Silence.

The silence between Uno and I was too deafening, that if the decibels were even lower, I would've probably heard my blood freely being pumped—but probably unlike how the heart usually pumps. It would sound too medically weird and cheesy, but I'd probably be diagnosed with Tachycardia all because of this one guy.

I hate him.

Because... fuck.

I just like him so bad it just feels good being around him.

Tick. Tok.

Tick.

Tok.

"How's Law?"

"How's Medschool?"

I bit my lower lip—and then Uno laughed heartily, kaya napangiti na rin ako. Moments like these are probably why I'm still hanging to that thin life of not giving up in life—sure I'd doubt, over and over again; it's probably an endless cycle, but as long as... there would be people who would believe in you, who would be there until you believe in yourself too... it gets pretty much easier to just hang on.

Because the world can be unfair, but it's in your own jurisdiction on how you'd face the uncertainties.

Kasi at the end of the day, you're your own... pa rin.

"But seriously, how's Medschool? No shit-head Fallon lurking around?"

I laughed and shook my head, "Ali's keeping his word," I said. "And he's probably busy with school, too."

Uno paused for a while. Nagulat ako nang bigla siyang mapahilamos ng mukha, "That fuckhead," he whispered under his breath. I have always been scared of Fallon whenever I'd hear him or even when I just hear his name near me. But ever since Uno made sure that he'd keep me safe, I just felt like a protected baby.

God, ang corny.

"He's in our College."

I nodded.

"And he's just around..."

I nodded, again.

"He—"

I cut him, chuckling, "Uno you don't... have to worry about me," I said, smiling, to assure him that he doesn't really have to worry about me anymore.

Because I know I'm safe.

With him around me.

Alam ko sobrang... mistake na rin siguro if by the end of this I'll just keep on being depending unto him, but what else can I do? He's my strength.

"Ha?"

"Uno, I trust you," I said, moving an inch closer to him. I wasn't giving any malice, I just... I just wanted him to know how much I trust him.

So, I did it.

I hugged him.

"You don't have to worry about me because as long as you give me hope, I'll be willing to take any risks..." I whispered. "Just stay with me."

The faint smile on my face grew larger as I felt Uno's palm on my back.

"Who said I'll ever leave you alone?" he asked. "Never."

***

Sinamahan na namin pauwi sa kanila si Sofia nang sabihin ng doctor na pwede na siyang ma-discharge. Pagkarating naming sa bahay nila, pumunta na lang kaming dalawa ni Uno sa may garden nila, habang si Zachary naman hinatid sa kuwarto si Sofia para makapagpahinga. Dash was being the MIA again, and at some point, hindi na rin maganda ang pakiramdam ko. Baka sa kakalapit niya kay Chen mas lalo lang siya mapaso...

And I can't even do anything about it dahil pareho silang matigas ang ulo... I know Chen and Ali would ensure Dash's safety, minsan hindi lang talaga ako mapakali.

God... Brandi.

Breathe.

As for Zachary, I actually wanted to talk to him but he was still silent throughout the car ride, habang si Sofia naman natatawa na lang sa inaasal ng boyfriend niya. Although it's kind of funny na rin at some point; I do get where Zach's coming from.

Nakakatakot din naman talaga lahat ng nangyayari. Lahat ng pwedeng mangyari...

"Hey, Brandi." Nagulat na lang ako nang biglang hawakan ni Uno ang kamay ko dahilan para mapatingin ako sa kaniya. "You're not breathing again."

I chewed on my lower lip, only to realize nakahawak pa rin si Uno sa kamay ko—so I did the most obvious thing that the awkward me would always resort to—I tried to free my hand from his.

But... he tightened his grip, almost telling me that he's not willing to let go of it.

"Uno... 'yung ano, 'yung kamay ko," I shyly whispered. Seriously! I can't even grasp the right words to say because it felt like his touches became static—they were almost grounding me to a million volts, almost like a punishment.

But, boy did he remain silent.

You know those things that only happen in movies? Those parts that you'll just literally act like you're gagging because of how fucking corny they are?

Sometimes... when it happens in real life, it would just feel surreal.

Mostly if you like the person, of course...

"Breathing already?" I looked at Uno, slowly nodding my head. Napangiti naman siya sa'kin at tinanggal na 'yung pagkakahawak sa kamay ko.

Shit.

Would I be too demanding if I wanted to hold it more?

Tatayo na sana si Uno pabalik sa loob but my flirty ass just couldn't stop.

And so, I did something that wasn't really inevitable.

I held his hand.

And then intertwined our fingers as if shouting hell be damned. I just... didn't really care anymore.

"Brandi..." he whispered, almost sounding like his breathing was hitched for a moment. "I'm not playing any games, please. So if... if you can't like me back, it's gonna be okay. I'm gonna be okay. I have my band, I have fucking law school, I have everything on my plate being served, it's not going to screw me over and over again." I tried to hide my laugh. He sounded so sexy speaking straight English, and I didn't really know why—Zachary told me he didn't really speak English all the time.

He just does it when I'm around.

Because at some point, I suck in speaking my own language.

"Stop making this hard for the both of us, Brandi. My world's not gonna stop if you—"

"I like you," I said, loud and clear—it just didn't really make any sense that I was still trying to suppress what I was really feeling for him. Kasi bakit ko pa nga ba itatago? I'm not on my teenage years already—and if I'd tell that I already see my future? It's going to be with him.

Not with that screwed-in-the-head Fallon.

"There I said it."

Uno blinked. Natawa naman ako sa naging reaction niya.

"You won't give the Judge that reaction if they said that your client's guilty, tho..." I said, teasingly.

"You're seriously giving me heartaches, Brianna Andi."

