♕Harley Anderson♕

A bead of sweat trickles down my neck as I lift my hands up to my face and bring my leg up to kick the punching back. It's a weak attempt- although, better than the last few- and the bag merely sways a little from side to side. I let out a long sigh of exhaustion, my legs feeling like they're about to crumble off. I drop to the floor, lying down on my back and appreciating the coolness of the floor on my skin.

"You know, if you had to fight someone, it doesn't really matter if you're tired." Cyrus says from the opposite side of the room and I pull a strand of hair sticking to my forehead away before turning to look at him and giving him a pointed look. I'm surprised he even had the energy to do a few rounds of punches with me on the mat with how exhausted he looks. His usually clean shaven jaw is littered with stubble and the faint blue rings under his eyes make me think that he hasn't slept in a while. Even his usually styled hair is left in a mess on the top of his head.

He takes a sip of water and then seats himself on the mat. Pulling myself up, I move on to the mat as well and plop down before drinking water out of my own bottle. I watch as he stares at the door absentmindedly and swishes the water around in the bottle. It's clear that there's something on his mind and when's the best time to get something out of anyone? When things are too heavy and they need to put a little weight down and even though the shame that I feel is overbearing, I still open my mouth and ask: "What's wrong?"

As if snapped out of a daze, Cyrus meets my collected gaze and blinks.

"Nothing is wrong." He replies and I have to give credit that he says it with a lot of conviction that I'm almost convinced. But I'm also a lot more desperate for inside information.

"Cyrus," I swallow, my heart beating rapidly as I consider the words in my head. "I'm your sister. You can tell me. What am I going to do? I'm stuck here."

I'm your sister. The words make me physically feel sick and I want to pull my hair out immediately after I've said them. I'm his sister, yes, but I am not his family. I have not yet forgiven him for what he did to me.

His posture seems to slump a little as he pulls a leg up and rests his arm on his knee. Raising a brow he says: "I'm your brother. You don't tell me anything."

"Because I don't trust you." I snap before swallowing. I need to keep it together. "But you can trust me."

"Trust is a two way street."

I shake my head. "Not always."

He watches me then, green eyes almost trying to pick up a crack in my mask but I don't falter. Eventually he sighs, looking down at his lap.

"It's just very stressful. Being Jack's right hand man and all."

I want to tell him that he brought that upon himself. He chose to be the leader's bitch. He chose to be a part of this gang and fall in love with an assassin. He chose this life. I didn't choose to stay in a monster's house or be beaten everyday or lose everyone I cared for. I never chose the things that hurt me, he did. And maybe that's something that will always separate us- he chose his suffering but I didn't choose mine.

"The Kings are getting stronger and becoming a bigger threat than Jack anticipated. In fact, they killed one of our dealers so that Jack's customers didn't get their fix. He lost a lot of money. And status." Cyrus explains, voice tired. "I had to track the bastard down and deal with him myself. And then there's Pittsburgh... fuck. It's taking longer to start up the branch there. Jack is struggling to buy a port and we can't do anything until that goes through."

That's the first time he's directly said that they're aiming on working their way into Pittsburgh or, rather, from Pittsburgh outwards. But the port thing is new for me. If Enrique managed to buy the port first... like Cyrus said, then the branch can't open there. However, my heart distracts me with the little tug it does as I notice the stress of Cyrus.

I don't care. I tell myself. I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.

"I'm just really fucking tired. I could sleep for a century." He grumbles and I nod. What do I say? Encourage him to keep being a ruthless right hand man? Tell him that it's going to work out for the gang? Explain that I think he's an amazing person who will figure it out? Because they're all lies. I might be a manipulator, do I want to be a liar too?

"You were never a patient child." I tsk jokingly, diverting to humour to try lighten the atmosphere. A weak laugh escapes his mouth and I smile. "I remember that time mom told you that the chicken needed to cook for an hour and you couldn't hold your damn horses, took it off the stove at thirty minutes, ate it and got salmonella. Fucking idiot." I shake my head to myself, remembering my brother hurling his guts out for been stupid.

