September 2, 2016

Today could not have come fast enough. After we had driven together to campus, I did not see Cecilia again yesterday. I did try though.

After my classes were over, I texted her to see if she wanted to have lunch with me—I am aware I can be clingy sometimes—, but it did not happen because she was still stuck in that fucking meeting.

The thought of the new professor also being there, did not help.

Cecilia spent most of her meeting texting me pictures of herself pretending to be bored, and at least that managed to get my mood back on its track.

At some point, without being able to control myself, I answered back to one of her pictures saying, "you look cute even when you're bored (also, I know you're only pretending)". That woman loved everything about her job, regardless of how tedious.

But there was still the nagging feeling surfacing from the back of my mind, and I could not help but mention it, even if I had been trying all afternoon to refrain from doing so.

I decided to send her another text, this time it said, "on a more serious note, I hope that kid who has a crush on you isn't being a problem, xo".

I could see on my screen that she was typing something, and those three dots were getting me mortified until I saw what she had sent in return.

It was a picture from the other side of what I assumed was the meeting room in which I could see Professor Fisher sitting with both hands on his lap. The picture came along with a small text that read, "he really does look like a kid... don't worry about him, love".

The pet name did not go unnoticed—that one I approved of—and before I realized it, I was doing a happy dance with my hands as I held on to my phone.

The next message I got was from Lucy asking me if it was okay if she brought a friend along to the girls' night Cecilia was planning. I replied telling her I did not see a reason to mind it at all.

I knew how seriously Lucy took those gatherings, and that should have be indication enough that she was doing something she was not supposed to.

I was about to lay down on my bed for a nap when I got yet another message, this one from Evelyn.

It was a picture of Cecilia smiling down at her phone, along with a text saying, "I don't know what's going on but she looks like a teenager every time your name pops up on her screen, tell her to concentrate before someone else notices it."

Was Evelyn Mace really trying to scold us? Because all her message did was make me smile like a lovesick teenager. The way Cecilia was smiling like she did not care about anything around her other than my texts was endearing.

I did not answer Evelyn's text, but instead switched on to Cecilia's conversation to do as ordered. "Eve said I should stop texting you before someone notices you're not paying attention (you look cute smiling like that, btw)", I sent the text before deciding to complement it, "let me know when you get home, so I know you're okay."

It was one thing when she lived with someone else, but now she was completely alone—not that I was much different—and I wanted to make sure she knew I cared, because I knew how much of a nerve-wreck she got driving back home by herself ever since the hijack.

I was both surprised and excited when my phone vibrated once again, "how do you know I'm smiling??? I'll call you when I get in the car."

I thought it was best to keep her wondering, so I did not answer anything back to that.

I figured I would study instead of taking my nap, just to make sure I would not miss her call. I was almost done studying a chapter about inheritance succession, when my phone rang, and I checked to see who it was.

"Hi. That meeting took long enough." I said with a smile on my face. I could not believe she had actually called.

"Tell me about it. I was starving so bad I even attempted to eat something from the cafeteria." I noticed I was on speaker because Cecilia's voice sounded a little farther than usual. "Was it that bad?"

"Not really. It just got to the point I was so hungry anything I ate would make me uneasy." I was tempted to ask if she wanted to come over so I could cook her something, but I thought it was best to let her rest.

"Make sure you eat something when you get home." For a while we were left in comfortable silence over the line, to the point I was worried I would get in the way of her driving if I said something, but she was not having it.

"Talk to me!" She whined, "I didn't call you to hear the silence." I could hear the weariness on her voice. I wanted to laugh at how bossy she sounded even when she was not trying to.

"I haven't told Lucy about Kat. She'll probably try to play matchmaker once she finds out though." I said just to make conversation.

I still had not told Lucy about the breakup, and I wondered how she would react when she saw everything that had changed over the past couple weeks—I should have told her though, maybe then tonight would have gone by more smoothly.

"I don't mind it if you don't." And once again she was taking my feelings into consideration.

"I don't mind it at all. I never did. You were the one who'd get all hotheaded over it." I said with a giggle.

