I stayed silent the whole ride, kahit sa totoo lang, gustong-gusto ko ng itulak palabas ng kotse si Uno. Of all people, bakit si Uno pa kasi ang sinabihan ni Zachary? Alam ko namang Law student si Uno sa SBA, pero bakit siya? He could've just told me earlier para sinet na lang namin sa ibang date... now I have to deal with this guy na may literal na sapak sa ulo.

Gosh, this is seriously screwing up with my brain. Sobrang dami ko na ngang iniisip, dumagdag pa 'to. Hindi naman sa galit na galit ako kay Uno kasi may sense naman talaga siya kapag nagsasalita... maybe it was my defense mechanism. Ewan. Hindi ko na rin alam.

Siguro takot lang talaga ako sa katotohanan.

But... still. I couldn't really resent him too much. Everyone told me he loved his girlfriend so much that he almost gave up all of his dreams for her. Buti nga raw, Uno was still sane to listen to his band's advice—because apparently, the girl just wanted Uno to focus on his career as his band's frontman and just give up College.

What person, who's in the right state of mind will make someone do that for her?

Sabi nga ni Zachary, baka raw talaga ang totoong dahilang ng grudge sa'kin ni Uno is because... he realized she never loved him the way he did.

It's weird, but apparently, we're kind of on the same page. We choose to keep a blind eye on what's really happening... maybe for our own sanity. Because sometimes, it's just hard to live on the reality that's been slapping you for years. Some want reality... others don't.

That includes me... and maybe him.

Pagkarating namin, akmang lalabas na sana si Uno ng kotse pero pinigilan siya ng isa sa mga bodyguards ko, "We still need to check the perimeters before we let you go out," Gio explained and showed a timid smile. Napatango naman si Uno.

Napatingin naman ako sa kaniya, he was just staring outside. His face was blank, ganiyan naman talaga most of the time. He's just really unreadable.

"Wala ka bang magawa? You're making me feel uncomfortable," sambit niya. Napairap naman ako. Aba, pasalamat nga siya kasama niya ang apo ng bise presidente! Sobrang dami kayang nagkakandarapa just for them to accompany me!

Still... no one ever made me feel that they were sincere. Lagi namang gano'n. They just want to befriend me just because they think having the luxury will make them feel glorious. Kaya, as much as possible... I stayed away from people like those. I didn't want them to feel that they're being glorified just because they have me, I didn't want them to have the entitlement. And, I also didn't want myself to feel disappointed—I've had enough disappointments in my entire life, ayoko ng dagdagan pa.

It's the least I can do to preserve the remaining sanity within me.

"Okay na Ma'am," sambit ni Gio at pinagbuksan na kami ng pinto ni Uno. Nginitian ko naman si Gio at iba ko pang bodyguards. Naglakad na kami papunta sa admission office since lahat naman ng kulang ko na forms ay sa kanila na rin kukunin—still, my bodyguards tailing us. Seriously... isang araw ko lang yatang sinubukang takasan ang mga bodyguards ko, and I just turned 20 that time.

It was freedom... but the illegal one.

I sighed.

"Will you stay here na lang? Uno will accompany me naman," I said to Gio. He was probably weighing his answer, but in the end, pumayag naman siya, maybe because they realized na mas mahigpit din ang seguridad ng bawat offices ng St. Benedict's Academy. They seriously advanced its security details after Chen's mother bought the whole academy just because they wanted to secure Chen's welfare. The former owner was beyond happy, I guess. Nobody knew that SBA was already falling down with him as the administrator, he was probably thankful to every existing deity out there after the Jerardos bought it for 800 Million pesos.

Ah, the power of money. And the satisfaction it offers to people.

"Brandi!" Tita Chari greeted me as soon as I entered her office, she kissed my cheek and let me sit on the sofa habang si Uno naman nakabuntot sa akin. "O, Uno, hijo! I just saw you last Friday ha, how's Dash?"

Ngumiti naman si Uno nang bahagya, "Ayos naman po," sambit niya. Napatango naman si Tita Chari bago napatingin sa'kin.

