"Girl, tulala ka na naman." It felt like a sudden jolt crawled through my head when Tims snapped his fingers in front of me, kaya napabalik ako sa realidad.

"Sorry... sorry," sambit ko at napahilamos na lang ng mukha. Ilanga raw na rin sumali nang mangyari 'yung insidente. I've been trying to reach Uno, but he never answered my calls. I also tried to ask his firm, but they too, do not have an inkling what happened to Uno after he tended his resignation letter.

Sobrang daming nangyari sa iisang araw na 'yun, na hanggang ngayon pakiramdam ko bangungot lang... tapos hindi pa rin ako nagigising.

Pero hindi, e.

Nasa realidad pa rin ako kahit ano'ng gawin ko.

"Kanina pala, dumating 'yung Prosecutor na may hawak sa collision ni Ali." Napalingon ako kay Tims habang naga-update siya ng EMR ng patients. "Basta ewan, narinig ko lang din sa mga nurses sa VIP. Summary, the case ended up close raw and accident lang daw ang nangyari."

"What the hell?"

Tims shrugged, "May sira raw 'yung kotse kaya nagkagano'n. Buti na nga lang daw sa barricade tumama at walang nadamay, although sobrang lala ng casualty nga lang..."

I wanted to go to Chen, but I still could not leave my post. Pinilit ko na nga lang na mag-duty ngayon, total hindi naman ako naka-on call for 24-hours ngayon. The wound was not deep. Wala namang na-harm na organs, pero ang sabi ng Chief namin magpahinga muna raw ako—but I couldn't just leave my duty kung kaya ko naman. I wasn't risking my life rin naman, anyway. Atsaka, information wasn't released to the public about what happened... but of course, Gio had to report it. I just really had to beg for him not to tell my Dad.

Sobrang stressed na niya sa lahat ng mga nangyayari... I can't afford to give him another. I still could not even forget how his face went pale, and how he broke down in front of me when he learned about how my mom died. But dad knows how to be calculative and careful of his actions.

In anyway, we can't do anything pa rin naman kung laban lang din sa mga Jerardo... we're family, even by blood, but basically, they could just forget about it and treat us as their enemies.

I would care less if walang madadamay... if hindi madadamay 'yung mga kaibigan ko. 'Yung pamilya ko.

Pero ang daming damay.

Ang hirap-hirap.

"Uno? Hindi mo pa rin ma-contact?"

I sighed. Napagod na lang yata ako kakaiyak kaya kahit gusto ko, parang wala na'kong kayang ilabas.

I was just angry, and confused. Hindi ko maintindihan kung ano'ng gusto ni Uno. Ano'ng pahinga? Akala ko ba lalaban din siya, pero bakit... kung kailan kailangan ko siya, saka niya ako iniwan?

Why are they all making it hard for me?

Do I really not deserve to be happy?

"He even left his ring," I uttered. I was furious that day, but I couldn't just lose his ring... after all, he's still my husband. And I love Uno... so bad. But this? Hindi ko maintindihan. Kahit saan ko tignan, hindi ko maintindihan.

I just could not understand the root cause of all that's happening... I know my family, Ali's, or Chen's might have something to do with what's happening, pero ano'ng magagawa ko? I don't have evidences that would point to them. The video against Fallon? That would just ruin his reputation, not everyone else. Of course, the Juarez could pull their strings and do everything they can just to put an end to it.

Wala akong laban.

Wala akong laban sa pamilya na'to.

We can only end it if we prove they're murderers. That they do not care about the human rights—all they treat as humans are themselves, and not the people around them.

For them, we're just puppets.

"Did the Senator visit her son already?"

"No'ng tulog ka after the incident. I think just a few hours after, the Senator came in rushing. And she was crying, and asking if how was he, what's his status as of that time, and all that," Tims uttered. "But you know what? She never told them to save him even if he could die anytime." He sighed.

"She even asked them if he'd ever wake up from coma. Of course, the doctors had to tell her honestly that his GCS was very low," he uttered. "The Senator was just silent... I mean, isn't it suspicious? Alam ko namang kailangan pa ring composed 'yung mga politicians, I know a lot because of Dad, and your family—we've been acquainted ever since high school so I have a gist on what's happening. But what the fuck, that's not how you react when your son was diagnosed as comatose, and might even not be able to walk for the rest of his life."

