"Stay away from my girl."

Uno's words kept on repeating inside my head like it's already a broken cassette tape. I didn't know what to say or react! Pakiramdam ko binuhusan ako ng malamig na tubig! Idagdag mo pa 'yung pagiging tahimik ni Uno habang katabi ko siya sa loob ng van.

"Did Gio pay you to stalk me?"

"The hell?" Uno scoffed, muntik tuloy akong matawa dahil mukha siyang ewan sa naging reaction niya. Hello! I'm just being curious! Malay ko ba kung ano talagang dahilan kung bakit nando'n siya sa café na 'yun!

In any way. . . I'm still very glad that it was him and not Zachary. I'm pretty sure he'd kill Fallon if it was him.

"Pero, bakit ka kasi nando'n!? Malay ko ba kung ano'ng trip mo sa buhay mo! For all I know you could've been stalking me!"

Uno rolled his eyes and sighed, "Nag-aaral ako."

"Sure."

He sighed, "Are you assuming that I was there because I like you?"

Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ko pagkasabi niya no'n. I paused for a while, unable to think of anything. Pakiramdam ko rin may isang malaking question mark na sa tuktok ng ulo ko.

And then silence.

"I didn't mean that. . . I was also really there to study since dito ako tumatambay kapag bumibisita si Zach sa inyo. I realized that the ambiance is calming," pagbasag niya sa katahimikan naming dalawa. My bodyguards were outside the van since kinakausap pa ni Gio 'yung may-ari na sana ay walang makalabas na news tungkol sa nangyari kanina. "Tsaka, ayaw ko lang na magtanong siya nang paulit-ulit. Masakit sa ulo."

I chuckled, "So, wala kang ibang naisip na rason?"

He shrugged his shoulders, "And maybe he'd distance himself from you after hearing me," he said. "Hindi tayo close o kung ano man, Brandi. Pero kaibigan ka ni Zach. Konsensya ko na rin kung hindi ako mag-iisip ng magandang palusot para layuan ka ng gagong 'yun. I'm a Law student, Brandi. I do things logically."

I smiled.

"You think we're still not in good terms?"

Uno sighed, "Fine," he said. "When Zach's not available, ako na lang."

Natawa naman ako sa sinabi niya. "Baliw," I said. Silence enveloped us afterwards, and then a few minutes later pumasok na rin ng van sina Gio.

"We've settled everything already. As per Mr. Juarez, his bodyguard was already informed. There won't be media leakage of any sort, just as you wanted." I nodded and smiled.

"I'm sure he'd go roaming around his household telling about what happened, Brandi. How can you handle that?"

My forehead creased, "Handle what?" Gio was about to speak pero biglang napaubo naman si Uno. Alanganin namang napangiti si Gio.

"That," he said. "Just so you know, Uno. You put yourself into danger."

Uno shrugged his shoulders, "Been risking danger my whole life. Might as well play with fire."

Gio chuckled, "I'm very sure your stepmother's digging for your grave already, Bran."

I smiled, "I'll let her dig it but it would be for her, for sure," I said. "I'd kill them first before they kill me."

We all kept silent the whole ride, and I suddenly found it awkward. I was used to silence ever since I was a kid, but it suddenly became. . . different. Hindi ko rin alam kung dahil ba 'yun sa nangyari kanina.

Until now, I'm still scared.

Fallon's scaring me so much. Walang oras na hindi ko naisip 'yung suggestion ni Chen na umalis na lang ng bansa—hell, I'll probably choose to become a Buzzfeed Unsolved case who died due to unidentified circumstances, only for them to theorize that I flew to some far island and changed my name.

I just want it to end.

"Why don't you tell Zach yourself about what's happening, Brandi?"

I sighed, "You're already involved, Uno. As much as possible, hindi ko rin naman gustong ma-involve ka sa lahat ng nangyayari sa'kin ngayon. . . If Zach gets involved in this, again. . . hindi ko na alam." Napapikit ako nang maalala ko kung ano'ng nangyari four years ago. . . the moment the Juarez knew that Zach knows what happened to me.

