I am Virgil.

Where am I?

I don’t know.

Can I remember anything?

Not really.

I can’t smell anything.

I can’t feel anything.

I can’t see anything.

I can’t hear anything.

Wait no.

I can see a small light.

I can hear voices.

They are kind.

I need to find it’s source.
_________________

Roman woke to blaring music. He winced and had to cover his ears to keep his eardrums from bursting.  He rolled to his side with a moan. He hated being woken up. He was not a morning person, and what the Hell was this music? He reluctantly opened his eyes, his vision blinded by the sudden change in light. Once his eyes slowly adjusted to the bright light, he took in his surroundings. He was laying on the floor of somewhere very familiar. He jolted upright when he realized he was laying on the dark purple rug of his Ward’s room. “How… When did I…?” His mind raced with questions as he scanned the room his eyes finally falling on the figure on Virgil’s bed. On it was none other than Virgil himself. The man was idly scrolling through his phone, with a speaker blaring the music Roman had been awoken by on his nightstand. Roman stared at him confused. Wasn’t Virgil in danger? Wasn’t Virgil under the control of that dark shadowy Gatherer? Why was he here in his room seemingly no worse for ware.

“Virgil?” Roman called but his voice faded into the noise created by the speaker and Virgil didn’t notice him paying too much attention to his phone. Roman huffed and strode over to the speaker. He grabbed the volume dial and turned it all the way down to mute.

Virgil jumped at the sudden lack of sound. His eyes flying from his phone to Roman. “Who the hell are you?” Virgil demanded his eyes squinting in suspicion.

Roman sighed at the apparent fact that Virgil forgot about him again, but Roman being Roman went with his usual dramatic flair. “Tis I Roman, a valiant knight sent to protect damsels in distress, to aid the week, to bring riches to the poor, to feed the hungry, to…”

“Okay, okay I get it. Are you always this extra?” Vigil asked clearly annoyed.

“Indubitably my good sir. I would have it no other way.” Roman said with a laugh. Then Roman suddenly remembered something. He had taken a potion to go inside Virgil’s mind. Maybe that was why he seemed alright maybe this was just a part of Virgil’s mind. “Um, may I ask where we are?”

Virgil knitted his eyebrows together in confusion. “My room?” He said more like a question, confused to why this strange birdman was asking him that… Wait birdman? “Y-you have wings” Virgil stated pointing at the man’s wings.

Roman looked at his wings as if they surprised him. Should he be letting Virgil see his wings? Well, Patton had seen them so he guessed it’s okay. So Roman looked back to Virgil and nodded in confirmation despite Virgil making a statement, not asking a question.

“What the hell is a birdman doing in my room?” Virgil demanded attempting to keep the hint of fear from his voice.

“Well, I believe I am trying to wake you up.” Roman said still not sure how that made sense seeing as Virgil was already awake in front of him, but the man in front of him seemed to understand.

“No” Virgil growled his face darkening. “absolutely not.”

Roman shifted at the sudden change in attitude from fear to anger. Well, at least Virgil wasn’t afraid of him.

“But I have to,” Roman argued.

“No, you don’t. I am not waking up and that’s final.” Virgil spat.

“Why not?” Roman whined.

“Because I don’t want to. When I am awake everything hurts. I have no one who cares about me. Patton lied to me. I am apparently not worth trusting. I’m anxious all the time. I can’t leave the house without having a fucking panic attack. I am a worthless piece of shit that can’t function properly in everyday human society. I have to leech off the one person I care about. What have I ever done for him? I don’t even understand why he has been around for as long as he has.” Virgil spat at  Roman his whole body seething with anger. The lights above the room flickering.

Roman was struck dumb with the sudden rage emanating from Virgil. He didn’t know what to say. “B-but you need to wake up.”

“Why should I after everything I just told you what is the point? I can fade into oblivion and finally stop the pain I feel. Pat might miss me for a bit, but he is so much better off without me. No one else will care, and no one should.”

Roman felt his heart lurch at how certain Virgil sounded. How much he hated himself. ‘I would care. I would miss you. Doesn’t that matter.’ Roman wanted to say that so badly to beg him to understand that he cares so much about him, but when he tried to speak those words were pushed aside. “Why do you think that.”

“I have always felt this way. I have always despised who I am, but I guess…” Virgil started shrugging indifferently “I was just too weak and pathetic to act on my own. He helped though.”

“Who?” Roman asked thoroughly confused now.

“D” Virgil stated simply, annoyed by Roman’s constant questions. As soon as the name was said all the lights in the room flickered out except for one casting an eerie glow around the room. The speaker that Roman had muted suddenly kicked back on but instead of music static roared around the room. A loud noise that hurt Roman’s sensitive ears. But through it came a silky calming voice.

