♛Cameron Dawson ♛

I run a hand through my hair, pulling the bandages that are stained with blood off of my hands. I toss them into the trashcan, pulling a white shirt over myself and pulling on sneakers while rubbing my jaw that's aching.

"That bastard really hit you hard huh?" Ramiro asks me and I look over to see him bandaging his hand, his fight next. I laugh under my breath.

"You have no idea."

"Well now we know how ladies feel after certain activities." He jokes with a smirk and I snort, rolling my eyes as I grab my bag and sling it over my shoulder. He stands up then, patting my shoulder as a way of bidding me goodbye.

"Good luck man." I say. "Better beat the shit out of whatever asshole you're up against."

Ramiro mockingly punches the air. "Fuck yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

I nod, leaving the club through the backdoor after making it through the crowd of people who pat my back as I leave. When I'm in the car, I have to breathe in deeply before starting my car and heading home. Well, as best as home can be at this point. Harley is the only thing that could possibly make any place feel like home. However, as I walk into the apartment, I realise that something is a little off. Harley had racing tonight but her bag and jacket lay splayed across the couch. I shut the door behind me, softly placing my keys on the counter before reaching for the gun underneath the kitchen island. Slipping my bag to the floor, I click the bullet into place, moving my feet quietly against the floor as I head to the bedroom. As quick as lightning, I'm aiming the gun as I step into the room. But the sight that greets me is worse than I was expecting.

Quickly I drop the gun to the bed, rushing over to Harley. She's leaning against the railing of the weird balcony, a bottle of whiskey in her hand as she lifts it up to her lips.

"Hey," she smiles as I walk in and I shake my head.

"Not again amado." I say in sadness and she frowns.

"What? At least I'm not at a party."

I shake my head, stepping towards her when I see the mess she's made and the tug on my heart makes me feel like I'm having a heart attack. Next to her feet is a razor and there's drops of blood on the floor and on her shirt. When my eyes move to her wrist, I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. As my eyes meet hers, she takes a sip of the whiskey before offering it to me.

"I don't want alcohol Harley."

"Fine. More for me." She shrugs and I try grab it from her before she moves it out of my reach. "Leave me alone Danté."

"Harley, give me the bottle please."

"No." She says, jutting her chin out in defiance, and I purse my lips.

"Harley."

"Can I not get drunk in peace?" She snaps, nostrils flaring slightly. "Fucking hell. I can't get any space in this fucking cursed place."

Hearing Harley swear already makes me know she's long gone in her drunkenness and I frown, looking down at her. "What happened to make you drink?"

She shrugs. "Nothing."

"Then why are you drinking again? I thought we went over this. A million times."

Her eyes narrow before she pushes herself up to a standing position, having to lean on the sliding door to try and keep herself upright. She holds the whiskey tightly, stepping towards me on unsteady legs and I watch as she takes another sip, never breaking eye contact.

"You know why I'm drinking?" She says angrily before laughing. "Because I lost the race tonight. Awesome right?" She lets out a scoff. "I'm such a fucking failure. Fuck."

"No you're not." I say softly and she gives me a sideways glance, the look already telling me she's going to do something stupid.

"I'm not a failure huh?" She asks before downing more of the alcohol but before I can snatch it away, she's taking it and slamming it against the wall so that it shatters. I close my eyes, breathing in deeply, before looking at her to see her watching me expectantly. "What was it that you were saying?"

"Don't do this." I murmur.

"Do what? Prove that I am failure. That I'm a fucking idiot? Look at me! I'm drunk! Again! And covered in my own blood and yet I'm still breathing." She yells, still holding on to the bottle's neck.

I've never met Harley's parents to be able to decide what she got from who but if there is one thing that I can unmistakably assume is that the impulsiveness that Harley gets when drunk comes from her father. I told her that once and she had sobbed, crying that she didn't want to be anything like her father. I told her it was okay- we all have something from our parents we don't like. At times, I can be completely merciless and push my feelings and moral compass to the side just like my father. And I hate it. But it's who I am and I have to learn to accept that.

I don't trust Harley with the shattered glass in her hands- not because she'll hurt me but because I'm afraid she'll hurt herself. She's already done that this evening, adding more scars to her wrists and I refuse to allow her to add more.

"You know that isn't true." I say calmly, arms outstretched in a peaceful manner. "You're worth everything and more."

She laughs, running a hand through her hair. "You are so blind Danté!"

I shake my head. "No. No I am not."

She stares at me then, hazel eyes burning with something I'm not quite sure what is. "Why do you love me?"

It's not the first time she's asked me that. And it probably won't be the last. But it is the first time she's done it when not being sober. It's hard to explain why you love someone when they can't seem to love themself. They can't understand it. And it hurts. It hurts to love someone who thinks that they're not worthy of that love.