I wanted to tell Tims so bad that Ali is not even a biological son... but I too had to keep it secret.

I can't afford another mistake... another threat.

"Siguro nagulat lang naman talaga... 'yung iba naman gano'n 'di ba?" I said. Lies. "Tita is very composed most of the time, but maybe she's already breaking inside."

Tims sighed, "Ewan ko, Bran. Malakas talaga kutob ko na baka sila lang din may gawa niyan," sambit niya at inayos ang clipboard. "Aren't you suspecting anything, Bran? I mean, knowing of what's happening in your family. I can't stop thinking about it. She's a mother before she was made anything else. That's not how a mother reacts. You know? That's how masterminds do."

I forced a laugh.

You're not wrong, Tims.

"I'm... I'm not aware of the fam affairs ng mga Juarez. It's really hard to comment on issues like those," I said fixing my clipboard. "It'd be better if we won't stick our noses in their family affairs."

Tims sighed at nagpaalam muna para tignan 'yung patients niya. Napa-buntonghininga na lang din ako at tumayo na para i-check din 'yung ibang in-patients.

The night shift went smoothly, kaya bago ako umalis, pinuntahan ko muna 'yung ward ni Ali. Chen was sleeping kaya I did not bother to wake her up, pero inayos ko na lang 'yung blanket na nakabalot sa kaniya.

I heaved out a huge sigh.

"I promise Chen, from now on I won't be scared anymore," I whispered. "We'll be free."

I could not stomach anything that was happening, even so going home. I know Uno won't be there anyway, so I just decided to spend the rest of the night in a hotel. Sobrang gulo na ng mga nangyayari, but I promised Chen that I won't be scared anymore.

I can't let her down.

Not her, too...

I was not much of a drinker—and ever since that dreadful night, I really avoided alcoholic beverages... but for a while I just want to escape reality. Kahit ganito lang... Para makatulog man lang ako.

Kasi ang hirap pa ring i-proseso. How can he leave me so easily when he knew he's all I ever had? He's all I have. Sobrang unworthy ko ba talaga na pati siya sinukuan ako?

I did not even bother to get a glass. Mabilis kong tinanggal 'yung cork ng bote at do'n na mismo uminom.

Para akong tanga.

Alas-otso ng umaga pero nilulunod ko ang sarili ko para lang malasing—and no one will even bother to stop me.

I was on my second bottle, and I was already feeling dizzy and nauseous from all that intake—I had low tolerance of all alcohol, pero kahit ngayon man lang 'di ba? Makalimutan ko lang lahat. Putangina, Brandi. May duty ka pa mamaya...

I mindlessly laughed at myself—my hand on my forehead, as I hold the bottle of wine on the other. If everything was okay, and Chen was here she'd probably slap the hell out me kasi mukha na'kong tanga...

I was alone, and miserable, and wasted and all I could do was laugh at how stupid I am.

I finished the whole bottle and threw it down—it was shattered to pieces as I stare at it; my foot bleeding from the impact. Natawa na lang ako habang pinapanood lang 'yung pag-agos ng dugo. Ang tanga talaga... hindi ko man iniwas 'yung paa ko.

Ang tanga-tanga ko.

Kasi wala na naman akong magawa para sa sarili ko. I could not even feel the pain from the wound. I was numb as hell and all I could ever think was why me?

Bakit ako pa?

I was laughing... and crying all at the same time. I looked pathetic and stupid, but that's all that I can do. Nagulat na lang ako nang maramdaman kong may bumuhat sa'kin, and I was not even wearing my glasses so I couldn't see who it was—and I can't even think straight already.

"Brandi... shit," the voice seemed familiar but I was too drunk to recognize it already—but I was sure it was a guy... or not... I just don't want to care anymore.

"Who are you?" I asked, my speech was slurry already and I was feeling sleepy. I pulled the pillow beside me and hugged it tight—and then I cried. I did not know why I was crying. I was crying so bad that it was echoing in the whole room.

"Does it hurt?"

"W-who are you?"

He did not speak. I felt him covering my wound with something pero hindi ko na lang pinansin at ipinikit na lang ang mga mata ko.

"Sleep tight," he whispered.

***

Pakiramdam ko sobrang disoriented ko pagkapasok ko ng ospital. My head hurts so bad, and I could not remember anything aside from injuring myself with the wine bottle.

Tatanga-tanga kasi.