In my mind I could almost see her rolling her eyes at me as the blush crept on her cheeks.

"Shut up. Did she talk to you about the friend she wants to bring over?" It was clear she was changing subjects, but I let her have it her way.

"Yeah, I said it was okay with me. Who's this friend anyway?" I did not think it would be a big deal for Lucy to also have a friend over, after all, it was something they used to do just the two of them until I came in the picture.

I was surprised though when I heard a very annoyed groan coming from the other end of the line.

"I forgot to tell you to ask her not to. That woman is so annoying, she was always all over me before Lucy got married." Great. That was really all I did not need.

"She's your sister, it's your place. Why didn't you just tell her not to?" I was not mad though, but rather annoyed I would have to deal with that sort of thing.

"Because she said yours was the only opinion that mattered. Don't think I didn't try, but you know how Lucy is, she never listens to what I say." She was right—her and Lucy hardly ever saw eye to eye.

I did not want to seem like a brat telling Lucy who she was allowed to take to her sister's place. But also, the last thing I needed was for my insecurities to be flourished by yet another person trying to hit on Cecilia.

"I'll just use you as my protection shield whenever she gets near." That solution I did not mind at all. I could hear the smile on her voice, and I was glad she had said something because I could feel myself overthinking again.

"Oh really, so she can be all over me while she tries to get to you?" I joked back.

"No. So, I can be all over you while you keep her away." The nerves of that woman. She was tired and stressed and still had enough energy in her to tease me. "I'm starting to think those small steps you were taking about were from baby giants."

"I never said small though. I only said one at a time. Do you want me to tone it down a notch?" She sounded genuinely worried, and I could hear her voice falter.

"This pace is just fine." We fell into silence again. I felt torn, on one side I still felt like I was dreaming whenever she talked about us in a romantic way, but on the other side, I also still worried I was misinterpreting things.

Before I could get too into my head once again, she found another subject to talk about.

"How did you know I was smiling when you sent me that text? Did Evelyn tell you?" One curious cat we had there.

"Better yet, she sent me a picture of you smiling down at your phone." And there it was again, that jovial groan of hers.

"You look too cute when you smile like that. I'm glad I'm seeing that smile more often." I was trying to reassure her but all I did was sound like a lovesick teenager.

"And it's all your fault." I smiled at what she had confessed, "I'm here. See you tomorrow?"

I answered back with a nod before realizing she could not see it.

The rest of my day was spent studying for my exams, which would be soon to come. I even found myself doing some extra reading in search of a theme I felt affinity enough to research about—I guess being around so many academics was making me consider it myself.

Yesterday I went to bed thinking just how today would not come fast enough.

I had forgotten to charge my phone overnight and with no alarms to wake me up I ended up oversleeping. What did wake me up though was the knock on my door. It was Cecilia already all dressed up and ready to leave.

"I texted you to see if you wanted to drive with me, but when you didn't answer I figured something was wrong." She looked me up and down with a smirk on her face as I held the door open for her.

I was dressed in only one of my dad's old shirts, it barely covered anything, and I was made aware of it when her eyes stopped on my thighs.

"I'll only be a minute." I could feel the heat on my cheeks as I ran to my room to get ready. I faintly heard her taunt me saying that I would not—only be a minute—as she laughed at my quirks.

By the time I got back to my living room she handed me one of my takeaway cups filled with berry fusion tea. "Thank you, you didn't have to." I took a sip glad I would not leave with my stomach completely empty.

"Don't worry about it, love." There it was again, the pet name.

She kissed my cheek before getting out of my apartment to wait for the elevator—and as she walked away, I could not help but wonder if she had ever been that caring to Miranda.

This time we took her car so I could take my tea while she drove us to campus. As I strapped my seatbelt, I did a mental note to remind myself I had to charge my phone during class.

She had some soothing music playing, something she normally did not do, but I liked it, it felt strangely nostalgic, as if we were living a moment that I knew in my gut would become second nature to the both of us.

We had driven together many times before, but this time it felt more natural for us to be together in a car, in each other's company, just coexisting.

