheard of for someone to not have it.

Newt was Sang in the game. It was a screen name his sister made for him when they first got the game together. Lizzy. Lizzy started playing the game with him two years ago. That was before...well it didn't matter anymore. Sang was another version of himself, the version he wanted to be. He still had messy blonde hair but he looked less like a malnourished stick and more like a, well a hero. Sang had muscles, he was taller and he had cool markings on his arms. Sang wore armor and jackets and thick soled boots, which was a total change from Newt's normal style of jeans that were always too big and plain crewnecks that fit the same way.

Newt also had friends in the game which was something else he didn't have in real life. He had a group, they played at the same times, fought the same fights, did the same missions and spoke behind voice changers until the sun peeked through the towel covered windows of his basement. His group consisted of a characters Oben, Delario and Kilee. Oben and Kilee were guys too. Kilee played an overly buff tank with rippling arm muscles and a long hair that was pulled behind his head. Oben played a thief, he was small and sticky but he was good at what he did. Delario played a girl, the character was short and skinny and was always dressed in boy clothes, but she had a hell of a dagger and was the best assassin Newt had ever come across in the game. They were quite the group. Newt had no idea who any of them were, he only knew that they were all around the same age, but it really didn't matter. Newt smiled more with them than he ever did in real life.

Newt adjusted his headset microphone in front of his mouth. It broke a while ago, but he didn't have the money to fix it so it was secured with a piece of tape.

"Is Oben back yet?" Newt asked into the headset.

"No," Kilee replied, "he's been AFK for a while."

Newt nodded as if they could see him. "When he gets back do you want to run the maze?"

"YES!" Delario replied, the excitement was obvious in her voice. It was her favorite stage to run through, she begged them to do it almost every week.

They had a garage styled base on the game, it took them weeks to pool their money riad money together and buy it. They eventually built rooms and made them each their own bedrooms in the garage. It was fun, nice, they felt like a family.

"ISAAC!" his mother screamed from upstairs. "WOULD YOU GET THE HELL OFF THAT GAME?!"

Newt cringed as his mother's voice echoed down the stairs. His throat felt tight as he covered the microphone and yelled back. "Just a little while longer okay?!"

His mother's face peaked out from the top of the stairs. She had a hard frown sketched across her lips. "You can't just hide down here and pretend the world outside doesn't exist. You have a life, a real one, you can't keep ignoring it."

But that's exactly what I'm trying to do.

He just stared back blankly at her, biting his tongue.

She threw her arms up in exasperation. "It's like I lost both my kids." She slammed the door shut hard after that. Newt felt gutted.

He clasped his hand over his mouth, feeling the tears roll down his cheeks then. He didn't like when she brought it up, he didn't like when anyone brought it up. Maybe it wasn't healthy to pretend that nothing happened, but he could, it made him feel better when he did.

Lost both my kids. Lost both my kids. Both my kids. Both.

Newt muted his mic before pulling off his headset and wiping his eyes hard. It still hurt to think about. Most kids hated their siblings, but Newt and Lizzy were never like that. Lizzy was Newt's best friend, but Lizzy was dead and Newt was alone. Sue him for using the game to fill the hole in his heart that his sister left. Sue him for coping in his own way. Sue him for trying to be okay when he just wasn't, how could he be? He wiped his eyes with the collar of his t-shirt before carefully putting the set back on his head. His hands were shaking as he put them back onto the keyboard.

"Oben?" Newt spoke, willing his voice not to shake.

"Yeah, sorry I'm back," the boy's voice came through the headset. Even through whatever voice changer mod he was using, his voice was soft.

"Sang you good?" Kilee asked. "We heard yelling."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Mum wanted me to take out the trash."

Delario snorted out a laugh at that. "Do you hear this motherfucker with his mum shit?"

Newt felt himself smile. "At least I don't say mom like you heathens."

"Right, we're the heathens." Oben said as he made his character cross his arms.

"I said what I said."

"If you weren't such a good front, we would have banned you from the garage months ago," Kilee teased as he started arming his character.

"You'd miss me too much," Newt retorted back.

"Shit he got us there," Oben cut in which made Newt smile again.

"Let's rename the garage to the Sang fanclub."

"Shut up guys," Newt said into the mic, trying to keep the happiness out of his voice. People in the game cared about him. They didn't know about his sister whose life ended after sixteen years when she was found almost unrecognizable on the street. They didn't know that Newt mostly wore long sleeves to cover up the awful things he used to do to himself. They didn't know that Newt had no friends and barely spoke at school. They didn't know any of that. They knew him as Sang, they knew him only through the things he said, they knew him on the inside. Newt knew their insides too and Newt loved them. He really did. Offline or online they were Newt's best friends.

