Where am I?

I can’t remember anything.

I can’t see anything.

I can’t hear anything.

I can’t smell anything.

I can’t feel anything.

There is nothing.

Just empty nothingness.

Who am I?

I don’t know.

I can’t remember.

I am no one.

I am nothing.

_________  

Tick tick tick tick

Patton was awoken by the sound of a clock ticking. Patton sat up and stretched his arms with a yawn. “I needed that nap.” Patton stated nonchalantly. He looked around the room he is in. His eyebrows wrinkle together in confusion. “This isn’t my room. Where am I?” He looks around the room. It is a small room. It looks like a child's room. He woke up on the floor which would explain all the sore muscles. The bed is small with a purple comforter strewn haphazardly across it. There are small articles of clothing everywhere on the floor, clearly meant for a small child. Patton notices pictures on the walls. Hand drew by a kid mostly with a purple crayon. What Patton can’t figure out is why they are so low to the ground. The pictures are tapped haphazardly only a few feet above the ground. Wouldn’t a parent want to display their child’s art in a better way? Maybe the kid just wanted to hang them up themselves. Yeah, that makes sense. Right?

Patton continues to observe his surroundings when a thought dawns on him. “How did I get in a kids room?” He wanders allowed himself. He tries to think back to what he was doing before his nap when he suddenly remembers. “Virgil. I took that potion Remy made so I could help Virgil.” Patton cringes as he remembers the look of fear Logan had on his face right before he passed out. He felt bad, but he didn’t regret his decision. He had failed Virgil and had to make it right. That still didn’t explain how he had ended up here though. Wasn’t he supposed to be in Virgil’s mind now? Why was he in a kids room?

A second later the door to the room swung open and a very scared small child ran in. He couldn’t have been older than four or five. He quickly closed the door behind him and turned the lock on the door. He then turned around a put his back to the door and slid down it. He tucked his head into his knees and began to sob. He was wearing black overalls that had rips at the knees. He wore a raggedy faded purple shirt that looked to be about a size too small even for him. That was saying a lot because this boy was nothing but skin and bones. He looked like he hadn’t eaten properly for months. He also had no shoes on and his bare feet were covered in dirt.   

Patton could feel his heartbreak with every gut-wrenching sob this little boy let out because Patton finally realized why he was here. He was inside Virgil’s mind. How did he know? He knew he was seeing a memory or something.

This little boy was Virgil.

Patton approached the boy cautiously. He had clearly not seen Patton when he had entered and he didn’t want to startle the poor thing. He sat down next to the crying boy and placed a hand on his small back. Virgil immediately tensed at the touch afraid to move. “Hey there kiddo, it’s okay I am not going to hurt you.”

“Liar.”
Patton immediately withdrew his hand. Like he had just been burned. The one word cut through him like a knife.

“I- I would never hurt you, Virgil.” Patton croaked out on the verge of tears.

The small boy lifted his head out of his lap to see Patton curl in on himself. “I- I want to help.” But how could Patton help? He didn’t even know what is happening. He is alone in a room with a crying boy. He really needs to learn to think before he does stuff. If anything he had just made things worse. Logan is probably worried sick about him and Patton could do nothing.

Suddenly Patton felt a small hand touch his face. He blinked wildly as his eyes refocused. Tiny Virgil had at some point moved from sitting next to him to sitting in front of him. His eyes still streaming tears. “Mister, why are you crying?” The small voice asked. “Adults don’t cry. They’re mean and scary.”

Patton looked up to see the boy tears still silently falling down his small face.

“Where would you ever get an idea like that?” Patton asked.

Small Virgil just shrugged “They just are. Although you're not very scary.”

“Why do say that?” Patton question seeing the boy finally letting his guard down.

“Crying people aren’t scary. Duh.” Virgil stated like it was obvious.

“Oh is that so?”

“Yep!”

“What if I stop crying?” Patton asked feeling a smile tug at his lips at the small boy's cuteness.

“You're still not scary. You won’t hurt me.”

“How do you know? I am a stranger. What about stranger danger?” Patton chastised.

At this little, Virgil looked confused. “Your not a stranger. You're my friend! Right, Pat?”

It was Patton’s turn to be confused. “But you were scared of me before?”

“I didn’t know it was you.”

“How do you know who I am.”

