Weeks passed by in a hurdle, ni hindi ko na nga napansin na pasukan na rin pala namin dahil masiyado kong binabad ang sarili ko sa pagbabasa ng mga libro. Medical books felt suffocating, and it felt like I was trying to torture myself by reading the lessons over and over again, kaya tinigilan ko na lang. I resorted to reading novels to kill time. I just didn't want to see the outside world, since I didn't want to see Anna or any of the Juarez'—the only time I went out was during the last leg of Apostrophe' tour.

It was great.

Probably an unforgettable one.

Pagkatapos no'n, nagkulong na lang ulit ako sa bahay kasi dinadalhan naman ako lagi ni Manang ng pagkain aside from the snacks and drinks inside of my own refrigerator, tapos lalabas lang ng kwarto kapag alam kong wala na si Anna sa mansion. I just wanted to keep myself away from her.

Being near her meant pain... and more pain. And greater destruction.

It feels suffocating.

When I was younger, I hated how big the house was. It just felt really empty and sad, laging tahimik tapos wala pa'kong masiyadong kasama lagi. I grew up being independent, but I longed for friends so I didn't stop bothering Zachary until they let me inside the circle.

Pero ngayon, I learned how to appreciate it already—it meant spaces away from Anna. It meant protecting myself from the pain.

"Akala ko naman magkukulong ka na talaga sa kwarto mo, nak," sabi ni Manang habang naghahain ng breakfast sa harapan ko. I already made sure Anna was out already. God, kaunti na lang. I just needed to graduate and then I can finally find a house of my own.

They just didn't want me out of the house yet as long as I'm still not complete with MedSchool. Same goes to everyone else in the family. It's like an unbreakable rule already—never leave the house until you've graduated.

Natawa na lang ako sa sinabi ni Manang, "Kumpleto na ba gamit mo? Baka may maiwan ka pa, ha," paalala niya.

Napangiti ako, "Ayos naman na po lahat ng gamit ko," sambit ko. The last time I went out of the house, sinabay ko na ring mamili ng school essentials. I just didn't want to risk it—seeing Anna meant harm. She just hates me so much kahit wala naman talaga akong ginagawa! Pakiramdam ko nga kahit paghinga ko gusto na niyang isumpa.

I wasn't even able to talk to Chen properly the past few days, with her wedding just around the corner, I just couldn't help but to think na sobrang wala akong kwenta when it comes to inside familial matters... She doesn't even deserve that screwed up guy, and I can't even do anything about it. Kahit subukan ko ring humingi ng tulong kila Lolo, sobrang useless lang din... The Jerardos, when it comes to power and authority, they're much greater with that. Mas lalong nagiging mahirap kapag sila na 'yung nagsalita... nobody can break their words, because for them, they don't just create or build the rules, they are the rules.

I finished my breakfast at umakyat ulit ng kwarto para mag-toothbrush at mag-ayos pa nang kaunti. When I was already satisfied with how I looked, kinuha ko na rin 'yung gamit ko at bumaba.

"Ate..."

I paused when I saw Chen. She looks sadder and sadder every day. Her eyes were bloodshot, her under eyes looked darker compared to when I last saw her. I immediately put down my things and pulled her into a hug.

"Shh," I whispered, caressing and stroking her hair habang umiiyak siya. God, she's just turning 20... she had so many plans in life. She wanted to travel the world, forget about everything else... sobrang dami niyang gustong gawin.

But in just a blink of an eye... binawi nila 'yun lahat sa kaniya.

"Why aren't you in your uniforms?" I asked when she broke the embrace as she wipes her eyes pooled with tears. I know Chen's getting married, but it's not their right anymore to meddle with her education! Ngumiti lang siya at umiling.

"Ali's planning to migrate to Seattle after wedding. Do'n ko na lang daw ituloy 'yung pag-aaral ko... he said we'd study together and finish school, and then if I still don't want to be with him, he said we could nicely end things after school..." she trailed. "Ali... he's nice. He's actually really... really nice that I suddenly find it unfair, ate..."

My forehead creased, "You're lying, aren't you?" I said, my fist shaking in anger. Who the hell do they think am I!? I'm not dumb enough to believe when they're out here mind conditioning me!

"No... no, Brandi. Believe me," she said looking directly unto my eyes. "We actually talked to my Dad. Ali said, he'd be okay to cancel the wedding since that's what I want. He also didn't want to leave his girlfriend behind..."

I paused.

"Ali has a girlfriend?"