"You've already decided to enroll?" she asked, napatango naman ako nang bahagya. I opened my bag to find my forms and gave it to her agad. Napangiti naman si Tita Chari, "Oh, dear. Your dad already gave me your forms... he really wants you to become a doctor, huh?" she said, a smile still plastered on her face.

"You're actually enrolled already sa College of Medicine already... Hinihintay ka na lang namin na pumunta rito just in case you change your mind and think about shifting to Law. You passed both, right?"

Slowly, I nodded my head.

I didn't need to take the PhilSAT... it was the first time in the Manumbayao clan that someone was exempted from taking the test, and apparently, that someone is me. Akala ko nga bubugbugin ko ang sarili ko kare-review para sa PhilSAT , but apparently, a professor told me that I can be exempted because of this honor graduate eligibility since I was running for Summa Cum Laude. Apparently, it was approved... agad-agad.

Maybe that's why some people really find it unfair. Every time I'll walk on the school corridors after hearing that I was exempted from taking PhilSAT, everybody just went crazy—saying I just did that because I was privileged. 

And maybe I only graduated with the highest Latin honor just because...

I mean oo... I never forget to check the privilege I have. But I want to prove myself and disassociate my efforts from my family. 

Tita Chari opened her drawer and fished something from it, and then handed me that document that she got, "That's your schedule. I'll just tell your father that you came here para ma-settle na lahat," she said and smiled again. "Oh, and Uno! Greet Dash for me. He's doing a great job on making my daughter smile, I owe that one to him." Tumango naman si Uno bago kami nagpaalam. The moment we stepped outside of the office, napahawak ako sa dibdib ko... as if hindi ako sanay sa kaba.

"You need to breathe." Nagulat ako nang biglang magsalita si Uno sa tabi ko, casually putting his hands inside the pockets of his jeans. Nakatingin lang ako sa kan'ya, almost weirded out. "I just saw a glimpse of your life, Brandi. Just let me do this," he said, grabbing a portion of my hand and leading me towards an exit. Pagkalabas namin, balcony ng office ang sumalubong—and the view of the garden was beyond amazing. I couldn't help but to admire it in awe.

"I don't need pity," I said, out of the blue. Ramdam ko namang napatingin siya sa'kin, pero hindi na lang ako lumingon. My eyes were too busy adoring the view from the balcony... still, I won't deny it. It feels nice.

"Look, Brandi. I know why you hate me," he says. "And I have always understood you. I just... don't really know how to find the right words to say."

I sighed and gave up. Napatingin ako sa kaniya, "You just saw a glimpse of my life, Uno. Not the whole of it... stop it," I uttered. 

"Yeah," he said. "And that's not life, Brandi. That's basically not living. Will you live your life for them?"

I laughed mockingly, "And what, Uno? You're also gonna tell me na I shouldn't live up on somebody else's expectations? No thanks," I said. "I've already received a lot of those, I don't want it hearing coming from you. Nakakapagod ng marinig... kasi kahit ano'ng gawin kong pagtakas, hindi ko pa rin magawa. Nakakulong pa rin ako, Uno. Hindi ko kayang tumakas."

Uno sighed. Napairap na lang ako at pumasok na ulit sa office. Pagkalabas ko, nando'n sina Gio at nakabantay. Napa-buntonghininga na lang ako.

"Can you guys wait here for a sec? I promise babalik ako. I just need to check the Law lib," I said, almost sounding desperate kahit totoo namang iche-check ko lang ang Law lib. "I-I'm with Uno... you all don't have to worry," I said upon seeing Uno going out of the office. Agad kong hinila ang kamay niya at hinayaang dalhin ako ng mga paa ko papunta sa Law library.

"A-ano—"

"Shut up," I said before entering the library. I've always been fond of law libraries even when I was still studying in my college. Hindi ko alam... siguro dahil sa pressure tuwing nakakakita ako ng medical students sa loob ng Med lib. Mas kampante kasi ako kapag ibang tao ang mga nakikita... siguro kaya pakiramdam din ng ibang med students ay hindi ako nag-aaral, madalas kasi talagang tambayan ko ay Law lib. Tapos papasok na ako sa klase, tapos tatambay ulit sa law lib.