"Hey, I was starving that day alright? We went to the park and I had only ordered ice-cream. I was a growing boy and needed something of substance!"

"Well maybe you should have ordered a burger like I suggested because that's what I did before ordering one scoop of ice-cream unlike you who ordered five!" I counter and Cyrus chuckles.

"You always thought things through better than me. Like that time when I snuck out and you came up with the amazing idea that I get out through the bathroom window because it was easier."

"And then your ass decided to accidentally kick me in the jaw when you managed to get through." I slap his knee, remembering the night he accidentally kicked me and gave me this huge, ugly bruise. But I laugh- because it's a good memory- and Cyrus does too, eyes crinkling as he holds his stomach. When we both sober up, he looks at me with a nostalgic smile.

"I always said I'd help you do the same thing when you were a teenager."

But he didn't. Because he left. And never came back.

Looking away, I push myself to standing position. "Let's call it a day, yeah?" I don't leave much room for him to disagree as I retrieve my duffle bag from the corner of the room. Cyrus stands by the door silently and holds it open for me so that I give a small, weak smile as I leave and then he follows after me, locking the door. The walk to the car is silent and before sliding into the seat after him, I have to take a deep breath and remind myself of what he's done. Of what he's helped me become.

Because it would be so easy. It would be so easy to love him again.

****

Instead of waiting at the gang, I head to the apartment. I avoided doing it due to safety reasons but now that the Kings aren't anything to worry about I can stay back with a lot more peace of mind. Since it's not often that I get time to sit and do... literally nothing, I pick up the phone and call Audrey. I miss her a lot. I think I miss her the most, actually. She never failed to make me laugh or smile or cook a good meal. It was nice just having a friend who radiated the kind of positivity that I lacked inside. She was a reminder of hope, in a way, I guess. And I miss having that light wake me up with loud music blaring from her room everyday.

"My bitch!" Audrey drawls out in a shriek when she answers on the fourth ring and I can't help but laugh as I reach over for the nail polish on my bedside table. I place the call on speaker, tossing my phone into the center of the bed as I begin painting my toenails red.

"Hey Audrey," I smile as I think of the fiery ginger. "How're you and Caleb?"

"We're great mamasita!" I hear Caleb exclaim down the line before Audrey tells him to shut up. I laugh.

"Hey Caleb."

"Hey Harley. How are you and Cam?" He asks more soberly and I smile fondly at the worry in his voice.

"We're alright." I reply and I hear shuffling on the line before I hear Audrey say:

"Go finish cooking and leave me to talk to my best friend." Her tone is teasing but I still hear Caleb grumbling before I assume he walks away. "Anyway," Audrey emphasizes "how are you guys really? You okay that side? Safe?"

I bite on my lip, not sure how to sugarcoat it because we're not safe. Tomorrow is never promised in this place.

"We're fine. Things are... okay, I guess."

"I worry about you guys." She says and my heart squeezes. I never wanted her and Caleb to worry about us while we were this side. It makes things harder.

"I know." I say, trying to keep my voice neutral. "But we're holding up. We've even made friends."

I can hear the smile in her voice. "Look at you, you social butterfly."

Rolling my eyes, I finish off my pinky toe before closing the bottle and placing it back on the table. I turn the speaker off and place the phone to my ear, leaning into the pillows on the bed.

"Oh hush. I still miss you though. I kinda miss been forced to listen to Fallout Boys to be honest."

A snort is heard over the line. "Oh I'm sure. See! You shouldn't have complained all those days... it was actually a blessing."

"Audrey." I deadpan. "Being woken up by rock at seven on a Saturday is not a blessing."

"Semantics." She waves it off and I laugh, shaking my head to myself.

