March 18, 2017

I could have lost my mind, waking up every day while the sun was still down. But I was glad I felt like I could finally breath, even though these last few weeks have been exhausting.

I would scroll through our old messages patiently waiting for her to send something. It was all the same, just a mess of greens and pastel balloons from months ago.

I would get lost on my imagination, trying to come to terms it was alright, she was just taking her sweet time. And nothing would matter if in the end she did come through.

In the meantime, even if we were not exactly talking, although we were always civil and even got into conversation once or twice when we found ourselves at the professor's lounge at the same time, she did manage to keep me busy.

Just not the way I expected, of course.

It turned out the assistant position was not going as smoothly for Brianna as it was for me. I did not know why at first, but Cecilia was not making it any easy on the girl.

On the best-case scenario, she would completely ignore Brie, even when the girl needed guidance.

"I have no idea how you could get along with that woman, she is making me go crazy. Honestly." Brianna was venting while we sat at Evelyn's office just the two of us—perks of having the keys.

"Last week, we were supposed to have a meeting to agree on my hours, and she left me waiting for fifty minutes." I was typing a surprise test Evelyn had me prepare, while I listened to Brianna's ranting.

"That's not even the worst part, whenever we have to interact in class, she always treats me like crap. Do you have any idea how that feels like?" Her oblivion never seized to amused me.

"I get it. You just gotta be patient with Bailey. It takes some time to get on her good side, but I promise you, if you just hang on a little while longer, it will be worth it."

I was trying to get her not to quit the program because I knew it would be worth her while. "Look, if you want, I can talk to her in your behalf."

"I thought you two weren't on good terms." I knew I had given too much unnecessary information but seeing as it was too late to back down, I went along with it.

"We talked. It's not the same as before, but I think I can put in a good word for you." Before she could inquire any longer the one and only Cecilia Bailey opened the door.

She was very much taken by surprise to see the both of us in Evelyn's office. I could instantly see what Brianna was so upset about. The professor's face went from surprise to annoyance the second she realized her assistant was in the room.

"Sorry, Eve said I could use her office." She directed her apology to me completely ignoring Brianna who was already gathering her things to leave.

"No problem, I'm just about done. Can it wait 5 minutes or so?" I said as nonchalantly as I could muster, while inside I felt like laughing at how uncomfortable they both were in each other's presence.

"I'm gonna go. See you later at Moe's?" Moe's was a new pub close to campus, but even closer to my apartment, many of the law students would go there.

Although a frat boy's bar was not exactly my scene, lately I had taken a habit of going there to have a few with Brianna and Amy just for the sake of living the campus life a little.

And even if Cecilia and I were not together anymore and I was technically single, even if I did not own her any explanation, even if it was an inoffensive hang out with a couple friends, even so, I still felt caught in that moment.

I could feel the professor gaze on me even though I was still looking at the computer screen, as an attempt to ignore the silent inquisition being made.

"Sure, see you and Amy there." I decided to throw in Amy's name just so it would be clear to the professor that it was not a date or anything of sorts.

And then there were two.

Cecilia had taken the chair that had been previously occupied by her assistant. She had both her legs and arms crossed as she stared at me fiercely waiting for an explanation.

Did I own her any? Nope.

Would I get in trouble if I pointed that out? Yup.

"I would get lonely sometimes, so now I go to Moe's with Brianna and Amy every now and then to have a drink or two with my friends. It's close to home so it's not much of a headache to get back afterwards." I said not taking my eyes off the screen.

"And since when are you and that girl friends?" Dear Lord, the nerve that woman had. I had to keep reminding myself her possessiveness was a good sign.

"Since the written test for the assistant position." I was trying my best not to elaborate, worried she would see too much into something that was just not there.

"You really gotta give her a chance. She is smart and very much ready to assist you if you'd only let her." I was done typing by then and had turned all my attention back to the professor.

"I don't think it's any of your business." Be cool, breath in, breath out and don't fucking roll your eyes—I kept reminding myself.

"Tell me it has nothing to do with me or the fact you got jealous when you saw her hugging me and I'll back off." I said recalling the first day back on campus.

For a while she did not answer me back, just taking in her surrounding as if she had never been in that office before. But then, something seemed to have clicked in her head and she breathed out in defeat.

"Am I even allowed to be jealous?" I have to say, I was impressed by her questioning.

Three months ago, she would have felt entitled to it, but right then, in that moment, she finally realized my opinion should be considered.

"As I told you before, I'm waiting for you. So yeah, you can. As long as you understand this must work as a two-way street." My answer seemed to have lifted a weight out of her shoulders. "Also, I don't know if you noticed, but she isn't exactly my type."

"Why? She isn't a younger version of your favorite professor?" Such a low blow, but I had to admit it was a good one.

"Course not. It's because she isn't old." I knew I would hit a nerve, but the atmosphere in the office, suddenly so light, made it irresistible.

"Asshole." Cecilia said through a smile.

"Do you mind?" She pointed at the computer and I stood up from Evelyn's chair for Cecilia to take the seat.

"Not at all, Professor Bailey." I pulled the chair for her and before she sat down.

She stopped right by my side and after kissing my cheek and almost brushing my lips she whispered "Have a good night with your friends. Knock on my door when you get back, will you?"

I had no idea what to expect from that, and I had no strength to answer, so I settled for a nod instead.

As I left the office, I could only hope for the night to be over already so I could go over. I knew if I bailed on the girls, Cecilia would be able to see right through me, and I had a feeling she would not appreciate it.

