THIRTY-FOUR

Harley Anderson

True to his word, the next morning when I wake up Danté isn't beside me. Surprisingly, I got a good nights sleep anyway and feel more refreshed than I have in while. Pulling the covers off, I climb out of bed and retie my hair. I can hear the faint clanging of utensils downstairs and it's only made louder when I enter the hallway. Quickly, I slip into the bathroom and brush my teeth to get rid of morning breath, before making my way down to the kitchen. When I enter, my mom is standing at the stove in a yellow maxi dress, making an omelette on the stove that smells heavenly. On the counter is fruit and toast and I smile as I make my way to Olivia.

"Morning," I greet and she spins around, smiling at me. I wonder what time it is in order for her to already be dressed and ready for the day.

"Morning hon, how did you sleep?"

"Great." I reply. "How about you?"

She waves the spatula in her hand in a dismissive manner. "I always sleep well. I truly do prefer Nevada over Oregon."

Nodding, I ask: "what can I help with?"

"Can you chop up the fruit please?" She asks and I nod, taking the knife she hands me and beginning to cut the fruit after I've rinsed them thoroughly. Growing up in Olivia's house, she always made me fruit salad since she knew how much I loved it and she always made a point of adding more strawberries than usual.

"Oh." I hear her say and I glance at her over my shoulder, observing her surprised eyes that don't meet my gaze. At first, I'm a little confused until I realise that I'm wearing a tank top and my tattoo is on full display. Swallowing hard, I muster a smile.

"I got it a while ago." I reply, hoping that she drops it.

"I never knew you liked inking your body."

"Just wanted a reminder that I can rise from the ashes just like a Phoenix." Comes my reply, my eyes focused on the knife that slices the peaches in front of me.

"You don't need a tattoo to remind you of th-"

A yawn interrupts Olivia, Danté entering the kitchen with a stretch. The relief floods through me at his presence but I notice how he, too, is already dressed and has seemingly come out of a shower with the way his hair is wet. Unlike his usual attire, Danté goes for a more casual look today- grey sweats and a white shirt paired with sneakers that are too white for how long he's had them.

"What time is it that you two are already dressed?" I ask, looking between Olivia and Danté. She chuckles.

"Thirty minutes past ten, Harley."

I gape at them, not realising how late I slept in. However, I don't regret it at all. I really needed that sleep and I feel much better than I did before.

Making his way to me, Danté pecks my lips in greeting. "Morning amado."

"Morning," I smile, handing him a slice of apple that he pops into his mouth and chews on rather loudly.

"Everyone is awake now." Mia's voice floats into the kitchen as she enters from the backdoor, a doll in hand and her knees muddy.

"And you're already dirty." Olivia huffs, placing her hands on her hips. Mia looks down at her pink tights that are now stained before offering her mother a sheepish grin. Shaking her head to herself, Olivia resumes her task of cooking. "Cameron, do you mind stopping at the grocery store for me quickly? It's just down the street. Mia can direct you there."

Danté nods. "Sure."

Mia excitedly places her doll down on the counter and grabs her moms keys off of the table in the entrance. Olivia hands Danté a short list of what to get and then they're off, leaving Olivia and I alone again. The sizzling of the egg in the pan and the sound of my knife hitting the cutting board fills the silence until I ask:

"So what's new?"

At first, my mom doesn't reply and I contemplate repeating the question before suddenly she does although her answer shocks me quite a lot.

"I met somebody."

I pause from lifting the knife up again, slolwy turning towards Olivia. After Olivia had Mia straight out of college, her pathetic excuse of a boyfriend decided that his daughter wasn't a good enough reason for him to stay behind and so he took off. Olivia was heartbroken- or so she says- but she also always said that while she thought she was in love with the man, there was actually nothing but lust there. Raising a daughter on her own, and then later me, Olivia never once went out on a date or spoke about any person being of potential interest. At one stage I actually thought it was because of me, that she was too preoccupied and stressed over me to live her life but I know that's not true. Olivia just hasn't opened her heart up to anyone else other than Mia's father. Until now, that is.

"And?" I press, trying to contain the joy I feel for her.

"His name is David. He's a doctor... I met him one time I took Mia for a checkup."

A grin that can be found on the Cheshire Cat is planted on my face and I turn to Olivia, leaning against the counter as she flips a third omelette.

"That's great, mom. I'm so, so happy for you." I reply and I mean it- it's been so long since Olivia has being able to live her life without the stress of being a single mother and having to cover all her expenses that barely fit into her salary. "How long have you been together?"

"Three months. But I knew him for two months before that." Her tone is an attempt at nonchalance but I can hear the happiness behind it, the giddiness. I don't know when last I've seen Olivia like this.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I enquire, feeling a tinge of hurt for not being told from the very start. Olivia places the omelette on top of the other one on the plate in the centre of the island. Then she places the pan in the sink and turns to face me.

