Lina
I arrived in Anaheim a week ago, and Felix had been acting more and more weird the longer I was here. At first he seemed fine, the same guy that I had started dating several months ago, the same man I'd so quickly fallen in love with, but I could tell something was bothering him. He seemed to keep more and more distance between us every day I was here. He would still kiss me in the mornings, fall asleep next to me, and make love to me...until a few days ago. His eyes were different. They were far away and I could always tell he was always in deep thought about something and no matter how many times I tried to get him to talk to me he just pulled away further.

Maybe he didn't really love me. What if he kept thinking about us and started to realize that he didn't feel the way he thought he did. I tried to act normal and not let his distance bother me, but it was even more evident when we got on the plane to fly home.

"I know we're supposed to sit together, but Bin's gonna help me with some lyrics and stuff on the way home, is that ok?" He said looking at me as we boarded the plane.

"For twelve hours?" I said confused.

"If we finish early, I'll come back and sit with you ok?" He said already throwing his carryon down in the seat next to Changbin.

Diappointment flooded through me as I started thinking that he really was just tired of me. I nodded my head and walked three more rows back to my seat and sat down. I could feel my eyes starting to sting, but this wasn't the place to cry, not with all of his groupmates in the seats in front of me.

Everyone got on the plane and took their seats, when I suddenly realized I was alone. I was sitting in the back of this damn plane alone. I slid down in my seat and shoved my air pods into my ears and turned on some music. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my racing heart.

"Why are you all alone?" I heard Minho ask me quietly as he tapped my shoulder. I opened my eyes and pulled the air pod from my ear as he sat down next to me.

"Felix said he had some work to do with Bin." I said quietly looking out the window to my right.

"They're asleep, he said that?" Minho asked quietly.

That was when I suddenly realized the plane had gone dark and quiet. I'd been so into my own head I hadn't even noticed that the sun had set and everyone was passed out.

"It's fine." I said trying to put on a good act so Minho didn't realize how upset I really was.

"I'll go wake him up and have him come back to sit with you." He said starting to stand up. I put my hand on his arm and shook my head.

"It's fine, Minho. Really. Let him sleep, he's probably just as exhausted as the rest of you. I'm fine." I heard how I sounded. It was like I was trying to convince myself that I was ok with what was happening.

"I just don't get why he couldn't do that when we got back. He had to make you sit alone? That's not ok." He said quietly so he didn't wake anyone up.

"It's fine. Believe me I'm fine. I was just gonna go to sleep soon anyway." I tried to smile, but it felt forced. Minho shrugged his shoulders and went back to his seat next to Jeongin.

I'm fine. We're fine. He's just tired. It's fine....

I think I repeated that in my head about a hundred more times in my head before I finally fell asleep.

***
Felix

When we landed and started standing up to leave the plane, Lina walked past me and didn't even say anything. I cursed myself for falling asleep where I did. I really had meant to go back and sit with her, but we'd gotten into a good rhythm with the new song and I had just wanted to keep working on it.

When she walked past me without a word, Minho followed close behind her and gave me an annoyed look. I sighed to myself and followed Minho off the plane to the tarmac. "Minho!" I called after him. I could tell by how Lina got off the plane that she wasn't wanting to talk to me.

Minho stopped in his tracks but didn't turn around.

"Is she ok?" I asked worried.

"No, man, she's not." he said looking at me. "She spent most of that damn flight trying to make sure no one could hear her crying. I don't know what happened with you two, but you better fix it." He turned back around and walked towards the black van waiting for us.

"Shit" I said under my breath. I know I'd been a little weird around her the last few days, but I didn't think she had caught on. The fact that I made her cry didn't sit well with me. I slowly followed the rest of the group as they got into the van, when I noticed that she was walking towards a smaller car by herself.

"Lina!" I called after her running to catch up with her. She didn't even turn her head to look at me.

"Go with you group, Felix" She said as I put a hand on her shoulder.

"I want to ride with you." I said trying to get her to look at me. "I'm sorry about that, I just got wrapped up in the song. I didn't mean to leave you alone for the whole flight."

"No you don't" she mumbled.

When she looked up at me her eyes were slightly puffy and red. "I don't know what's going on with you the last few days. You won't kiss me, you won't hold my hand, and you just left me alone by myself on a twelve hour flight. Go with them, Felix. You'd probably rather be around them anyway."