“You called, Virge.” Purred the voice. The tension in Virgil’s shoulders relaxed as soon as the voice filled the room. The hypnotic voice lulling him into a peaceful state.

“No, sorry D. Roman here is trying to wake me up,” Virgil said. An amused grin tipping his lips upwards. It made Roman’s stomach churn.

The voice chuckled, “Ah well I’m sure that’s not going to well for him right?” The voice stated kindly, but there was a hint of an underlying meaning.

“Of course not. Nothing he could say could change my mind.” Virgil stated to the voice like a dog doing a trick in anticipation of a treat.

The voice let out a sigh of relief. “Good, good.” The voice praised. Virgil beamed, his eyes suddenly lit up with a bright yellow glow and Roman all but vomited.

“Virgil stop listening to him,” Roman begged.

Virgil turned his glowing eyes away from the radio to glare at Roman his lips curled up in a snarl.

“Shh, Virge. Pay him no mind. He is unimportant.” Virgil nodded in agreement looking away from Roman.

It was Roman’s turn to growl now. How dare this monster manipulate Virgil? His ego totally wasn’t bruised by the fact that Virgil agreed that he was unimportant.

“Roman you should leave. You do not belong here. He isn’t yours anymore.” The voice directed at Roman.

This hit Roman like a ton of bricks. His wings sagging subconsciously even as he tried to put on a brave face. “Yes, he is!” Roman argued. Virgil was still his Ward. He was still his responsibility, so he will save him and keep him protected. His whole being screamed at him that he had to. He had to.

“Oh, sweet naive fool. Your bond is broken. You are nothing to him now.” The voice cooed. Despite its warmth, it sent a shiver down Roman’s spine.

Roman knew that his and Virgil’s bond was broken, he wasn’t his Ward and Roman wasn’t his Guardian. Then why did he still want to grab Virgil and wrap him in his wings and shield him from danger? He wanted so desperately to keep him safe.

Roman remained silent contemplating his thoughts for too long, because now the voice started in on a tirade digging its claws deeper into Virgil. “See Virgil, he can’t help you. No one can. Except for me. I took your pain away. I made it so you couldn’t feel. You don’t have to worry about being a burden anymore. I helped you disappear because you were pathetic and weak and couldn’t do anything on your own. No one cares about you. You are alone!”

Virgil’s eyes suddenly reverted back to his normal light brown for a split second he seemed to be thinking for himself. “I wasn’t alone. I did have Patton.”

“Forget him.” The voice hissed angrily. Virgil gasped his eyes glowed even brighter yellow than before.

Roman saw his opportunity. Virgil wasn’t choosing this. He was being forced into it he had to just find a way to get through. “Virgil, Patton misses you. He is blaming himself that he made you feel like a burden. He needs you to come back and tell him its not his fault.” Roman tried.

Virgil looked at Roman and tilted his head to the side like a confused dog. “Who’s Patton?” He asked innocently.

Okay, that’s it! Roman was going to grab that frickin speaker and yeet it into the cosmos! That Gatherer cannot erase the one person that Virgil cares about. The one person he believes cares about him. That will absolutely not stand! Roman began to storm over to the speaker so he could smash it, and then he planned to find the monster the voice belonged to and smash his head in too, but Virgil put himself between Roman and it. “Move now!” Roman demanded. Virgil didn’t so much as flinch.

“Why should I? You come into my room. You try to wake me up when I repeatedly said no and now you clearly intend to damage my stuff. Why should I do anything you want?”

Roman huffed angrily. “I’m trying to help you!” He said throwing his arms up in exasperation.

“Lies!” The speaker hissed.

“Shut up you foul creature! The only one spreading deception in this room is you!” It was Roman’s turn to seethe with anger.

The glow in Virgil’s eyes dimmed slightly. “What is he talking about?” asked turning his head to the speaker.

“He is lying. He is trying to wake you up so you can suffer more. He is trying to hurt you.” The voice said like an adult explaining stranger danger to a child.

“Why though? I don’t even know him.” Virgil asked.

“He is what is called a Gatherer. He is trying to hurt you so he can consume your soul.” The voice explained. Okay, now Roman was going to really lose it. “I am the one who has helped you. I care about you. No one else.”

“No one else…” Virgil mumbled his eyes returning to their bright yellow glow. “No one cares about me. No one should. I am pathetic. I am a burden. I should just disappear. I HATE MYSELF!” Virgil’s voice started to tumble out of his mouth around the room. The already dark room grew dimmer.

“Good, Virgle that’s right.” The voice encouraged.

