I was still shaking when Uno came. Nakaalis ako nang maayos sa mansion without telling my dad since the guard already noticed that I wasn't feeling okay, pinasabi ko na lang din na sila na ang magpaalam para sa'kin. Sobrang disrespectful since the party was dedicated to me, but what can I do? I needed to stay away from Fallon as soon as possible... being near that guy meant death.

Pagkasakay ko ng kotse ni Uno, he immediately stepped on the engine and drove away from Corinthian Gardens as fast as he could... tears were still falling from my eyes non-stop, as if he brought me back to that dreadful day that I've always wanted to bury.

Yet, they still give me nightmares every night—as if they'll forever haunt my sleep.

When we arrived at the nearest Starbucks, agad akong bumaba. I needed coffee to calm my nerves—it has always been my go-to drink to calm my soul. While Uno was ordering, I sat by the window and watched the cars pass by. I was biting my nails, and I was still shaking after what happened. Sobrang ikli lang no'n... but it was already enough to scare me again for the rest of my life.

I never thought he'd be able to screw up with my mind again... akala ko okay na'ko. Apat na taon na... pero, the moment I saw him, smiling and laughing like nothing happened four years ago... it felt like I just wanted to dig my own grave.

How can he just freely talk about what happened four years ago? Is he really this cruel?

"O." I smiled timidly and thanked him for the coffee, agad kong itinusok 'yung straw sa lid at uminom. Uno was just silent as he drinks from his coffee.

"Uno..." I said, out of the blue. "Why do you hate me?"

He sighed at ipinatong 'yung hawak niyang cup sa table, "Ang bait mo masiyado, Brandi. Nakakairita," he said. "And I just don't like the atmosphere when I'm with you. Pakiramdam ko may nakatutok na sniper sa batok ko."

Natawa ako, "But you're here with me," I said before taking a sip from my coffee.

"E 'di si Zach na lang sana tinawagan mo kaysa ako," sambit niya. I tried to smile... the last time I saw Fallon and had a breakdown, si Zach lagi ang tinatawagan ko. I have already saved his number on my speed dial... until now. Pero siguro, I was panicking so much that I wasn't even able to check whom I called. "But I get it, Brandi. Still... not a reason for us to get close just like what they all want to."

I chuckled, "I hate you too, just so you know. You arrogant vocalist."

Uno stayed silent as we both watch cars pass by along the boulevard. But for a moment, I knew I saw how the side of his lip curled upwards for just a second before it went back to how he usually looked like every time.

"Bakit siya bumalik?" Nagulat ako nang biglang magsalita si Uno, he was looking at me intently, as if trying to find answers. Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin bago inubos ang kape ko. "Brandi..."

I shook my head, "Hindi ko alam," I said. "Maybe to scare me even more," I added, chuckling. "Can... can we not talk about Fallon, Uno?"

Uno sighed. Nanatili na lang kaming tahimik pareho. Maybe he even realized that I didn't want to talk kaya kinuha na lang niya 'yung bag niya at nagbasa.

"You're studying in advance."

Tumango lang si Uno habang nagsusulat sa yellow paper, "Okay naman 'yung first year ko, pero pakiramdam ko gusto ko na lang mag-dropout anytime," sambit niya at napatingin sa'kin, removing his glasses. "Pero, ayaw ko namang biguin si mama. Pangako ko sa kan'ya 'to. Hinayaan na nga niya 'yung pagbabanda ko kahit mahirap pagsabayin... tiyaga na lang talaga."

I smiled, "You're speaking a lot ha."

Napa-buntonghininga naman si Uno at bumalik na sa pagbabasa. Hinayaan ko na lang din s'ya sa ginagawa niya at pinanood na lang siyang mag-aral.

He looked so peaceful.

"The least you can do is to stop watching me study, Brandi," he said and closed his book, bigla tuloy akong tinablan ng hiya. It was my first time seeing him actually studying. It looked weird.

"Sorry..."

