September 1, 2016

It has been a few days since I ended things with Kat, I have not heard from her since, no surprises there though, apart from each other, we had nothing nor no one in our lives in common.

I was single but not the least bit less tormented.

Before I had been too worried about hurting Kat. Once we were over though, all my mind could seem to think was how I would be the next one to get hurt, and that was the main reason why I started to avoid the professor again.

I tried to stay away from Cecilia at least for the first couple of days. Amy noticed I was consciously pushing the professor away and did not mind pressing on the matter.

"I can't understand you. You broke up with Kat because you couldn't stop thinking about Cecilia. And now that you're single and the woman is still all over you, suddenly you want nothing to do with her?" She had a point, but I had two.

"She doesn't know Kat and I are over." Those blue eyes gave me an inquisitive look, basically prying the information out of my brain, "Stop looking at me like that, will you? I don't think it's fair for me to come to her about my breakup when I avoided her once I learned about Miranda."

But Amy knew me too well to believe that was all, "Fine. Also, I'm scared of getting hurt. What if I misread her? What if she just stops talking to me again like she did when she had succeeded on coming between Nay and I?"

I had let go of a good thing in hope of a great one, but what if instead of great what she did mean to me was impossible?

While I was talking to Amy a thought crossed my mind. Maybe I deserved to be scared, I deserved to be getting hurt by anticipation, because I had caused similar things on both Kat and Nay, and all because of my own feelings for someone else.

I had disregarded other people who had been nothing but great to me, for someone who might just not be worth it. And maybe that was the price I had to pay.

"Stop overthinking, I know that look. If you don't give her a chance to show you how she's gonna react, you might as well just quit now, because knowing you, you will drown in your sorrow by anticipation over something that has never even truly happened." Amy was right, she usually was when it came to anything regarding my love life.

We were on my bed and Amy was side hugging me to give me some emotional support while we talked. I was lucky to have a friend like her, she was the sister I never had, and even if she would go boy crazy sometimes, it never got in the way of our friendship.

That had been on Tuesday after I had gotten back from the mediation center. After my talk with Amy, I decided it was best to just tell Cecilia and be done with it. It was stupid to make such a big deal out of it, anyway.

I only had the two first periods on Wednesdays this semester, which meant I would be getting out the same time she would. I figured I would just pop up by her classroom to see if she wanted to go out for an early lunch.

I kept reminding myself to just chill the fuck out and not make a big deal out of it as I watched her through the open door.

While I waited, I noticed once again how much I missed her lessons. Even back when she was making my school life a living hell, her lessons were still the best moments of my weeks.

I loved how she would sit on top of her desks with her legs sort of crossed and her computer on her lap—I was also a little bit surprised that someone so clumsy was able to do that dressed on a pencil skirt and not make a fiasco out of that.

I loved how she was able to get excited over teaching the same thing every semester for almost ten years and still find it in her to make her students just as excited to be learning that.

I tried to peak so I could see how the students were responding to her, and funny enough, as I saw how engrossed they were, I felt proud. I was proud of her, even if it was not my place. My admiration did not go unnoticed though and before I realized it, I was no longer alone.

"She is something else, isn't she?" a male voice startled me and as I looked to my side, I realized someone else had stopped beside me to watch her, "I know you. I mean, I've heard of you. You are the new professor, Criminal Law, right?" I recognized his face from the pictures Amy had showed me months ago.

I made sure to dress my best that morning, I knew what I had in mind, and I wanted to look good for her. Maybe that was the reason he was so carefree around me, he probably thought I was something else other than a student, a staff of sorts.

"That's right. I'm Felix, Felix Fisher. And you are?" He relocated his belonging so he could hold them all in one hand as he gave me his other one to shake it, "Remi Hayes. Nice meeting you." I shook his hand back as I threw him a polite smile.

"Are you waiting for her?" He asked me not taking his eyes off her.

I realized I might just had found some competition, I knew Cecilia was not that much into men, but she had seriously dated one for a while and even moved in with him, at least that was what Lucy had told me.

"Yeah, we are grabbing lunch after she's done with this." I had not even asked her if she had plans, but I was going to be damn sure to keep this one away from her. That was when I accepted it, I was in it for real.

"Oh... I thought I would... A-ask her to go o-out for lunch with me, but I can see if she is a-available some o-other day." It was a little pitiful to watch him trying to stay in his game. It was even more pitiful though how he did not understand what I had implied.

He was more of a boy than a man. With a slim and tall figure, dark hair and not a single sign of that face ever having had a beard, he looked not a day over his twenties—though he should probably be a little over his thirties.

