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Answers

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Chapter 12: Answers (Ronan's POV)

"Are you going somewhere? It's getting late," Dad called out from the couch while I ran a hand through my hair, heading for the door. 

"It's not that late," I replied, "and I'm just going for a walk. I'll be back in a while." 

He nodded in understanding and I pulled the front door open, locking it shut behind me and walking past our front yard. 

I was heading to the beach, thinking even if I don't go inside if it's already closed up, I could just take a stroll nearby. 

"Ronan!" I turned around when I heard her calling my name. She glanced at her front door before jogging over to me quickly. 

"Hey," I said, looking down at her. 

"Hey, um... where are you going?" 

"To the beach," I answered. 

She frowned, "Right now?" 

"Hmm," I nodded, watching her. "Want to come?" 

"I should get home, actually. Never mind." She took a few steps back but didn't leave. 

Then I realized why she was looking for me because it's obvious that she was. She has questions about the book. "I'm sure your dad will be fine. Drop him a message." She seemed puzzled, not sure what to do. I turned back around and started walking. "I'll answer all the questions I can!" I called out after me without turning around. I heard her rushed footsteps until she was walking beside me, fixing her bag on her shoulder. I bit back a smile, glancing down at her. "You liked it." It wasn't a question, I could see it on her face. 

"It's a good book," she shrugged, "why wouldn't I like it?" 

We walked in silence until we made it to the beach, walking past the main area, both of us knowing where to go. We reached the cave but instead of sitting on the sand, we both moved back, sitting at the top of the wall that separated the beach from the road. She put her bag down and held onto the concrete, slowly rocking her legs back and forth. 

"You can ask about the book. I can't give you answers if you don't ask." 

"Aren't you under a contract?" she mumbled. 

"I am, but what does that matter? It's not like I'm telling anybody who asks. It's you," I shrugged. 

She paused for a minute in thought and then asked the first question everybody does. "Was she real?" 

"Yes and no?" 

"Huh?" 

I chuckled at the look on her face. She seems so confused. "If the reader wants her to be." 

"Who wouldn't?" 

"You'd be surprised," I nodded slowly. "There are some people out there who enjoy the miserable endings. Some people thought it would be a better ending if he really was deemed insane and she never existed. They took the last page as just another one of his hallucinations. And some people want her to be real, they want a happy ending for the two of them, so they take it to be real. They think she managed to make it out without getting caught and came to help him." 

"But she just... disappeared. She vanished right before he was caught, it was like she knew they were coming for him." 

"He knew that too," I replied. "He just didn't care anymore. He couldn't keep running, London." 

"But..." she sighed, "why did she leave? Why didn't she take him? Why didn't she help him like she promised she would?" 

I turned to her. "Because he didn't listen to her." 

She faced me, her eyes locking in place with mine. 

"She told him not to do it, didn't she? He shouldn't have dug into his family's past, she knew he would regret it. She didn't want him to get hurt but he went out on a limb, dug up all the dirt that was there on his family and he ended up regretting it, just like she knew he would. He always thought the best of his parents, of course, he didn't know what they really did. They were murderers too." 

"But he didn't know. As far as Atlas knew, his parents were suddenly killed right in front of him and he couldn't do anything. He was left helpless. In his mind, he was doing the right thing." 

"Yeah, but only in his mind, London. Julia knew that. That's why she asked him to run with her. But he didn't, he let her go. He shouldn't have." 

She blinked, looking away from me and ahead at the ocean. 

"He should have chosen her and stayed with her, no matter where that was. Whether it was still in that abandoned town or whether they ran to a big city in a whole new country, who cares? He made the wrong choice and he got caught because of it." 

"But he knew he would get caught, so why didn't he leave with her?" 

I sighed, watching the moonlight bounce off the surface of the water. "Because he didn't want to put her at risk." 

"But Atlas was all she had. And he took that away from her." 

I looked at her. 

"She was all alone and she wanted him, she needed him there. But he chose himself." 

"No, he didn't. He chose her, he did it for her." 

"No, he didn't," she laughed dryly. "If he chose her, he would have stayed with her, no matter what. Ronan, when we think someone we love deserves better, we either see them with someone else or we don't. And if we don't, then we should be better. If he thought he didn't deserve her, but he failed to find someone who did, then he should have changed for the better. If he didn't deserve her and no one else did either, then he should have become the one guy that did. Deserve her," she explained. 

"And is that right?" I questioned. "Changing yourself just so somebody else gets what they deserve?" 

She sighed, "The change was only going to do him good. He would have become a better person for Julia and for himself. But he was selfish. He didn't let her go so she could be safe, he let her go because he didn't want to change for her. He didn't want her bad enough, Ronan. He didn't love her enough." 

"But she loved him." 

She faced me, her brows slightly raised. 

"She loved him enough to come back. Enough to forgive him and help him." 

"Because she had nothing left to lose other than Atlas. And when she lost him too, she had to come back. She loved him more than he loved her. It doesn't work like that here in our world." 

"Why not?" 

"Because," she laughed dryly. 

"Why not?" I persisted. 

"Because people have more to lose here." 

"Did we?" 

"We had too much to lose, Ronan. It wasn't fair." 

"Life's not fair, London. We work with it, we go around it. But we shouldn't have given up." 

"I'm not the one who gave up," she bit back. "We had too much on the line. You would have to give up your whole career if you chose me then and I would have to give up my only family left." 

"We weren't worth it?" 

"You tell me," she replied. She shook her head softly. "Ronan, you can't hate me for doing what you did." 

"Then you can't either, London." 

She stayed quiet. "I don't hate you," she mumbled, "but I learned my lesson the first time. I can't let you break my heart again." 

"And why are you so sure I'll break it?" 

She stared at me in disbelief. "You won't? So then can you promise me you'll never leave me behind in Runville? You won't choose between me and your career ever again? Will you find a way every single time to have both me and your job? And during this whole thing, I won't lose my father, can you promise me? If you can, then do it. Promise me." She hopped off the wall, standing in front of me. "You can't," she said. "Can you?" 

"Can you?" I retorted. "Choose between your father and me?" 

"My father and your career aren't the same! You won't know that unless you've lost someone, Ronan. I only have one parent, you wanted me to leave him here and come with you." She shook her head again, dragging her hands down her face. "Let's just stop, this is pointless and will only be another argument. I'm going home." 

I climbed off, grabbing her arm and tugging her back. 

"Ronan!" She yanked herself free. "I didn't come here for this, these aren't the answers I came for," she laughed bitterly. "Let me go." 

"How the hell do you expect me to let you go? I loved you! And you loved me too!" 

"So what? So what, huh? We were so sure that we were the love of each other's lives, what happened then? Where did it all go wrong?" 

I stared at her, trying to calm my breathing and temperament, both. 

"Ronan," she sighed pleadingly, "what we had is gone. And that sucks, it really breaks my heart, but it's done. We're finished." 

"No, we're not." 

"Yeah, we are. That happened about four years ago. And it was your call." She pulled her arm free. "Not mine." She staggered a few steps back before turning around and quickly walking away, jogging at the beach entrance and rushing home. 

Have I really lost her forever? I don't understand what to do, I don't know where the hell to go from here. I still love her with every bit of my heart but I don't know how to show her that. She doesn't trust me anymore and I don't know how to change that.

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Chapter 12

Are y'all on any one side? Like just on London's side or just on Ronan's side? I'm curious

next chapter: talk