He sighed, "Tara na. Baka magkatotoo na 'yung sniper kapag hindi pa kita inuwi sa inyo." Napatango na lang ako. I let him pack his things first bago kami lumabas ng café papuntang Makati since our family house in Corinthian Gardens were only for gathering purposes. Nanatili lang akong tahimik buong biyahe habang nakikinig sa radyo. Uno and I... I never imagined that we'd be close, parang suntok sa buwan nga raw kung iisipin kaya ginagawa ng ka-banda niya lahat para lang magkalapit kaming dalawa.

It sounded impossible... so much. Lalo na kapag si Uno na rin 'yung dumidistansiya sa akin. Pakiramdam ko nga kambal ko na 'yung salitang hate para sa kan'ya.

Pagkarating namin sa bahay namin sa Makati, agad akong bumaba. I was about to bid my goodbyes to Uno pero mabilis naman niyang pinaharurot 'yung sasakyan paalis. Natawa na lang ako nang bahagya.

This guy, really. He didn't even let me greet him a good night.

I smiled at Gio when I saw him near the entrance. Napa-buntonghininga naman siya, "You still don't look okay, ma'am."

I chuckled, "Sanay naman na," sambit ko. "Sanayan na lang iyan."

"Do you want us to maximize the security?" I shook my head. Kahit naman na mas lalo nila akong bantayan, I still won't be able to go far from Fallon. My Lolo basically treats their family a family kaya muntikan na rin kaming ikinasal noon—they literally set us up on this weird arrange marriage thing, that is apparently, still going on 'til today.

Malakas din kasi ang impluwensiya nila sa bansa—even one of the richest families even before their family joined the dirty world of Politics because my Lolo and Chen' father persuaded her to join their party list. Tita Franchesca agreed, and being a Senator was already enough for her to keep on gambling, and of course—the unbroken strings that tie their family's bond to ours.

Napasalampak na lang ako sa kama. Tumitig lang ako sa kisame, hanggang sa maramdaman ko na lang na tulo na pala nang tulo ang luha sa mga mata ko. Natawa na lang ako ng bahagya.

Even I, was fooling a laugh. Because I know for a fact that, I'm so hurt... angry... scared.

Did I ever mention that my family likes me?

Pero hanggang do'n lang 'yun. They only like me just because I abide with what they want. But when they know that their names are already at stake... they'll all be willing to let me suffer with these endless nightmares.

And they're still doing it.

Who said money is everything? Power? Luxury? Fame? When you, yourself, can't even afford the justice you've been looking for.

***
I woke up with a heavy head and I didn't even complain. Minsan mas gusto ko na nga lang din talagang magkasakit na lang araw-araw para may rason ako para hindi makaharap si Anna. I don't even know why she's being a constant underdog to our family—no one even liked her for my dad. But of course, they realized they needed Anna to keep the name clean, and she was more than willing to do that.

Kaya hanggang ngayon...

I groaned. The memories just came back flashing to my eyes. I never had a peaceful sleep ever since it happened, but I needed to act like I always get the pampering in this mansion. Our families have always prioritized the Filipino family when it comes to their advocacies—and who would believe the Government if mismong kapamilya ng President at Bise Presidente ay hindi maayos?

Sa lahat na yata ng kabutihang ginawa ko, kay Anna lang ako nagpapaka-plastic kapag nasa labas kaming lahat—it honestly sends chills all over my body.

Nakatitig lang ako sa kisame nang may biglang kumatok. Napangiti naman ako nang makita ko si manang, "Good morning, Brandi! Nagluto na rin ako ng soup para sa'yo. Bumisita kaninang umaga si Daddy mo bago nagpuntang Brunei. May business conference raw kasi sila do'n," nakangiti niyang sabi at ipinatong 'yung breakfast bed tray sa may lamesa. "Nagdala na rin ako ng gamot, baka masakit 'yung ulo mo 'nak."

"Thank you po," sambit ko at umupo sa higaan. Kinuha naman ni manang 'yung tray at ipinatong sa may leg part ko. I smiled timidly when I smelled the aroma of my favorite mushroom soup... buti na lang nand'yan si manang para pakalmahin man lang ako kahit pa paano. I quietly ate my breakfast habang nag-aayos naman si manang ng mga gamit ko.

