The moment I arrived at home, umakyat agad ako at napadapa sa kama. I was beyond glad na rin since Anna didn't say a word when she saw me, knowing her—sobrang laki ng chance na awayin na naman niya ako dahil late na naman akong umuwi.

I sighed when I remembered what Uno said. Tama naman talaga siya... alam ko 'yun. Pero nakakapagod pag paulit-ulit. He probably thought I'm too pathetic that I still take care of my family's image despite of what they did to me.

But I wasn't just doing it for myself...

I was doing it for my friends. For the people around me.

I just... wanted to protect them from my family.

"What... even is life," I whispered to myself at humiga nang maayos. Napatitig lang ako sa kisame. All my life, all I did is to please my family, akala nila sobrang innate na sa'kin ng pagiging matalino, e sometimes nga gusto ko na lang ding gumive-up dahil sa tindi ng pressure.

Sure, I want to become a doctor... but I also want to become a normal student.

It's just too hard. There's no room available for imperfections, automatic na dapat kapag nakikita ako sa public, walang maipipintas sa'kin dahil kahit sobrang liit lang ng detail, idinidikit nila sa lolo ko. And I don't even know why! Pati nga pag-graduate ko, ginawan na nila kaagad ng article saying 'First & Only Granddaughter of Vice President Leandro Manumbayao—a Summa Cum Laude'.

Sobrang hirap tumakas kahit ilang beses kong subukan.

If only I could choose for myself.

"She's here?" I heard someone ask from the outside of my door, napaupo naman ako bigla at eksaktong pumasok ng room ko si Chen, she immediately sat on one of my bean bags and slouched. "For Pete's sake, gusto ko na lang pumunta ng New York ulit."

I chuckled, "Ano na namang nangyari?" I asked, hugging my favorite pillow, almost burying my face unto it.

Chen scoffed, even rolling her eyes for a second, "They introduced me again to this stupid guy named Ali," she uttered, almost puking upon speaking the name of the guy.

"Juarez?"

She nodded, "Jeez! I'm just 19, tapos they're all talking about my marriage already like I'm something na pwede lang ipamigay. They never even asked about what I want... it's all just about what they want me to be, and what they think is better for our title." Chen closed her eyes, her hand still balled like she was ready to punch someone else for half an hour anytime.

Chen and I have always been close—maybe because we could become the black sheep of our families. Besides, we're too tired of all the drama already. The never-ending death threats that we receive, that we even joked about it one time when we had a family gathering... Death threats weren't just threats already, it already became a part of our meals, and all we can do is swallow all of them over and over again until they get immune.

Funny because they still wanted this path.

"It's like wanting to commit suicide every day," she said. "Know what? Why don't we run away?" Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ko sa sinabi ni Chen. I've always thought of running away, but I never did it anyway. Sure, I can be a tough nut sometimes, but I'm still scared of my grandfather's power.

I'm probably more scared of my grandfather than the law.

I shook my head, "That... that is real suicide," I said. "They'll find us, Chen. Kahit saan tayo pumunta."

"Then let's fake our deaths! Buy bodies from a crematorium, ask them to manipulate the DNA results—"

"Is that what you learn in Forensic Pathology?" I asked, almost snorting. Inirapan naman ako ni Chen. "Silly girl. They can't manipulate DNA results, more when they're going to present it to the rulers of the country. That's basically skipping all the steps just to be on the death row."

"Walang death penalty ang Pilipinas," Chen pointing out, with this as-a-matter-of-fact tone she uses every day.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm just pointing out that they can get killed even without death penalty, Chen. Your father and my grandfather are too powerful. You think their clean records really represent the way they're living? No," I said. "They can just basically ask others to kill whom they want to get killed, and still don't get any calling out for it because it's not their doing. They pay others' hands so that the blood will spill on those hands, not on theirs..."

"So? Should we suffer just because they need to retain their images?" she asked. I sighed... slowly nodding my head. "What a bunch of assholes."

I laughed.

"I know," I said, lying down on my bed. "22 years of living... and I still keep a blind eye on what Politics really is."

"That's why you chose Medicine instead of Law?"

I nodded... smiling.

"If I was just brave enough to pursue Law... but still, who am I? I'm just Brandi... and I chose to keep a blind eye if that's for the better."

Still, I know it was a coward thing to do.

***

The following morning, parang ayaw ko pang tignan ang sarili ko dahil alam ko namang magmumukha akong unpresentable. I couldn't sleep peacefully, dahil sa sobrang dami na rin yata ng iniisip ko. I was so eager to just enroll for medical school para naman hindi ko na isipin ang problema ng pamilya ko.

In anyway, I just didn't want to care... or even involve myself on anything that they're doing. Panigurado naman na kung Law ang kukunin ko ay kukunin lang din nila ako sa politika.

I didn't want any of that.

God, I just want a peaceful life.

"You look like shit," natatawang sambit ni Chen habang nag-aayos sa harapan ng vanity mirror. Inirapan ko naman siya at napaupo na lang sa bean bag sa tabi niya at napatingin sa cellphone ko. Puro congratulatory messages. May mga nagse-send din sa akin ng mga articles na gawa ng mga sikat na news companies, and I hated all of it—the attention, per se.