She left me standing there as she got in the car and told the driver where to go, leaving me standing there by myself. I slowly turned around and walked back to the van. Minho looked at me and shook his head in annoyance as I sat down next to him.

***
Lina

The next few days Felix messaged me several times, but I didn't really feel like replying. Maybe this was just some kind of fling. What if he met someone else on the tour and didn't know how to tell me? Maybe four months away from each other was too much too early in our relationship. I sat down on the couch in my apartment as a couple more texts came into my phone.

Felix:
Lina, please just talk to me. I was stupid.
8:09pm

Can we just talk? I just had something
else on my mind.
8:11pm

I love you, please just talk to me.
8:12pm

I didn't mean to make you cry.
You know I'd never do to that to you.
Please.
8:15pm

I took a deep breath and put my head back onto my couch. I guess I should at least hear him out.

Lina:
Fine.
I'll be over in half an hour.
8:20pm

Felix:
No, it's ok.
I can come to you.
I'll be there in twenty minutes.
8:21pm

***

Felix

As soon as she agreed to talk to me I threw on my shoes and grabbed my keys before heading out. I shoved my hands in my pockets and pulled my black cap further down over my face. My heart was racing. I never meant to hurt her. I didn't know what I was feeling or where my head was. After a twenty minute walk I had made it to her building. I stood outside her door for another few minutes, before I finally knocked on her door.

"Hey" I said quietly as she let me in and walked back to the couch without saying a word. I took a deep breath taking in just how upset she was. I stood in the middle of her small loft apartment. "I'm sorry." I said staring at my shoes.

"Do you realize how you've made me feel the last week?" She asked me from her spot curled up on the couch.

"I do. I never meant to make you feel like that, Li. I don't know what's wrong with me." I mumbled looking up at her.

"Do you?" She countered as she met eyes with me, "Cause it feels like you don't really wanna do this anymore." She said looking back down at her hands. I took a few short steps over to her and sat down on the opposite side on the couch.

"First loves, they suck, man. They teach you a lot, but they never last"
NO, why is that what's my head right now? Damnit, Chan.

I swallowed hard trying to once again push the thoughts out of my head. I wanted to tell her the truth. I really wanted to just open my mouth and tell her everything that had been running through my head the last three months. It was then I realized that I'd been to quiet for a little too long.

"Silence says a lot, Felix." She said as I could hear the crack in voice and it immediately ripped me from my thoughts.

"No. I...No. Lina, wait. I just..." I paused suddenly unsure of what to say. "I-"

"Just go, Felix. You coming over was a bad idea." She said staring at an empty wall in front of her.

"No, Lina. Please. Just let me explain" I begged sitting up straight and staring at her. She has to give me a chance to explain.

"Did you meet someone else?" She asked as a tear started to slide down her cheek.

"No! There isn't anyone else."

"Then what is it?!" She raised her voice slightly and threw her hands down onto the couch in frustration.

"I don't know!" I blurted out, equally frustrated.

"You don't know?" She spat back at me. Her whole face was turning red as she stood up and started pacing in front of me. "Seems like something you should know! You don't love me at all do you? What am I to you!? Why do you--"

"STOP!" I yelled back standing up in front of her. Don't yell Felix. You can still fix this. I could hear the thoughts in my head, but they were drowned out by desperation.

"Stop? I don't have time for someone in my life that has no interest in me!" I stared at her for a moment in shock. Was this really happening? Were we breaking up? This doesn't feel right, this feels very very wrong.

"Well, then maybe I don't have time for someone so clingy!" I spat back at her, with a sudden intense feeling that I needed to hurt her as much as she was hurting me.

"Clingy?!" She yelled back more tears rolling down her face. "Ha! Why even bother flying your 'clingy' girlfriend six thousand miles to see you if you intended to just end it anyway!"

"Yeah, that was a mistake wasn't it." I said crossing my arms and looking her in the face. Who was I right now? Who is controlling my mouth right now, cause this isn't me. This isn't happening. "Maybe I don't have time for this. Maybe I don't have time for someone like you."

"Like ME?" She said indignantly. "How dare you." She said raising her arm and pointing towards the door. "Get out." She coldly muttered.

"Yeah, no problem. This wasn't going to last anyway, right?" I said as I walked towards the door.

"I don't ever want to hear from you again." She sniffed loudly, "Never again"

"No problem" I replied as I slammed the door shut behind me and walked back home, still completely unsure of what exactly just happened.