"No one will know about what happened."

"Pero Gio..."

I heard Gio sigh. Nagpanggap na lang akong tulog kahit naririnig ko ang usapan nila, I really didn't want to eavesdrop, but them—speaking so freely about what happened just a couple of hours earlier makes me want to listen and rip my ears off at the same time.

I've heard of these kinds of issues before. Ilang beses na... I can't even count them on my bare fingers anymore, because apparently... people have been attacking me even before already. Mostly girls. Because they just keep on using this 'you're privileged and we're not so we deserve to hurt you' card against me every single time.

And I can't even defend myself... Dad said I should stand up for myself lagi, but sometimes... it meant danger for the family name. I can't risk hurting others because that would mean tons of articles about me, couple of hours later, saying I'm abusive and cruel... and that I'm hiding something up on my sleeves.

As if I'm hiding things.

They already made me look like an open book na parang gusto kong sumalang sa showbiz.

I never wanted any of that.

But I can't run away.

"I'm sure Brandi will also want to keep this information secret, Sanchez. She was hurt, yes... but she'll hurt more if this reaches the Vice President," he said, a hint of sadness was evident in his tone. "You know how protective they are of Brandi... and of their family name, Uno. Once they heard of this, they'll probably lock her just to ensure her safety... and to avoid any scandals. Just like what happened to her once."

Uno sighed, "Bahala kayo," he mumbled. I wanted to see his reaction... but I kept my eyes shut. "Just tell her I already left. Still need to study for Criminal Law."

"Should we escort you back home?"

"Hindi ako lumpo, kaya ko'ng sarili ko. Si Brandi ang bantayan ninyo," sambit niya. "She seems like a tough nutcase, but she's just trying to contain it all." I wanted to smile upon hearing what Uno said, it wasn't a compliment—I know. But, still... knowing that there's still a small part of him that... probably cared for me.

I mentally sighed.

As if that's possible, Brandi.

"If she ever asks about what happened, just tell her that she lost consciousness and I've got nothing to do with her," he said. "I still hate her anyway," he added before going out of my room.

I didn't want to admit it to myself... but it hurt, I did expect that Uno would tell Gio that he still hates me, but it hurt. But I couldn't understand why. Why would he hate me? Weren't we on the same page?

Or, maybe it's because of that... maybe he sees himself on me. But I can still manage to smile. Maybe he finds it unfair.

But, did he never think that I also find it unfair? I was never free for my entire life. It was never easy... and still, I keep on choosing to keep a blind eye.

I've been keeping a blind eye my entire life. And it sucks. Pretty much every day.

Hinintay ko munang lumipas ang limang minuto bago ako gumising, since lumabas na rin naman si Gio para magbantay sa labas ng kuwarto ko. Pagkagising ko, eksakto namang pumasok si Zachary sa loob.

I tried to smile.

"Brandi..."

I faked a laugh, "Don't start it, please..." I said, almost pleading, but my throat felt dry. "Water..." Agad namang tumayo sa Zach para kumuha ng tubig sa refrigerator. Tinanggal niya muna 'yung cap bago ibinigay sa'kin. I smiled timidly and murmured my thanks before I downed one bottle. Agad namang kinuha ni Zach 'yung bote pagkaubos ko.

"What happened?"

I sighed, "It was Irish," I said. Zach tried to hide the anger that crossed his eyes, but there were too visible anyway. Sinubukan ko na lang ngumiti kahit mahirap. I've already mastered the art of faking everything... and the art of dedma. What happened was nothing compared to the pain of being unable to remove these chains that keep on binding me away from what I really want in life.

"You don't want to sue her? Ilang beses ka ng sinasaktan no'n, a."