"Because you're everything I've ever dreamed of." I respond, watching her watch me. "Because you're beautiful and I love how you smile. Because your laugh makes me warm and fuzzy and like everything is okay even when it isn't. Because your skin reminds me of the paintings I've seen in museums and your freckles remind me of chocolate sprinkles." I say, taking slow steps towards her. "Because your heart is so big and so full. Because you radiate love and nothing but love and because you've never given up on me. But," I murmur, finally close to her- so close that I can smell the alcohol on her, "mostly because you're worth it. You're worth every drop of blood in my body and my life would be meaningless without you. I love you Harley. Even if you don't love yourself."

Tears pool in her eyes as she looks between my own and I reach out for the bottle piece in her hands, taking it from her limp grasp and placing it on the floor. She's staring at me, tears streaming down her cheeks and I reach out for her but she steps back, looking down.

"I... I don't... I don't deserve your love." She pushes out, voice hoarse and wobbling with emotion. "I let myself down and now I'm letting you down."

"You're not letting me down Harley." I say, reaching for her arms and holding her gently. "We're all broken amado. Some just a little more than others. But that doesn't make you worthless. Ever."

Her lips quiver and a sob leaves her mouth. Pulling her into my chest, she heaves up and down and I hold her tightly, wishing it would put her pieces back together again.

****

Xavier lets me off the next day so I get to wake up on my own leisure. Sleep is something rare for me these days so I don't force myself awake. Instead, I stay in bed, long after I've woken up, with Harley still pressed to my chest and my arm wrapped around her chest tightly. It's a peaceful morning- the sun is shining through the windows, the air is warm, the woman I love is in bed beside me and I don't have to fight today.

Harley stirs in her sleep a while later, turning so that we're now chest to chest and she rests her hands under her face. It reveals the cuts from last night and my chest tightens before I look at her peaceful state. Who would think that this woman- in such a beautiful, peaceful slumber- is plagued by such nightmares?

Reaching out, I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and Harley's eyes flutter open slowly. I smile.

"Morning."

She winces, but smiles anyway. "Morning." She rasps back. I pull myself up to a seating position and watch as she rolls onto her stomach.

"You feeling alright?" I ask in concern and she peeks at me through one eye.

"Could I get an aspirin please?"

I nod, slipping out of bed and heading to the kitchen. I rummage through medication- sleeping pills, stronger painkillers, herbal remedies for anxiety, cough mixture- before finding the bottle of aspirin and popping two out and then pouring a glass of water. Harley is sitting up against the wall now, eyes cast downward as she rubs a thumb over the cuts on her wrist when I reach the room and I pause in the doorway, watching the knot between her brows.

As soon as I enter, she looks up, dropping her arms down to her lap. I hand her the glass and medication and she gives me a small smile before putting them in her mouth and swallowing them with the water. I watch as she does so and I have so many things to say.

With the way Harley has being ever since killing Frank, I was terrified that she'd do something crazy and... really hurt herself. But if there's one thing I've come to learn about Harley it's that she's afraid of death. Too afraid to summon it herself. But I still fear that maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'll wake up one day and she won't be here.

"Are you okay?" I ask her as she places the now empty glass on the nightstand. She looks at me from under her long lashes.

"I'm fine."

"You don't have to lie to me." I remind her.

"I'm not. I'm fine. I'm not great, I'm not good, I'm fine."

I watch her silently, pursing my lips. It's being a while since I've seen Harley cut and she promised me she wouldn't do it again. I'd rather her drink herself into a state of oblivion then cut her skin open so as to feel pain. But I know how hard it is not to give into the darkness. It's really fucking hard.

Reaching for her left hand, I turn it around so that the fresh cuts are exposed and I watch as she swallows hard. I rub a thumb over them before pressing a kiss on the new woundsu, not breaking eye contact.

"You're strong Harley. Stronger than you think. And I love you for that." I say softly and she blinks rapidly, looking away as she retracts her hand from me. Shaking her head, she smiles as if none of this has happened.

"Why aren't you at the gang yet?" She asks and I stand up with a stretch.

"Xavier gave me off but I'm still on tonight."

She nods. "Please tell me you're going to rest. You need it after all this training and fighting."

"I will, don't worry. I'm just heading over to Ramiro and Katalina but I won't be long." I say as I pull out clothing from the cupboard. After gathering my things, I make my way to the bathroom and take a hot shower in an attempt to ease my tense muscles.

It doesn't work.

****

If I could choose a simple life it would go something like this- Harley and I living in a nice house in a beautiful country and area where everything is green and luscious and natural. We wouldn't be too far from a beach so that we could walk on it every afternoon and watch the sunset. I'd own my own auto mechanic shop and work on cars while Harley becomes an established author. I'd kiss her cheek every morning and then make us tea. She would smile at me. A few years later, we'd put all the sex we have to use and have kids. Maybe a little girl. And we'd all sit on the couch at night and watch movies.

I've never wanted an extravagant life. Just a simple but content one and I wonder if I'll ever be able to achieve that or if I'll die in this world that I was born into while Harley suffers.

I'm so deep in thought that I pick up the wrong sized tool and I let out an irritated sigh, standing up to grab the correct one.

"You okay?" Comes a gentle voice and I look to see Lina leaning against the doorframe and watching me work on her brother's car. I wipe my damp brow with the back of my hand and nod, a bit breathless.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

Lina's thick waves are left down, voluminous and wild while she wears a pair of shorts that show off her legs. She has that real Latina look going for her and I know how much guys like that.

