rock + roll | eden 

. . . 

"And don't forget to get the parsley! The water, too! Apples and oranges, as well!" I muttered under my breath. In an attempt to make me more of a woman, my mother forced me to go to the market and buy goods. All it did was aggravate her as I always got the wrong thing.

My question of how would buying goods make me more of a woman? earned a slap to the face and since then, I did what she asked without question.

It had been a few days since the Caller had spoken about the Northern Tribe attacking ours and I was training harder just in case. I would fight. The Panther amulet, which was always on me, sat snugly on my chest, reminding me of my goals.

I would become a Warrior. Marrying one be damned; I would become my own Warrior.

I had already gotten the parsley, water, and apples. Oranges were the last thing I needed to acquire before I could go home and train. I was training my body until I was dropping on my feet. I needed to transform into the animals of my ancestors- I would do so by any means necessary.

I was walking towards the oranges stand when the hood of my cloak slipped and I heard it- the giggles.

It was no secret that I was the older sister of my Little One, the same older sister who was passed over by Lord Haakon for his future wife. It was no secret that the Tribesmen and women agreed with Haakon; my Little One was prettier than me and more fit to be the wife of the Tribe Leader.

They made sure I knew what they thought of me at every passing moment. The giggles, the laughs, the pointing, the snide comments. I heard it all. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me? What a joke. I felt like killing myself every time I was exposed to the Tribesmen and women who thought my private life was their business.

I heard the giggles and stiffened. 

To show those who were giggling that I was not affected, I pulled my hood back on and subtly (but also dramatically) brushed aside my cloak and grabbed the hilt of my sword. The giggling ceased immediately.

Satisfied that my message was received, I began browsing through the oranges, looking for the ones that were ripe and ready for eating. Suddenly, the whispers began like wildfire again and I mentally groaned. 

I did not have time for foolishness nor pettiness!

I was about give them a piece of my mind when, just as I turned around, I bumped into something that was uniquely man. My hands went to stable myself and I grabbed the first thing in my view... which were another pair of hands.

"Watch it!" I snarled in aggravation when I saw who exactly I bumped into. It was the last person I ever wanted to see.

"Cornelia."

It had been years since he last uttered my name and I still got chills from hearing his deep baritone voice. My eyes widened as I took him in. A smell of pine and fresh ice water filled my nose and I inhaled deeply. My heart was thundering in my chest.

The last time I saw him, he was a lanky little boy of seventeen. 

He would complain about not being able to grow a decent beard, about transitioning into the animals of our ancestors, about the politics of Tribe Leader. The last time I saw him, he was skin and bones, his alabaster skin borderline sickly looking.

The years had been good to him.

Instead of the lanky boy I knew in my youth, in front of me was a man fit to lead the Tribe. Of course, I had gotten glimpses of him throughout the years, during ceremonies and such, but in such close contact? It had been years and I could feel the tears filling my eyes.

His rich brown hair was defying the laws of gravity and wind, falling messily on his forehead, yet also jutting out everywhere. His eyes were still the smoldering brown that I remembered (with a tinge of the animal he could become hidden within the hue), and he had a scruff (he still couldn't grow out a proper beard, I wanted to grin). He clearly trained as his muscles showed his veins.

Physically, he would be fit to lead the Tribe.

Remembering this was not (my) Haakon, but Lord Haakon, himself, I hurriedly lowered my eyes. My throat tightened. I could not speak. It would not do to start more rumors about how insolent I was to stare my future Commander in the eyes. 

I did not care what people thought of me, but I would not let them think bad of my Father nor Little One.

"Forgive me," I murmured, feeling my cheeks flush in embarrassment.

"How-" he was about to say something, but my heart couldn't stand being in his presence any longer, so I took my leave as fast as I could without being rude.

"My mother is waiting for me, my Lord," I swallowed my sorrow. "I apologize for being rude," with that, I quickly turned on my heels and briskly walked away from him.

Coward. I was a coward. How could I be a Warrior if I couldn't even confront him?

The tears that I let collect in my eyes finally had a chance to slide down my face, and I flared my nose and bit the inside of my cheeks to not sob out loud. It didn't work as the sobs wracked out of me like dynamite.

I could feel him staring at me until I turned the corner. My blood was still pounding in my ears and I could feel the rip in my heart growing longer.

He had prospered in the years we stopped being friends, yet here I was, withering away with every breath I took.

I loathed him.

. . .

"You saw him today, didn't you?"

I don't know how she knew where I was, or how I was feeling, but she did. I was outside, a little farther in the forest where I normally trained, sitting on a tree stump, staring out into the cold.

"Cornelia, you will catch a cold sitting here," she put her hand on my shoulder. "Dear Sister." When I didn't react to her touch, she exhaled loudly, and crouched down next to me. Turning me so I looked at her, she let out a soft noise one would use on a wounded animal.

"Oh, Cornelia," she brought her hands up to my face to wipe away the tears I did not know were present. "Please, tell me what happened."

It took me a moment, but when I opened my mouth, my pain and sorrow and anguish came tumbling out.

"Little One," I shuddered. "You are right, I did see him." I took in a deep breath. "He said my name after four years," at this, I let out a loud sob I couldn't keep in.

"I- I saw him a-and f-froze!" The sobs in my chest hacked their way up. It physically hurt for me to speak. "It hurt so, so much, Little O-one. The man I've been in l-love with since I was a child doesn't want a-anything to do with me, and when I saw him today, all I could do is stand there! How foolish am I?" This is when my body gave out on me and I slumped forward into her arms.