“I just do silly. Oh, let me show you my stuff.” With that, the little boy ran off his tears forgotten. He came back over with a raggedy stuffed thing in his hands. It looks like it was once a teddy bear. “This is Mr. Bear. He is my best friend. Here hold him.” After that, the small toy was stuffed in Patton’s hands and the boy was off again. He came back with a small purple crayon in hand. “This is my special crayon. I borrowed it from kindergarten.”

Patton gave him a look. “Are you planning on giving it back.”

“No! Why would I give my special crayon back!” Virgil said as indignantly as a little boy could be.

“Virgil kiddo that’s not borrowing.”

“I’m not giving it back it’s mine!” The boy screamed. “It’s the only one I have.” He pouted defeatedly.

“Okay, okay. You can keep the crayon I am not going t take it from you.”

“Yay!” Man these mood swings are even too much for Patton.

“Hey kiddo how old are you?”

“This many,” Virgil said holding up five fingers after counting them. Patton had to hold back a squeal at the adorable display.

“So five?” Virgil nodded vigorously.

“Why are you asking so many questions, Pat?”

Patton just shrugged “I don’t know kiddo.”

Seeming satisfied with the vague answer Virgil ran off to look for more stuff. Patton couldn’t help but smile. This Virgil is so pure and light-hearted. He couldn’t imagine what could have made Virgil turn out so anxious. Why did he feel like he was a burden when he was carefree as a kid.

“Did you come to wake me up?” Virgil asked snapping Patton out of his thoughts

“What do you mean kiddo?”

“The real me. I am not real you know.”

Patton’s eyebrows knitted together confused.

“Are you here to try to wake me up?”

“Ya kiddo, I am,” Patton said.

“No, you can’t! I don’t want to wake up! He won’t like it! He’ll yell at me again! Please don’t! I don’t want to wake up!” The boy screamed tears rolling down his small cheeks again.

“Hey, hey easy there kiddo. Who will yell at you?” Patton asked scrambling to understand what was happening.

As if on cue someone started to bang on the door. “Virgil where are you? You little shit! Open this Goddamn door now!” The yelling was punctuated with another loud bang on the other side of the door. Making Virgil visibly shudder. “I know you’re in there you bastard! Open the door right now or I’ll break it open!” The man on the other side of the door screamed.

“Who is that?” Patton asked Virgil as Virgil curled in more on himself. “What does he want?”

“It’s my father. He is mad at me ‘cause I killed mommy, ‘cause I was born. He had the bad drink that makes him really scary.” Virgil words rushed out as he covered his ears with his hands trying to block out the screaming. Patton’s heart broke. Virgil had never told him any of this before.          

“You little monster open this Goddamn door!” Patton cringed. He watched his small body shake with absolute fear, that no five year old should feel. Suddenly his body slumped in defeat. The small boy got up and started to stumble towards the door. Patton couldn’t believe his eyes.

Virgil had given up. He was going to let that horrible man inside.

Patton lunged forward to grab around his midsection. “What are you doing?!? You can’t let him in.”

The small boy looked up at Patton with silent tears streaming down his face. His eyes empty. All the wonder Patton had seen not five minutes ago was gone. “It’s okay Pat. I deserve it. I killed mommy.” The five-year-old sounding way beyond his years.

It seemed as soon as Virgil had admitted defeating the banging on the door stopped before it was violently kicked open. A tall opposing man stepped through. He wore ragged ripped jeans. And a simple button up shirt hung loosely from his form. He had short brown hair not too different from how Virgil’s is right now in this five-year-old body. Patton tried to make out his face but it seemed that no matter what angle he looked at the man his face was completely shrouded in shadows making him look all the more terrifying. As Patton quickly scanned the man that was barreling towards them he saw one absolutely terrifying accessory in his hands. He had a leather belt clenched in his first ready for use. It was old and worn like it had been used many times before. Patton heard Virgil suck in a small breath when he spotted the piece of leather in his father's clenched hand.    

Patton’s stomach churned.

“Damn it, you little piece of shit I told you to open the Goddamn door.” The man seethed.

“I’m sorry! I swear I was going to! I am sorry father!” The boy pleaded.

“You are no son of mine! I am just stuck with you, you little bastard! It’s your fault she's dead. If you had never been born she wouldn’t have killed herself. You are the one to blame you monster.”

“I know! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to kill mommy! I didn’t mean it! I am sorry!” Virgil sobbed desperately.
“You are so gonna get it now!” With that, the man raised his arm with the belt in hand and swung down as fast an as hard as he could.