I shrugged, "You already gave me heartaches, I'm not gonna complain anymore if they'd diagnose me with heart complications already," I said.

Uno chuckled, "You're not screwing around? Kasi pwede mo pa namang bawiin," sabi niya. Tumayo naman ako at lumapit sa kaniya.

"Bakit ko babawiin?"

He shrugged, "Kasi pag hindi mo binawi wala na 'tong atrasan Brandi."

I chuckled.

"Shut up," I said and tiptoed to give him a kiss, because screw worldly standards—I like this person.

End of argument.

"So..." he whispered against my lips. "Can I like you? Like... really like you?"

I chuckled, "You already know the answer."

***

A week has passed—and I couldn't really explain what it feels like to be have a mutual connection with the person you really like. It honestly feels surreal. There would be times that it'd be really hard to sleep because the weird heartaches would be there—hindi mo alam kung bakit hindi ka makatulog kahit ano'ng pilit mong gawin. It would just seem like anything about him would wake me up and then my chest would just flare up like I can't even breathe.

But it was the good kind, I'd say.

Just like now.

It feels strange staring at the ceiling at 3:00 o'clock in the morning without fearing anything. I was excited, per se. Classes would end earlier than the usual since the doctors had to leave early for a meeting; maybe it's for that medical mission in Pampanga that they've been planning to do. Lagi naman kasi silang nagpapa-medical mission during October since 'yun ang month na na-approve ang College of Medicine sa SBA.

So Uno asked if we could eat somewhere.

I said yes.

And I felt so ecstatic because it would be the first time we'd go out after a week of him being MIA—ni hindi man lang nagsasabi 'yung bwisit na 'yun na marami pala silang ginagawa sa law school as of now. You'd pretty much think he's got all the time in the world, but I almost wanted to beat the shit out of him when he told me he was scolded for a good 30 minutes by his professor in Property because he couldn't answer his recit. But he pretty much just laughed it off—kaya naman daw niyang bawiin.

But he assured me that it wasn't because of me—na may mga panahon lang talaga na hindi ikaw 'yung nasa tuktok lagi. And even though I still wanted to talk the hell out of him, he was right, anyway.

We're humans. We just get tired, sometimes. Kahit naman gustong-gusto mo 'yung ginagawa mo, umaabot ka rin sa point na mapapagod ka rin naman.

But you just have to keep going.

Pausing doesn't mean you're stopping completely.

I sighed and rolled to the side of my bed. Ang frustrating talaga; hindi ko na talaga alam. I just didn't know how to deal with so much emotions and feelings all combined together just because we'd finally go out together without holding back our feelings, anymore.

I smiled and covered my face with the pillow I was hugging—fuck, so this is how it feels to get that legit kilig? I don't even know how to explain it through words... it's just... so overwhelming, and surreal...

Hindi ko na alam.

Basta ang alam ko masaya ako.

Sobra...

Because who would have thought I'm still allowed to feel these kinds of things? Akala ko kasi lagi na lang akong iiyak dahil sa pamilya ko... because I can't do anything about it, already. And... even though I tried to want change, kahit kaunti man lang... kahit unti-unti.

I still ended up regretting everything.

I never should've told them.

They only choose to save me when it's good for them.

Kala nila laro lang lahat. Kala nila laruan lang kami.

Suddenly, the rush of sadness came in. Realizations were hitting me so bad that I had to sit on my bed and turn on my lampshade—legs crossed while staring at the fairy lights on my window.

Why did they choose the Juarez instead of me... when they could've been praised if they'd expose them?

Napa-buntonghininga na lang ako; nagulat sa biglaang pag-ring ng phone ko. Napangiti na lang ako no'ng makita ko 'yung pangalan ni Chen sa screen.

"Hi," I happily greeted. "How's it going with Ali?"

There was a long pause, pero halos gusto kong sugurin si Chen nang may magsalita sa kabilang linya,

"Babe, do you like it with strawberries or no?"

"No, it makes me nauseated babe, wait kausap ko lang si Brandi."

"Okay."

"Bruha ka!" I screamed. "You're not telling me anything!"

Chen chuckled, "I figured you were too busy with medschool, and uh, Uno, plus I wasn't really feeling well the past few days."

I bit my lower lip.

"You're pregnant?"

"Yes, 3 weeks already," she said. "Ali's child..."

I paused for a while. "P-paano si Dash?"

Chen sighed, "That's... that's what I want to tell you," she uttered. "I know it would really sound funny but I think I just... I just fell out of love with him. I mean, alam mo naman 'yung set up namin 'di ba? Pumayag naman si Ali sa gusto ko... kasi pareho lang naman kaming naiipit dito. And then it just... I think it just clicked... Kasi pakiramdam ko napapagod na rin si Dash, Brandi. And I don't want to be unfair like that. I don't want people branding him as... alam mo na. I didn't want to be unfair, Brandi... hindi naman mali 'yung ginawa ko, 'di ba?"

"No... no, walang mali ro'n. Okay? Pakiramdam mo 'yan. Sa'yo 'yan. No one, even me, can ever invalidate your feelings. Kaysa naman pareho lang kayong mag-regret sa dulo, 'di ba? I understand you, Chen. And I know Ali would be a great father," I said. "I know we judged him too soon, but witnessing how much he's been through with the Juarez? I just know he'd be willing to go through great lengths just to protect his family..."

"Thank you, Bran... pero kayo? Kumusta na kayo ni Uno?"

I smiled.

"Happy," I said. "Pero may kapalit na naman 'to 'di ba?"

Chen stayed silent.

"But I won't let them ruin my happiness now," I uttered. "Masaya na'ko. Hindi ko na hahayaang bawiin pa nila 'yun sa'kin. Tama na, Chen. Tama kayo. Kailangan ko ring ilaban 'yung sarili ko."