"I didn't want to mention anything until it was serious and when you called and said you were coming this weekend, I realized it was the perfect time to tell you because now you can also get to meet him."

"Meet him? Today?"

"Yes. Unless you don't want to, of course." Her tone is hopeful and for a second, I'm tempted to be nasty. I'm tempted to make it as difficult for her to date David as she has made it for me with dating Danté. But I don't. Instead, I remind myself how much she deserves the joy and I swallow down the bad thought.

"Of course I want to meet him. Are you inviting him over for lunch or dinner?"

"Lunch. I was wondering if you would be interested in a movie night later before you go to Vegas tomorrow."

While we're in Nevada, Danté wants to book us into a hotel in Las Vegas for our last night so that we can experience the hype of the place. At first I thought that it wasn't a good idea considering that we came to Nevada to visit my mom in the first place but I realized that Danté and I haven't spent time together doing nothing but enjoying each other's company while doing something fun in forever. And we deserve that.

"That's perfect." I grin and Olivia offers me a relieved smile, giving me the impression that she was nervous to mention this David guy. "So tell me more about the man who finally got hold of Olivia's heart." I turn back around, continuing to chop up the fruit and place it in a bowl.

"Well he's a doctor- I already mentioned that- and he lives a few minutes away. He's thirty-eight, was married before getting a divorce after he found his wife sleeping with his brother."

"Yikes."

"Mmh-hmm. They were trying for a child but David has a problem in fertility which was why he said Amanda- his wife- probably cheated. But it's also made him love Mia. Good grief, he praises the child and she just soaks it all up." Olivia chuckles and I hear the fondness in her words.

"So I take it that Mia likes him?"

My mom snorts, "I can't even begin to explain it. He helped her make her science fair project and since then, she's being convinced he's Albert Einstein number two."

Smiling to myself, I finish cutting up the last orange before placing it in a bowl. "I'm glad you've met someone mom." I reply. She looks at me as she places the omelettes in the centre of the table.

"It's nothing serious. Yet."

"I know. But you've never given anyone a chance before so I'm happy for you. Beyond happy."

Olivia smiles at me, placing a hand on my cheek. "Thank you sweetie. But enough about me." She drops her hand and begins arranging the food on the island the way she likes it. "How are you and Cameron doing?"

Gone is the lighthearted conversation.

"We're good." I reply, hoping to keep my voice light. But it's true- we are good or, at least, our relationship is. I can't say too much about us as individuals. "We're loving it in Cali." I lie in an attempt to make it seem more believable. Olivia nods, not offering anything to say but I notice the crease in her forehead as she thinks.

"Why are you making that face?"
I ask and she looks up to see me watching her. She lifts one shoulder up in a shrug.

"I'm just surprised, that's all."

"Surprised that we're happy in California?"

"No," she shakes her head, leaning both of her hands on the counter. "Surprised that you and Cameron have lasted. I wasn't expecting your relationship to go on so strong."

It's like Olivia has switched a flip in my head and the anger I keep stored up inside of me begins to sizzle, ever so slightly, under my skin. I love Olivia so much and cannot express my gratitude for her saving me from my house and the foster care system but I will not be able to accept the way in which she makes Cameron sound like scum, the way she makes him sound like such a bad person. I want to fight with her, lash out, but I don't want to ruin our time together over something we've gone through already. I know how she feels about Cameron and she knows how I feel about that.

"I don't want to fight." I reply instantly. "I love Cameron and I alway will. The sooner you accept that, the sooner I'll open up to you a little bit more. I know you don't think he's a good person but your opinion, in this case, doesn't matter. It's not going to change anything. So please stop talking about him and treating him like he's some criminal, I don't appreciate it and you're doing something that's going to push me away."

"I'm not saying he's a bad person. He can be a good person but it doesn't mean he's good for you."

"Well that's not your choice to make."

Olivia stares at me and I don't look away. If she's trying to get me to back down, she'll have to try harder. After a moment too long, she looks away and chews on her lip.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'll try be more civil in the future." She submits and I nod. All I've ever wanted from her was to try and be more respectful and understanding of Danté as well as our relationship. She doesn't have to adore him... just treat him with some dignity.

"Thank you." I smile, kind of tightly. Olivia nods and we finish making breakfast off in silence.

****

"You look pretty." Mia says from where she sits on the bed in between Dante's legs, playing with her doll's hair.

"You think so?" I ask, glancing at her over my shoulder and she nods.

"Yep." She responds at the same time as Danté says "Yes."

I give him a teasing smile.