“No one cares about me. No one cares about me. No one cares about me…” Virgil kept repeating in a trance. His eyes dull and lifeless.

“That’s not true!” Roman argued.

“Yes, it is. I have no one who cares about me I am alone. I am going to disappear and no one will notice.” Virgil started to sound panicked. “I-I don’t want that.” He mumbled under his breath.

“Yes, you do. I know you do. You asked me to help you.” The Gatherer reminded Virgil. Virgil nodded.

“Virgil you don’t have to disappear if you don’t want to. There are people who care about you.” Roman said his body drawing closer to the confused man in front of him.

“Oh ya, like who?” Virgil demanded he sounds angry but Roman didn’t miss the slight glimmer of hope that passed before Virgil’s eyes.

“Don’t listen to him. No one cares about you. You know this.” The speaker yells at them. For one's Virgil’s scowl lands upon the contraption. The yellow glow fading from his eyes ever so slightly.

“I can do what I want, and right now I want to hear his answer,” Virgil said in defiance to the Gatherer. The radio hisses in anger. Virgil recoils in on himself his confidence receding again, replaced again by the yellow glow in his eyes. “But I mean it doesn’t mean I have to listen to it or believe it,” Virgil said trying not to stand down, but unable to hold the same confidence he had a few seconds prior.

Roman watched this power struggle as he tried to think of a way to convince Virgil that he was cared about. So far his mind was drawing a complete blank. He needed to think of something quick or he and Virgil would be trapped in his mind forever.

“Like who?” Roman was pulled from his thoughts as Virgil repeated his question.

“Like me!” Roman blurted out.

Virgil was taken aback by this statement not expecting it at all. “You care about me?” Virgil asked like it was a completely ridiculous notion.

Roman was a little bit saddened by how opposed to the idea Virgil sounded, but he wasn't going to back down now. “Yes, I do,” Roman stated confidently without a shadow of a doubt or question in his voice.

“Lies!” The speaker hissed.

Virgil searched desperately in Roman eyes trying to see a lie. He tried so desperately to know if this was real. If he was worth something to someone. He didn’t see a lie, but how could he know for sure.  “P-prove it.” Virgil stuttered out not sounding as confident as he had hoped.

Roman was taken aback by this sudden demand. “Um, how?”

Virgil threw his arms up and then let them fall to his side “I don’t know just do something to prove- mph.”

Virgil’s statement was cut off when Roman pressed his lips onto Virgil’s. Virgil froze his body going rigid for a few seconds before his body relaxed into Roman. Roman pulled away just millimeters from Virgil’s face. “Would I have done that if I didn’t care about you?” Roman asked in a whisper. Virgil shook his head slightly causing a wisp of his hair to fall into his face. Roman reached up and pushed back his bangs away from his eyes. Roman was thrilled to see that the yellow glow was completely gone from his eyes leaving only his caramel brown eyes to stare up at Roman. “So you believe me?” Roman asked.

“Yes.”

As soon as Virgil answered his question the speaker went silent. No voice came through. All the lights in the room came back on. Like a storm had caused a blackout and the storm had finally passed.

Virgil let out a soft gasp as D’s hold on this version of him completely vanished. Tears started to stream down his eyes as he remembered something very important. He looked at Roman his eyes filled with despair. “I forgot Patton!” Virgil whined.

Roman’s reaction was immediate as he pulled the fragile creature into his arms and cradled his head holding him close. Wrapping his fiery wings around them both. “Shh, I know it’s going to be okay. It’s not your fault. That monster messed with your head.”  Virgil looked up at Roman with sad eyes.

“That doesn’t change the fact that I forgot. I almost lost him forever, I almost lost my best friend, because I am too weak do anything.” Virgil said his thoughts spiraling on a downward spiral. Virgil cast his eyes down in shame. He has no right to even be friends with Patton if he can’t remember him.

Roman gently tilts Virgil’s head up by his chin so that the pair are staring into each other's eyes. “But you didn’t. That monster was using your emotions against you. He was using your own fears against you to entangle you inside his web. He wouldn’t be gone right now if you hadn’t been strong enough to pull away. To listen to me.” Roman said encouragingly. Virgil gave a sad smile at his efforts, but he had a hard time believing them.

“Virgil, why don’t you believe me?” Roman questioned seeming to read Virgil’s thoughts.

 “Because if it wasn’t for you and your… sudden actions I wouldn’t even remember Patton! I was going to fade into nothingness, and I didn’t care. I didn’t want to fight back, because I thought no one would care if I was gone, but now I know now that there were people who would miss me, and that means I was being selfish and hurting them!” Virgil’s response was fast and his voice came out watery like he was on the verge of tears. He cursed himself for saying so much. All he really meant by any of that is he hates himself, he hates how selfish he is. How much of a burden he is, but most of all he hates how pathetic he is.

