We waited for the reception to end before we were able to finally get to Ali and Chen... Nang makita namin sila, hindi ko na rin napigilang maiyak. Ali... he looked so devastated. He was just staring blankly at the wall nitong nirentahan nilang Presidential Suit, ni hindi rin namin siya makausap nang maayos, he wasn't even talking at all—his bloodshot eyes and tear-stained face were already enough to tell us what really happened...

She died...

She.

Really.

Died.

And here we are witnessing Alfonso Isaiah breaking down... almost at the verge of emptiness. The whole room was too gloomy. I couldn't even explain the pain and sadness embracing the whole ambiance—nakakabaliw.

Ako na... ako na isang beses lang siyang nakausap, ni hindi ko na rin ma-explain kung gaano kasakit 'yung nararamdaman ko. What more Ali?

Ilang tao pa ba ang kailangan nilang patayin just to cover up their tracks for the sake of their image?

Wala na ba talaga silang awa... Tao pa ba talaga sila?

"We were on our way to the reception when Alex's doctor... Ali's friend... said that she passed away just minutes after the wedding ended," Chen uttered, messing her hair habang pabalik-balik na naglalakad, tears were streaming down her face but she did not even bother to wipe her cheeks. I immediately stood up and held her hand to calm her down for a bit. "Alex died, ate... and I can't even do anything about it." I pursed my lips. I was trying to find the right words to tell to calm her down, pero parang tinakasan din ako ng mga salitang dapat kong sabihin. I couldn't speak... it felt like there were no appropriate words to suffice... no assurances... kahit subukan kong mangapa ng kahit kaunti lang...

Ganito pala 'yun... 'yung pakiramdam na wala ka na talagang magawa. Na kahit anong subok mong maghanap ng paraan, mararamdaman mo na lang sa sarili mo na... mukha ka na ring tanga.

Kasi kahit subukan ko, wala talaga.

Na may nasaktan na naman nang dahil sa amin, pero wala pa rin kaming magawa.

Nakakatanga.

Napaupo na lang si Chen. I sat beside her and let her cry—I was crying, too, but as much as possible, I tried to control my tears.

Selfless; I had to stay strong.

Niyakap ko na lang nang mahigpit si Chen habang hinahagod ang likod niya.

"The suspect was immediately captured... but he won't speak the truth. Ang sabi niya nagnakaw lang naman daw talaga siya... kaya niya raw pinatay kasi baka magsalita. Hindi naman daw niya sinadyang patayin, ang kaso natuliro na raw..." paliwanag sa amin ni Chen kahit nauutal-utal nang kaunti dahil sa sunod-sunod niyang pag-hikbi. "A pre-trial will be opened soon... nakahanap din daw agad ng korte... God, ang bilis din nilang nakahanap ng Prosecutor... well, at least they still had the conscience to get a good Judge to preside the case. Nobody will know, but I'm sure it's all the work of our families."

Napapikit ako nang mariin.

"Does... does her family know about it?"

Chen nodded.

"They... they chose to shut up after getting a large amount of money. They never really cared about Alex. She was the breadwinner, but they didn't even count her sacrifices just to feed them..." she muttered, covering her face with her palms, she was still shaking... "After getting a good amount of one million pesos and a relocation somewhere far from the capital? I was sure enough they won't speak... not that they'll live long anyway."

My lips parted, "They wouldn't kill them, Chen! Alex's death was all over the news! Please... tell me." I know they did something terrible—leaving Alex to suffer alone, per se. But still... they can't that die that way...

Hindi nila kasalanang mahirap sila.

Hindi nila kasalanan na kahit ano'ng gawing kayod nila... doon pa rin sila bumabagsak...

She shook her head, "They didn't have control over Alex's death because it was in a public area, kahit subukan nilang i-blackout ang news, wala silang laban sa social media." She looked at me with those helpless eyes at hinawakan nang mahigpit ang kamay ko.

"The longevity of their lives is already predetermined the moment Alex decided to tell you a part of this tragedy," Ali said out of the blue... hindi na rin siya nakaupo. Nakatayo lang siya habang nakapasok ang mga kamay sa bulsa ng slacks niya, nakatingin lang sa labas ng malaking glass window at pinagmamasdan ang kalakhan ng Maynila.