Virgil closed his eyes and braced for the pain, but it never came. He opened his eyes to see Patton had put himself between the large man and the small child. Patton leaving his back exposed to the violent onslaught faced Virgil with a pained smile.

“What are you doing Pat!” The boy screamed. “Move you are gonna get hurt!”

“No kiddo, I’m fine.” Not a second after he said that did another blow come. The man not seeming to notice the change in targets. Pain erupted throughout his entire back, He could assume that the leather was cutting his shirt and his back to rivets.

“No your not! Patton, please move!” Virgil begged.

Patton just smiled at the small boy as the belt came down on his back again. This time he could feel the buckle make contact with his skin. His vision began to blur.    

“Patton move! I deserve this! You don’t! Please move!” Virgil was sobbing by this point his cries wrecking his whole body.

Patton shook his head as he tried to remember what he was going to tell Virgil but the pain was making it hard for the man to think straight.

“Dad move now!” Virgil commanded in one last attempt.

This immediately cleared Patton’s mind. Virgil had only called this man father a respectful name but it wasn’t the same as ‘dad’.  “I am not your dad kiddo.” He said almost ignoring the pain shooting through his body with each new swing of the belt. Almost.

“You’re more family than anyone else I have ever had. Please move. This is my fault, I killed my mommy. You haven’t done anything. You have always been there for me, but please move now.” For a brief second Patton doesn’t see the five-year-old Virgil desperately trying to make a kind man move. He sees the honest to God Virgil begging him to move.

But Patton won’t he has to say this first. “Virgil It’s not your fault! Things happen sometimes that are out of our control, and it will help no one if you blame yourself. Your dad needed someone to blame. Someone to explain the loss he felt. Unfortunately, he picked you to blame. That doesn’t make it your fault. Your mom died! You didn’t kill her! Against unfathomably odds, you were born. I like to think the reason you were born was that we were meant to become friends. Don’t throw that away because you blame yourself for something that was out of your control. It wasn’t your fault!” Patton said through the gritted teeth as the pain become more intense.

Virgil’s eyes widened in disbelief. “It wasn’t my fault?”

“Of course it wasn’t. You had no control over any of it!” Patton screamed trying to remain conscious as he desperately tried to make the little boy believe him. Although something had changed the blows became less frequent and lighter. The stinging in his back even lessened. That’s when something donned on Patton. “Virgil none of this is real.”

Virgil shook his head “No this really did happen, my mom did die and my dad blamed me.” Virgil couldn’t understand what Patton was trying to say.

“Okay, so that might have been real, but that was in the past. You don’t have to worry about your father hurting you anymore.”

“Then what’s happening now, Pat. This man he is so scary and so… so real.”

“He isn’t real, he is a thing you created in your mind because you felt guilty for something you couldn’t control. You made him in order to punish yourself because you felt you deserved to be punished. But kiddo you don’t. You're not the one to blame. This is not your fault!”

Virgil paused and looked at the ground for a moment still looking very scared and confused. The moment didn’t last long before he raised his head. He had a gleaming smile on his small face. “You’re right Pat. It wasn’t my fault! It wasn’t my fault!” The boy shouted with pure joy over and over like a mantra as he jumped up and down.

Patton smiled, he had never seen such pure childish joy on Virgil’s face ever, it was nice. Patton assumed that the pain and the beating would stop once Virgil stopped blaming himself, and it did, but not for long. There was a sudden sharp crack to his back that made his whole body seize with pain. “What the hell!” Patton gasped not even caring that there was a five-year-old present. With such a sudden and painful shock Patton fell to his knees. For the first time since he had jumped in front of Virgil Patton looked to face his attacker. He gasped in shock. It was no longer Virgil’s father.
It was a man dressed in a suave black suit with a yellow trim. His eyes glowing yellow. He was holding a black whip in his hands rather than the leather belt “Virgil, friendo don’t you know better. Everything is always your fault. That’s what makes you such a burden on everyone in your life. Isn’t that why you asked me to bring you here.” The man purred like he was talking to a kid who had taken something that didn’t belong to him and was now being gently scolded by his parent.

Patton couldn’t believe what he was seeing. This man had drained all the joy from the poor boy's eyes with a matter of seconds replaced with something Patton couldn’t even recognize. “Leave him alone. He isn’t a burden!” Patton begged.