"Mmh." She hums to herself. "You don't look too okay. You actually look quite frustrated."

I shrug, continuing to work on the car. "It was a rough night. That's all." I grunt and I cast a quick glance to see her raising a brow.

"A rough night? I thought you'd be all smiles and laughter after a night like that."

Tossing the screwdriver into the tool box, I wipe my hands on a cloth. "Not that kind of rough night Katalina."

She raises an eyebrow. "So, what kind of 'rough night' then?" She enquires further and I look down at my boots. "Is everything okay with you Harley?"

There's a sudden urge for me to just confide in Katalina. Not because I want sympathy or advice but simply because I just want to get a few things off my chest. It's stressful with Harley being so unpredictable and impulsive and it's even harder dealing with gang shit. Life is just so overwhelming right now and I want someone to talk to. Other than Harley.

"I think you need something to drink." Lina says, beckoning me inside and I follow her into the kitchen without much hesitation. I take a seat on the barstool as she pulls out a beer and slides it to me. I pop it open and take a sip just as she leans her elbows on the kitchen island. I hate beer but after working on the car, my thirst makes the bitter taste bearable.

"So, do you want me to offer a listening ear or give advice?"

I smile softly. "Either would suffice."

"Alright." She says, straightening up. "What's up?"

Where do I begin? So much has made life difficult that it's hard to decide where to start. I decide to dive right in. "Ever since Harley killed that man, she's being spiraling downwards."

Katalina frowns. I explain the drinking, the guilt and how Harley has changed. And I don't do it to be heartless to Harley and make it seem like she's losing her mind but just to get it off my chest because this has hurt me too. A lot. I leave out Harley's past, and mine, and her anxiety and phobia but explain that she was in a coma. Lina doesn't say anything when I ramble but she listens contently, asking a few questions now and then.

"And lost night I got back to her hammered and..."

"And?" Katalina presses. I sigh, running a hand through my hair.

"And cutting herself. Again."

Katalina frowns but nods before sitting down on a barstool.

"Sounds like Harley just doesn't know how to let go of the guilt."

"I'm worried about her." I confess. "No matter what I do or say, it's like she can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. And I understand that. I understand what it's like to think there's no hope but I just... fuck, I just wish I could take her pain away you know? I love her and seeing her do this to herself hurts. It hurts so fucking much."

It's silent for a moment and I lift the beer can, taking a sip.

"Ramiro used to cut, too." Lina says and I look up to see her with furrowed brows. "He met this girl." She begins, looking up to meet my gaze. "And he was head over heels for her. He thought that she was the light after our parents died. I've never seen my brother glow like that. Radiate such positivity and enthusiasm for life. But I noticed too many red flags and when I told him about it, he shrugged it off. Ramiro has always smoked weed but this girl got him into the heavier stuff and soon he was on heroine, doing that shit with this girl. It was insane. I've never seen Ray so... dead. He was sick, irritated and so unlike himself. This went on for a while before he found out that the bitch was sleeping with a friend of ours. She was only using Ramiro for the money for drugs- there wasn't any love there.

"He took it bad Cameron. Like, really bad. I couldn't get through to him and whenever I tried, all we did was fight. We've always being close but during that time... some really hurtful things were said. And then I noticed the marks on his wrist. I've never felt panic like that. I can't lose Ray. He's the only family I have left. But he didn't listen when I told him there would be another girl. Someone else who will be worth his love. On top of that, he was using even more. There wasn't a fucking day he was sober. It was a long journey. And it's different to Harley in that it wasn't guilt he was feeling but heartbreak. But I'm pretty sure Harley feels heartbroken too- like she let herself down. I guess, in a way, Ray also felt guilty- he always said he would never go onto the hardcore stuff and he did. I had to let Ramiro heal on his own, offering my love and support as a crutch for him. It wasn't easy. Fuck no. But slowly he smiled more and laughed and spoke with me like we used to. And then I stopped seeing fresh cuts on his wrist and he was attending support groups and stopped using. And he was okay. He wasn't just a walking corpse anymore. He was alive. Ray hasn't met anyone yet and he guards his heart with everything that he's got and he has to live with the temptation to sometimes use and go back to that shit. But he made it through. He smokes weed yeah, but he's being clean of the other stuff for long now. He really pulled himself together. " Katalina says, voice thick with emotion and I can sense her pride for her brother. "And Harley is capable of that too."

I can't imagine if Harley hurt me like the girl Ramiro loved hurt him. I would lose my mind- go insane. And that makes me feel a completely newfound respect for Ramiro because it takes balls to pull yourself out of a situation like that.

"I'm not telling you this so that you pity my brother. He's above pity. But I'm telling you because sometimes all we can do for the people we love is support them and let them know that we're here for them." She shrugs.

"And, hopefully, that will be enough."

•••
With you all getting a little bit of insight into Ramiro's life, what do you guys think of him? He's honestly one of my favorite characters I've ever written.
Hope you're all safe and healthy <3

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