For the past few years... I've never had breakfasts with Dad dahil sobrang busy n'ya sa kompanya—he's a Lawyer but Lolo insisted na he should handle a corporation rather than join politics, which was better since baka kapag nasa politika pa si Dad mamatay na lang ako sa kaba.

Pagkatapos kong kumain, kinuha kaagad ni manang 'yung bed tray. Nag-thank you ulit ako.

"Ah, oo nga pala 'nak. Aalis daw kayo ni Ma'am Anna mamaya."

Napakunot ang noo ko, "Bakit daw po?"

It took manang a second before she responded... if I wasn't even wearing my glasses, I wouldn't have probably noticed how sadness registered unto her eyes.

What the hell...

"Meeting daw kasama ang pamilya ng mga Juarez." Manang didn't smile, but she sighed at ibinaba muna 'yung hawak niyang tray bago ako pinuntahan. Manang knows what happened... but still, even her can't do anything but stay silent.

Tears started to fall. Anna knows... bakit ginagawa n'ya pa rin 'to? Because she's a constant underdog trying to prove her worth as a Manumbayao? Is she not even human enough to understand that I am suffocated when I'm with the Juarez'? Near Fallon? Near Ali?

Parang she's basically telling me that I should just commit suicide because she just won't stop pestering my life.

What does the Juarez' hide under the sleeves for our families to be desperate to be tied to them?

"Brandi... nak."

I tried to smile... but I couldn't. Sobrang sakit sa pakiramdam.

"Manang, sobrang malas ko ba?" Gusto kong mag-rant nang paulit-ulit. I was already used to this kind of life, pero bakit ganito pa rin sa pakiramdam? Sobrang suffocating. Sobrang nakakapagod. Pero kahit ano'ng pilit kong takasan ang lahat, bumabalik-balik pa rin ako sa realidad. I tell myself to keep a blind eye on what my life really is... kasi baka kapag hindi ako magbulag-bulagan o kung hindi ako manatiling tahimik, baka hindi ko na kayanin.

Manang sighed and held my hand, "Hindi ko rin alam kung paano papagaanin ang pakiramdam mo, 'nak... gusto ko mang tulungan ka, pero hindi ko alam kung pa paano."

Ngumiti ako at niyakap si manang.

This time... the masks I've been wearing faded away and all that's left was the real me.

Scarred.

Scared.

***

I didn't bother fixing myself up glamorously. I didn't want them to glance, to ask what I did for the whole day. For once, I just wanted to make them feel how much I hated them and my life.

Sino ba kasing nagsabing masaya?

I didn't want to hear Anna's banters kaya I decided to put some light make-up on my face to match my peach-colored dress. No'ng matapos na akong ayusan ang sarili ko, eksaktong nakita ko ang pangalan ni Zach sa screen.

Maybe he knows already.

"Why didn't you tell me?" bungad ni Zachary sa tawag. Natawa ako nang bahagya, I could imagine Zachary clenching his jaw right now while speaking to me.

"Brandi..."

I sighed, "I didn't want it to bother you... but I guess sinabi na ni Uno?"

I heard him sigh on the other line, "Where are you? Tell me the details. Tell me what happened. Shit, Brandi... I can't let that guy near you, ever again."

"Can't," I said. "Anna's on it again. We're meeting the Juarez today."

Zachary scoffed, "After Chen with Ali, ikaw naman? What the hell do they think you both are? Dolls? Toys?"

"Alay," I said, jokingly—but perhaps, it was true. I was a lamb, probably a blind one. And here I am, being sacrificed.

A sacrificial lamb. What a joke.

"Don't go, Brandi."

"Will that change anything, Zach?" I asked. "I still won't get the justice I've been longing for, anyway."

"And what, live your life like this? Like a sacrificial lamb? For once, Brandi... please. Sobrang gulo mong tao, alam ko 'yun... sobrang gulo mo kasi kahit sinasaktan ka na nila paulit-ulit, sobrang bait mo pa rin... please lang naman, act for yourself and not for others' benefit. Live a life."

A tear fell down.

Zach was right.

Still, I found myself seating across a round table with Fallon Oliver Juarez next to me.