___

Newt kept his head down as he drew a weird repeating pattern on his desk. He was trying his best to stay awake but they stayed up way too late the night before running the maze. He probably averaged about four hours of sleep and he was absolutely exhausted.

He needed a haircut, it was hanging in his face at this point, even partially blocking his vision. He blew it out of his face before finally lifting his head and looking at the board. School was Newt's definition of torture. It wasn't that it was hard, it was just that it was painfully boring and the people surrounding him were somehow even more boring.

Harley, the kid that sat next to him was level ninety five in the game, Newt only knew that because he wore the same tier nine shirt every single day as if it would impress people. Judy worse too tight clothes and fucked everything that moved to hide her overwhelming insecurity issues. Sam was an entitled rich boy who was never going to have to work a day in his life, his money made up for the C's he constantly pulled in classes as simple as english. Jude was a stoner who spent every lunch period under the bleachers with a blunt between her lips. Brett was a closeted gay kid who used to try and make passes at Newt but when he rejected the idiot, Brett punched Newt in the face and threw him to the ground because beating the shit out of his love conquests was apparently the best way to get to their heart. Newt was bored, it was the same group of kids, the same types of people. Newt hated it more than he hated the dumb easy tests he was given. Maybe it wasn't the kids faults, maybe Newt was just picky or maybe he was just mad that out of every one of them, not a single one of them wanted to be his friend.

Class dismissed and Newt dumped his books into his bag before throwing it over his shoulder. He kept his head down as he walked out of class. Lunch wasn't the worst, he liked lunch, he got to sit outside and put his headphones in.

He pushed the school doors open, heading to his normal spot along the brick wall by the track. They didn't even have a track team anymore so kids mostly just hung out on the quarter mile path that had grass growing through its cracks.

Newt sat on the gross, crossing his legs and pulling out his headphones. He connected them to his phone and put the small buds in his ears before pressing play on whatever song he was listening to before. He smiled as the music started playing, filling his head up with something other than his thoughts.

He took out the bag he threw his lunch into and dumped the contents out onto the grass next to him. His phone buzzed on his lap, and he looked at it, rolling his eyes when he did.
He and the rest of the garage had the mobile app for the game, you couldn't do anything on it besides view your stats and text. It was fine when they wanted to get together to play, but Kilee texted in their chat all the time and it was normally just random stupid stuff that was only entertaining half of the time. Although in reality Newt wasn't actually mad about it, secretly he really liked texting them.

the garage:
[Kilee] 1:32pm: yo fuckers

[Sang] 1:32pm: what do you want

[Kilee] 1:33pm: okay ouch, I'm gonna pretend that didn't hurt, but I'm in the bathroom because I'm cutting gym and I wanted some entertainment is that too much to ask for?

[Delario] 1:34pm: maybe don't cut gym, then you won't be bored

[Oben] 1:34pm: ^^^

[Kilee] 1:35pm: oh my god you all fucking SUCK

[Delario] 1:36pm: love you too xx

[Sang] 1:37pm: some of us are in school and not cutting class

[Kilee] 1:38pm: Sang stop having a bad attitude challenge

[Sang] 1:39pm: fuck off

[Oben] 1:40pm: if I fail another math test my moms taking away my headset

[Kilee] 1:41pm: NO. I repeat NO, do NOT let that happen

[Oben] 1:42pm: then stop harassing me when I'm at school :)

[Sang] 1:43pm: ^^

[Kilee] 1:43pm: don't just agree with everything he says

[Oben] 1:43pm: did you just assume my gender #hurt

Newt snorted out a laugh at that as he bit into his sandwich. He looked at the empty space in front of them. He couldn't help but picture the three of them sitting there. He wondered what they looked like in real life. If Kilee's sarcastic personality was just on screen or if he was like that in real life. He wondered if Delario was as cool as she was when she single handedly took down a wave, making it seem easy as they could hear her casually crunching whatever she was eating over the headsets. He wasn't sure where to start with Oben, he was nice and sometimes quiet. Newt didn't have the faintest idea what he would be like but for some reason he pictured him having glasses.

The thing was, Newt wanted to meet them in person. He knew they lived around here somewhere, they were all in the same time zone, but he had no idea where. The other thing was that he didn't want them to meet him. Newt was nowhere as impressive as Sang was and the thought of losing his only friends terrified him. Thankfully, none of them have ever brought it up. Newt hadn't yet had to pick a side on the internal battle he'd been having for months with himself over this.

He looked back down at his phone, scrolling through the messages he'd missed.

the garage:
[Kilee] 1:45pm: so you're all just gonna abandon me then?