He had a navy-blue suit on that helped only to make him look more like a momma's boy, and as soon as my insecurity came it went away. Even if Cecilia was into men, he was not someone I should worry about.

"Do you mind if I throw you a piece of advice?" I felt bad for him, and I knew Cecilia too well to know she would not have a clue on how to put an end to the situation—his obvious crush on her—, without hurting his feelings.

"You look like you know something I don't." He had managed to get back on his feet and was no longer stuttering.

"Not something, someone." I pointed at her with a nod, and in that exact moment she noticed I was there throwing me a heartwarming smile back from afar.

"Please don't take it the wrong way, because you seem like a really nice guy. But you're not her type." He visibly shrunk at that, his shoulders fell in defeat and he looked even more like a momma's boy after that.

"How could you be sure, though?" Before I could answer him someone else joined us by my other side.

"Remi, good, you're here. Could you be a dear and hand these to her? She needs these for this class, but those students of hers are so annoying. They think her and I are having an affair, can you believe it?" It was Evelyn and she looked just as annoyed as she sounded.

As I took the papers from her hand, I gave Professor Fisher a knowing look and left to give them to Cecilia—okay, maybe I did lead him to believe she was not into men, but then again, maybe it was best than him realizing she just was not into men like him, the ones that looked more like boys than men.

"Hi! What are you doing here?" Cecilia seemed genuinely excited to see me, and her excitement did not go unnoticed by both her students and the two professors standing outside.

"She is too scared of your students to come inside." I got closer to her to whisper my answer as pointed with my head to the door.

I handed Cecilia the papers, and during the whole of that small interaction I kept a smile playing on my lips—she really was not giving two shits about her students seeing us being that friendly to one another.

"Lunch after this?" She surprised me by asking that just as I was reaching the door.

"Sure thing." And I did not even have to try to get her to go to lunch with me—I was feeling invincible that morning.

"I see you met our new prodigy." Evelyn pointed to Professor Fisher once I was back outside the classroom and I nodded in return.

"Did you fix... that problem of yours?" I knew what she was implying to. She had told me to figure my shit out, and I had done just that.

"Done and over with. I know exactly what I need to do now." I was being as secretive as she was, but not like we needed the newbie to know what we were talking about.

She smiled at my answer before saying she had to go, I could see she was genuinely happy with what I had said.

For a moment I was curious what had changed her mind, I knew she was happy for me when I said I had moved on from the other professor, so what could have possibly made her rethink the idea of seeing Cecilia and I together as a good thing?

I could not think too much of it before Professor Fisher got my attention again.

"So, I don't have a chance because she is... queer?" the new professor asked once we were left alone, unknowingly giving me a way out—yeah, Cecilia is queer when you look at it through an ampler aspect of the word, but it did not mean she liked only women, although in his very straight mindset, that was exactly what he was implying.

"I'm not one to out people, but you can take your own conclusions." I realized he was implying to the students' rumors about Evelyn and Cecilia—I could even see their appeal to the idea, they were both hot powerful women.

I was almost glad he did not think too much of my interaction with her— even if I was sort of being a little too territorial—, because the last thing I needed was Cecilia freaking out over some new professor thinking we were together.

Professor Fisher had gotten the hint. He said his goodbyes before excusing himself out of that situation—he is one thing I hope not to have to worry about anymore.

It did not take long after that for the one professor I was in fact waiting for to be done with her lesson.

"Ready?" I asked with a smile on my face when she approached me.

"Yeah. How about we drive together? I have a meeting first thing in the morning tomorrow anyway. I'll just get my car then." I knew she still hated to drive back home from campus alone ever since the hijack, so I nodded to that not getting too into it.

"Did you know you got yourself an admirer?" I could not contain myself, I needed to see what her intake on that was.

We were almost at my car when she abruptly stopped. "What do you mean?" I could see how nervous she had become by my casual question.

Maybe I read too much into it, but just for a split second I thought I saw some hope in her eyes. I was almost worried she would reciprocate the new guy's interest when I realized she thought I was talking about myself.

"The new professor, Fisher. He was waiting outside your classroom to ask you out." I clarified and I noticed how she both relaxed and got disappointed.

"I noticed his eyes kept following me during the staff meeting. Should I feel bad to be avoiding him? I look at him and I see a little frighten boy about to have his first crush decline his attempts." I felt bad for him after that description, imagining just how he would feel if only he knew how she saw him.

"Good to know. I don't think you have to worry about it anymore. I might have just fixed that little inconvenience for you today." I could not help but be happy by her answer. She seemed just as happy with my sudden possessiveness; it had put a cocky smirk on her face.