The man sneered at Patton where he was crumpled on the floor. “What do you care? You are the one that made him feel like a burden.” With that, the man snapped the whip again this time hitting Patton’s face cutting a deep gash across his cheek. Through the pain Patton realized something. He recognized this man. It was the same man or thing he had talked to in his kitchen right before Virgil and he had gotten into their fight. This was the monster hurting Virgil.

As Patton was thinking the man continued to speak, but Patton didn’t hear him over his own thoughts. He was only snapped out of his thoughts when the whip came down and hit him again. An eruption of white dots filled his vision as white-hot pain erupted through his whole body. Patton didn’t know what to do, but that he had to do something quickly. He looked around desperately trying to think of something when he spotted Virgil he was moving towards the monster. Patton tried to call out and tell him not to get near him, but his voice failed him. So he had to watch in fear as the five-year-old walked over to the oppressing man.

The small boy was clearly shaking like a leaf from his fear, but that didn’t stop Virgil. Just as the man raised the whip above his head to strike Patton again he came to a sudden halt. Virgil had reached up and grabbed the man by the bottom of his suit jacket. The man stopped what he was doing and lowered his arm turning to face the shaking boy. “Oh, Virgil have you come to me to take away your pain again. I can help you if you really want me to friendo.” The man said gently, making Patton’s stomach do a somersault. Was Virgil really going to ask this awful thing for help?

The small boy who had kept his head turned downwards during his walk over now looked up at the tall beast. And both men audibly gasped. The boy who both men expected to have fear, confusion and regret in his eyes had one emotion burning bright and clear. He was shaking from fear. He was shaking with rage.

“Stop now!” The small boy commanded.

“A-and w-what are you gonna do if I don’t?” The man asked, but Patton didn’t miss the way the man stuttered.

“I’ll make you.”

“Virgil you asked me to help.”

“I don’t care. No one hurts my friend.”

“You do all the time! You’re just a burden!” The man said clearly desperately.

“I might be a burden, but I need Patton whether I like it or not. He is my best friend.” Virgil said proudly.

“You need me!” The man screamed.

“No, I don’t! I am done punishing myself for something I can’t control. LEAVE US ALONE!!!” The small boy finally screamed. With that, a bright light erupted from the small boy that sent the man flying out the bedroom door. The door slamming shut behind him.

As soon as the man was gone Patton rushed the small boy picking him up in a hug and swinging him around. He didn’t even notice that as soon as the man was gone all the pain he had felt went away. Virgil laughed as he was swung around the room. Before he was finally set down. “Did ya see Pat, I made the mean man go away!”

“Yes, I did see that. You did such a good job!” Patton said like a proud papa. The small boy beamed at the praise. “Does this mean he is gone now?”

The small boy frowned. “No, he isn’t gone.”

“Can you at least wake up,” Patton asked hopefully.

“No, not yet I am just part of the real Virgil that needs convincing to wake up.” The boy explained.

“Oh,” Patton said deflating.

“But I am okay with waking up now. That’s good right?” The small boy asked trying to cheer up his friend.

“Ya, that’s right kiddo,” Patton said ruffling the kid's hair. The boy giggled.

“What do I need to do now?” Patton asked the five-year-old.

The small boy simply pointed at the door. “You gotta find the real me. “ The boy stopped and made a face like he was thinking, or listening to a separate conversation. “If all goes well your other friends should meet you there.” Patton wasn’t sure what he meant by that but decided not to ask.

“Okay well, I guess I’ll see you around kiddo.” With that Patton stood and started walking for the door.

“Wait, Pat, I gotta tell ya something first,” Virgil said reaching out and grabbing Patton’s hand.

“What is it kiddo?” Patton asked knitting his eyebrows together.

“Please stop blaming yourself.” The boy said simply surprising Patton.

“What do you mean kiddo?” Patton asked even though he knew full well what the boy meant.

“I mean in no way is it your fault that I ended up here. It wasn’t you who made me feel like a burden. I did it to myself. So don’t blame yourself that was out of your control.” The small boy said with a wink.

“Man are you sure you are just a kid?”

The boy just shrugged. “I am Virgil.”

With that that the boy started pushing Patton out the door. “Now go and wake me up!”
And like that Patton as shoved out into the unknown.

_______  

Where am I?

I can’t remember anything.

I can’t see anything.

I can’t hear anything.

I can’t smell anything.

I can’t feel anything.

There is nothing.

Just empty nothingness.

Who am I?

I don’t know.

I can’t remember.

I am no one.

I am nothing.

Wait no!

I am someone!

I AM VIRGIL!