Forcing myself to enjoy the night out with my friends was no use, instead it consisted of two nerve-wracking hours listening to Brianna rent the same tune all over again only this time to Amy.

Amy in turn pretended to be shocked by Cecilia's clear misguided jealousy.

At some point, after Brianna left us to go to the restroom, Amy decided to lecture me.

"So, our dear professor slash neighbor is being all jealous and possessive again?" I could clearly hear the humor in her voice. "This is one bad déjà vu, don't you think? Make sure you fix it before Brianna gets hurt in the crossfire."

"I talked to Cecilia. I think it's fixed. But then again, with her we never know." I confessed before taking a sip of my sex on the beach.

It was Friday night which meant the pub was overcrowded.

The air was damp, and I felt I would suffocate in the hot air at any minute. Yet the only thing on my mind was how sweaty I had gotten and how much I did not want Cecilia to see me like that. Sweaty, dirty, and smelling of booze.

"I should go, I've a class to teach tomorrow." I said using my mandatory tutoring as an excuse to leave earlier than my usual.

"I forget you're a slave now. Saturday, really?" I laughed before saying goodbye and leaving a fifty to pay for my drinks and for tips.

It was not really teaching, I just needed to make myself available in a classroom once a week to help any of Evelyn's student, but there would usually only be five or six of them.

As soon as I got in the building, I texted Cecilia to let her know I intended on going over mine first to take a shower and change. Before I could set foot in the elevator though my phone rang.

"Just come straight over, you can shower here." Her voice sounded raspy, and I had a feeling I had woken her up. "Were you sleeping?"

"I fell asleep waiting on you. Are you close?" I smiled to myself, that conversation felt all too familiar. "I'm going up. See you soon."

I tried the door to see if it was open, and sure enough it was. I let myself inside her apartment locking the door behind me as I called out for her to let her know I had arrived.

"What took you so long?" She asked annoyed, but I could see it was just the sleepiness talking.

"If you want, I can come over some other day. You look exhausted." I offered even though I wanted nothing more than to stay.

"No, stay. Go take a shower, you smell of cheap vodka." I laughed at her scrunched face.

"Some random guy spilled his drink all over me. Apparently, he thought that was a good way to start conversation." I explained the smell because I sure as hell did not want her thinking I spent money on cheap booze.

"I can't unsee it now. Shower. Now!" she pushed me towards her bathroom before jumping back in bed.

I stopped by the bathroom door to take in her figure. She was in ridiculously small silk shorts that matched her just as revealing silk tank top. What a way to make me horny.

If the fact I got horny whenever I drank was not bad enough on its own, I would also have to deal with her dressed in that while not being able to really be with her.

What a tease.

I took my time in the shower as I tried to have the cold water rid myself of the want. I knew I would have to behave because whatever she had planned for us to do, it was bound to be something very much innocent.

Once I got out the shower I went to the closet and much like expected my things were just where I had left them.

Just for a second the memory of her hugging me from behind while we were in that closet and unavoidably making out with me pressed against the full-size mirror crossed my mind.

I put the memory aside and proceeded to get dressed in an oversized t-shirt and leggings. I did not want my choice of attire to give her the wrong impression.

I was being sure to be considerate of her request for time to process. Only her time was turning out to be one hellish foreplay.

By the time I sat on her bed beside her head I noticed even though her eyes were closed she was awake, I had watched her fall asleep one too many times before.

"So. Plan on sharing with me why I'm here?" I asked lightly caressing the side of her face.

She opened her eyes to look at me, but I could not figure out what was going through her mind. For a while we just stared at each other in silence.

"Aren't you going to lie down?" She patted the spot beside her scooting over to give me more room.

I was not sure I should though, that question felt too much like a clever way to avoid answering my own.

Once she realized my reluctance it was her turn to sit on the mattress. She was facing me, and I could see in her eyes how much willpower she was having to put on just to keep herself from looking away, but I could not figure out why.

"I miss sleeping beside you, but if this is too much too soon, we can just watch something for a while and then you can go." It was comic to see Cecilia unconsciously reversing the papers.

"You're the one that asked to go slow. I'm more than okay with whatever pace you decide is best for you." I said before laying myself down, making sure to pull her along with me so that her head was resting on my shoulder.

It did not take long for her to pull me closer with her free arm.

"I have to leave early tomorrow, though." She did not care to hide her disappointment.

"I thought we could go biking tomorrow morning." Her voice was just another indication of how she was feeling.

"I've tutoring tomorrow morning. I'll be free by the time you wake up, how about you pick me up then and we can go?" I had adjusted my head so that I could look at her face and I was glad I did so because I got to see the sparkles forming back in her eyes.

She happily nodded letting go of a yawn in the process.

"Let's go to sleep, shall we?" Before I could get an answer, she was already fast asleep.

I lightly turned to my other side to turn off the light and for the first time in months I fell asleep without any worries in mind.

Now I am writing while I wait for Evelyn's student to show up, although I have to admit I would rather they did not show up so that I can get to see the one person I really want to, sooner rather than later.

Remi

Do you remember that day? I never got back to writing about it again but thinking back all I can remember is the way the sun hit your eyes while you drove us to the track and how you would only let go of my hand to switch gears, and I can't help but feel nostalgic. I don't think I've ever said this before, but if for nothing else, thank you, Cee. Thank you for all the good and unique memories you gave me so effortlessly.