"How are you and Caleb though?" I go on and Audrey delves into a long conversation, explaining everything that's going on that side. It almost feels like I'm there and I listen intently, picturing things back home. Apparently they're done painting the apartment and it looks amazing- according to Audrey anyway because Caleb strongly disagrees- and they've decided to adopt a puppy. They're still waiting for the adoption centre to approve the request though. Along with that, Audrey and Caleb will both be going to London for a week next month because Caleb has some football event to attend. Audrey gushes about the architecture she'll see there and for a moment I forget that she's a party animal.

"Also," she adds after rambling and I immediately notice the nervous tone of her voice and I perk up. "I, uhm, I might er-"

"Audrey!" I gasp, "Are you fumbling for words?"

"Shut up!" She squeals and I can't help but laugh as she lets out a huff.

"Continue." I urge her on and she sighs.

"I might be pregnant."

My saliva goes down the wrong way and I break into a spluttering mess. It feels like I'm hacking up a lung and it clearly doesn't sound so great because Audrey continues to ask me if I'm okay. I catch my breath after a while, wiping tears that escaped out of my eyes.

"Wait... you might be pregnant?" I repeat incredulously.

"Yep."

"What does 'might' mean? You haven't taken a test?" I ask with a frown, fingering my shirt.

"Well my period has being late but lately it's being a little off so I wanted to see if it would come this week. But it didn't. So we're heading to the store later to go get a test."

I imagine Audrey with a belly, it protruding out of her band tees and how her cravings will probably be through the roof. I can picture her and Caleb painting a room for the baby and Caleb putting his ear against her stomach to try and hear the little bundle. Then she'd have the baby and they would raise their child together, happily. Given, it will probably be hard with their busy schedules and party antics but I know Audrey would get her shit together. They would make amazing parents. And I wish I could see her stomach grow and then her child.

"That's... wow." I say, not actually knowing what to say. Tears spring to my eyes and I blink them away rapidly. "Are you guys excited?"

"Fuck yes!" I hear Caleb cheer in the background before Audrey giggles.

"Don't get me wrong... if I am, it's going to be hard. With classes and Caleb and his practice and matches. Let's not forget that there's no more weed, alcohol or parties." She sighs longingly, "But if I am pregnant then I'll welcome my child, y'know? It's such an honour to be a mom. I'd love to start a family... given, a little later. But still. Caleb and I will love our child anyway."

Smiling, a tear drops down my cheek and I nod to myself before I realise she cant see me. "I'm really proud of you. And happy for you guys if it's positive. Let me know as soon as you find out okay? But I gotta go. I'll call you again soon."

"Thank you Harley. Tell Cammy I say hi! Love you."

"Love you too Auds." I say before I cut the call. The tears seem to be a never ending stream and I wipe at my eyes furiously. "Fucking hell Harley. Get it together." I mutter to myself, looking up at the ceiling as I try to stop crying. But the longing to experience life with my best friend back home is too overwhelming. I was supposed to be there with her when she got the results. I was supposed to go maternity shopping with her. We were supposed to experience life together like Audrey always spoke about us doing. But I'm all the way here and she's all the way there.

But there's also this feeling of dread because I'd like to start a family with Danté too. And get to go through all the nerves and excitement that comes with it. But I'm not sure we'll ever get that opportunity with the way things are going right now. If we really never get out of this, a kid is out of the question.

"Fuck." I groan, running a hand through my hair. I need to get my own shit together and be productive. Reaching for my phone, I text Ramiro.

Me: hey Ramiro. Got some stuff to tell you so could you drop by the apartment?

He doesn't respond immediately but when he does he says:

Ramiro: sure. I'll be there in the next hour.

After telling Danté I'm at the apartment, I switch my off and throw it under the pillow. And then I close my eyes and allow myself to imagine a better life.

It gives me hope.

•••
Don't forget to do the most please <3
How are we all feeling about this chapter? I personally really enjoyed Cyrus's and Harley's little moment.
Anyway, I hope you're all safe :)

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