Maybe it was the intimacy that seemed to be flooding the car that gave me the courage to squeeze her knee as a way of thanking her again for the tea. It felt so natural for me to do something like that, I was not even looking at her at first, until I felt her sort of bump my hand back with her knee.

I turned back to look at her, just to see her smile. She did not take her eyes off the road at first, but as soon as we stopped at a red light, she took my hand—the one caressing her thigh close to her knee—and interlocked our fingers squeezing my hand and then letting our intertwined hands rest on her lap.

The small things got to me the most. I was glad about the pace we were taking, we kept crossing out this imaginary list of milestones in my head. She was not only proving to be everything I needed, but also everything I wanted.

The campus entrance got into view too soon for my liking and before I knew it, she was telling me to have a good day with another kiss on my cheek. I almost turned my head at the last minute so I could properly kiss her, but then decided it would happen at the one place I knew she would not want it to happen—her workplace.

I was loving Inheritance Law almost as much as I had loved Family Law, but I could not wait for that class to be over. There was an abundance of thoughts invading my head and they all gravitated around the same topic.

I felt myself holding back. I wanted to just let myself go with the flow, but deep inside I was terrified I would wake up one day and Cecilia would have changed back into her old self just to push me away for good.

As soon as my first period was over, I ran out of the room and went straight to Evelyn's office. I wanted to get there before Cecilia did. "Hey, are you busy?" I asked letting myself inside as I closed the door behind me.

"Please do come in." She said sarcastically as I helped myself to a chair in front of her, not without making sure I had locked the door behind us.

"Am I imagining things? Tell me if I am so I don't let my hopes up too high." I knew if there was one person who knew everything that went on inside Cecilia's head it was her best friend.

"How would you feel if she went behind your back to ask something like that to your best friend?" She was trying to lecture me, but it was no use, "To be honest, I'd be damn happy about it, because it meant she was taking this seriously."

"Then I guess that's how she's gonna feel when I tell her about this talk of ours." She was having too much fun with my despair, and although I should be annoyed, I felt myself finally letting go of the last of my walls.

I knew Evelyn would not be making fun of it unless she was sure her best friend was not setting me up to get hurt.

"Asshole." I said with a smile and she crooked one of her eyebrows at me. "Language, please." She sounded so much like my own mother sometimes.

"Damn, you sound just like my mother." She made a weird face at that.

"Another one who also happens to be a friend of mine and would love to hear about her daughter. Please do remember to call you mother every now and then." I had neglected my mother lately. But what was I to do? I could not tell her what was going on in my love life and it seemed to be all she asked me about these days.

"She keeps asking about Kat and I don't know how to explain the situation to her without getting into details." Evelyn's demeanor softened, she knew I could not just tell my mother about Cecilia, she was still sort of her superior, actually, she was more like Cecilia's superior's superior.

"Just tell her there is someone else and she shouldn't be surprised if you showed up dating an older woman." She had a good point. I would be sort of meeting my mother halfway. That was not such a bad idea.

I thanked her for the pep talk and got up to leave. I did not want Cecilia to find me there, even if Evelyn said she would tell her—I do not believe she did though.

I did not see Cecilia until her last period was over. I had decided to wait by her car, I just did not want to be around in case her admirer popped up by her classroom again.

"Ready to go?" She said as she approached me unlocking her car. I nodded at her question and we both got inside.

"Why didn't you wait outside my classroom like you usually do?" I was surprised it had caused enough of an impact she thought to mention it.

"I didn't want to run into your little admirer, just in case." That whole thing was getting too much under my skin, more than I would like to admit.

"Wait, are you really feeling that threatened by him? I've barely spoken more than a few words with him. I've ever only seen you act like this when Miranda was around." I did not even know she had noticed my jealousy back then.

I turned my head to the window and closed my eyes out of fear.

"Lucy might have told me some things about your past relationships." I was scared she would get pissed but instead she just fished for my hand until she got it in hers, squeezing it tightly.

"First, I haven't been with a man in a very long time, I just haven't felt like it. And second, I am serious about this." She said pulling our hands up, but I would not look at her.

It was not that I did not believe her, but rather I was ashamed of myself for wasting so much energy on a stupid crush from someone she never even cared to spare a glance.