Hindi ko lang maintindihan kung bakit pagkagising ko nasa kama na'ko. Ang sabi naman ni Gio pagkarinig daw nila no'ng nabasag na wine glass, pumasok agad sila sa room at binuhat ako papunta ro'n. Sila na rin daw nag-bandage no'ng sugat ko since hindi naman malala...

It does makes sense, but at some point, it doesn't. I just can't pinpoint out where it goes wrong...

I checked on the patients and did all the scut works until 4:00 in the morning. I didn't want anything to occupy my mind so I kept myself busy—buti na lang toxic 'yung duty. May mga naadmit na sobrang hirap kausapin no'ng pamilya kaya ang dami kong ginawang explanations. May mga pedia patients na kailangan ko ring kuhanan ng dugo, tapos sobrang hirap kasi nga bata, usually takot sila sa turok. Pero ayos na rin, at least puro duty lang laman ng utak ko.

Ayaw kong magpaapekto kahit sobrang apektado na'ko sa ginagawa ni Uno. Sa mga nangyayari. Wala akong maintindihan kaya kahit anong gawin kong pag-intindi, ang gulo pa rin.

I want to understand his decisions so much... but this? Pakiramdam ko totoong napagod na lang talaga siya.

"Okay ka lang? Masakit pa ulo mo?"

I nodded at Tims bago naglabas ng biogesic sa belt bag ko, "Stressed lang," I said. Tims sighed bago at inabutan naman ako ng chocolate biscuit.

"Kumain ka nga muna," he said. "May dumating palang lawyer sa VIP ward. Irish ba 'yun? 'Di ko maalala." Napakunot naman ang noo ko pagkarinig ko no'n. What is she doing here?

I left my post and ran towards the VIP ward, pagkapasok ko palabas pa lang si Irish sa room ni Ali.

"B-Brandi."

"What are you doing?" I asked. I could not help but to get angry. I did not do anything wrong to Irish for her to get back to me... she's always been the one who's angry at me.

Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung bakit.

Irish smiled. "Are you free? Would you like to talk over a cup of coffee?"

I checked my wristwatch. Hindi ko naman pwedeng iwanan si Tims mag-isa sa post namin, "5 minutes," I said. She nodded at sumunod sa'kin papuntang elevator. May café naman sa ground floor, and I really needed coffee, anyway.

"You might think I'm here as some sort of back up for your family's firm... but I'm an ally, Brandi," she said before taking a sip from her iced latte. "Before I explain anything else, I just want to say sorry. Back then I was just... really immature. I was angry at you because of my father, and I knew you wouldn't probably understand, so I vented that anger to you trying to steal Uno from me."

"To be honest... I knew you never did. I just... maybe it was the best defense mechanism I could choose because I was just so angry, and confused," she uttered. "Uno? He has always been yours to begin with. He never hated you, but he had to resort to waking you up with the truth by hurting you with his words because... as you know, it's what he's good at." Irish chuckled. Nakahawak lang ako sa iced americano ko habang nakayuko at pinapakinggan siyang magkwento.

"I loved Uno. I really did. But it has always been me who forced it all," she said. "I mean... minahal din naman ako ni Uno, alam ko 'yun. Pero iba 'yung sa'yo Brianna... he might've almost chose to give up everything for me back then, but right now? He's ready to risk everything he has just to save you."

"I-I don't understand..."

"Brandi. I am General Ynarez' daughter. I had to change my surname to my mom's, so they won't look for me." The corners of her eyes started to swell with tears. "I am here to prove that my father's suicide wasn't because he was a coward, but because he needed to save himself and our family..."

"I know I'm not in the place to tell this Brianna, but Uno accepted the invitation of the Manumbayao. He's working with us."

My jaw dropped.

"What he's doing right now may sound wrong and off to you... but then."

"W-what?"

"Then only they'd guarantee your safety. They've been threatening him, Brianna. And we can't do anything about it."

Hell.

This is hell.

"T-tell me... how can I help? Ayokong tumunganga lang dito, Irish. Gusto ko na lang matapos lahat ng 'to."

"Do you trust him?"

I paused for a while before looking at her and nodded. "With all my heart."

"Then keep that trust alive, Brandi. It's what he needs the most right now. Uno loves you that he's risking it all just to put an end to this," she uttered before checking her phone. "It's been five minutes. Thank you for listening to me, Brianna. Trust us... we'll get ourselves out of this hellhole."