April 2021

Everyday, I am worried and thinking about new ways she will hurt herself. I wish there was a way by which I could stop all this. I wish I could stop her pain.

I went to her room, I thought it would be the same, like usual, but today it was clean. Everything was in its place, nothing was broken. I looked at Y/n and she looked calm and collected.

She was dressed up in a long yellow summer dress and she was braiding her hair. It's unusual, that is not her style and she doesn't like braiding her hair.

"Baby," I said. She looked at me, I saw her smile, after months, she was finally smiling. But it felt so fake, unreal, that is not Y/n's smile, that is not how Y/n smile.

"Yes honey?" She stood up and walked closer to me. "Are you leaving for work already?"

"Work? It's 1:46 am. At this time, why would I go to work?" I said

"I should go and make breakfast for you." She ignored my Work and replied.

"Y/n you can't cook." I told her.

"Yeah, yeah, I will make your favorite pancakes, with the fresh maple syrup." She went to the kitchen. The way she was acting, I was getting a deja Vu but I was sure what she was trying to do. I held her hand.

"Y/n, what are you doing?" I asked her. She tried to ignore me and cook but I held her hand firmly. "What are you doing? Why are you acting like this?

"Y/n? I am not Y/n?" She asked. Did she hit her head?

"You are Y/n, my wife." I said.

"I am not Y/n, I am Stephanie." She replied. Stephanie?

"No, you are Y/n, and why are you cooking?"

She closed her eyes and opened them again, as if woke up from a dream. "W-hat? Cooking? I am cooking."

"You can't cook." I said. She stared back at me.

"I c-can, I am a housewife, we will be in a farm, we were living our perfect life but then you disappeared," She started crying.

I stepped closer to hold her but she pushed me. "It's so fcked up everything, you disappear and I was looking for you."

She sat on the ground, and I hugged her. " It's not real? It's not? I am not Stephanie? Y/n? No, I don't want to be like this. No It's so painful to be Y/n."

She started crying, and I held her body and patted her back while she cried. "It's not painful Y/n."

"No! No! Ahhh! No!" She started screaming and trying to free herself from my grip.

She started crying and screaming loudly, which made me worried. I tried to calm her down and then she suddenly fainted. I decided to call the doctor again.

The doctor came, he gave her the medicines and kept asking me to admit her back to asylum, which I can’t. He is the same doctor who used to work in asylum Y/n used to be, so he understands.

“Don’t worry, it's fine. She is just stressed.”

“You need to understand that her condition can get worse and she can harm you.” He said.

“No, it's fine.” I said, he sighed. He patted my back and left.

After he left I went back to Y/n, I remember what she was saying. I felt like I knew what she was talking about.

I c-can, I am a housewife, we will be in a farm, we were living our perfect life but then you disappeared,

I know what she was talking about, the notebook. Where is it now? I need to find it. I quickly went to the storeroom and looked through all of our old stuff trying to find the notebook.

And then I finally found it, wiped the dust off it with one hand and opened it. When she was in asylum, she used to write her book prompts here, I was the one to told her to use my name in the book prompts, because she was finding it difficult to create her own character.

And there is it, I was right. She was acting like the character of the book prompts. This notebook has seven prompts, that she was never able to make the whole book, they are like the teaser for the book. Does she want to end these prompts? Make a complete ending?

Does she want me to act like how she wrote me in her notebook?

—

March 2015

“What are you writing?” An unknown voice asked.

I looked up and it was a guy, you look just a few years older than me, but it's rare to see young people here. I have seen him, I know who he is.

He looked at my notebook, and I quickly closed it. “Don’t.” I said.

He sat beside me, “Hey, I just want to talk to you, what's your name?”

“Y/n.” I said, I like how he was treating me normal and not like I am some insane person.

“Just Y/n? What is your surname?” He asked. I was silent.

“I don’t have a surname, I don’t have parents.” I told him, now I have to deal with his pity look. But instead he smiled.

“You can share mine, Jeon Y/n sounds beautiful right?” He said, that made my cheek burn, this is weird. Is this what people call blushing?

“I can’t take your surname like that.” I said.

“Oh you are right, you have to marry me for that. I don’t have a problem.” He replied.

This boy, does he think I am normal? Am I normal?

I was lost and didn’t even realize that he took my notebook and looked at what I had written in it.

“What language is this? I can’t read.” He said and then tried to guess. “Is it latin?”

It made me chuckle, “Latin doesn’t look like this,”

“Tell me, what language is it?” He asked.

“It's not a language, I just scribble on the paper.” I said, he looked at the paper.

“Really? But it felt like you were writing something.” He said.

“I acted like I was,” I sighed, “I want to write,but it's hard, so I just scribble on the paper while I imagine the story in my head.”

“Hmm, interesting. You can use me as a reference.” He said.

“Use you?” I asked, but I couldn't understand what he was saying.

“Yeah, you can use my name and think of me while writing the character.” He said.

“How would that help?”

“It will help a lot, right now you have having problems to come up with the character, if you have me in your head it will help,” he said,

“I don’t think so, you look too innocent, you will not fit the type of books I want to write,” I replied,

“Really? I think I can fit any role.”

I stared at him, and he does look like the type who would fit any role. Only a few people can. Even in imagination.

“Sure I will,”

___