"Please, please, tell me how to stop this pain? My heart is bruised, it's torn, it's ripped apart, I cannot bear it anymore!" I shrieked at her, grabbing at my chest, trying to alleviate the pain.

"Cornelia!" Little One attempted to sooth me. "Elder sister, it's okay to grieve. It will help you. I will help you," she hugged me tighter and I cried even more. It took a while for me to calm down, but when I did, I stared at Little One.

"You should head back," I softly sniffled. "I need a little bit to myself."

"Are you sure you'll be alright?" She hesitantly asked and I let out a grimace.

"I'll be fine, child. Thanks to you, I feel much lighter now." (Complete lie).

"I'll let Mother know," she stood up and brushed her dress. "Please come home soon." I nodded to let her know I heard and she slowly walked out of the forest.

I stayed in the same position for a long time. I was hunched on myself, my sword on the ground. Tears still dripped down my face. There was an unexplainable continuous jab in my left shoulder. The pain did not dissipate.

I do not know how long passed.

The moon was out, illuminating the ground in front of me. My nose twitched. I heard a twig snap. I sharply turned around.

"Who's there?" I demanded, grabbing my sword, and slowly standing up. "Show yourself."

The leaves crunched and I could feel someone walking towards the clearing I was in.

"I command you, come out and show yourself!" By now, I was getting scared. Warrior or not, I was still a female and being alone in a forest, who knows what could happen. The pain my shoulder had now spread across my back and down my spine. It became as unbearable as the pain in my heart.

"Last chance-" I began speaking when I felt my spine crack.

I dropped my sword and lost control of my limbs. I slumped to the ground. My spine had cracked, but I was still alive. I felt my arms and legs breaking and rearranging and an unexplainable noise screeched out from within me. 

I screamed. I screamed until my voice was hoarse and yet, I still screamed.

"Cornelia!"

The person who was in the forest with me ran towards me and a smell I (thought) I knew all my life attacked my senses. A tinge of pine and fresh water filled my nose and I only knew of one person with that distinctive smell. I looked up at him, my eyes begging him to stop the pain.

I saw his brown eyes look horrified, but I also saw him thinking quickly what to do.

"Haa-kon," I choked on air. "Hel-"

My hands began shaking and unless I was hallucinating, the black hairs that I spent countless hours shaving (in order to even attempt to look beautiful) grew out harsh, rough, and thick. My well-trimmed finger nails sharpened into weapons of distruction and I screamed. My clothes ripped, tore, and shredded, while my body elongated.

I could vaguely hear him speaking to me with his deep voice, but it did not clearly register to me what he was saying. I could make out "I've missed you," and "I'm sorry," and any other time, I would have jumped up with joy.

At this point, I was sobbing, screaming, and growling?

I felt a burning in my body that I never felt in my life. It was a worse feeling than seeing Haakon with my Little One. It was worse than my Mother slapping me for crying over the absence of my best friend. It was worse than the time I stuck my hand in fire because I was dared to by the street boys who taunted me that I could never become a Warrior like them.

I blacked out.

Swimming in and out of consciousness, I felt a presence in my head and it nudged me awake.

Cornelia, wake up.

I opened my eyes.

Look around you.

Everything in the clearing was ten times more vivid. I could smell everything in the vicinity. Haakon's unique sent was assaulting my senses now far more than usual. I could hear everything from the neighing of the horses in my Father's stable to the river rushing to my far right.

Look at me.

I looked at the person in front of me.

I, Haakon the Successor, officially acknowledge you, Cornelia the Elder, as a Panther Warrior of the Southern Tribe of the Rivers.

My eyes widened.

Why are you so surprised? He chuckled at my silence, look at your body, Warrior.

Doing so as he commanded, I turned my head down to see my paws covered in black fur. I opened my mouth to exclaim my surprise when instead of a shout, a growl came out.

You are the first female in five years to be able to transform into the animal of our ancestors, he gave me a small smile. Congratulations, Cornelia.

I shyly stood up in front of him, testing out my paws with extreme care. He was observing me and his stare burned holes into the side of my head. It took me a while, and if I were in human form, I would've flushed at my inability to stand, but I began walking around the clearing. Soon enough, I was running around, my tongue wagging. I was so giddy. 

Forget looking like a fool in front of Haakon, I was bursting with happiness.

My arduous work paid off.

I had trained my body until I was not able to stand, and now I could transform into the animals of my ancestors.

Do you know how to transition back into your human body? Haakon asked and I turned my head to the side. How could I reply to him? How did I tell him I could understand him? Mother and Father never told me the details of the Warriors, as I was a female. In their eyes, I didn't need to know.

In this form, I can understand you perfectly fine. I will become Tribe Leader, no? Haakon raised his eyebrows, it would do me no favors if I couldn't understand my Warriors.

I could feel the embarrassment radiating off me.

Think of your human form. Think of something that reminds you of humanity. That's the only way you will transition back.

After thinking for a while, another thought entered my head. What would I do about clothes? Mine had ripped during the transformation!

Haakon's deep chuckles brought me out of my panicked thoughts.

You can use my cloak. Transition back, Warrior.

The last thought I had as a Panther was, it was good to speak to Haakon again. I'd go through this pain again, if it meant I could speak to him.

As I closed my eyes, I thought I got a glimpse of an anguished expression on Haakon's face, but that's impossible as he was the one who ended our friendship.

. . .