March 22, 2017

Familiarity. That was a word I had struggled with all my life. I never felt particularly comfortable with my surrounding, it always seemed as if I was not where I was supposed to.

And then I met her, and bit by bit, everything about my life started to come into place.

Not suddenly, but steadily both my soon-to-be professional life, as well as my personal life started to feel like they truly belonged to me, or better yet, like I finally belonged to them.

Then she left, but much to my surprise her leaving had an unforeseeable effect on me. It pushed me to fight all that much harder to keep my sort of professional path going—not that I could say the same about everything else.

So how could I resent her for leaving?

That thought crossed my mind as I waited for her outside her classroom.

I tried my best to keep my distance while on campus, the last thing I needed was the gossiping and whispering about us to spook Cecilia away. But I had promised Brianna to try and get her on the professor's good side, and it seemed my first attempt was not as successful as I had originally thought.

I must admit though, I was liking the fact I had an excuse to be there. Things between us were still fairly slow, so every chance I got to be around her was a blessing—even if it was in disguise.

I suppose I should have expected her to be surprised to see me there, after all it was my idea to keep our distance around campus—not that we were ever any good at doing that.

I was too much in my mind to realize she had caught me watching her through the open door. Her students started to vacate the classroom, and that was when I noticed she was done with her lecture.

I decided to let myself in and the first thing I noticed was how scared Brianna seemed beside the professor's desk as she patiently waited for a chance to talk with Cecilia.

The next thing I noticed got to me more than I would have expect to, there was an older student trying awfully hard to get Cecilia's attention —one of those midlife-crisis sorts of guys who decide they should switch careers just when they have gotten their lives figured out.

Those moments were the tricky moments, the ones I wished being with her was not so complicated, such a taboo, the moments I craved so much to be able to just go there and tell that man to fuck off.

"You aren't very discreet when you're jealous." I was startled by Brianna who somehow had found her way to me.

"I'm not jealous." I did not know who I was trying to convince.

"Next time, try believing it first." She whispered bumping her shoulder against mine.

I decided a nondenial denial was the best I could go for, "It's just so frustrating to see men acting all entitled while hitting on a woman even when said woman has some sort of hierarchic role."

"I mean, I get what you saying, but then again, she's hot and single for all anyone knows. I can see the appeal even if she's a bitch to me half the time." I knew Brianna did not mean to hit a nerve with her comment, but to be reminded Cecilia was still technically single made my insecurities skyrocket.

Before I knew it, my feet had taken me closer to the professor's desk, and I was standing in between the student and Cecilia.

At first, she was startled by my arrival, I could clearly see it in her eyes, and it made me worry she would be annoyed by my presence.

But then her eyes changed, they became softer and understanding. She knew exactly what was going through my mind.

For a while we just looked at each other, having our silent conversation, the type that tend to make people around uncomfortable until they eventually leave, only the guy could not seem to take the hint.

"Do you mind?" The entitlement of the white straight man unfortunately so predictable.

"I'm sorry but I have to go now." Cecilia said with her eyes still locked with mine before I could think of a comeback worth his arrogance.

I would have probably said something anyway had she not rested her hand on my lower back. Her touch was enough of a reassurance to get me to shut up.

Before we knew it the student was stomping off instead.

"Is everything okay?" She made sure to ask once he was no longer in view. I could hear the concern in her voice just as much as I could catch it in her eyes.

I nodded in response, still very much aware of her hand that had moved from my lower back to the side of my waist.

The touch felt too intimate and for a brief moment I was lost in it, until I was reminded, we were not alone.

Brianna was still there, far away, making sure to give us as much space as possible, but still there.

"Just came to see how things were between you and your assistant." I motioned with my head towards Brianna, getting Cecilia to retract her hand.

My whole body went colder without her touch, but I knew it was the best course of action.

"She ratted me to you? I think I actually respect her more now." The humor in the professor's voice matched the smirk playing on her lips.

"Don't be such an ass, just give the girl a chance. You know how much of a difference this can make during job hunting."

I am sure Brianna knew we were talking about her even if she could not hear a word. She looked ready to flee. Before she had the chance though, Cecilia decided to call her over.

"It has come to my attention I have been a real bitch to you half the time." Cecilia said with confidence, and her lucky choice of words—the same ones Brianna had used to describe her—, helped only to make her seem all that much more certain of herself.

Brianna on the other hand could not look more surprised if she tried.

"You told her?" She inquired. As if I would have the balls to call Cecilia Bailey a bitch even if I were only quoting someone else.

"Sorry, not really, she's really that good at reading people. You just did it though." I tried my best not to laugh, but I could not hold it in.