When we got inside the car, I realized I wanted to have lunch somewhere more private. I was about to tell my friend—whom I happened to have a massive crush on­—, that I had broken things up with my girlfriend, which meant I did not want to do it at a public place where people could potentially see me cry.

"How about I cook us lunch at my place this time?" I offered as I put the car on reverse.

"Ooh, I'm getting the VIP treatment today?" She was teasing and even if she was making me blush, I liked how she was acting around me.

"Is it just the two of us, or?" I could hear the disappointment in her voice when she thought Kat would be joining us, and I decided I did not want to wait until we got to my apartment.

"No Kat today. We broke things off, it wasn't working. She is amazing, but I wasn't feeling it, my head was always somewhere else whenever she was around." It felt good to tell Cecilia about it, I had not realized until that moment how much I missed talking to her without having to walk on eggshells.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Are you okay, sweetie?" It was the first time she had ever used some sort of pet name with me, and to be honest, it felt weird, she sounded like Evelyn when she called me sweetie and I felt the friendzone knock me on my stomach with that one.

But it did not last long, because soon I realized she was just playing the caring friend, not that she did not care about me, more like she was not sorry at all about my failed relationship.

"Be honest, though. Why did you end things when you kept telling me about how she was 'everything you needed'?" she was mocking me and it was as clear as day, she was loving the whole thing.

"But not everything I wanted. Her words." I was just testing the water with that one, but I got just the reaction I was hoping for.

The professor was left speechless, she did not have any comebacks for that. Lucky me, I got to take in the fullness of her reaction as we stopped in front of our building to wait for the gates to open.

She had a massive blush on her cheeks and her mouth was slightly opened as she looked ahead, not daring to meet my eyes even though I am fairly sure she could feel my gaze on her.

"The gates are opened." That was how she managed to get me to take my eyes off her.

We got out of the car and into the elevator in deep silence, it was not uncomfortable though, at least not in the traditional way. I could feel the tension building as we passed each floor before reaching mine.

When the doors opened at her floor, I was almost sure she would take that chance as a way out of that situation, and I prepared myself for whatever she decided to do.

But she did not leave, and I would take that win any day. She was not completely going crazy on me and shutting me out all of a sudden. That made me happy, and I decided we both deserved a win, so to calm her nerves I figured I would break the silence.

"What do you feel like eating today? I'll make anything you choose, I mean, as long as I have the ingredients." She was startled by my voice and just then I noticed how inside her head she had been—had I really caused that much of an effect on her?

"Whatever you decide to make is fine with me." She was still pretty much in her head and I was starting to get frustrated. I wanted her there with me and all I was getting was a robotic version of her.

"C'mon, I'm letting you choose whatever you want, and you are passing on the chance of challenging my chef aptitudes? Who are you and what did you do with the evil Cecilia that always liked to give me a hard time on tests?" That got her to lighten her mood and finally get back to our conversation.

She had a devilish smirk on, and I knew I was about to be screwed, and not in the best way.

"I. Want. You. To. Make. Me. Sushi." She said each word getting closer and closer to my face until she whispered the last word with her lips almost brushing my ear. And although any other time that would have been arousing, in that moment it was just my friend setting me up to fail.

As soon as we got inside my apartment, we both took our heels off and as she unbuttoned her blouse leaving her in only a black lace tank top and navy-blue pencil skirt, I went to my room to get out of the dress I was wearing and into jeans shorts and a red plaid shirt.

I was happily surprised by the view I got walking back into my living room. Her hair was down, and her clothes were hugging her in all the right places. She looked too hot for it to not be acknowledged.

"Damn woman, how can you look this good even when you're not trying to?" I was hoping to get at least a blush out of her, but I was the one to leave that interaction blushing.

"Who said I'm not trying?" The provocative tone she used surprised me to the point I was unable to form a coherent sentence afterwards. "I... Sushi... Gonna... To the kitchen." I pointed to the kitchen with my finger and ran out of my own living room.

She knew exactly what to do to make me nervous, and I knew that for a fact because I could hear her giggle at my reaction as I walked away from her.

I leaned on the kitchen counter to gather my breath, and then I noticed she had followed me there.

"How about we order in instead? I think I might have triggered some self-destruct mode inside that brain of yours." She had the most careless smile on her face, one that reached her eyes and made brown not seem like such a dull color, but rather an intriguing one.

She approached me and for the very first time, I got to see the one from the frame from up close.

She stood right in front of me while her left hand caressed my right biceps—that clearly tensed up by her touch—, and her right hand held on to my left one, softly pulling me from the counter.

