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Time

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Chapter 20: Time (Ronan's POV)

I held her down, not letting her get up until she told me something about what was going on. I worried about her and her dad. I'm scared that in the four years I was gone, instead of talking to somebody, she's learned to bottle everything up until she explodes. I used to be the one person she would talk to about anything and everything and then I disappeared, so of course, she had nobody to talk to. But I never thought she'd learn to bottle it all up like this. 

"Are we really just going to lay here on the floor? People will see." 

"Who cares?" I shrugged. 

"I'll tell you later, Ronan." 

"Later as in never?" 

"Later, as in once we've closed the store and we're the only people here." 

I nodded, slowly letting her go. "Fine." She eased herself off of me and I hated it almost immediately. I forgot what it felt like to have her so close to me, pressed upright against me to the point where I could smell her perfume and shampoo, to the point where every little thing about her was right there in front of me, intoxicating me. I sat up and we got back to work, pretending that didn't just happen. 

We both were a little worn by the end of the day after selecting, stacking, organizing, and packing books. They were sent out when the mailman came to collect them and by then it was time for her to close the store anyway. 

I sat at the table while she took a quick round, making sure everything was clean and in place, and then she walked to the main door, flipping the sign from 'open' to 'closed' before walking over to me, standing there. "Aren't we leaving?" 

"I didn't forget, so don't try that," I shook my head. 

She sighed softly and sat across from me, keeping her hands on the table, picking at her cuticles nervously. "I still spend my Sundays with Dad," she began, nodding slowly to herself. "But most of those Sundays end up being hospital visits so we can get him checked out. He has to be monitored all the time. His medication doses, his heart condition, all of it. We went this past Sunday too and we ran into Mrs. Nora. Of course, she was curious and Dad being Dad, didn't care and just told her everything. While Dad went to pay, I begged her not to tell anybody about what she knew. 

"I already faced that time when he was diagnosed, I suddenly became London, the girl with the sick Dad and dead Mom. I didn't want people talking about me or Dad in that way again. So, I'm still praying that you're the only one she told." She looked up at me. 

"And what did the doctors say about your dad?" 

"It's complicated," she heaved a breath, running a hand through her hair. "His heart is getting worse, the medication is slowly dying down and getting less and less effective. They think they could increase his dosage but that won't be good for the rest of his body. He'll be too exhausted to go anywhere, do anything, he'll need someone there at all times, just in case. The hospital is offering a home nurse but Dad keeps saying no," she paused, staring at the table. 

"And I don't know what to do." Her eyes met mine. "I take care of him as much as I can, I make sure he takes his meds on time, I make sure he's eating right, not drinking. I try to take him out of the house as much as I can but..." she trailed off, shaking her head softly. 

"He hates it here without Mom. After she died, I had a reason to get my shit together and focus. I had to look after him. But since then, he lost any kind of motivation to do anything at all. He doesn't care anymore whether he lives or dies. But I care, I mean," her voice wavered and she cleared her throat, looking away from me. "What am I supposed to do if something happens to him?" 

"London..." 

She looked at me, her eyes full of tears she was trying so desperately to hold back. "I'll have nobody," she whispered, staring at her hands as tears rolled down her cheeks slowly. "And even if I do," she sniffled, shaking her head. "I mean, I know what the people in this town are like, everybody's there for each other when someone is in need. But he's all I have left of my family. What am I supposed to do if he's gone? Where the hell do I go from there? I'll live in that house all alone. I'll work, go back to a completely empty house that only has memories of my parents. It'll kill me, Ronan." 

I shifted to the seat beside hers and took her hands in mine. "It won't kill you, London. You're the strongest person I've ever met and so is your dad. I'm sure he's going to be just fine. But you have to keep trying, right? You have to be strong for him, he needs you." 

"I can't keep pretending," she mumbled, sniffling again. "How long am I going to lie to myself?" 

"About what?" My brows furrowed in confusion. 

"Ronan, he's dying," she cried, her shoulders shaking as she lowered her head. 

My heart sunk to the floor. "What about his meds?" 

She shook her head. 

"Not even if they increase his doses?" 

She shook her head again. "They said he doesn't have a lot of time," she whispered. "They keep telling me to prepare for the worst. And I'm so scared that one day I'll come home and he won't come to ask me how my day was because he'll be gone. I'm terrified," she admitted. "He doesn't have a lot of time but what does that even mean? Am I just constantly supposed to prepare myself to come home and find him dead? I can't do it again, I can't lose a parent again. I'll be all alone here," she sobbed, taking her hands out of mine and resting her elbows on the table, hiding her face behind her palms. 

"You're not alone, London," I blinked, watching her. "Everybody in this town is here for you, I'm here for you." I grabbed her arm, pulling her closer to me. 

She turned her body to face mine. "You'll leave, you'll go back to Boston!" 

"No," I shook my head. 

She stopped crying and sniffled, staring at me. "No?" 

"No, I'm not going anywhere." 

She wiped her cheeks. "Do you mean that or are you just saying it because it's what I need to hear?" 

"I mean it, London. I'm not leaving you again." 

"What about your career? I don't want you to lose anything because of me." 

"I'm not losing anything. It's not like I can't write a book in Runville and publish it across the world like I did. And I don't care. Even if I can't, I don't care. I can't leave you again, not like this. Not when you need me." 

She stared at me, slowly calming down. "I needed you four years ago too. You left me then." 

"I was stupid," I scoffed. "As stupid as they come. And I'm so sorry. I never should have left you the way I did. I should have been honest and told you instead of running from it until I couldn't anymore. I'm so sorry, London." 

"Do you expect me to forgive you?" she asked softly. 

"No, I don't. Not yet anyway. But I do expect you to come to me when you need me. I'm always going to be here for you, London. Always. And nothing is going to change that, absolutely nothing." 

Her eyes teared up again and she stood to leave, to run but I shot up, grabbing her arm and pulling her back. "Let me go," she whined. 

"Stop running and hiding. London, I've seen every bit of you, okay? Best and worst and I love every part of you." 

"This isn't... I don't..." She cried softly, not knowing what to say. 

I know her like the back of my hand and I know that in a moment like this, she doesn't need words of reassurance. She needs to be held and hugged and taken care of. She needs to know that someone is there for her, to listen to her, to share that pain with her. It happened when she lost her mom and she has to go through it again. I left too early last time but I have no intentions of leaving her this time around. I'm going to be there for her through it all. Every bit of it. 

She put her arms around my torso loosely while I put one arm around her shoulders and held the back of her head, my hand patting her hair down before I started running my fingers through it while she cried. 

It felt like she hadn't let herself really cry in four damn years. And I wondered how many of those times that she wanted to cry but didn't because of me. I'd rather die than hurt her like that again. 

She held onto my shirt tightly, her cries softening and slowing down while I kept smoothing down her hair trying to comfort her as best as I could. Once she felt calmer, she pulled back to look at me, frowning as she sniffled. "You're crying," she mumbled. She reached up, wiping the corner of my eye. 

"I'm okay," I reassured. "Are you?" 

"I hope I will be," she sighed. I wiped her cheeks with my thumbs before kissing her forehead. "Ronan, I..." She stared at me. "Thank you." 

I nodded as she put her arms around my neck, going on her toes to come closer to my height. "I love you," I exhaled softly, resting my chin on her head. 

"I know," she whispered.

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Chapter 20

This chapter took such a sad turn but tragedies make happy endings, y'all

next chapter: stars