I didn't wake up till 1:00 pm. Brendon wasn't in bed so I'm guessing that he let me sleep in.

I lazily roll out of bed. I pull on a pair of sweat pants and a plain white t-shirt.

I walk into the bathroom. I shield my eyes from the light to give them time to adjust.

I look and myself in the mirror. I hate how I look. My neck is covered in bandages. How could I do that to myself.

I slowly remove the band aids one at a time. Once they are all off I stare at my reflection.

I have about seven scabs running up and down my neck. I feel so disgusting. I'm disgusted in myself. I think I'm going to be sick.

I kneel down in front of the toilet. Nothing is coming up. I feel so sick. I'm crying as I'm pressed up
Against the toilet.

That's when I feel it. The
Barf coming up the back of my throat.

I throw up into the toilet a couple times. I cough and start dry heaving.

I suddenly feel a hand on my back. "How did you do it?" I ask.

"Do what?" Brendon asks. "You were in and out of the hospital your whole life. How did you stop?" I ask.

"I didn't stop," Brendon says, "It never goes away. You just have to learn how to live with it so that it doesn't kill you."

"How do you learn to live with it?" I ask. "It's different for everyone babe," Brendon pauses, "for me it was you.

Somebody told me that If I would have died then the guy who, who rapes me," Brendon pauses.

I can feel the pain he's going through trying to explain it with out breaking down. I don't see how he does it though.

Brendon continues, "The guy who raped me would have won. I was told that I should thank you. Now everyday I remind myself of things that wouldn't have happened if you didn't save me.

I use that to motivate me to keep trying," Brendon says. "What happened?" I asked.

"What do you mean what happened?" Brendon asks. "Well for me it all started when I told my parents that I felt like a guy. What made you want to die so badly?" I ask.

Brendon laughs. "Nothing happened. I had a great childhood. It was the chemical imbalance in my brain," Brendon says,

"One day I just started think about death. Well not just thinking. I was fantasizing about death. It wasn't until I started attempting that I developed depression.

Everyone hated me. They thought I was crazy and that I couldn't be cured. I guess they where wrong."

Brendon helps me up off the floor. I brush my teeth then follow Brendon into the kitchen.

"If your thoughts ever get bad again let me know," I tell Brendon, "I will still save your life whether you want me to or not."

Brendon laughs, "That's a deal. Now what does
My fiancé want for breakfast?"

I told Brendon that all I wanted was cereal but he insisted on making me waffles and sausages.

I sit at the counter watching Brendon cook for me. Well I watch his ass more than anything. He wears his pajama pants so low that I can see his v-line when he faces me.

"Have I ever told you how sexy you are?" I ask. Brendon giggles. I see him start to blush.

He turns around. "This is also an amazing view," I laugh. "Shut up or else I'm not making you any breakfast," Brendon giggles.

"That's ok I'll just have cer-e-al," I say. I said cereal slowly as I read my incoming text messages.

"What is it babe?" Brendon ask me. "N-Nothing," I stutter as I think of how I should reply to this.

I contemplate if I should tell Brendon or not but I think that would just cause more drama.

I look down at my phone.

Incoming text from ❤️RyRo❤️

❤️RyRo❤️: I miss you really bad I know your with Brendon. But trust me I've had years of experience with him to know that he's not worth your time. Please meet me at the place we met.
DallOFF: I don't think I should. If you have anything to say to me tell me over text.
❤️RyRo❤️:I miss you. I don't really want to tell you this over text. Please meet with me. It's important.
DallOFF: If it's somethings you can't say around Brendon then I don't want to meet you in person.

"Okay babe breakfast is ready. Who are you texting?" Brendon asks me.

"Nobody," I say. I kiss Brendon then tell him I have to use the bathroom.

When I get back to the kitchen Brendon looks upset. "Are you okay?" I ask.

"Why is his name heart emoji RyRo heart emoji in your phone?" Brendon asks with tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry I never changed it because I never used it once we got back together," I say.

"How long were you two together. I thought it was just a one night stand," Brendon sniffs.

I hate seeing him hurt like this. "We got together right after me and Breezy broke up. But it was only online.

When I got upset with you I got drunk and very high. I called Ryan to meet me at a club. I slept with him to make you jealous and that's why I broke up with him," I say with tears in my eyes.

