June 8, 2016

Sometimes it takes one single moment to show you who someone really is.

When Miranda left Cecilia, I thought I had seen her at her worst, I thought that was her vulnerable version, the one without all her walls. I never once thought she could have a lower point than that. But I was wrong, and now all I know is, I wish to never see it again.

Yesterday had everything in it to be uneventful. My classes in the morning went smoothly. I had had my two morning periods and figured I would stick around campus—until I had to go to the mediation center at 2 pm—and have lunch with Amy at the McDonald's on the other side of the street.

We talked, and she told me she had heard about a professor that would start teaching next semester and how handsome she thought he was, once she stalked all his social medias—I do not even know how she managed to find it in the first place.

Once we were done eating—and on Amy's side, fangirling over the new professor—, we said our goodbye and went our separate ways. Amy went to her last class of the day, and I went to my forced labor, as I secretly called it in my mind.

I won't lie, I was a little too excited to see the professor. Lately I felt like we were getting closer, and I was even starting to put my walls down. I no longer felt like it was a matter of time before she pushed me away again—I hope it stays the same, even after what happened.

Funny enough, even though she was never on time for her classes, she seemed to like being on time for the mediations. When I got to her mediation room she was already there.

Cecilia had her eyes close when I walked in and seemed to be meditating—or getting in the right mindset, as she had explained to me.

I was almost scared I would interrupt her, but as I closed the door, she opened her eyes and smiled my way—I never know what to do when she looks at me like that.

Her smile makes me feel wanted, not in a sexual way though, it was as if she were saying how much she appreciated me being there.

We were both a little early and decided to sit and chat until it was time for me to call the parts of the afternoon.

She told me about her sister and how she would not stop talking how much she had liked me, and how much she wished we would have another girls' night—inside I was thinking, Remi 2 x Miranda 0, I knew I had won over the best friend and the sister.

My second mediation was as uneventful as the first, I was starting to feel disappointed, I had heard so many times how those could be a complete chaos—maybe Cecilia is just too good at that, so there are never any fights, who knows?

After it was done, I had to leave, but for some reason, something inside me did not want to leave her there. It felt like a stupid thing to feel, she was inside the campus premises, there were campus patrols all around, and it was not like she would be leaving late.

My mother always told me to follow my instincts, I usually never do because I end up second guessing them—guess I should have listened to my mother.

I went home and fell asleep as soon as I got there. I think I would have slept until this morning had my phone not woken me up.

At around 10 pm my phone rang for the nth time, and I decided to finally see who it was. I was still half asleep when I picked it up, but the name on my screen did the trick. It was Evelyn Mace.

"You do know it's 10 pm, right?" I probably sounded drunk—I always do when I wake up.

"What took you so long? I have been calling you for two hours! Have you seen Cecilia?"

That got me out of the bed and before I knew it, I was getting dressed as I asked her what was wrong—I just knew whatever it was, I was not staying put.

"She was supposed to pick Sophie up from a friend's house, but she never showed up. No one knows where she is, Miranda called every one of her friends, but I figured she would not have called you. I was just hoping she would be with you, but I guess that's a no." Just then I noticed she was on speaker because I could hear the honk of her car in the background.

"Are you driving around?" Okay, that was stupid, of course she was. "Nevermind. I've seen her this afternoon at campus, are you sure she's not there still?" Another dumb question, but I had to be sure.

"No. It was the first place I thought of. The security cameras got her leaving four hours ago, but after that, nothing." I could hear it in her voice, she was truly worried, also, a little bit frustrated, "Her sister went to the police, and Miranda is calling hospitals, but still, there's nothing."

By the time we were done talking I was already inside my car to drive around in search of the professor. Even though I was worried, deep down I knew I was hoping she had just gone somewhere and forgot to tell everyone, or her phone had died, and she could not, therefore, tell anyone.

About twenty minutes driving around our neighborhood, I figured I would try and retrace her most likely route, just in case. I had driven a little past our building, so I thought why not pass it by on my way back to campus to see if she was back.

Two blocks before I got there, in a dark corner, I saw someone leaning on the wall. I was too creeped out and for a split second I thought to just keep driving. But the person had the same height, and I could see it was a woman, so against my best survivor instincts I drove past the woman.

It was her. It was Cecilia.

She was barefoot as she held her heels close to her body, but apart from that and her clothes, she did not seem to have any of her belongings with her. I drove beside her, pulling my window down, as I called her name trying to get her attention. She would not budge though.

Once the window was down, I could see more clearly. She was crying and shaking as she kept walking. Cecilia was too out of it to even notice I was there. That was the moment I knew something seriously bad had happened to her. I stopped the car and opened my door to run after her.

Once I approached her though, she lost it on me and started hitting me with her heels—that is still hurting, by the way.

