Life tests you, in a way, no one had imagined, unnecessary events, unnecessary plans, but what can one do? Nothing.

Its beautiful to be alone, you know why? Because you get to spend time with yourself, you accompany yourself, you laugh with yourself, you cry with yourself, in the world of chaos, where no one finds time alone for themselves, and the people living with loneliness gets the golden chance to know themselves.

But thats the one side of story, and the other side of story is, that you're never alone with yourself, you're alone with the memories, you think of what? Of memories. You cry for what? For things you've wronged. You laugh on what? On your misery. You never accompany yourself being alone, you accompany the memories.

If I ask you what you like to do the most, whats your answer?

Are you still thinking? Ofcourse, you're thinking. Isn't it a shame, that you don't even know yourself, you don't even know what you like to do the most. Its taking time for you to reply, why? Because you don't know yourself, you're not alone with yourself, but with your memories.

Stopping at zoeys cafe, he went inside. The only place in town that gives him a familiar feeling. Stepping inside, he went to that secluded corner he always sit at.

"Place your order, please." It wasn't Marta's voice, it was a young voice, did Marta get young? Stupid.

He looked up and saw an angelic face, he never saw her before here.

"Cinnamon tiramisu, and espresso." He said in his cold and deep voice and looked back at his phone.

She took his order and went back.

After 5 minutes, she came and placed his order, he again looked at her face, she grinned at him.

What a creep girl!

He ate in silence and after getting done, he placed the money on table and left.

***

He looked around the town's night, light stands providing light and heat, kids running around.

There was so much light, everything was lit up.

But he was not used to light, he was used to darkness. His world was dark, without any light, any hope.

Why? Why was his life so dark?

Why? Why wasn't there any light?

Because you snatched the light with your bare hands.

Look at your hands, you've done everything with these hands.

Are you ashamed? You should be ashamed.

Why did he do that? What has he done? In no way, he could undo it. But the guilt of his doing wasn't leaving him alone, and he feared one day it will kill him.

Was he even alive?

He felt something hard hitting his leg from behind. He stumbled on his steps, no one dares to touch him.

Fiercely he turned around, and saw a girl dropped on ground, hissing in pain with her bike more like a cycle dropped besides her.

Only he knows, how he controlled her anger and walked away.

"Wait, are you deaf?" She heard a familiar voice following him.

She stopped him and came infront of him.

But doesn't she know, no one holds the audacity to stop him.

She waved her hand infront of him, who was not looking at her, his jaw clenched, hands fisted, barely controlling himself.

"Oh, are you really deaf?" Planning not to hurt her, he walked past by her, but she surely wanted it to be her last day by following him.

"Wait, you're the same mysterious hoodie guy, right? You come to zoeys, right?" Then realization hit him, she was the same weird girl.

"No, but you can't be deaf. You listened to me and placed your order even." She scrunched her eyebrows as she said.

This time he looked at her, his eyes boring in her brown eyes, lightest shade of brown. She looked back at him, his hair locks falling over his eyes, as usual his hoodie over his head.

His eyes were a darkest shade of black, pure black just like the color he was wearing.

Her light brown eyes held purity in them, his black eyes had sins, not purity.

He was a sinner, he knew.

She looked like saint, he observed.

The amount of goodness and purity held her eyes, he feared, he felt guilty, no more rooms for guilts.

This girl was a trouble, he admitted.

Without saying anything, he walked away, and this time she didn't follow him.

His eyes were a beautiful chaos, and she feared such chaos.

***

What do you have? You've nothing.

You only feel one emotion, and that is guilt.

Its too late to say that you shouldn't have done that, its too late. Everything has passed away, everything.

Live in guilt, and die with guilt.

Her eyes, her smile, the sound of her laughter, everything he snatched away.

His mind is always trapped in her thoughts.

***

Getting into software store, he went to the familiar cabin, opening the door, he dropped himself on the couch.

"Woah there, you look exhausted." Asher said, looking at his friend.

"This world is tiring I'm not." He mumbled.

Asher laughed, "Mate, this world is not tiring, you're getting tired."

"I'm exhausted from myself, not from anything, but from myself. I'm drowning deep, so deep, that I can't even find any support, for the first time, I'm not enough to support myself." His tired voice echoed in the cabin.

"You're being really hard on yourself. Look at you, you're a mess." Asher said.

"Is that mess bigger than the mess I have created?" He asked, and this time Asher went silent.

"The past has passed. Do not let its shadow to overcome your present."

"Past lives in me, Asher. The guilt and pain lives in me, guilt is my friend, pain is my friend. I would be alone, Asher, I would be alone without my friends." His words shook Asher, he feared his words, how can someone enjoy their pain?

But one can, if he is the reason.

***

He got out of Asher's cabin, and was going outside but a loud voice erupted him.

"We broke it, we broke it. We broke the code." He flinched at the familiar voice.

And suddenly everyone gathered around the cubicle.

His way got blocked, he couldn't go out. He could dig their graves right here, but it was his friends place.

Finally, the crowd went away. And he again flinched at the loud voice. Him and noise, were enemies, since that night.

"Why do you have to be everywhere I go?" She asked putting her hands on her waist.

"I can ask you the same." He replied in his cold voice and went towards the door.

Again he heard her voice, "Are you an animal? Its fucking snowing outside." She commented on his clothing, just a thin black hoodie.

"Why don't you take care of yourself? I doubt if you're an animal."

STAY AWAY FROM HER, his instincts screamed.

***

Eh, poor kartik.