"Remi, look at me." She pulled on my hand getting me to turn around and meet her eyes, "Is it really that big of a deal to you?" She looked concerned and it was only then I noticed she had parked the car at a random street just to have that talk.

"Not really." I let out along a deep breath I had been holding, "What Lucy said just got to me. I'm sorry." I truly was sorry, but I guess I needed the reassurance.

"It's okay. We are okay. Right?" She asked pulling my hand to her lips so she could kiss it as she looked me deep inside my eyes and I nodded in return. She had gotten me to smile after that kiss, taking that as a sign to resume driving.

The rest of the ride we spent talking about what Lucy had planned for tonight, and before I knew it, we were home.

Once the elevator stopped at her floor, she got out, but held on to the door to ask me to try to make it to her place before Lucy did because she did not want to be left alone with Lucy and her crazy friend.

As I got to my door, I could not help but wonder, Cecilia had a way of making me feel emotionally safe and that was intriguing to say the least because Miranda always seemed completely unsure about Cecilia's feelings towards her.

But even if I felt safe whenever I was around the professor as soon as I was left alone all these abandonment thoughts would come out to haunt me.

When it was time for me to get ready, I decided that different from the other times we had done a girls' night, this time comfort would have to come in second, because I needed to look my best.

Even if Cecilia did not tolerate her sister's friend, I still felt a little threatened by the stranger's presence there. So instead of my usual shorts, I put on my long summer dress that had blue and white patterns mimicking the cloudy sky.

I loved that dress for two reasons. One it hugged me in all the right places. And two, I never had to use a bra with it. I dared say my outfit was both bold and empowering.

I had applied minimal makeup and my hair was down—I was taking advantages of its growth over summer, since it was now hitting the bra line on my back.

I made a sort of side swept ponytail, so I could put to work the huge back cleavage of my dress that went all the way down to my lower back—I should probably thank my mother for all those times she insisted I used sunscreen.

If I had one thing in my favor it was my youth and I would be damn sure to use it on its fullest, because there was no way I would let another Miranda get in between me and who I wanted.

I knocked on Cecilia's door and she opened it, giving me a chance to see what she was wearing. Funny enough I almost felt like we had swapped wardrobes because this time she was the one with jeans shorts and a sweatshirt. She looked too cute for her own good.

"Now I feel underdressed. Should I change?" She said taking in my appearance as she let me inside. "Okay, this is my favorite part." I felt the tip of her cold fingers trace all the way from my neck to my lower back once I had passed her to get inside.

I was glad she could not see my face because just that small touch got my eyes to roll back in ecstasy. I had half a mind to compose myself before she was facing me again.

"Don't change, I like your outfit. It almost looks like you took it from my closet. I have never seen you dress like this." I turned back to face her and that got her blushing.

"Like what?" I was half scared she would be mad but answered it anyway.

"Young and... carefree, I guess. It reminds me of her." I pointed to the frame on her wall, the one I had fallen for the first time I laid my eyes on.

Before she could say anything back, Lucy opened the door to let herself in—and that is why one does not give spare keys to family and friends.

"Please, help yourself inside, Lucy." Cecilia said with her back still facing the door. I loved their interaction—it often made me wonder what it would feel like if I had had a sibling.

"Where's the girlfriend?" Lucy said sarcastically, ignoring Cecilia as she pretended to look around for my ex-girlfriend.

"Remi, this is Anna, her and Lucy went to school together." Cecilia decided to show some manners seeing as her sister was not up for the task. She introduced Lucy's friend to me, but the friend, Anna, clearly did not take much of an interesting in me.

Her eyes were more focused on Cecilia who was giving her a half smile—I had seen it too many times to know it was her reserved smile for uncomfortable situations.

I instinctively rested one of my hands on the professor's lower back as my other one shook Anna's, all the while trying to keep myself from rolling my eyes.

"Kat and I are over, actually." I addressed Lucy's question after the introductions, making sure to smile so she knew it was not something she had to worry about.