I tried to get her to look at me so she could see she was safe, but her eyes were closed. After a while she started getting tired of fighting me as I tried to hold her wrists.

She let herself fall on her knees as she kept crying and asking me not to hurt her—I could feel my mind trying to avoid thinking that something unrepairable had been done to her.

I let go of her wrists and held her face with both my hands, as I tilted her head up so she could look at me, "Cee, look at me. It's me. You're safe now." I kept repeating myself until she finally came back to her senses.

Once I saw it in her eyes, that she had finally recognized me, I pulled her closer so I could hug her—it was only in that moment I felt I had indeed found her. She was shaking as she held on to me, the way she was acting was terrifying. I had never thought she could get that broken.

Although I knew she needed some time to feel safe while I held onto her, we were still in a very unsettling environment. It was way past 11 pm, in a dark corner with no one around.

I held onto her as I pulled both of us on our feet so we could get to my car.

"Hey, let's get you home, okay?" I held under her chin to make sure she was understanding what I was saying, "Everyone is worried about you." All she did was nod as I helped her get inside the car.

I could feel her eyes following me as I got to the other side of the car, so I looked back at them, I wish I had not, it was too hard to see the hopelessness that was looking back at me through those eyes.

As soon as I got inside the car, she pulled her legs up to hug them, and turned to the other side. I decided it was best to let her be while I called Evelyn.

"I got her." I could hear a faint breath leaving Evelyn's mouth. "What happened? Where the hell has she been?" Those were question to which I had no answer for.

"Honestly, I have no idea. She's completely out of it. I found her wondering around with only her clothes on. I'm scared to even think what happened. When I went to reach for her, she hit me vigorously, I've bruises all over. I didn't see any bruises on her though, so there's that." By the end of it I noticed the professor had turned back to look at me, her eyes fixated on a bruise on my right shoulder that her heels had caused.

I touched her shoulder to get her attention and hoped she would see in my eyes I was okay. I knew she had not meant for them to happen. She was only trying to defend herself.

I noticed Evelyn was saying something, but I could not concentrate, "We are on our way back to the building. Please, let Miranda know, she should probably be... prepared." I just hopped Evelyn would understand that by prepared I meant the doctor just might need to use some of her medical skills.

I ended the call without saying a goodbye, that was no time for pleasantries.

I looked at Cecilia once again, just to see she was still shaking, and had goosebumps all over her arms. I remembered the hoodie I always leave in my car on the back seat.

I handed her the hoodie and she put it on before going back to hug her legs. That was the most broken I had ever seen someone, and it was scaring the living shit out of me.

We got to the building and I helped her out of the car—I was glad no one had waited for us at the garage, I just knew she would not take it well. All the way up to her floor she stayed pressed against me while hugging herself. I was too scared to even touch her and break her even more somehow.

"Hey, we are here, do you want me to leave?" I did not want to overstep, I knew she might just want to be left alone, but instead she clinged herself to my arm, like a child scared of the dark.

The last thing I needed was the doctor going batshit on me because of that. But I would just have to put up with it.

The door to her apartment was already open—guess she had finally given a key to the doctor. I could see Lucy sitting on the couch with her head between her hands.

"Lucy, she's here." The younger sister almost jumped to hug Cecilia, but I stopped her shielding the professor with my other arm, "It's best you don't. You should give her some space." I was glad Lucy had gotten my hidden warning—Cecilia would probably break if anyone even tried to touch her in that moment.

Next it was the doctor, but she did not take my warning as lightly as the sister did. Instead, she pushed my hand out of the way and tried to hug the professor.

Tried was all she managed though, as soon as she got closer Cecilia took a step back, hiding behind me. Which only got me a furious stare from the doctor.

"This is really not the time for that." Lucy intervened, coming in between Miranda and I. "Hey sis, do you wanna lay down for a bit?" Lucy crocked her head so she could make eye contact with her sister. I guess she got a nod in response because next thing I knew she was cautiously reaching a hand for Cecilia to take.

And then there were two. Miranda and I were left alone.

"You should probably try to examine her later. I didn't see any bruised on her, but these were her doing when I first got to her." I showed her my arms, shoulders, and clavicles. By then they were staring to get a nice shade of purple and red.

"Do you want me to take a look at that before you go?" Miranda asked just as I was passing the door to leave, as if in a moment of consciousness.

"It's okay, but thanks." I turned back again to leave but was met by a very weary Evelyn Mace.

"Hi! You are okay. She is okay. Everyone is okay." Evelyn said as she hugged me—I do not think I even reciprocated, out of shock by her sudden move. She was trying to convince herself that it was over, but I think we all knew it was only the beginning.

I did not take long talking to her before I finally left to go back to my own apartment. Cecilia was safe and I was no longer needed. All that was left to do was sleep and see what would happen in the morning.