"You should wear your hair like that more often. It suits you." He adds and I look back at myself in the mirror. Since David will be coming over for late lunch in the next twenty minutes, I decided to do something a little different today. I've braided my hair into a crown that sits on top of my head, the stray pieces falling out and giving it a natural look. Along with that, I decided to pull out one of my older dresses- a light pink one that hugs my waist before flaring out and ending mid-thigh. It has sleeves that hug my arms tightly and sit on just the edge of my shoulders. It gives it a timeless look. However, I don't know why exactly it was in my bag to begin with. Or why I even took it with to California. Perhaps since I was in such a rush packing for this trip, I just threw it in by mistake but it's proven beneficial so I won't complain.

I take a good look at myself then- the elegant hairdo, the pink dress, the nude heels, the natural makeup. I look beautiful. But... it isn't me. It's such a soft, such a gentle, look. I feel like that doesn't suit me anymore. Not when I leave my hair in its naturally wavy state, wear hardly any makeup except for mascara and always adorn myself in leather or black. I look like an innocent child. And while my heart yearns for that, I'm aware it isn't true.

"I won't be able to after I cut my hair again." I reply, not really wanting to explain what I was really thinking. The blonde is growing out now, my roots in deep need of a touch up while the length has gotten considerably longer. I've being meaning to get a touch up but I just don't have the time. A part of me also wants my long chestnut locks back, too, I suppose. But I won't dare admit that.

"You're going to cut it again? I thought you would want to grow it out."

I shrug, digging around in my bag to retrieve my lipgloss. The doorbell ringing can be heard and before anyone can even blink, Mia is sprinting down stairs. Chuckling at her reaction, I make my way to Danté and hop onto the bed. I rest my chin on his chest as I look up at him.

"Thank you for bringing me here. And for figuring a way to let Jack say yes." I reply. Danté smiles, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

"I hope you get to unravel a little bit. It's being nice seeing you a little more relaxed."

Offering a grateful smile, I peck his lips before getting up and dragging him with me. A male's voice can be heard downstairs and when I enter the kitchen, I see a man not much taller than me holding Mia in his arms. He places her back down on the floor before our presence is noticed. The first thing that I observe about him is that he has magnificent green eyes that compliment his brown complexion. David is wearing a blue button up shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to showcase a fancy watch on his wrists. Along with that, he wears a pair of chinos and formal shoes that he somehow makes seem casual.

"David, this is Harley- my eldest daughter- and her boyfriend, Cameron." My mom introduces us. David smiles at us, revealing a set of perfect straight teeth.

"It's lovely to meet you, Harley. I've heard so much about you from Olivia." He says, sticking his hand out to me. I take it gently, his hand rough around mine and I give it a swift shake before he does the same to Danté in greeting.

"It's great to meet you, too." I reply and he smiles before Olivia holds her hands up in a joyful manner.

"Shall we?" She enquires, gesturing to outside and David gives her a charming smile while saying: "Of course. Lead the way."

We exit through the patio door, onto the covered area outside in the garden. The lawn is unusually green and it's clear that Olivia has being gardening, telling from the beautiful flowers blooming along the flowerbeds. On the table rests an array of snacks and I reach for the jug of lemonade, pouring some for Danté and I.

"So David," I say, "I hear you're a doctor?"

He grins proudly. "Yes. I originally wanted to go into pediatrics but I just wanted to help on a wider scale."

I watch as he rests his hand on my mom's under the table, looking at her as he speaks.

"I understand." I reply. We all make small talk, me asking David some questions before he returns the pleasantries. I learn that he's from Chicago and knows how to open a beer bottle with his teeth. He tells us about his trip to Tokyo in which he claims that he had some of the best food ever and how he met a qualified sushi chef who finally got him to taste the dish which he actually turned out to love. David doesn't share too much personal details- which I understand fully- but it's clear that he's charismatic, helpful and caring. Not only that, but he's besotted with Olivia- he compliments and touches her in any way he can.

"And what about you Cameron?" David asks, suddenly shifting the attention to my boyfriend. Danté had remained silent the whole time, squeezing my thigh every now and then only. However, now he sits up and smiles. "Are you in college as well?"

"He was in college." Olivia answers for him. "Studying mechanics right? Cameron is amazing with cars. Or so Harley has told me."

David's eyebrows raise in surprise as he nods. "You're good with cars, eh? Well, you and my dad would get on pretty well then. He was a sucker for anything car related. He even saved up money from his fourteenth birthday to buy a Camaro when he was thirty."

"Was? Does he no longer like cars?" I ask, taking note of how he talks about his father's passions in the past tense. However, it's only after I've said the words that I realise why that may be and when David gives me a sad smile, I already know my assumption is right.