I chuckled, "And what? Hear my grandfather's endless banters just because they don't want me to sue anyone? They want me to live a life na puro peke, na dapat perfect girl ako na gusto ng lahat—'yun 'yung dapat kong i-portray lagi. But at the end of the day, I'm still this girl that they'll keep on branding as the privileged bitch." I sighed. "So, I just let them, Zach. Suing's a waste of time, anyway. If I do... they'll just ask me na iurong ang kaso and then media blackout. Tapos uulitin na naman nila."

Zach sighed, "You're too kind, Brandi. Being too kind's also a sin."

I smiled.

"Then my soul's probably burning in hell already," I said.

***

My personal doctor advised me to not stress myself too much—as if I can do that to myself. Anything stresses me almost every day, I'm actually not gonna be shocked anymore kung mamamatay na lang ako nang biglaan.

Still, death never sounded good when it comes to me. Maybe because I keep on trying to see the positive side of everything that keeps on happening to me, kahit one percent man lang... if I don't, I'm probably sending myself to death row already.

Because, honestly... nakakapagod.

"Alam mo if you can't sue that Irish, I'll sue her myself!" Chen said as she marches inside of my room. Natawa naman ako sa inaasta niya. "Damage of property! She seriously broke my car's windshield few days back! I can't even use my car these days!"

"Just let her," I said while fixing my hair. Apparently, bigla kaming tinawagan na mayro'ng family dinner ngayong gabi, I really didn't want to go dahil gusto ko lang matulog buong magdamag—but when it comes to family, I can't say no.

Ang daming hindi ko kayang gawin.

The least I can do for myself to still be able to breathe real air is to study Medicine... that's the only rule I broke. The rest, I just feel like a puppet for not being able to disobey them.

"Alam mo, Brandi. Why don't you stop being nice kahit saglit lang? You're being too nice kaya your family keeps on freaking controlling everything that you're doing," Chen said as she peels the apples. "Stop being kind, kahit saglit lang kasi aabusuhin ka lang nila. You know, kung naging Lawyer ka if ever? You're probably a dead meat by now, because you're the type of person who'll get pro bono cases, kahit against na sa malalaking tao 'yung kaso."

I chuckled, "Just as long as they're not the ones at fault," I said. "But Chen... hindi madali. Hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko alam kung pa'no. My dad's been nothing but kind to me..."

Napairap naman si Chen at iniabot sa'kin 'yung mansanas, "I'm three years younger than you, pero pakiramdam ko mas tumatanda ako kapag kausap kita!" Natawa naman ako sa inakto niya bago kumain ng mansanas. "Why don't you listen to me this time, Brandi? Sure, talk about how kind your father is every day... but for you to suffer every time just because you're trying to protect them? Ate... you're being too selfless already. Think about yourself. Do you want to die just because you keep on protecting them?"

I smiled bitterly.

I honestly didn't know the answer... I never wanted death. I don't want to die yet, kahit sobrang gulo ng buhay ko na parang araw-araw ang dami-daming nakahaing death threats sa harapan ko.

But doesn't politics revolve around the dirty world of death and life? Our family gambles their life almost every day, and here we are... suffering. Over and over again, and it feels like... It's never gonna stop.

Na parang dito na kami nakakulong.

Habambuhay.

Chen sighed, "You've always been there for me ate. For everyone. Please, just this once... do something for yourself."

Nanatili akong tahimik habang nag-aayos ako ng sarili. I know how Chen's feeling right now, alam ko rin kung paano niya pinipigilan ang sarili niyang sigawan ako dahil sobrang incompetent ko as a person. I can't blame her, I keep on choosing what I think is right and then always end up hurting myself.

It's also my fault—why I think my world is so unfair when I still have the choice. When I can create my own personal choices.

Chen has, my other cousins have.

Some of them have created havoc and were still able to escape, even block the media because they worship our family names so much that they'll do everything just to keep us on their sides.

But is it still my fault that my world just keeps on being unfair to other people? That for once... I wanted to show what good really is. Sobrang unfair ng mga nangyayari sa paligid ko, for once I just want to change that in my life. Na kung hindi nila kayang alagaan, baka ako kaya ko, kahit pakiramdam tinatapon ko na 'yung buhay ko para sa ibang tao.