Roman’s eyes search Virgil’s intently like Virgil is a puzzle. A puzzle with a missing piece. Virgil muses sadly to himself before he is snapped out of his thoughts by Roman’s words. “Virgil you are far too selfless.” ‘No Roman I do believe the word you're looking for is selfish you are missing the -ish part’ Virgil thinks, but doesn’t voice. Instead, he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion to show he doesn’t understand. Roman catches the cue and continues. “You are always worried about how your actions will affect others. You put other people’s feelings before your own. You would do anything to make sure your best friend is happy, even if you think that it requires you to sacrifice yourself.”

Virgil is taken aback by this statement at first. He had never seen his actions like that. He just didn’t want anyone to get hurt, but then Virgil remembers something. “I came here for myself.” Virgil mumbles.

Roman’s voice stays gentle and soothing as he responded. “And why do say that?”

“I wanted to stop hurting. Everything was too much. I just wanted it to all stop. He even warned me that it would mean I would never feel again. He asked me if that’s what I wanted and I told him yes.” Virgil cried tears spilling over his eyelids.

Roman’s heart broke. How had he so completely and utterly failed at protecting his Ward? He wanted to rush out about a million apologize to Virgil. To show him how awful he felt for not keeping him safe, but that wasn’t what Virgil needed right now.
Roman suddenly had a dark thought that hurt him to his core. What if Virgil did stay here? He couldn’t be hurt anymore. He wouldn’t have to deal with the pains he felt in the world. In a horrible roundabout way, he was safe. Roman remembers what Remy said, about not being able to leave Virgil’s mind until Virgil woke up, but Roman didn’t think that would necessarily be a bad thing. He would always be with the person he cared so much about, and his life really didn’t have meaning without his Ward. Roman didn’t want him to stay trapped in his own mind, but who was he to force Virgil into something he so clearly didn’t want to do. It wasn’t fair to Virgil otherwise.

“If this,” Roman gestures slightly  with his hand to the room, “Is what you want, then…”

“No!” Virgil screamed interrupting Roman. “I don’t want this anymore. I want to hear Patton’s laugh, I want to give him a hug, I…” Virgil trailed off and peeked up at Roman through his eyelashes while blushing. “I want to get to know you better.”

Roman’s face blushed brighter than a cherry. Virgil was his Ward, but at this moment Roman couldn't care less about the damn rules that came with that fact. He adored the dark fragile creature in his arms. “Oh,” Roman said softly at a loss for words. “Um, so can you wake up now?”

Virgil looked at Roman and gave him a sad smile, but shook his head. “You gotta find the real me, He is trapped inside. He can’t get out yet.”

Roman furrowed his eyebrows not sure what this part of Virgil meant. “How do I wake him up?” Roman asked.

Virgil just shrugged in response, “You gotta go find him.” Virgil said pointing at the door of the room. That swung open and appeared to lead nowhere.

“Um, okay,” Roman said pulling away from Virgil and heading towards the door.

“Roman wait!” Virgil cried.

Roman turned around and looked gently at Virgil. “Yes?” Roman asked.

Virgil cast his eyes downward his bangs falling into his face, but Roman could swear he could see pink on the pale skin.

“Um, thanks for caring. Even if I don’t really know who you are.”

“Of course.” Roman said with a dramatic flair that made Virgil chuckle softly. Roman stopped and his jaw dropped slightly, he couldn’t remember a time when he had heard Virgil laugh. He liked it.

“What?” Asked Virgil noticing Roman’s stare.

Finally being released form him trance Roman shook his, “Huh, oh, nothing, sorry. I just really like the sound of your laugh.” Roman spluttered out.

Virgil felt his cheeks heat up slightly and decided it was definitely time for Roman to leave. “Um, thanks. You should probably go now.” Virgil said grabbing Roman by the shoulder and spinning Roman around and shoving him out the door and slamming it shut after him.

Virgil sighed when Roman was gone. He then gently placed his fingers upon his lips. The ghost of Roman’s still pressed against his. He then groaned as he flopped himself onto his bed barring his head in his pillow.

“I really hope I don’t remember that when I wake up. The real me might die from embarrassment.”

_______________
I am Virgil.

Where am I?

I don’t know.

Can I remember anything?

A bit.

I can see a small light.

It’s getting bigger.

I can hear voices.

They are getting louder.

More clear.

I recognize them.

They are kind.

They are calling for me.

They want me to come back.

I want to listen!

I want to do what they ask!

I can’t!

This is the last Chapter I have written in months so don't expect another one anytime soon. I do plan to finish it. It just may be a while.