He was tortured. He almost died. I didn't want him to be involved in this mess again.

And as much as possible. . . I didn't want Uno to be involved, too. The Juarez never knew that the four of them knows what happened.

Zachary had to endure every pain four years ago.

I didn't want him to suffer again.

"What happened the last time, Uno. . . Please, please promise me. 'Yun na 'yung huling sasabihin mo kay Zach. He already has Sofia, I don't want to hurt anybody again. I don't want this to hurt him, and Sofia... and me." Napayuko ako, I didn't even know what I was talking about already. My head's in terrible haywire.

I knew it was unfair.

I didn't want to involve Zachary, hell, I didn't even want him to know what happened today. I knew he'd gone berserk; I didn't want any of that. . . pero, I'm already involving Uno kahit parehong ayaw namin—he probably didn't want any of this, too. And I hate what's happening already.

Pareho kaming walang magawa. Para akong paulit-ulit na sinisira nang sinisira hanggang sa pakiramdam ko, ubos na ubos na'ko.

I do value life. . . so much.

But sometimes, it feels like it's not worth it anymore.

God, if you want to draw me closer to Fallon... might as well, push the people I care for, away from this mess.

Don't. . . please don't let them end up like me.

"Uno, promise me."

"Fine," he uttered. Uno sighed, alam kong napipilitan lang naman siya. But I know Uno. Once he promised something, he won't ever break it. I know. . . I know how much he's torn.

But if he wants to keep his friend. If he wants him safe, he'll do it.

I managed to smile.

It's what I chose, anyway.

To break myself over and over again. Just for the benefit of the others. Just to protect them over myself.

***

Pagkahatid namin kay Uno, umuwi rin kami kaagad. I realized how much of a danger the outdoors could be so I settled to binge-watching Buzzfeed Unsolved Season 2 to ease my boredom. Nawala na rin naman 'yung sakit ng ulo ko, siguro masiyado lang talaga akong na-stress sa nangyayari.

I was busy watching the episode about Room 1046 when suddenly my phone vibrated. Nagulat ako nang makita ko ang pangalan ni Uno sa screen. Why wouldn't I be? It was his first time texting me!

And to think. . . it wasn't about Zachary nor Dash or Kuya Kirk.

From: Epal

Put some icepacks over your bruise,
the concealers didn't do its job.

I chuckled. Hindi ko tuloy alam kung paano niya napansin, to think na malabo pa ang mata niya sa lagay na 'yun. Or maybe, the concealer really didn't to its job. . .

To: Epal
Hindi naman halata, ah.

From: Epal
Halatang-halata kaya. Tinanong pa nga ako
nila Gio kung kanina nangyari 'yun.

To: Epal
It happened yesterday evening.

From: Epal
Holy shit, Brandi.

Bakit? Bakit hinahayaan mong ganiyanin ka lang
niya?

Read 2:37 PM

I left him on read. I didn't know how to answer Uno, honestly. Sobrang mali ng ginawa ni Fallon, to the point that it even made me question my sanity. My worth as a human being. Pakiramdam ko dahil sa ginawa niya noon, parang hindi na tao ang tingin niya sa akin.

It still feels horrible.

But isn't it funny, 'di ba? At the end of the day, the person to be blamed is still. . . me. Na bakit hindi ako lumalaban? Bakit paulit-ulit ko na lang silang hinahayaan na saktan ako hanggang sa pakiramdam ko. . . siguro deserve ko lahat ng iyon.

Akala ba nila madali?

It was never easy to feel these thoughts crawl up inside your mind over and over again, consuming you inside-out, until you're left with nothing but sadness.

I curled myself, almost into a ball of unending sadness. My arms on top of my knees, my head on my arms. Tears started to cascade my cheeks, one by one, until they became never-ending. I couldn't control them. . . my tears, my sobs—my heart breaking into pieces over and over and over again.

I knew it was never-ending.

I stopped watching Buzzfeed Unsolved and spent the next two hours crying myself to sleep. Pagkagising ko, ring lang nang ring 'yung phone ko kaya agad kong kinuha at tinignan. A small smile appeared on my lips upon seeing Uno's name on the screen.

