I gripped my rifle harder. I hated this. Absolutely hated it. Retaking villages. There were Bursaaq rebels in the larger ones and they never went down without a fight. The men were starving and always outnumbered. They always lost.

And I was never out there with the fighters. I just sat in the back of a truck, gripping a rifle in case I needed to defend myself. And Huck. He wasn't a fighter either. We were the people who sat and waited for the gunfire to die down.

In the span of my life I had been many things. I had been a student, a sister, a princess and a queen. Then I had been an escapee. A survivor. Now I was someone who waited. I waited for the gunshot to end. I waited for the war to be over. I waited till we found whatever was blocking Andaheim. I did nothing but wait.

And it was killing me.

The gunshots finally stopped, and I looked up, meeting Huck's gaze.

"Wait a bit longer," he said softly.

I nodded and looked back down at my rifle. "I hate this."

"I know. But it's necessary. There are no wars without casualties."

I wished there were. I was so done with death and war and guns. I wanted it all to be over. After almost two years of doing this shit, I was done. I just wanted it all to be over.

Huck rose and jerked his head, motioning me to follow him. We jumped out of the truck and down on the gravel path.

"How's it looking?" I asked before I looked up from the ground.

"It's not bad. You can look."

I didn't wanna see bodies. I didn't wanna see anything that remotely reminded me of the explosion. I was starting to have memories back. Flashes of images. People splayed out in the throne room... Dying...

I shook my head and looked up. The village looked fine. A group of Bursaaq people sat on the ground, their hands tied on their backs. At least they weren't dead.

"Learned anything?" I asked Dy as she stood scouting over the town from a bench.

"Not yet. But we will." She jumped down from the bench and put her arm around me. "I think it's better if you're not around for the interrogations."

"Right."

"So, go with Huck, yeah? You can help him, maybe."

I nodded and bit down on my lip. "Am I dead weight here?" I asked and glanced up at her.

"Al, no. You're not dead weight. You're extremely important. If we find what we're looking for while we're out here, then you need to be here. We can't afford to lose time. But while we're looking, we need to help out with this as well."

I knew all that. She had told me all of this before. I was just so tired of feeling so useless. I did fuckall. My brother had looked like he had been through the depths of the worst realms and here I was, doing fuckall.

I just wanted to do something other than waiting. But there was nothing for me to do. I wasn't a warrior. I had a pretty good grasp on my powers, but it felt wrong to use them for something like this. I didn't want to kill more people. I had accidentally killed those people in Paamut, and I never wanted it to happen again. I had to find the beauty in my powers. And I couldn't very well do that, if I used them only for destruction.

Maybe that should be what I should be focusing on. Finding beauty in this horrific world, so I didn't lose complete faith in this gods-forsaken nation.

I found Huck in one of the smaller cottages. He was hunched over some drawings, sitting by a table next to a window with open shutters.

"What are you doing?" I asked and sat down across from him.

"I'm designing new roprosthetics," he murmured as the pencil flew over the paper, making a pretty soothing sound.

"How come?"

"Because after this we'll need better technology and a lot more roprosthetics." He looked over the brim of his thick glasses, meeting my gaze.

"I guess you're right."

"There was a guy. Our age. He lost his leg the other day. He's from Bursaaq so right now he'll stay one-legged. But someday, he'll come to Aatskina and I'll be making him a leg so he can walk again."

"I think that sounds good. At some point we have to unite this nation."

"Yeah, I told him that too. He spat at me." He snorted and looked back down at his drawing. "I always just wanted people to get their lives back, you know? I didn't wanna make weapons. But for the past two years, all I've done was weaponry. I have a gift, you see. I can make things. Like Barr said, I'm a creator." He shrugged a shoulder. "But I don't wanna create things that destroy people. That makes people our age lose limbs."

"I know the feeling," I muttered and tapped my metal finger against the tabletop.

"How could you?"

"Because I have these spiritual powers that I can't figure out what to do with, other than killing."

That made Huck look back up again. He pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose, his eyes wide.

"Can I ask you about your powers?"

"Sure."

"What are they?"

"Black smoke, as far as I know. Black smoke that kills people." I looked down at my roprosthetic. "You're lucky though. You get to create things. Make lives better for other people. Me? I get freaky black smokey powers and that's it."

"Barr could read people's minds and make things float with the sheer power of his mind."

I nodded. "And so can Quinn. But me? Just smoke."

"There has to be more to it."

I shrugged. "Maybe. Nila, my spirit, said there was but we didn't have time to explore it all. So we focused on what I could already do which was destruction."

"There might have to be some kind of balance. With destruction comes something else. Like Barr and Quinn can destroy things with their mind, but at the same time they can also read other people's minds. It's all connected to their minds, you know?"

"Yeah, I guess. What else is connected to smoke?"

"Fire, usually." He finished the fingers on his drawing of a hand. "There's no smoke without fire. And fire is not all destruction. I need fire to bend the metals. To create things. To heat my food and my house. Fire is the ultimate creator's tool."

"But I can't summon fire. I can only summon smoke."

"Maybe the fire is within you. And you just have to find it?"

I snorted. "Sounds too far out, to be honest."

"Hey, I'm just spitballing."

Baby crawled out of the back of Huck's hood and on top of his head. She was growing bigger by the minute, it seemed. She got comfortable in between the strands of Huck's black hair and swished her long tail down in front of his face. She had lost a lot of feathers, her tail feathers included and instead a long tail had replaced them. It was still covered in feathers, long ones at the end too.

Huck laughed and waved her tail out of his face. "She does this on purpose to get attention. I'm trying to teach her she can't always have her way."