She nodded, "Sabi niya, he knows he's as slightly fucked up as Fallon because he broke rules, but not until he met Alex. At first, I thought he was just lying to corner me into believing him, because I knew how much headache he had become when I got to know him a few years back," she said. "But I got to meet Alex... and she was probably the kindest person I've ever met... and, ate you know that I'd be the first person to know if somebody else's lying... turns out, Ali was telling the truth..."

"He loves Alex."

Napapikit na lang ako. I couldn't help but to get confused. I wanted to believe Chen, but I just couldn't find it in myself as long as a Juarez is involved—more so, Ali Juarez. Shit lang naman kasi, 'di ba? I know people could change for the better, but a Juarez!? They don't fucking change! They grow even worse every day!

Chen heaved a deep breath in before holding my hand, and squeezing it a bit.

"Fallon..." she trailed. "He was the one who spread news about Ali being abusive, and everything else to cover his tracks... because you know what's funny? Ali was just adopted by their dead father to cover up for his past mistakes as a Prosecutor."

I bit my lip. Pakiramdam ko sumasakit ang ulo ko sa rami ng sinasabi ni Chen. The information was just too much for me to take.

"He said it could be related to your mom."

I paused.

"My mom?"

She nodded.

***

I went to school with a dreadful wish to go home immediately. Sobrang sumakit ang ulo ko that I still had to drink medicine before going out, but it just made it worse. Ni wala nga akong naintindihan sa naging orientation sa auditorium. It felt like my mind wanted to wander around—more so, hear details on how Ali suddenly became an adoptive child and why my mom became suddenly involved on their weird businesses.

I sighed habang pinapaikot 'yung daliri ko sa lid ng tubig na binili ko kanina. Just as expected, first day of school sucks. They normally do. Pumasok ka lang para magsayang ng oras kasi wala pa naman talagang magtuturo. I've met my classmates, anxious for a bit dahil halos lahat sa mga kaklase ko may Latin Honors from prestigious schools. I don't doubt myself (I didn't want to kahit minsan nakaka-doubt na talaga)... it's just that, the vibe was just too different from College. It felt surreal, and scary. But I knew I still had to face it, one way or another.

I passed NMAT.

I worked hard for everything.

I should be scared of nothing.

I can't be scared of what's ahead of me, forever.

"Ba't ka mag-isa?" Nagulat ako nang bigla akong tabihan ni Zachary. It took him seconds to realize before he showed me his identification card, "Masters," he said, smiling.

Napasimangot tuloy ako, "Bakit 'di ka nagkwento!? 'Di mo man lang sinabi sa'kin..." sambit ko. "Kung sinabi mo, e 'di sana sabay na lang tayong nag-enroll... I didn't have to keep up with Uno that day..." I said, almost whispering at the end. Ininom ko na lang 'yung tubig ko habang nakatitig lang sa kung saan.

Natawa naman si Zach, "I still did you a favor, though," he said. "If it wasn't for that one busy day where I was doing my requirements for my enrollment, you shouldn't have been close with him by now." It felt weird when I automatically smiled upon remembering that one dreadful day; na just when I thought Uno would endlessly piss me off that day, he ended up saving me from my panic attacks.

Life... it's just too unpredictable.

"O, ba't ngumingiti 'yan?" Napasimangot ako bigla nang marinig ko ang boses ni Uno na may hawak-hawak na pagkain. Ewan ko ba rito, saka ko lang din na-realize na sobrang takaw no'ng lagi kaming magkasama, pero hindi talaga siya tumataba! Medyo okay pa naman 'yung katawan ko kasi may laman din naman ako kahit pa paano, tsaka, pag hindi ko talaga cino-control 'yung diet ko, nadadagdagan talaga ako. Pero siya, pwede pa yata siyang kumain ng kung anu-anong fastfoods for one month, pero payat pa rin.

Ang dami talagang unfair sa mundo.

"May gwapo raw silang blocmate," Zachary answered nonchalantly. Pinanlakihan ko naman ng mata si Zach to which he just answered back with a wink, ano'ng pinagsasabi nito!? "Alis na pala ako, bye!" I looked back at Zachary who immediately walked away from us kaya ka-muntik-muntik pa siyang makabunggo ng Professors, natawa naman ako bago pasimpleng tumingin kay Uno.

O...kay.

Seriously, why am I being like this!?

Uno kept silent until he finished his food, pero hindi pa rin siya umalis. He was just staring at me, and he even looked angry! Ni wala pa nga akong ginagawa para bwisitin siya... God, this guy.

"Who's the guy?" My lips parted upon realizing what he just said.