The information hit Lucy like a brick. It was quite evident why she had brought Anna along, she wanted someone hitting on Cecilia in front of me so I would get jealous, but it was clear then, there was no reason for that—nicely done Lucy.

"You girls, make yourselves at home and I'll get the wine." Cecilia said leaving the three of us to get comfortable. Lucy had pulled a chair so she could sit facing us on the couch.

Before I could claim the sit in the middle of the couch to make sure Anna would be nowhere near Cecilia, Lucy's friend took it instead. Cecilia and I would just have to endure it—I did not have to stress too much about it though.

The professor was back with our drinks, they all had wine glasses apart from me. She had made sure to make my usual drink of sprite and pomegranate.

I thanked her getting my attention back to what Lucy was saying, but before I knew it, Cecilia decided my lap was as good a place as any for her to sit.

The veiled intimacy in that gesture did not go unnoticed by the younger Bailey. Cecilia had one arm around my neck and the other one on her own lap as she held on to her glass of wine.

She carelessly chatted along her guests, while I tried to play it cool. I could feel the professor's body heat all over my own body. Her free hand kept caressing up and down my neck and back, making it a constant reminder of what she had said about my back cleavage—the nerve of that woman to tease me right in front of her sister.

"I thought you would be drinking with us today. I little bird told me you look adorable when you are drunk." Lucy was mocking me as she smiled at both of us running her eyes up and down our arrangement.

"Can't believe you told her that. It was one time!" I was pretending to be annoyed, but Cecilia kept on laughing.

"Sorry, love. I had to." Cecilia said as she pressed her lips against my cheek. I could feel her lips moving upwards as she smiled against my skin.

It was still as much a new concept to me as it was to Lucy, and the blush that had been at bay up until that moment, crept all the way from my neck up to my cheeks.

Out of instinct, I held on tighter to the professor's waist in a vain attempt of hiding myself from Lucy's prying eyes, but Cecilia took it as an indication for her to lean in farther on me—not that I minded it at that point.

It all felt like a dream, until Anna decided to inquire about my life.

"So, how have you guys met?" She motioned her hand between all three of us. I could see the younger Bailey enthusiastically open her mouth to spill the beans, but I thought best to keep it simple—I did not know that woman, nor did I trust her.

"I live two floors up. We met while doing laundry." I would not say I was lying, but rather doing a very drastic editing of the whole story.

She narrowed her eyes at me, as if she were trying to think of something to say that would have the potential to harm me somehow.

"How old are you though? You look very... young." It was a funny realization to see how my youth was bothering Anna the same way it used to bother Miranda.

"She's in her twenties. But you know better than to inquire a woman's age, don't you, Anna?" The way Cecilia talked to her almost sounded like she was scolding a child—I wondered how many times she had done that back when Anna and Lucy were indeed children playing around.

After that scolding, Anna and her annoying self, refrained from asking me any other intruding questions. I wanted so badly to kiss Cecilia for making sure to show me through the small things that she was as much there for me as I was for her.

The rest of the night went smoothly, or at least as smooth as possible with the obvious frown on Anna's face—Lucy would surely hear about it later.

I guess Lucy assessed the situation and realized it was best to cut the night short and before we knew it, they were leaving through the door.

And then there were two.

I decided to seat on the floor, resting my back against her couch while Cecilia took the dirty glasses and popcorn bows back to the kitchen. She sat beside me on the floor crossing her legs as she made conversation, "How did you like tonight?"

"Apart from yet another annoying admirer of yours, it was great." I smiled at her, and for some reason I felt a rush go through my body as she smiled back at me.

There was something about that smile, I looked at the frame facing both of us, and realized it was the same smile. She followed my gaze and took my hand in hers pulling herself closer to me.

"You make me feel like that again." She whispered as if she was afraid to harm that moment with her voice.

"I wonder who made you feel like that back then." I pointed to the painting—okay, I really need to get a grip on this jealousy thing.

She laughed at my comment. "No one did. Up until I met you, only places were able to make me feel like that."

"I loved the time I spent living in Rome. I would probably have stayed there and never cared to come back if my mother hadn't gotten sick years ago." I could see it in her eyes, how hard it was to open up to me like that, but she kept going.