She had the same smile still dancing on her face, but it became at least ten thousand times more alluring when she bit down on her lower lip as she looked at me through her eyelashes. I do not think both my brain and my heart were properly functioning in that moment.

I could not help but think, if that were her just seemingly flirting, I could not even fathom to understand how someone would let the woman who was standing right in front of me, battling her eyelashes as she looked deep inside my soul, go.

Miranda was the stupidest person I had ever come to know.

But then again, for all I knew, the one from the frame was a version of her only I had come to know. And she was as close to perfect as a person could get.

Cecilia tightened the grip on my hand pulling me back to the living room so we could sit on my couch—I could not help but blush remembering the amount of times I had made out with Kat on that couch while I fantasized about the professor.

And as if it were the most common thing in the world, she softly pushed me on the couch before laying on it herself with her head on my lap. The intimacy of that moment was making me hyperventilate.

I almost did not notice her dialing on her phone to order the sushi she seemed to want so much.

The only reason I did notice what she was doing—apart from making me go crazy in the best possible way—, was because she pulled the phone away from her ear and looked up to meet my eyes as she confirmed with me my apartment number.

I knew she knew the answer to that and was just using it as an excuse to get my attention back on her again so she could tease me even more. So, I decided to play along her little game.

My hands that up until that moment had been useless, where then put to work as I smoothly caressed her exposed shoulders while she ordered our food, making sure my fingers would slip under the straps of her tank top and bra so they could get closer to her neck, and my efforts did not go unnoticed as in the middle of a sentence she let out a small moan.

That got her blushing, I wanted to laugh at her trying to compose herself to finish ordering the food but refrained from it by biting down on my bottom lip.

If I could choose a moment in my life to relive forever, it would definitely be that one.

Once she was done with her call, she sat up facing me. And doing justice to the Cecilia I was used to, the professor gave me a light slap on my arm, and that succeeded on making me laugh out loud.

"What was that for? Not like you will ever get to know that attendant, just relax." She closed her eyes and shook her head at me, but I could see the ghost of a smile playing on her lips.

"I'm relaxed. I always am when I'm around you." Honestly though, WHO WAS THE WOMAN SITTING IN FRONT OF ME?

She was being carefree and downright honest about how she felt, and the more we interacted the more she made me feel like I had nothing to worry about.

"What's going on with you?" I was curious about what had happened to get her to change so much.

"I don't know what you are talking about," She could try, but that was not going to work. I gave her a knowing look and it got her talking.

"I told you a while back how I felt around you. Even if Miranda were an asshole for ending things the way she did, I wouldn't change my decision about going to that trip with her because it put some things in perspective to me and made me realize I am not going to stop myself from getting what I want because of the possible repercussions it might have."

That was the most open she had ever been around me, and once again yesterday, I felt like I was meeting a completely different person.

"And what is it you realized you want?" I was scared I would press too much into the matter and she would retreat, but that never happened, although, I think she did slow down a bit.

"I think we both know. I might just need to take one small step at a time." I was pleased with her answer because I thought the same. I was liking this flirting and reaching and retreating game we were playing. I liked this sort of conquering game, but then again, I was still just a tad bit insecure, so I had to be sure of one thing.

"Does this mean I don't have to worry about the new guy and his massive crush on you, then?" I could feel myself shake as I worded that, we had never been this open speaking about anything regarding how we felt about one another before, and yet there I was making sure I had no competition.

"You don't. Gosh, you really don't." She held on to one of my hands and squeezed it as she looked me deep in my eyes to make sure I believed what she was saying. I had never felt more validated in my life as I did in that moment.

Who would have imagined that the same person who the semester prior had made a rollercoaster out of my life, would turn out to be so considerate to my feelings?

After that the intensity of our interaction diminished, it was like we both knew just how much we could take in a single day. We still threw a flirtatious comment here and there, but it was all very organic to the situation. And that was how my Wednesday afternoon came to be.

As we had agreed, we drove to campus together today because she had left her car there, and I was overjoyed to see she did not seem to have any regrets about our sort of arrangement from the previous day—I had woken up thinking I had to prepare myself just in case this new version of her was nowhere to be seen.

The car ride to campus was much of the same from our interaction of the day before. Some flirtatious comments here and there but mostly just us enjoying each other's company. The best part though was when we went to say our goodbyes.

We were still inside the car, and as if it were the most common thing for her to do, she leaned in and gave me a kiss on my cheek before opening the door to leave the car and asking what I thought about a girls' night tomorrow.

All I managed to do was nod her way as the tip of my fingers touched my cheek on where she had just kissed—this woman will drive me crazy before I know it.

Remi

You took me over the moon so many times, gravity was just not an issue to your charm.