"Bakit?"

"Holy shit, Brandi! Kanina pa'ko tawang nang tawag sa'yo! I even postponed my study sched just to call you, bakit hindi ka sumasagot!?" I almost wanted to rip my ears out dahil pakiramdam ko nabingi ako sa sigaw ni Uno. I didn't even know why he was yelling at me!

"Nakatulog ako," I said calmly. And then maybe he paused, tapos narinig ko na lang na napa-buntonghininga siya.

I didn't want to assume. . . or get it over my head. But I felt so special knowing that maybe. . . he does care for me.

Uno sighed again for the second time before responding, "Sorry. . . sorry," he uttered. "Gusto ko lang kasing malaman kung okay ka lang, o kung ano man 'yun. Tsaka, miss ka na raw nila Zach. May practice kami sa bahay nila Dash, baka. . . baka gusto mong pumunta?" He paused for a while. "Huwag kang mag-alala, sinabihan ko naman na si Gio. At tsaka, wala rin akong sinabi tungkol sa mga nangyari sa inyo ni Fallon. Siguro tama ka nga. . . na dapat wala nang madamay pa sa nangyayari ngayon."

I sighed.

"Pero. . . Uno. How about you? I can't drag you into this mess, too," I uttered. "I'm sorry. . ."

"You don't have to worry about me, Brandi. I'm a Law student, you know,"  he said, chuckling. "Ayos ka na. Dito ka na lang din daw kumain sabi ni Tita Tess."

I smiled.

At least I've got friends. They're already enough to keep me sane in this lonely world.

***

Pagkarating ko ng bahay nila Dash, inaayos na nga nila 'yung instruments nila. Napansin ko rin na nandito sila Sofia at ate Addie kaya bigla tuloy akong nalungkot para kay Dash. Tita Chari approves of their relationship, sure, but they couldn't just meet anywhere, or every time. Hell, they couldn't even publicize their relationship because. . . once Chen gets acquainted with him publicly, they may crumble down.

And, I'm pretty sure the Jerardos won't let them last for long once the whole clan finds out.

They're just that. . . hungry for power and luxury. To the point that they'll take us as sacrificial lambs just to suffice their hunger.

Another is that. . . Dash's family might get served death threats, too. Or bad media publicity. Sa'min kasi, walang issue dahil noon pa man ay magka-kaibigan na kaming apat since iisang school lang naman ang pinapasukan namin noon at sila-sila lang din ang kasama ko. But when the media learns about him and Chen? They'll probably start to speculate that he's using Chen as a gateway to fame.

And you know that when people read articles about it, it's what they'll want to believe in already. Media brain-washing.

It's never-ending.

Pagkatapos nilang mag-practice, naupo na lang ako sa may duyan sa garden ng bahay nila Dash, habang sila Tita naman nagba-barbecue. Pagkatapos ayusin ni Uno 'yung gitara niya sa loob ng bag ay lumapit siya sa'kin.

"Okay ka na?"

Ngumiti ako, "Salamat," I said. Sobrang naninibago ako sa pakikitungo ni Uno sa'kin ngayon, I couldn't even help but to think na parang nananaganip lang ako ngayon.

But come to think of it.

Maybe because he already saw what's happening to me. I wanted to think na naaawa lang siya, but it didn't feel right when I think about it.

Minsan kasi, parang hindi legitimate kapag naaawa ka lang sa tao. Some even use it as an advantage to feed their egos.

And Uno. . . it felt like. . . it wasn't just mere pity.

It felt so real. Like he does really care for me.

"You're. . . scaring me Uno. Nag-drugs ka ba? Sobrang bait mo kasi."

"Baliw," sambit niya at natawa. "I know I'm a douchebag, Brandi. Sobrang gago ko sa'yo noon pa, ewan ko kung bakit—siguro naiiinis lang talaga ako kasi sobrang bait mo despite of what happened four years ago. Pero, kapag sinabi kong nag-aalala ako sa'yo at mahalaga ka, maniwala ka kasi pakiramdam ko handa ko ng isugal pati buhay ko maprotektahan lang kita."