"Don't stress over it. I deserved that. There were some personal things I was dealing with, and unfortunately I ended up taking it out on you." I could have kissed her right there, I knew it was not easy for her to apologize, let alone admit to her misdoings.

"Here, this is some of the material I need you to go over with the students during tutoring, if you feel like you need anything else, just ask." Suddenly, Brianna went from no guidance at all to a lifeboat in the shape of a huge stack of papers.

Brianna was awestruck, it was finally dawning on her what I meant when I said the professor was worth the headaches.

"I'll leave you girls to trash talk me now." Cecilia said with a wink as she lightly squeezed my shoulder, before leaving.

I knew what that squeeze meant, it meant see you later, see you home. And I was the one reminded the professor was worth all the tricky moments.

"Well, guess I own you a huge ass thank you." Brianna breathed comfortably for which I assumed was the first moment in that classroom, "I've no idea what the deal is between the two of you, but damn girl, that's one hell of a grip you got."

It was not until much later today that I was able to see the professor again, and to my surprise she had the younger Bailey with her.

Cecilia had texted me to ask that I went over for dinner, only failing to mention it would not be just the two of us, but I did not really mind the company—at least not until I found out what Lucy had planned behind our backs.

I had not seen Lucy for a while, she looked too much like her older sister and so I made a point of avoiding her while Cecilia was gone.

I knew it was not right of me to do so, but I also knew the second I saw her, Cecilia would become the topic and at the time I did not have it in me to face it was over.

To my surprise, Cecilia never mentioned her leaving and our sort of break up to her sister. Which only helped to make Lucy all that much more upset over my avoidance.

"Hey stranger, remember me?" I could hear the annoyance in Lucy's voice, that was when I knew she had no idea.

"You didn't tell her?" I directed my question to the older Bailey who had opened the door to me. The professor's blush was answer enough, "You two have some catching up to do, I'll be in the kitchen while you clean this mess."

I left Cecilia to deal with telling her sister how she had left town and how I was faced with dealing with it on my own.

It did not take long to feel a pair of arms side-hugging me while I poured myself some water.

"Why didn't you tell me? I could have been here for you." Lucy never seized to amaze me.

I looked to my left side only to see that past the younger Bailey there stood the older one, with something in her eyes I could not quite pinpoint, but something in me said it had to do with sorrow and I wondered how that conversation had turned out.

Her eyes found mine and she gave me a reassuring smile that did not quite meet her eyes. All I wanted was to go over and hug her, but Lucy was in the way, and I was not just about to dismiss her, so instead I hugged the younger sister back, as I made sure to keep eye contact with the professor.

"I didn't really feel like talking about it, I knew the moment I did, it would become true, and I was in denial." I left out the part in which I only talked about it with Miranda, for I knew Lucy would have had none of it.

"So, I guess this is a good time to say mom is coming over as well." As if on cue both Cecilia and I shouted an exasperated "What?"

"Look, this isn't my fault. You two forgot to mention you had broken up and then gotten back together, so I thought it had been a good enough amount of time of you dating and I told mom about it. I had no idea it would be that big of a deal." Great one Lucy Bailey.

I looked at Cecilia, trying to read what was going on in her head, but she was too much out of it.

So much for taking things slow.

"Cee, look at me." I walked to her to hold onto her hands as I tried to get her to calm down, "I'm gonna leave and you can have dinner with Lucy and your mom, okay?"

She looked eyes with me, and my words seemed to lift a huge weight out of her shoulders. I felt much the same, I was not ready to meet her mother, and neither was whatever it was we were building together, it was yet too fresh and recent.

"Lucy, I'm going up for a moment, make sure to fix the mess you made once mom gets here, I'll only be a minute." Cecilia said pulling me by the hand.

Once we got to my apartment she sat on my couch and I could not help but remember all we had once done there, sure enough she could see it splatter all over my face.

"You sure this is okay?" She asked trying to remain serious, but the smirk on her face gave it away, she was reminiscing just as much as I was.

I was sitting beside her, and it was taking everything in me not to just make those memories come back to life.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I don't think any of us is ready for that introduction." I smiled back at her and she rested one of her hands on my knee. I could feel the warmth of her skin through the fabric of my jeans.

She leaned in closer, pulling me by the neck before kissing me. Her lips moved slowly, almost exploratory. She was taking her time kissing me, and I was taking mine savoring it.

I could feel how warm her lips were in contrast of my cold ones, and before I knew it, I was leaning back as I brought her along.

I had one arm around her waist, while my other hand cupped the side of her face. Being there with her, felt familiar, not in the I-have-done-that-before familiar, but in the that-is-where-I-was-always-suppose-to-end-up familiar.

And suddenly If I ain't got you by Alicia Keys made that much more sense in my head.

Remi