But it never worked. They never saw what I wanted to show them. They just thought that I'm this goody-good bastard that do things for show, or for the money.

Others think that I'm so fake.

The labels never ended. Fake, privileged bitch... I never had a day where those words were never served as my food... the saddest part is, they'll always be hard to swallow for me.

"You're crying..." I tried to smile. Napakagat na lang ako ng ibabang labi nang hawakan ni Chen ang kamay ko at pinahid ang luhang pumapatak sa pisngi ko. "You keep on telling everyone that you're strong, but behind those flashy smiles and makeups... you're the most fragile and vulnerable person I've ever meet."

I chuckled, "There's nothing I can do, right? I'm just a drama queen behind those masks I wear when I'm outside."

Chen tried to smile and hugged me tight.

"Cry," she whispered. "It'll help you feel better."

I smiled.

I knew it won't.

***

Half of our families were already there when we arrived, as usual kami lang ni Chen ang magkasama dahil hindi rin naman naming naiintindihan ang mga pinagku-kuwentuhan nilang lahat, kaya we settled on one table as we drink mocktails we got from the nearby bar.

"Can't we get drunk tonight? Nai-stress ako."

I chuckled, "You can't," I said. "You have an event to attend to tomorrow, right?"

She sighed and nodded, "I forgot," she uttered. "Tignan mo, sa sobrang stressed ko nakalimutan ko pang may event sina Dash bukas..."

I took a sip from my mocktail and smiled, "Huwag ka kasing magpa-stress masiyado. Magkaka-wrinkles ka bahala ka."

Chen laughed.

It wasn't the usual dinner where our families will just eat peacefully on a long table—I realize, it was actually a political party since the whole cabinet's here, too.

And then afterwards, I realized... it was a party for me for graduating as a Summa Cum Laude. It has always been a tradition in the Manumbayao-Jerardo clan.

"You didn't realize it was for you?" I shook my head. Agad naman akong napangiti at tumango nang kaunti nang may dumaang senador sa harapan ko at makipagkamay sa'kin.

"Brandi! It's nice to see you here. Congratulations nga pala!" I smiled and accepted the gift she was holding—it was a perfume from Baccarat. "O siya, pupuntahan ko lang ang papa mo. I'll leave Fallon here, you three catch up." Chen and I both nodded our heads.

I can't smile.

Screw this.

"Hey," Fallon said, swirling his glass of red wine before taking a sip. "It's been 4 years, huh?"

Napairap ako, "When did you come back?"

"Yesterday," he said. "I can't miss your graduation party, Brandi. We almost got married, anyway."

I scoffed, "Almost," I said, emphasizing the word. "We never had a formal relationship, just so you know."

He laughed, "Didn't you like the drugs, Brandi?" he utter—mockery laced unto his voice. "I thought you had fun." I clenched my hand. My lips were quivering as I stare unto his eyes—he's clearly enjoying this, when I'm obviously not.

He can't fucking use my weakness against me.

Not now...

I never wanted anyone to see how weak I can become.

"Excuse me," I said and left Chen with him. She doesn't know anything... she doesn't need to know anything.

I immediately went inside the mansion and went straight to the powder room. Walang tao kaya ni-lock ko na lang kaagad. Tears immediately fell down from my eyes... my hands were quivering but I managed to ring a number. Whoever this is, hell be damned—I need to escape.

"Napatawag ka?"

Napalunok ako, "Y-you know our family house here, right? Corinthian Gardens?"

I heard him sigh, "What happened?"

"He's back, Uno," I whispered. "Fallon's back."

"Fucking asshole," I heard him whisper. "Stay away from him. I'll get you."

I nodded.

"T-thank you..."

"We're still not okay after this..." I smiled.

"Whatever suits you."