"Kailan ka mage-enroll for Medschool?" Chen asked. Nag-shrug lang ako, as if I wasn't planning to enroll kahit kating-kati na talaga akong kumpletuhin ang requirements ko. Nakakairita kasi si Anna, e. Pakiramdam ko nga ayaw niya akong papasukin sa Medschool, dahil apparently, pakiramdam niya yata magiging disgrace ako sa pamilya. Almost everyone that didn't want to choose the political path became lawyers.

But screw that. I don't want to become a Lawyer just because they want to keep up with this thing that seemed like a family tradition already. Who are they kidding din naman? Kahit ayaw nila sa politika pero pinili nilang sundin 'yung gusto ng pamilya namin ay wala na rin naman silang choice. It's like diving on a pool that you think is good for you but end up drowning because your decision was wrong in the first place.

I wasn't born smart to not figure out their logic easily.

If their parents won't be able to let them make the rules, why not just create Lawyers that can manipulate the system for their own sanity?

Maybe Chen and I were meant to break the tradition.

"Hey..." Lumapit sa'kin si Chen at naupo, no biggie rin naman kung sa floor siya umupo dahil carpeted naman. "You okay?"

"Ewan," I said with a joking tone. "You think it'll be better if I choose my own path than the path they've created for me?"

Chen smiled, "They're ought to make our paths kahit ano'ng gawin natin, anyway," she said. "Why not choose yours? At least, you'll be free from any shit that they give us over and over again. At least... for a while."

I smiled, "You really need to get introduced to this guy I know," I said.

"Who? Dash?" she asked.

Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ko sa sinabi ni Chen, "Are you guys talking already?" Sinama ko kasi siya minsan sa gig nila, and she was practically gushing over Dash, their lead guitarist, kaya pinakilala ko sa kaniya. I didn't expect it'd turn out this way!

She shrugged her shoulders while checking her newly done nails, "You and I were busy for a couple of days so I forgot to tell," she said with a smile. "We've been dating for a week now. Funny 'no? I told myself to never date musicians because they're basically hell sent disguised as angels, but here I am, breaking rules."

"What a witch!" I said, jokingly.

"Nauna pa'ko magka-lovelife kaysa sa'yo!" natatawang sambit niya. "Why not go soul-searching first before you go cray-cray in Medschool? Gusto mo si Ali?"

"Ew, a Juarez? No way," I said, rolling my eyes. "If musicians are disguised as angels, those guys are literal devils. Thank you, next." Chen laughed.

"Bahala ko, you might grow older and everyone will call you Dr. Tanders," she uttered.

I chuckled, "What the hell, really?"

She shrugged her shoulders, "There's one old doktora sa school and faculty staff just basically named her Dra. Thunders, pinasosyal na tanders," she said. "She's cool with it naman daw. Super wala raw time because she probably vowed that she'd dedicate her whole life in Neurosurgery."

"Grabe ka. Can you imagine me like that?" I asked, scrolling on my phone.

"Who knows? You never had a boyfriend, fyi," she said using her as-a-matter-of-fact tone again which really annoys the shit out of me. She's younger than me pero minsan nai-intimidate rin talaga ako! "Anyway, I need to go home na! Nagagalit yata si Daddy dahil tumakas ako sa party. Kasalanan naman niya, tho." Natawa naman ako sa sinabi ni Chen. Wala yatang araw na magkasama kami na hindi ko maririnig ang rants niya tungkol sa dad niya. I practically became her human Twitter account.

"I'll go na! Ciao!" Tumango naman ako at nag-bye na rin sa kaniya bago siya lumabas ng kwarto ko. Pagkalabas naman niya ay agad kong inilabas 'yung laptop ko to check which requirements I still need to apply for a good medical school.

Gosh, if only I didn't want to distract myself for years, I could've just applied for INTARMED para hindi na ako nahihirapang mag-decide kung papasok ba akong Medschool o hindi. At least do'n, diretso na. Nakapasa naman ako, pero nag-back out ako last minute. I realized that I need more years to distract myself, pakiramdam ko kasi konti na lang mababaliw na talaga ako sa pamilya ko.

After checking on the requirements that I'm still lacking, nag-ayos na ako ng sarili. Zachary promised me na sasamahan naman niya ako today since do'n sa SBA naman 'yung napili kong pag-apply-an for Medschool, tsaka do'n din ang choice ni papa if ever itutuloy ko raw ang Med proper.

Anna was out, buti na lang. Pagkalabas ko, nando'n na rin si Gio sa labas. Nginitian ko naman siya habang kino-contact si Zach.

"Akala ko you'll accompany me?" I asked the moment he answered the call.

"Uy, Brandi! Sorry, I can't right now. May kailangan kasi akong gawin, emergency talaga," he said. Napa-sigh naman ako. Hindi pa yata tuloy ang lakad. "But no worries! I asked someone to accompany you. I already talked to him, but just whack his brains out if he does something bad."

Napakunot ang noo ko, "Ha? Sino?"

"Ako." Napatingin naman ako sa kung sino'ng nagsalita.

"Zachary, you piece of shit," I said before ending the call.

Of all people bakit si Uno pa!?

"Same sentiments, Brandi. Huwag ka na lang maarte," he said. Napairap na lang ako at sumakay na ng kotse.