"Unfortunately he passed away when I was twelve." He replies, a certain kind of sadness still lacing his voice. I flush at the fact that I so bluntly asked him that question and fumble with words to try and seem empathetic.

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. His death wasn't tragic. If anything, it was heroic. He was a firefighter... died saving a little girl." David shrugs, a proud tone of voice used. "I know for a fact that if he hadn't done that- put the girl above himself- he would not have been the same person afterwards. I think that would've been worse in all truthfulness."

Understanding, I nod. Sometimes we its better to sacrifice things than to lose who we are trying to keep them because I think that- losing yourself, I mean- is sometimes worse than having to sacrifice.

"I think that's really admirable; the fact that your father put someone else's life above his own. Not everyone can do that." I continue and David nods.

"I definitely agree. That's why I don't get people who just kill other people out of cold blood y'know? We have so many people losing their lives trying to save those of others and then you have people who just counteract that. It's sad, really. My heart breaks when I think about how so many families don't get the justice they deserve when their loved ones are taken from them by heartless murderers."

The minute he finishes, it feels like there isn't quite enough air for me and I take in a sharp breath that Danté no doubt notices as he squeezes my leg a little harder. Even though we're outside, it feels like I'm in a tiny room with too little air available for my lungs. I try and find something to say, to respond with, but my mind is a haze with the hurt I feel consuming me.

"Yeah, it's sad. Anyway, you mentioned being from Chicago? How was it there?" Danté replies, succeeding in changing the topic effectively. Nobody notices it but I appreciate the fact that he's steered us away from murder and answered for me. It seems that my mind is still clinging to what David says as I can't find it in myself to say anything. He goes on to talk about Chicago and all I do is smile and nod although my mind is far away.

I never looked at it that way, I guess. Like how some people die trying to save others lives and then you have people like me who take lives away without much thought. Where do we draw the line? Frank's family never got the justice they deserved for either of their son's death because Danté is still free and so am I. He took one brother and I took the other. We're both supposed to be in prison, serving our time but we aren't. We're still living our lives as if we didn't kill people.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to fetch a jacket. I'm a bit chilly." I blurt, cutting Olivia off who gives me a smile.

"Alright." I don't delay getting up and quickly making my way inside of the house. When I'm by the staircase, I run quickly up to my room, shutting the door behind me as my chest feels like an eighteen-wheeler truck is on top of it. I try and breath in and out, in and out, but my lungs fail me. My legs tremble with sudden weakness and I push my hair off of my face, my breaths coming out in hyperventilations.

David's words ring over and over in my head and before I know it, I'm back in that building, holding a gun as I point it at Frank before pulling the trigger and watching his body drop to the floor before his blood drip, drip, drips. I see a pool of blood and lifeless eyes and pale skin and a dislocated shoulder from the fall, and lips slightly parted and the sudden gush of realisation that I killed someone and it's all too much, it's all too much to remember and now breathing is hard and I can't get any air into my lungs because all I can think is I killed someone, I killed someone, I killed someon-

"Breathe." A voice suddenly says and Danté is beside me, leading me to the bed and pushing me down so that I take a seat. "In, out." He says. "You're okay, I'm right here. It's going to be okay. Just breathe. We're safe."

Placing my head between my knees, I shut my eyes and try focusing on my breathing. Danté rubs my back and slowly my breathing levels out. Slowly I get air into my lungs. It may be only a few minutes but it feels like a few hours until I'm able to look up and breathe properly. I feel flushed and suddenly so sweaty and I feel the weight of Danté's gaze on the side of my face.

"Are you okay?"

I blow out a breath, resting my head in my hands while leaning my elbows on my knees. My hands tremble vigorously and I try and supress it.

"Will I ever be?" I reply dryly and I feel Danté move so that he's crouching in front of me. He takes my hands in his.

"You're not a heartless murderer, Harley." He whispers, his voice so sincere. "You need to stop harboring this guilt."

I shake my head to myself. "Do you know why I feel guilty?" My voice wavers in emotion, "Because even if I got a second chance, even if I could go back to that day, I'd still do it Danté. I'd still pull the trigger." A certain kind of rawness laces my tone and I have to compose myself. Danté blinks at me, eyebrows furrowed slightly and he seems to be trying to find something to respond with. I don't bother waiting, knowing there's nothing he can say to make it better, and I stand up before grabbing my leather jacket and pulling that over my dress. Looking at myself in the mirror and trying to make it seem like I didn't just have an anxiety attack, I pull my hair out of the braid that got messed up. "We should head back down before Olivia thinks something is wrong." I sound detached- like a robot and I gulp, offering Danté what I hope is a convincing smile and he responds with a weaker one before following me out of the room silently.

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