But the morning came too soon, and before I knew it, it was time to get up again and go to class pretending everything was fine. Just the class I was supposed to attend was from the one professor I knew was in no shape to teach it—or so I thought.

I was about to go back to sleep—figuring there was no reason to get up, as I would most likely have some sort of filler assignment on first period—when my phone rang. It was Miranda—or so I thought, again.

"Hi?" I wasn't even sure how to act.

"Hi... It's me." It was Cecilia, though. Then I remembered, she did not have her phone with her yesterday, nor any of her belongings.

"Hi! Are you okay?" Stupid thing to ask.

"Hi..." Why did we kept saying hi to each other? "I think I won't be for a while." I didn't know what to say to that, "I still have classes to teach, though. Do you think I could ride with you? Or have you left already?" Even if I had left, I would be damn sure to come back for that woman.

I almost felt like laughing when I recalled my plan of going back to sleep. "I'll be down in a bit, just gotta finish getting ready." I had a smile on my face, I wondered if it was noticeable on the other side of the line.

I was glad the professor was finally talking again.

I tried to find something to wear that would cover the bruises, I decided on a maroon sleeveless turtleneck, with a rose cardigan and high waisted dark jeans.

But it had been a few lukewarm days and there were only so much my clothes could do.

There were still a couple purple spots on my arms that would be left uncovered once I could not take the heat anymore and had to take off the cardigan—maybe I could play it cool and if anyone asked, I could always say I went paintballing, her heels did have the same circumference, after all.

When I got to the seventh floor Cecilia was already waiting for me in front of the elevator. I could not help but be attentive over her every move, worried she might just break like the night before.

"You don't have to look at me like that. I'll be okay... I might need a few days, more like weeks. But I'll be okay eventually." It was insane to think she was the one reassuring me.

"I'm here for whatever you need. I hope you know that." I half smiled at her. "Miranda told me I should apologize for hurting you, so, I'm sorry. I really don't remember it though. Can I see it?" That doctor ought to be kidding me.

"There's nothing to apologize for, I know you didn't mean it. It's not even that bad." I said as I pulled on my clothes making sure to only show her the ones that were not too nasty.

"I'm so sorry." She was tracing the bruise on my right shoulder as she spoke. Even though her touch was light it still burned a little, and I was trying my best not to let it show.

It was only when we got to campus that I noticed the real effect the night before had had on her.

Every person that walked too close to Cecilia's personal space seemed like a real threat to her. So much so that people were starting to notice. Especially when the class had to start, and she saw herself in a room filled with people.

She usually closed the door before starting, but today she changed her M.O. That along with her jumpy demeanor got someone to ask her if there was something wrong.

I guess there was a part of her which thought she owned people explanations, she was always so very conscious of what people thought of her, I felt bad for her. But that was how I finally found out what had happened the night before.

"Guys, I'm sorry. I was driving back home yesterday when I stopped at a red light and three men got inside my car. I got hijacked, and for four hours those men kept me against my will as they decided whether or not to let me go." I think everyone, including myself, was left speechless.

I was relieved though, because at least it did not seem they had done anything with her, I mean, apart from the psychological terror.

I do not think most men understand how scared a woman can be by just their mere presence. But I think the ones in that classroom got to understand it earlier today.

There was one student sitting right beside me who, I do not even know why, thought it was a good idea to stand up and try to comfort Cecilia with a hug.

Okay, first, I do not think she even knew his name, so why the hell did he think he could do that? Second, did he not listen that she said she was attacked by MEN? Third—this one is mostly a reminder to myself—, I should really be more careful with how protective I am getting around her because of that shit.

As soon as I saw that guy standing up with his arms opened I, and a butch lesbian who always sat on the front row, stood up and instinctively held an arm each, keeping him from reaching the professor. But it did not help much to calm her nerves.

Cecilia went full on survival mode, I guess. She took a couple steps back and hugged herself as she kept her eyes glued to mines. I could almost hear her scream for help.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, asshole? She just said MEN attacked her. You are a MAN. Can't you use your head for a split second before thinking with your cock? You trying to use that to rub yourself on the hot professor won't do any good." I know I could have said that just as... eloquently. But the other girl holding him beat me to it.

Cecilia seemed to calm down once that student was shoved back in his seat. And like nothing had happened, she started her lesson—that woman is something else.

I was just too scared to leave her alone after the first period was over. So instead of going to my next class, I decided to stay put and just get through the day attending the same lesson over and over—just in case she needed me—before driving us both back home and successfully missing my other two lessons of the day.

Remi

I really hated what had happened to you that day. That one hour I spent looking for you and thinking the worse had happened was the first time I realized what it would potentially feel like to lose you. But then again, you made sure to make me feel that loss over and over through the years we've known each other. How am I to know you won't do it again this time around?