[Kilee] 1:46pm: :(((((

[Kilee] 1:47pm: I'm quitting the band and by band I mean squad and by squad I mean group of fucking nerds

[Kilee] 1:48pm: and by nerds I just mean you guys, I'm cool

[Kilee] 1:50pm: hm actually go back on that I bet Sang fucks bitches and gets money

[Sang] 1:52pm: please shut up.

Kilee has left the chat

____

Newt closed the door quietly behind him as he got home from school. When he was back in his own house he felt like he could breathe again.

"I'm home," Newt said softly as he saw his mom sitting on the couch.

She looked up at him, nodding to acknowledge his presence.

He took a deep breath before tightening his grip on his backpack straps. "It's hard for me too, you know?" he said, begging his voice not to waver.

His mom took a deep breath before putting down her phone and patting the seat next to her.

Newt hesitantly sat down.

"I'm sorry," she said as she lightly squeezed his arm. "I didn't mean it like that."

Newt felt the familiar sting of tears at his eyes. "I-I just miss her." He was barely able to push that out before he broke down in sobs, his back shaking up and down as he shoved his face into his hands.

His mom's arm hooked around his back as she pulled him into her. "I know, I do too."

Newt let himself cry, he let all of his walls crumble down and he just sobbed. Newt lost two people when Lizzy died, his sister and his best friend. Without her he had no one to listen to music with, no one to watch movies with, no one to hangout with until four am sneaking snacks and trying not to wake anyone else up. He missed her so much, it was like there was a giant piece of him missing and the hole was too big to fill.

"You know I love you right?" his mom asked him, he could hear the shaking in her voice, she was probably crying too.

Newt nodded into her shoulder before sitting up and wiping his face. "I'm sorry too."

She lightly squeezed his arm. "We'll get through it."

Newt shrugged, he didn't believe that. Maybe he could have if they knew more. If they knew what had happened. If they knew why his sister was found contorted almost beyond recognition. Why the only thing they could find was a typed out note with a bunch of numbers on it. Why her eyes were missing. Maybe he could have gotten through it if his sisters casket didn't have to be closed at the funeral because she was beyond repair. Maybe he would have been okay if someone told him what happened to her because it didn't make sense in his head how the girl he'd been up all night with looking at stupid videos with the night before was turned into that in just a few short hours.

"I should have been with her," Newt admitted softly. He never said that out loud before.

His mother's face fell. "What are you talking about?"

The tears were hot on his cheeks again. "She was alone, she stayed home from school that day. She skipped, you didn't know. I went to school, I-I wasn't there."

"Newt, this is in no way your fault," his mother started, rubbing his back in some sort of comfort.

"It was!" Newt was screaming now. Everything he'd been wanting to say for the past six months just tumbling from his lips like in an unstoppable word vomit. "I wasn't there for her! I should have stayed back too, I should have told someone. I-I shouldn't have let her! I should have done something." Newt couldn't see due to the tears clouding his vision. "Because I did nothing and now Lizzy's dead and it's all. my. fault!"

"What happened to Lizzy was- was awful but it wasn't your fault Isaac," her mother said as she held her son close. When she used his real name he knew she was being serious. "Do not blame yourself for this." She hugged him tightly, cupping the back of his head with her hand. "Please don't." Then softly she whispered to him, "I can't lose you too."

They sat like that for a while, until Newt's sobs turned to mere sniffles.

He muttered a goodnight to his mom before heading up the stairs to his room. He dropped his shirt on the floor before curling himself up in his blanket. He checked his phone before he went to bed, frowning when he saw his group chat blowing up.

the garage:
[Oben] 11:54pm: NO FUCKING WAY

[Delario] 11:55pm: what the hell happened and W H Y

[Kilee] 11:55pm: no statements have been released yet, I'm refreshing the page like crazy

[Delario] 11:56pm: and where the fuck is Sang, he needs to be HERE

Newt frowned as he texted them back.

[Sang] 11:57pm: hey guys, what's going on?

[Kilee] 11:57pm: SANG THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND. YOU SAY HIS NAME AND HE APPEARS

[Oben] 11:58pm: dude have you been on the news?

[Sang] 11:58pm: no why? Can someone just tell me what's going on?

[Oben] 11:59pm: right arm is selling the game.

Newt felt his eyes widen at that. They couldn't just sell it. If they sold it, it could be changed. If it could be changed, they could add in ads or pay only stages. They could completely gut it and revamp the game from the inside out. Newt could lose his safe space. Newt could lose his friends.

[Kilee] 12:00am: no it gets worse than that

[Kilee] 12:01am: WICKED just bought it.

_____

hey guys. this is a new fanfiction I've had in the drafts for awhile. here's the first chapter just let me know if you'd be interested in more chapters :)
thank you !!
x k