"Can you stop tailing me, Uno?" He's getting pretty annoying, but wow... the audacity... inirapan lang niya ako at umalis na sa harapan ko habang may hawak-hawak na mga libro. Oo nga pala, incoming 2nd year law student siya... bigla tuloy akong nakaramdam ng hiya. Wala pa rin kasi silang pasok ngayon kaya siguro napilit siya ni Zach na samahan ako, imbis tuloy na nag-aaral siya in advance, nandito siya.

I sighed as I continue to roam around the whole library. It's really big and spacious kaya pwede rin siguro akong mag-aaral kahit nasa flooring lang ako. Gusto ko kasing nagtatago lang kapag nag-aaral, mas walang istorbo. Kaso one time when I was at the Filipiniana section, something happened kaya medyo na-trauma ako. Pakiramdam ko tuloy, lahat ng Filipiniana section paboritong taguan ng mga hindi makapigil ng raging hormones.

Nang mapagod ako kakalakad, I ended up sitting on the carpeted floor and grabbing some law books that sparked interest in me. May parte rin naman kasi talaga sa'kin na gustong mag-take up ng Law kahit pa paano, but still, it's harder than what they think it is. Sobrang pagod na'ko sa pamilya ko, I just didn't want any part of it in me anymore aside from my identity as a Manumbayao.

"Look who's here." Napaangat ako ng tingin at isinarado ang kinuha kong book bago iyon ibinalik sa pinagkuhanan kong shelf.

"Irish," I uttered, almost wanting to strangle myself upon voicing out her name. She scoffed upon hearing what I said, but she remained composed. Naupo siya sa harapan ko at ngumiti, and I knew that it was fake.

"I saw Uno... binabantayan ka ba? Bodyguard ka na rin ba niya? Or boyfriend mo talaga siya?" she said, bitterness was very evident on her tone. I didn't even know why she's very angry with me... it was her fault in the first place.

Still, they see me as the antagonist when I didn't even do anything wrong.

"Ganiyan ba talaga kayong privileged? You all think that everything is yours? Kaya you can just easily get what you want? You, a Summa Cum Laude? E magaling ka lang namang lumandi!" she said. "We're all working our asses of, day and night, tapos ikaw lagi kang may free pass just because you're very privileged, what a witch," she added. Napakuyom naman ako ng noo.

No, not today Brandi. You can't show them that you're weak.

"Inagaw mo lang naman sa'kin si Uno, 'di ba? Why are you playing the pathetic victim card, Brianna Andi? When it comes to me, all cards are stacked up against you," she said. "Privileged bitch. Sana namatay ka na lang no'ng in-ambush kayo," she added before leaving me with a pathetic smile on her face like she just won a plaque for making me feel worst.

"Stupid, stupid tears," I whispered to myself as tears continue to fall down from my eyes. Agad akong napatayo at tumakbo papalabas ng Library, not even minding what they were all think upon seeing the Vice President's granddaughter crying. Dumiretso agad ako sa comfort room at ni-lock iyon.

And then I cried... and cried until it felt too much already. It almost felt like I was drowning in my own tears, and I felt even more pathetic.

Sobra na kasi... Akala ba nila madali lang sa'kin lahat?

I stared at myself in front of the mirror, to the old scars I have on my wrist.

"Shit..." I whispered. "Stop breaking down, Brandi... stop..." I couldn't even speak at all. Pakiramdam ko nawawalan na ako ng boses. I kept on crying and crying, not minding Uno's voice commanding me to open the door.

Just let me die. It's for everybody's sanity, anyway.

Because I'm Brandi... the privileged girl. The always pathetic one.

I didn't even know what was happening to me already until I felt dizzy. Napahawak ako sa lababo, but still, my legs felt Jell-O and wobbly. Uno was still shouting, to the extent of pleading just for me to open the door.

I closed my eyes. Scared.

And then there was silence. Followed by another noise... it seemed like they were trying to break the door.

And before I fell down, someone was able to catch me.

"Uno..." I whispered.

"It's okay... it's okay, I'm here."

I smiled—a little bit, tears streaming down my eyes, and it felt like they were never going to end.