"Galit ka?" I asked, almost sounding like I was so eager to hear him say yes without any context. Gosh, Brandi. Bakit naman siya magagalit (if it was true), anyway? It's not as if... it's not as if kagalit-galit naman 'yun.

A lopsided grin appeared on Uno's lips habang binubuksan niya 'yung lata ng Milkis at naglagay ng straw.

Sabi nila hindi naman daw masarap 'yung Milkis. Ang weird talaga ng taste buds nito.

"Nagtatanong lang," he said before he took a sip from his favorite go-to drink. "Want one?" he asked after bringing out another can of Milkis from his bag at saka ng straw.

"Seryoso, may stock ka ng Milkis sa bag mo?"

He chuckled, "Dalawa lang, baka mamatay naman ako pag in-araw-araw ko 'yan. Carbonated drink pa rin 'yan," sabi niya. Akmang aabutin ko na sana, pero biglang inatras niya 'yung kamay niya na hawak 'yung lata pero inabot niya naman 'yung straw. "O," he said, a small smile appearing on his face after opening the lid.

"Sabi nila 'di naman 'to masarap," sabi ko pagkalagay ng straw. I was still hesitating na tikman kasi ang dami na ring nagsabi sa'kin na parang ewan daw 'yung lasa. I just didn't know whom to believe... but I guess, there's no harm in trying naman 'di ba? Uno didn't die while drinking it naman...

"Tikman mo muna kasi." And so, I did. "Ano?" he asked, sounding like an excited kid who was eager to hear positive comments about a painting of a sun that he just drew.

Ngumiti ako nang bahagya, "Oo na, oo na," I said. It was true though, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was, or siguro dahil mahilig lang talaga ako sa carbonated drinks. It just tasted weird because it was actually good!

Mapapatambay na yata ako sa 7/11 sa labas ng campus...

Bwisit talaga 'tong si Uno, e.

"Pero, sino?" he asked, going back from being a kid to a cross-examining officer.

Napasimangot ako, "Law student ka ba talaga? Naniniwala ka sa sinabi ni Zachary?" tanong ko. Imbis na mairita, mas lalo pa siyang natawa. High ba talaga 'to ngayon? First day na first day.

"I need to hear each side first before I decide on how and what I should act upon, Bran," he said.

"What if I lie?"

Uno smiled.

"I don't care if you lie, as long as you say an answer, it's you that I'll believe in," he said before downing his can of Milkis. "I don't apply Law when it comes to you, Bran. I just need to see it for myself, in that way I could calm down."

I scoffed, "Why do you even need to calm down? Nagjo-joke lang naman 'yun."

He smiled, shrugging his shoulders, "I think you already know," he said before leaving me dumbfounded.

***

Classes were cut short, and we were allowed to leave the campus earlier than expected, since Professors had an immediate meeting. I didn't want to go home yet kasi ang sabi ni Gio nasa bahay na si Anna at baka matagalan pa nang kaunti bago siya bumalik ng firm, kaya pumunta na lang ako sa Law library. I was scanning through the books nang biglang may humila sa'kin at ipinaharap sa kaniya.

"What the hell!" I hissed. Ngumiti lang si Uno, placing his index finger on his lips before pulling me away from the bookshelves. Sinimangutan ko na lang siya nang makaupo kami. He didn't even speak! Dire-diretso lang siyang nagbukas ng libro niya at nagbasa.

"Baliw," I mumbled before I grabbed my phone out of my bag, saka ko lang din napansin 'yung invitation card para sa kasal nila Ali at Chen... I sighed before bringing it out at saka iniabot 'yun kay Uno. "Invitation card," sambit ko.

Napakunot siya ng noo, "What the fuck? Baliw na ba si Juarez?"

I was about to speak pero may biglang tumabi sa'kin. She had the same color of lace as mine.

"He's not," she spoke. Napaangat naman ang kilay ni Uno sa sinabi no'ng babae.

"How do you say?" he asked, sounding differently from his usual voice. It felt very... scary. Ganito ba siya pag nasa klase sila? "Sino ba 'to?"

Magsasalita pa lang sana ako pero ngumiti na siya, "Alex Sanchez," she said. Nanlaki naman ang mata ko at napatingin lang sa kaniya.

Alex?

Napatingin siya sa'kin, "Yes. I'm Ali's ex-girlfriend, and I think we need to talk," she said before pulling me away from Uno.

Aside from the fact na sobrang sakit na ng ulo ko sa sobrang daming nangyayari... mukha ba'kong trolley bag na pwede na lang hilahin palayo!?