Napatingin naman sa'kin si Ali, ngumiti nang bahagya, sinusubukang itago 'yung lungkot na bumabalot sa mga mata niya, "The Juarez nor the Jerardos won't be responsible for their deaths," he said, lumapit naman sa'kin si Uno. "They know people if they would shut up or not."

"It's on their conscience already," Uno said out of the blue, standing next to me as he fixes his glasses on its place. "One of these days, they wouldn't be able to carry the burden of leaving their daughter behind, just for the sake of getting away from poverty... No one could live with the greatest burden to carry. It's already in the human nature. That's one thing you should know." My lips parted as I look at Uno. Just hearing him speak with so much seriousness and integrity as his arms are crossed against his chest—it felt like I was already watching a great lawyer in the making.

I know... he'd make a good lawyer, someday.

I just... I just hope I'd be there to witness it all.

Napapikit ako nang mariin. At some point, it felt like everything was my fault—probably for keeping myself blinded from what was really happening inside our families.

It felt like... I was the one responsible for Alex's death.

I covered my face with my palms. I was crying so hard that it felt like I was already drowning with my own tears, I couldn't breathe properly and my eyes felt like burning with all these pain building up inside of me... Ayaw kong dagdagan 'yung bigat ng nararamdan nina Ali at Chen, pero hindi ko rin mapigilan.

I felt helpless.

Ang hirap isipin na... may mga taong namamatay sa kapaligiran naming nassaktan at namamatay, habang kami walang magawa...

It felt like at some point... we're still accessories to their crimes. For keeping our mouths shut.

I was shaking in fear nang maramdaman kong may humawak sa kamay ko at inilayo nang kaunti sa mukha ko. My eyes were still closed, pero unti-unti ko ring idinilat nang maramdaman ko ang mga kamay niya sa magkabilang pisngi ko.

Uno smiled. He was crouching in front of me, his shoulders falling up and down slowly as his breathings get heavier than usual as he stares unto my eyes with so much intensity.

"It's gonna be okay, Brandi..."

"Uno, it's not," I trailed, my lips quivering. "Ang... ang hirap kasi wala akong magawa... Kasi pakiramdam ko ako 'yung may kasalanan... na kung sana inalam ko na lang ang lahat bago pa nangyari ang lahat ng 'to, e 'di sana hindi na namatay si Alex... kasalanan ko, Uno..."

"It's... it's not your fault, Brandi," Ali replied. "It was Alex's choice. It was her decision. There's no one to be blamed but the Juarez..."

"And my family," Chen said. "You don't have to blame yourself, Brandi. You don't have to burden yourself with the sins that they should carry, not us..." I stayed silent. Binalot kaming lahat ng katahimikan hanggang sa magpaalam si Chen na magpapahangin muna saglit sa labas. Hinayaan ko na lang na lumabas sina Ali at Chen para magpahangin at uminom ng kape sa terrace. Napa-buntonghininga na lang ako.

"Masama ba'ko Uno?"

Uno's lips parted, but instead of replying... Niyakap niya ako nang mahigpit.

"Ngayon ko lang sasabihin 'to, kaya makinig ka..." he whispered, caressing my hair as he hugs me tighter. I could feel his breath against the top of my head, and it felt nothing but... peaceful. "Hindi ka masama. Hindi mo kasalanan. You don't have to constantly throw yourself a pity party, because... Brianna Andi, you're the kindest person I've ever met... I know your temper's shit, most of the time but maybe that's because I'm that bigger shit... but I know how much you care for my friends, for your family... Hindi mo kasalanan na kahit pa paano, gusto mong protektahan ang sarili mo mula sa kanila... kasi tao ka, Brandi. Hindi ka sa kanila. You are your own. So please... you have to be brave, kasi ang hirap na rin..."

"A-ang alin?"

Uno paused for a while.

"Ang hirap na ring makita kang nasasaktan, kasi pakiramdam ko sobrang gago ko kapag hinahayaan lang kitang umiyak," bulong niya. I felt his hand shaking as he still run his hand down my hair, making me feel safer than I've ever felt before. "Ayaw ko no'n, Brandi... kaya 'wag ka ng umiyak please... Ayaw kong umiiyak ka..."

My lips parted...

Even more when I felt his lips on my forehead.

"Because you know what, Brandi? I'd fucking let myself get killed just to save you from that pit. 'Wag ka nang umiyak... nasasaktan din ako kapag nasasaktan ka."