"When Lucy called me and asked me to come back and help with mom's cancer, I thought I would never feel that alive ever again. I was a little older than you are now when I went there for art school, I had told my family, Law just wasn't for me. So, when I came back, I had to come to terms that I would never be as happy as I had been back there. After years of acceptance, I thought Miranda would mean that." I will not lie, I was a bit worried when Miranda's name came up.

"But she never did. And then one day she left, and you were there. You had no reason whatsoever to help me that day after I had been such an asshole to you. But you stayed, and you helped me get back on my feet." It was relieving to know Miranda had never been able to make her feel the way I did.

"At first, I thought it had been the mudding that got me feeling like I did back in Rome because it was a new experience to me. The next day I got that picture back on my wall, I wanted it to be a reminder that I could feel that alive wherever I was in the world. But as time passed, I realized it was you. I didn't want to accept it at first, because... let's face it, this is gonna be messy at times." She motioned with her finger between us as she smiled at me.

Even though she was admitting that she thought we would have problems down the road, I felt on top of the world to see her willingness to go through them with me.

"That was why I asked you to go to the track with me again that weekend, when Miranda went to that convention. Who am I kidding? She was clearly cheating on me." We both laughed at that—the comment had been a good icebreaker.

"I wanted to make sure I wasn't just imagining things. But I accepted it was you even before we got there. You were sleeping while I drove, and I couldn't help but look at you every now and then. I won't lie." She took a deep breath and looked to the wine glass in her hands before taking the last sip out of it.

I could see she was debating whether to tell me some specific thing or not, but I did not want to push her and get her to recoil instead. So, I set on giving a gentle squeeze on her knee for support.

"I was freaking out during that car ride. I was in a relationship with someone else, you were my student, and the age difference, well, it's there. So, I tried to remind myself of all the reasons why it wouldn't work between us." I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to kiss her so bad, but I also wanted to get her point of view. I was scared to breath and cause her to stop talking.

"When Miranda came up with that trip to Cancun, I thought it was the best way to make my feelings go away, or at the very least subside. But all the while, everything I saw, every place I visited, I kept thinking I much rather it be you beside me." I felt the guilt overflow me.

If only I had known. If only we had talked about this before. I could not help but be reminded of that lunch before her trip when she was begging me with her eyes to ask her to stay.

"If she hadn't ended things between us while we were there, I would have done it once we were back. And then I came back and there you were dating Kat." I could feel my heart beating faster as she stopped once again for another deep intake of air.

There were a billion things going on inside my head, and yet all went silent when she started talking again. "I really tried to be happy for you because you kept saying how she was everything you needed."

I stopped her because up until that moment I had not realized just how much I had unintentionally hurt her. "I'm so, so, so sorry. I could see you felt something, but I never thought you would act on it."

She smiled at me shaking her head so I would not worry about it. "I needed to hear you say those things, because it was only then I realized I also had to be that person to you. Someone who made you feel as intensely, as alive, as you made me feel. So, I decided to show you I could be that for you. I could be that person. It was all I could do while you were with her."

And there she was, in her fullness, the one from the frame, completely exposed. Just she was not on a frame anymore, she was right in front of me, with glossy eyes, trembling lips and an empty glass of wine in her hand.

I took the glass out of her hand putting it on my other side, before turning back to look at her. My hand went up to caress her cheek and she instantly closed her eyes leaning her head farther on my palm.

She slowly opened her eyes again, and for the first time I felt naked in front of her. I felt like she could see everything going on in my head—and maybe she did.

She rested one hand on the back of my neck pulling me closer to her until our lips were brushing against each other. But she was a tease, and it was up to me to fully lean down and properly kiss her.

I was almost 21, with an open heart. She was everything I would have asked for. I was young and she was beautiful.

And suddenly all those days when I woke up and I did not recognize the one staring back at me in the mirror were left behind. They were all worth it if they meant I would end up at this particular night when I finally felt free, with not a care that I could see.

Remi

That day I felt free, not a care that I could see, it felt so good I could barely believe that it was happening. Now you are here telling me you want to take me back to moments like that again.