I don't want to hurt Brendon.
I don't want him to cry. I love him. I hurts to know that I caused this.

"So then would you have told me that Ryan loved you and wanted to get back together with with you or would you have hid that too?" Brendon asks.

He shows me my phone and the new message Ryan sent saying, "I love you. I never stopped. I want you back. I need you back. Leave Brendon and come back to me."

Now I know why Brendon is so upset. I walk over to him and grab his hands.

I toss the phone on the counter. Brendon is crying and wraps his arms around my waist crying into my chest.

"Brendon I love you. I left him because I wanted to be with you. I would've never said yes to your proposal if I thought for one second that I would leave you for someone else.

You are my first love and my last love. Ryan will never get between us. I wouldn't have told you what he said because he's not important.

I'm going to block his number and delete him off my phone. Same with anybody else that tries to take me away from you," I say.

Brendon sniffs then looks up at me. "Really?" He asks.

"Really," I kiss him. "We need to stop crying and have more fun with our days off," I say.

"Agreed," Brendon says. I pick him up. His legs wrapped around my waist, his fingers in my hair, and his head buried into the side of my neck.

He starts kissing the side of my neck slowly. I flinch at first, afraid of him touching my neck. Then I moan at how good he's making me feel.

I'd try to walk us back to the bedroom but I don't think we'll make it there.

I stop at the couch in the living room.

"Now let me show you how much I love you," I say as I lay Brendon down on the couch.

I climb on top of him. I kiss him on the lips then the jaw. The I kiss down his neck leaving hickeys all over his body.

I kiss his collarbone then his chest. Brendon tries to get me to go lower but I stop and start making out with him again.

I repeat the painfully slow process. Brendon tells me to stop teasing him and hurry up.

He pulls my shirt up over my head. I slowly kiss him around his waistband. He moans louder.

I take that as an okay to go lower. I use my teeth to pull down his pajama pants.

I can see how hard he is through his boxers. I don't want to make this process any longer then it has to be.

I pull down his boxers freeing his hard dick. I hear him gasp as the cold air makes him shiver.

I wrap my hand around the base of Brendon's dick slowly pumping up and down. Brendon bucks his hips up trying to get me to go faster.

I place my mouth at the tip of his cock then slowly work my way down so that I'm taking all of him into my mouth.

I start slowly bobbing my head up and down. Brendon moans, telling me to go faster.

I do as he says. I give Brendon a blowjob until he tells me he's about to come. That's when I stop.

I walk to our room and grab a condom and a bottle of lube. I walk back into the living room.

I tell Brendon to sit up and take my clothes off. He does as I say. I roll the condiment into my hard cock then ask Brendon to put the lube on me and in his entrance.

I sit down on the couch next to Brendon. I hold my hard dick jacking off.

I tell Brendon to siting my dick. He lines his entrance up with my dick. He struggles to get me inside of him at first but once he get it he slowly slides down on my cock.

I gasp. Brendon is very tight. Brendon moans. He sit back up then back down onto my cock again.

I start thrusting myself in and out of him while he rides me. I moan for Brendon to go faster.

Brendon moans, "F-F-Fuck me dally!" "Mmm Brendon your so fucking tight. Baby!" I moan back.

I feel Brendon's muscles tightening. His eyes roll to the back of his head.

He feel so good. "I'm g-gonna c-come," I moan out.

Brendon Orgasms when I say that and then I come right after him.

We ride out the rest of our orgasm. Brendon starts slowing down and gets very tight around my cock.

When I finally pull out I give Brendon another blowjob. I lick all the cum off his dick.

I lay down on Brendon and tell him I love him. Brendon breathlessly tells me he loves me too.

God I don't know what I'd do if I lost Brendon.

A few minutes pass and Brendon finally says,

"The first time we had sex we made a sex tape. I think the first time we have sex when we're married we should make another one."

I laugh at what Brendon just said. That is obviously after sex talk speaking right now. "Should we huh?" I ask sarcastically.

"Uh huh I really really want to," Brendon says.

"Whatever you say baby," I agree. I know it probably won't happen but just to keep Brendon happy I said yes.

*Happy Halloween losers... I think this is the first actually smut I've had in this story so ya hope you liked it*