"Barr was obsessed with her, wasn't he?" I asked and smiled.

"Yeah. He'll get her back though. When we take Andahavn, they'll be reunited, and he can take care of her again."

I nodded a bit but didn't say anything. I didn't wanna say anything that could potentially make him think we wouldn't make it. But I had my doubts. All I had was time to think and I was overthinking all the time. I was trapped in my head most of the time, and everyone else had something to do. Even Huck could sit and design new things and I couldn't do anything.

Dy smiled as she opened the door to the bedroom, we had claimed for the time being. "You found a book."

I looked from said book and smiled back. "Yes, and it's actually good too."

"That's a lucky coincidence." She joined me on the bed and put her head on my stomach. I ran my fingers over the bald spot on her head and she made a very content sound.

"How did it go?"

"Pretty good. We're taking them back to Paasmut for further interrogations but they're very cooperative. They're tired of this war too and all they asked for in return was food and beds."

"Seems like a fair trade." I put the book on the small bedside table and then detached my arm, putting it next to the book.

"It's getting easier. They're starting to lose faith in their own battle too. I don't think a lot of the soldiers are totally on board with their leaders."

"Well, it's not the leaders that are out fighting the battle, is it? Maybe they're turning sour."

"True. And they're seeing you here. It's helping. You're still a queen to some." She moved up and hovered over me. "Especially to me." She lowered herself and kissed me.

I smiled against her lips and slid my fingers up to the hairband holding her hair in a messy bun, releasing it. It all cascaded down her shoulders in a black waterfall of shiny soft hair. She was so beautiful, and I felt so fortunate to have her.

She dumped down next to me, urging me to curl up to her. "I think we can actually do this, Al."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, it feels like we're headed towards the end. Bursaaq is beaten. Skyen has no way of reaching Andaheim as long as there's no harbour and the Kabir navy is floating around. The rebels don't even have a way out anymore. We've got them where we want them so it's really only a matter of time." She smiled reassuringly.

I mean, when she smiled that, what else could I do but believe her? She sounded so sure and she knew about this stuff a lot better than I did. She was the warrior here, tattoos to prove it and all.

"And when we're done, we'll move into the stronghold and you'll do whatever the fuck you want. I'll do whatever the fuck I want. And we'll be so happy."

I snorted. "You don't want a job or anything?"

"Honestly after all of this, I think I need a lifetime worth of a vacation."

"We could go back to Kabir. Explore the world."

That made her smile and place a kiss on my head. "I'd absolutely love that."

"We'd get so tanned. And just enjoy the sun, watch birds..."

"Go to the sandy beaches. Watch hot lassies walk around in skimpy bathing costumes."

I snorted and slapped her arm.

"I mean, you'd wear skimpy bathing costumes too, right?"

"Or I'd just go naked." I shrugged a shoulder.

Dy smiled even wider. "Yes, that sounds much better."

"And you'd be in the skimpy bathing costume."

"Oh, I'll find the skimpiest. There'll be nothing left for the imagination."

"I think green would suit you."

"And you look the best in absolutely nothing, my queen," she said very softly, gently grabbed my chin and guided my mouth up to hers.

I melted into her. The way she didn't rush the kisses was one of my favourite parts of kissing her. Also her ridiculously softly lips. So plump too.

All her kisses started out very chaste until she bit down on my bottom lip, making me open my mouth and make room for her tongue. She was gentle when she ran her hand under my shirt and settled it on my waist. She'd slowly run her thumb over my ribs.

I'd settle my hand on her stomach. I loved it. So soft at the bottom and so hard at the top. She had muscles but she still had her soft spots. Like on her hips. And her thighs.

Oh gods her thighs. Even the skin was soft there.

I pushed her on her back and slipped my shirt over my head – with her help, since it was still hard for me to get undressed with only one hand. I went for her shirt next. Also something she had to help me with, but she didn't help until she saw I was struggling. Then she'd do a little, just enough to help me but not to take control from me. I wanted it right now. I wanted to get lost in all the soft and hard spots on her gorgeous body.

She sighed very contently and spread her legs for me, after also helping me with getting her trousers off.

I kissed her thighs, showing my appreciation for them, before diving down between them. Her fingers ran through my hair and she moaned softly. I dug my fingers into her thigh, and she gasped.

I loved doing something like this for her. It probably did as much for her as it did for me. Which was... Sometimes a little embarrassing, but Dy always got madly wild if I happened to reach the peak just from doing her.

"Fuck," she whispered, and her legs shook a little. She pulled a little on my hair, to get me back up to her face. "You're amazing," she murmured and kissed me.

I smiled and dumped down next to her, getting her to be my little spoon. Despite her not being very little. I was more like a backpack.

I liked it though. It was something no one needed two hands for. I just had to sling my arm around her, and she'd fit her fingers in between mine. I could easily place some kisses on her tattooed back too. I really loved her tattoos. All of them so elaborate. They were splashed across her body, covering her arms, her back, her chest and the side of her head. She even had some in her face and on her throat. Intricate patterns that were specific to her family and tribe.

I had some too on my stump that weren't the official marks of the monarch. The marks were just lines on my arm and fingers. And some circles on my back. But the one on my stump, those were amazing. Stars going around my upper arm with little dots and lines outlining them. The Aatskina tribal tattoos showing I had been touched by the spirits. I had actually earned them, like all the other members of the tribe.

"You know, I love you, right?" she murmured tiredly.

"You know, I love you too, right?"

"Yeah. I think I know that."

I laughed and pressed myself closer to her. "Good. I think I know you love me too."

"Cheesy," she whispered.