***

I was out of words the whole night. I haven't even slept dahil kagabi ko pa iniisip lahat ng nangyari... or maybe because I was scared of being alone inside my room kahit nasa labas lang naman din ang mga bodyguards ko.

I couldn't help but to worry. Umalis kaagad si Ali minutes after he accompanied Chen outside to get some air, dahil tinawag siya ni Fallon na kailangan daw siyang kausapin ni Senator Franchesca. We were... so scared that Chen couldn't even let him go. Still, he insisted, explaining nothing really bad will happen in the midst of all this chaos in our families.

Ali said Alex's body was cremated immediately few hours after she died—her ashes kept in a mausoleum, Senator Franchesca taking sole responsibility with all the expenses and the judicial part...

Wow.

Sobrang... nakakagago.

Napa-buntonghininga na lamang ako at napaupo sa sofa, grabbing the remote for the television and turning it on for some peace of mind...

But I was wrong.

My blood boiled immediately the moment I saw Senator Franchesca Juarez sitting beside a CNN Reporter, smiling and nodding her head in front of the camera.

Umagang-umaga...

"Senator Juarez, one of the most sought-after case by the mass media the past few days, is Alex Sanchez' case after being robbed and killed in one of the busiest streets in Manila. Say how... does this case represent your fight for the Filipinos and the rights of the citizens?"

Senator Franchesca smiled, the creases of her face not even reaching her eyes that's already burning red, tears pooling around. I wanted to clap my hands... is she a politician or an actress? Masyadong... hayok sa kapangyarihan.

Nakakatawa.

"The fight of the innocent Filipino people against the power of the oppressors is my fight, too. No one should be oppressed of their own rights to live freely... Ever since... ever since I was running for my position in the Senate, I have always looked after the welfare of the citizens of this nation. I look after for the betterment of the judiciary system as a Lawyer who served for 25 years in serving the public, and I have always promised that those who are hopeless will fight with me... especially Alex Sanchez, a UP Graduate who has brought upon the country lots of recognitions from different countries." Senator paused for a while—probably trying to remember her script.

"Ever since I've heard of what happened... I already promised myself that I will do my best, we will seek justice for Alex Sanchez' death."

I immediately turned off the television, resting my back against the headboard habang minamasahe ang sentido ko. All those lies made my head ache so bad, I pretty much just want to puke... nakakadiri. Nakakatakot.

How can she stomach all the lies she just told... in front of everyone? Wala na ba talaga silang takot? Until when will they try to clean their mess by manipulating everyone into being the nation's allies, when in fact... they're the real enemies to begin with?

I controlled my breathing. My fist was shaking so bad that when I opened my hand... my palm was already bleeding so bad after my nails dug in. Pakiramdam ko rin... masyado nang pagod ang sarili ko kaiiyak kaya kahit gusto kong umiyak, hindi ko na kaya.

Ubos na ubos na'ko.

Gusto ko na lang matapos ang lahat...

I immediately stood up from my bed, fixing myself, wearing a black dress hugging the curves of my body. I had to wear humungous glasses to cover my face and apply heavy make-up to somewhat hide who I really am before going out of my room. I sighed when I saw Gio and Benedict standing next to my door's room—at some point, hindi ko rin mapigilang mapangiti.

Uno asked Gio to do it... saying I might suddenly undergo an outburst looking into my state of mind as of now...

"Ma'am..."

I smiled, "Gio... I'll ask you one favor... Please let me go alone..."

Gio remained stoic, "I cannot go against the rules, ma'am," he said, nonchalantly.

I sighed.

"You can stay within the vicinity but just let me drive my car alone..." I said. "Pupuntahan ko lang si Alex..." Nagkatinginan lang sila ni Benedict. I badly wanted to go there... Heck, I'd even beg my whole life just to see her... Pakiramdam ko papatayin na ako ng konsensya ko...

But then... Uno appeared.

"Don't go." His eyes looked like chaotic fire, ready to burn anytime... He walked towards me and shook his head, "Don't. Go."

"Uno..." I trailed. "Just let me... please." Hindi siya umimik pero hinila niya ako palabas ng hotel. I was just letting him pull me anywhere hanggang sa dalawa na lang kami... well, not technically because my bodyguards followed.

He smiled, removing the glasses I wore.

"You are Brianna Andi Manumbayao in flesh," he said. "And they will do anything to lure you into death. They're watching you now. Don't do anything stupid, Brandi. I can't lose you... not now, not ever."